The heavy stuff

This blog breaks my heart

Ethiopian Adoption Truth

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Reading the stories, listening to my fellow adoptive parents has opened my eyes to the sad realities.

I cannot honestly say that for 100% sure everything we learned about Kiya's life pre-adoption is the truth. That is a hard thing to swallow. I want to believe it. I have the words in writing and on DVD but how do I know that is the truth? Will I ever know? If we hire our own translator while in Ethiopia maybe but maybe not.

We learned recently that the orphanage where Kiya spent her first few weeks was one of more than 10 orphanages closed in Ethiopia. I don't normally talk about adoption ethics on here but this was just too much. Ethics have been on my mind for awhile. It was one of the major reasons we made the difficult decision to not adopt from Ethiopia again.

Things in Ethiopia adoptions are a complete mess. There are investigations, orphanage closures and worst kids and families both adoptive and birth caught in the middle. It is tragic. Agencies are lengthening timelines, asking families to consider other adoption avenues. This is not boding well for Ethiopian adoptions. I cringe a little when someone tells me they are starting an Ethiopian adoption. Don't get me wrong a piece of my heart will always belong in Ethiopia. I fell in love. I can't wait to show Kiya the beauty that is Ethiopia. The corruption, the lies, the falsified paperwork and stories is all just too much.

How am I supposed to explain this? How will I answer the tough questions? Our 2 daughters adoptions are so very different. How am I supposed to explain that? I know this post may not make sense but I had to write something. I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. My heart is breaking. I feel for all of the families caught in the  middle both birth and adoptive. I pray that a system will emerge so that ethical adoptions could continue in Ethiopia but I am not sure that is even possible.

Sigh.....double sigh.....

Melkam Addis Amet!

Happy Ethiopian New Year! September 11th marks the beginning of the year 2003 in Ethiopia. Kiya was born in year 2000 in Ethiopia which was the year 2008 here in the US.

This date also marks the anniversary of when Kiya became a US citizen. The date on her COC is September 11th. Ironic that she lost her Ethiopian citizenship on Ethiopian New Year. Sigh.

We as per family tradition of 1 year will go out to eat at our local Ethiopian restaurant and have a family picture taken to mark the occasion. We will also share pictures of Ethiopia with Kiya and light our family candle and remember Mama Zinash.

September 11 has so many meanings in my life. It for the last 9 years brought a flood of emotion as I remember the horrific events of that date and the loss I felt when a student of mine was a confirmed passenger on Flight 93.

So it is a little weird to wrangle with the emotions behind 9/11 and what that means here in the US and the joy that is 9/11 in Ethiopia. I am doing best to be true to both.  That said I will continue to pray for all the families dealing with the losses they experienced on 9/11 here in the US and I will pray for Ethiopia that this new year brings much good to the country.

Meant to be?

There has been a discussion well lots of them really that are pretty heavy and sometimes hard to read and sometimes even really judgemental. What about, well adoption of course and more specifically, adopting from Ethiopia.

So, was I meant to be Kiya's mother? I think that is a tough question but I strongly feel that yes I was meant to be Kiya's mother if her Ethiopian mother couldn't take care of her. A child is naturally meant to be with their biological parents however the world isn't always wrapped up in a nice little box. Sometimes, reality steps in and gets in the way as is the case with our adoption of Kiya. For circumstances beyond poverty, Kiya's Mama Zinash chose to place her for adoption. As such we were matched with her. So yes we were meant to be Kiya's and she was meant to be ours.

Digging a little further, someone asked me if we had known about Kiya's scoliosis at the time of referral would we still have adopted her? I can't even think about that. Because the reality is we didn't know about it and because we didn't know about it she was matched with us. If it was known, Kiya would not be a member of this family. She would be someone elses and that is just something I frankly cannot stomach.

Kiya fits here curvy back and all. I do think there was a greater force that connected us together. Sadly, yes Kiya had to leave a mother, a country, a home, a culture behind and that is something we will never forget. That said, adoption turned our world upside down in the most beautiful way and I am grateful for that.

Sure there have been some unexpected things thrown our way but Kiya is Kiya. She is sweet and sassy, loud and funny, opinionated and stubborn and yes she has a curve in her spine. It is who she is. That said we are not heros, or saviors or rescuers. We are merely a couple that wanted to have a family. So we sought out adoption. We are not bad people for doing so. Our adoption was the right thing for our family. It would make more sense if I just spilled Kiya's story but I can't and I won't. Just trust me. Adoption was the right thing for her and even more so now.

Her scoliosis may have gone forever undiagnosed and even if it was diagnosed it for sure wouldn't have been treated. Not treating progressive infantile scoliosis can be fatal. Her rib cage is shifting and thus in time could put pressure on her internal organs protected by that rib cage. That is a scary thought.

I have always thought positively about my adoption and now with a medical condition I am grateful that she is here with us and we are seeking the best treatment for her. That said, I don't deny there are issues in Ethiopia. There are some BIG issues in adoption in Ethiopia. These scare me. I worry we will not be adding a son to our family from Ethiopia because of all of these BIG issues and BAD agencies doing truly unethical things. I can't ignore the issues, but I can't ignore the place I fell in love with . The place where my daughter was born. I dream of my children sharing a cultural connection, is that wrong? To some yes, yes it is. But for my family it isn't wrong.

Ethiopia is beautiful!

Ethiopia: The Whole Picture from Paul Hassell on Vimeo.

Family Day 2010

Here are some photos from our first Family/Kiya Day :)

We had hoped for warmer weather but we survived. We went to the Farmer's Market in the morning, spent the afternoon as a family hanging out and then went to dinner at a local Ethiopian restaurant.

Kiya and Daddy

Kiya and Mommy. Kiya of course is being super silly.
Family photo...it was dangerously close to bedtime at this point.
Eating the carrots from my dorowat.
Kiya being super silly Kiya. This picture really sums up her personality she is just so full of life and LOVES to laugh.

It was a great day over all. After we returned home and settled Kiya in her pajamas, we took some time to light our family candle. It has two wicks, one for our family here and one for our extended family in Ethiopia. We then sat down with Kiya and went through the picture book I made of our trip to Ethiopia. In the book is a picture of us with Zinash. We told her all about her Mom. I know she won't remember what we said but we plan to do this every year. As she gets older we will watch her lifebook DVD with her as well. I know that as we discuss her story when she is older there will be questions. Questions we are still working on the answers too but we will get there.

In addition we also made a donation to AHOPE. We will make a donation every year on Family Day. As Kiya gets older we will allow her to decide which charity she would like to donate to.

I am looking forward to many more Kiya days in the coming years.

The hug felt a year later

It is my first Mother's Day with my daughter. Well technically second. We were in the same country last year on Mother's Day but I wasn't with Kiya. I was on a bus for close to 7 hours that day.

On Mother's Day last year, I met the most amazing woman. I met Kiya's Ethiopian mother, Zinash. The day was emotional. The bus ride long. We sat in a room waiting for our turn with a translator. We had no idea what to expect.

We were in the second group of families to be called. We walked into a small, dark room and then she walked in. This amazingly beautiful, young woman who was on the verge of tears. I offered her a tissue. I asked if it was okay to give her a hug. She agreed.

I could tell she was unsure, a little shy and nervous. So were we. We spent about 20 minutes talking with her. We asked her questions. She asked us questions. It was likely 2o of the most important minutes of my life. Minutes that I want to recount for Kiya. Minutes that I hope to repeat in the future with another visit.

After all of the families met their special people, they gathered all of us together for a blessing and an entrustment ceremony. We shared a prayer and we exchanged a candle. And then it was over. We were to leave. They were to leave.

Zinash and I made eye contact from across the room. I took steps. She took steps and we hugged. We hugged for a long time. It seemed like we hugged forever. We exchanged a lot with that hug. My promise to her that I would love and cherish her little girl. Her faith that I was the right one to be Kiya's mother.

I still feel that hug. I will always feel that hug.

It was the most emotional Mother's Day. Here we were two mother's united for the first time with a mix of emotions. We were strangers and yet we were family. We both had hopes and dreams and lots of love for the same little girl.

Now that I am fully a Mom, Mother's Day will always be special but it will be extra special every year because of that hug. I am honored that we could share that special moment together. That we could share so much with no words.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Our first meeting--video

Meeting Kiya for the First Time from David Justl on Vimeo.

An excerpt from Kiya's lifebook DVD. We are so grateful to have this very special moment on video.

Now

And here we are 1 year later. Can you believe it? I know I can't. Here are some recent pictures of the love of my life




So on Friday, May 8, 2009 sometime in the mid morning, we were anxiously waiting at the bottom of the staircase at the care center in Addis Ababa. We were waiting for our social worker to call our name. We were called second. We climbed 4 flights of stairs with a camera in our face. We got to the top, turned left and walked into the room and there she was in the flower hat and all on the floor doing tummy time. Kiya being Kiya spit up first and after that was cleaned up, our social worker handed me my daughter. My world forever changed a million times over in that second.

She just fit. She fit perfectly in my arms. She was total perfection. Life couldn't have gotten any better. We were united forever as a family. May 8th will always be Family Day or Kiya Day. We will say a prayer, light our family candle and spend the day together as a family.

So now my baby girl is a full blown toddler. She has a big, fabulous and spunky personality. She loves to laugh and to make you laugh. She gives hands down the best hugs ever. She will crawl on over and grab the back of your legs and hug you or she will rest her head on your shoulder and pat your back. She sucks her fingers for security, always has, but yet a year later she sure sucks them a lot less. She is an active sleeper and a great sleeper. She is a fabulous eater yet picky like most toddlers. She is sweet and sassy, adventurous and adorable, fun loving and silly. She is the light of my life and I cherish every day with her.

So 1 year later, Kiya has gone from our little peanut to our budding toddler. She has gained 11 plus lbs and has grown almost 9 inches.

This last year has been nothing short of amazing. It has been so incredible to watch Kiya emerge from the shell she was once in. We know her and she knows us. We have bonded. We are attached. We still have work to do. That said life is good. Really good. We are truly blessed.

Then

A journey down memory lane of our first few days with our Peanut.

I can't get over just how tiny she was yet still so full of life. Those little hands that were in a fist much more than they should have been. Those little lips that held such a sweet smile. Those 5 little puffs in her hair. She was wearing 0-3 month clothes and couldn't grasp a toy in her hand. She was about 12lbs and 23.5 inches long and 5 1/2 months old. She didn't fit in the Ergo she was too tiny.

We could tell she was scared and nervous and those fingers were never far from her mouth. She was a very serious child while we were in Ethiopia. We were new, she was just warming up to us. She wasn't a fan of being held for too long and boy if she wasn't fed fast enough she was going to let you know. She loved her baths from day 1 and only graced us with a handful of blowout diapers. Our last blow out diaper was the day we returned home from Ethiopia in the Detroit airport. (Yes I am knocking on wood).

She was a tiny piece of perfection. Just looking at us with those big, intelligent eyes. We were hers and she was ours and we were finally together.

Here

On this day last year we were on our way to the airport. We were going to Ethiopia. We were coming home parents. I am still in shock that it has been a whole year since we made that 23 hour journey half way around the world.

I heard this song on the radio the other day and I cried when I heard the chorus. It is a Rascal Flatts song, called "Here"

"And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here"

My journey to motherhood was not easy. It was a long and winding road, but I am here and happier than ever.

In reality, as hard as the infertility was and as hard as losing the twins was, I know in my heart I had to go through those things to get me where I am today. There was a greater plan involved here. At the times that my heart was breaking I didn't get it. I was angry. I was hurt. I was confused.

Now I get it. I was meant to be Kiya's mom. No one ever said life was easy and I can attest to that. I survived 6 plus years of heartbreak and tears to get to my baby girl.

I can't believe I am about to write this but I would do it all again. All the tears, the years, the pain, the heart break, the stumbled steps just because I know it all leads to me being Kiya's mom and that is the best job in the world.

So in a weird way, I am thankful for the past. I learned a lot and I became a lot stronger. I knew that if I could handle everything life had thrown at me than I was more than ready to be a mom.

I am truly and eternally grateful for everything that has gotten me here. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else..okay except maybe Ethiopia. I am here. I am a Mom and I am blessed. Life is good.

Wordless Wednesday

Post placement report

The time has come for me to do our first of 18 post placement reports. The report is due this week and I can now say that the written part of the report is complete. I still need to do the pictures pages.

We will send this report to our agency and a copy of it will be made available to Kiya's Ethiopian mother. Will she read it? I don't know. I hope so. She asked us if we would be filling out these reports and we promised her we would.

The report asks us about her adjustment, food and sleep habits, development, etc. Then we get to send 4 pictures along with it. How in the world do I send just 4 pictures. I want to send every photo we have of Kiya. I want her mom to see her, to really see all aspects of her. To see her smile, her laugh, her goofiness, her seriousness, her curiosity and so much more.

I wish there was some way I could know for sure that this report gets to Southern Ethiopia and that Zinash gets to read it or at least look at the pictures. My agency assures me that the reports get there and I have heard that if they are in a certain area they will bring the reports with them for birth family.

I look at Kiya and I see Zinash. She looks just like her Mom, more and more every day. She has this quiet confidence about her that reminds me of her mother. I can't wait to share all of that with Kiya as she grows up. I hope we will be able to see Zinash again so we can tell her all about Kiya.

The memories are popping up left and right and all over. Oh how I miss Ethiopia.

Bring on the memories and the tears

This week is EMOTIONAL for me. Last year at this time we were gearing up for a 23 hour plane ride that would forever change my life and in some ways change me as a person.

Our very first Family Day is Saturday. I am in shock that it has been a year. Sunday is Mother's Day...that is a LOADED day for me and deserves its own post later in the week.

My heart belongs in Ethiopia. It always will. I miss Ethiopia every day and this week just brings it even more to the forefront.

I know I will be crying a lot this week. Maybe not for everyone else to see but there is just so much swirling around my head and in my heart. These tears are tears of joy, tears of remembrance and tears of sadness.

This week on blog will be reflections of a year ago and hopes for future years with a few pictures of the every adorable and loving girl that I am proud to call my daughter.

Changes

A piece of my heart is in Ethiopia. It always will be. As I mentioned in a previous post, I miss Ethiopia. I want to see more, hear more, learn more, enjoy more. The short week I was there was just not enough. I tried to soak up as much as I could.

Well, we just found out that as of right now the process to bring our son home has changed. It may change again but as of today, the Ethiopian government is requiring adoptive parents to be present at the court hearing. In essence, that means two trips to Ethiopia, one for the court hearing and then one to bring home our son. There aren't a lot of details as to how this will work but we are kind of excited about it.

Why? Well, we would get to meet our Little Man sooner and hug him, love him and just see that he is doing well. Don't get me wrong, it will be so hard to leave that first time without him. I guarantee I will cry and cry a lot. However, with the additional trip we can travel around the country and absorb even more Ethiopia.

Also, because of these two visits, our son would come home on a IR3 visa which would make him a citizen the second he hits US soil. It mean less paperwork and no fee for filing the COC.

I do feel for the families that have recent referrals or are very close to receiving a referral. This news was sprung on the whole adoption community yesterday and for some families that doesn't leave a lot of time to budget for a second trip or find childcare, or get time off of work etc. Since we are years away, we can figure these details out. I pray that all the cards fall in to place for these families caught in the middle and the unknown.

Because of the lengthening timelines, we are also discussing bringing Kiya with us for one of the trips. She could be closer to 5 when this happens and I think it would be great for her to go and see where she was born and to start to experience Ethiopia first hand. We haven't made a final decision and likely won't until it gets closer but the seed has been planted.

I am anticipating that things will likely change again before we even get close to a referral, I am just hoping that this recent change will help Ethiopia stay open to international adoption. There is still a fear that our son will not be from Ethiopia. I try not to think about it too much and am really hoping for the best.

I think about Ethiopia just about every day. Some days more than others. I am itching to go back. We talked about going again before our son but with these new changes we likely will just wait until we travel to see our son and then bring him home. So for now we will just sit back and wait and see what other changes are coming, after all this is international adoption so we at this point expect there will be more changes.

8 months ago

8 months ago today we had landed at the airport after 20 plus hours of travel with the sweetest baby ever and were more than ready for a shower, a nap and the rest of our lives.

I can't believe we have been home 8 months with the fabulous Miss Kiya. I am still in awe of her every day. She is truly a blessing and I am so grateful for every minute that we have together.

Ethiopia is forever on my mind. I am anxious to get back and to share it with Kiya. I made a picture book full of pictures from our trip to Ethiopia so we can share it with Kiya. I have plans to make actual story books for her to explain how she came to join our family.

We have showed her the picture book and started talking to her about Ethiopia. We know she can't understand what we are really saying but we feel it is important for us as parents to practice telling her story.

In the book are pictures of Addis Ababa, Hossana, the orphanage she was first taken to, her first nanny, her Ethiopian mom, and our first days as a family. She loves books and loves to turn the pages and is really good about sitting through a book. She touches the pictures and it is just so sweet.

The first time we read the book (okay there aren't a lot of words more of a reference for us to speak from the heart), Kiya reached out and touched her Ethiopian mom's picture. I don't know if she truly recognized her or if it was just random but either way I cried.

Her tiny little fingers reached out and touched that picture. She didn't touch any other picture in the book. Is it possible she knows that face? Every time I look at that picture, I look at Kiya and try to find the similarities.

I look forward to sharing this book over the years with Kiya and maybe some day we will be blessed enough to return to Ethiopia with Kiya and she can meet the woman in the picture in person.

International adoption, Ethiopia, Little Man and more

This is a heavy post. Just an FYI. It is me sorting through some tough stuff.

We just got word the other day that our agency has officially extended the wait time for referral of a child age 0-24months to 16-24months. Not a shock, we fully expected this. The shock came in the same announcement that they have stopped accepting applications for the Ethiopia program effective immediately for families looking to adopt a child 0-24 months. Reality is they probably should have done this sooner but it is what it is. We just barely made that cut off.

Our hearts belong in Ethiopia and in a way they always will. Can I say at this writing that I am 100% sure that our Little Man will be born in Ethiopia, no I can't. My deep seeded fear that is surfacing more and more each day is that Ethiopia will shut down to international adoption before we can realize the dream of a son. Do I know that will happen, no but it is a fear and I believe a good one. There are a lot of red flags and warning signs right now and it is a scary thing.

So then what? Well, if that happens we would definitely have to switch agencies. While I can't say my son will be born in Ethiopia, I would like to confidently say that he would be born in Africa or the Caribbean. I feel and believe that in my heart. Our current agency doesn't have any other programs in either of those places right now. We are pretty sure we know what agency we would switch to. The list is short.

There is always domestic adoption but I honestly don't know if I could ever go back to that. I just don't have the heart for it. Can I say I would 100% rule it out as an option, no but I have a lot more soul searching to do before that would become a reality. I admire those willing to tough it out. I am not that strong. I was strong once and I don't think I could be that strong again. I don't know.

Absolute worst case scenario, and yes we talked about this just last night. We have a daughter. A beautiful daughter that we love more than anything in this world and we are so honored to be her parents. If that is it for us, one child then we couldn't ask for a more perfect child. Yes, this brings tears to my eyes and it scares me.

There was a time in my life that I wasn't sure I even wanted to have children. That changed and I LOVE being a mom. I would love to have more than one child but in reality it isn't up to us. God made that pretty clear. He led us to adoption once and is leading us there again and we just have to have faith. That is a whole lot easier said than done.

International adoption is never a guarantee and it is definitely not an easy path. We knew that going in though it was much harder than I thought it would be. We want our adoptions to be ethical and above board. Ethics to be honest wasn't always a topic on the table. I feel I have come along way in my thought process and I owe that to wise AP's who have come before me. They have made me think. Really think. I have said this before that I feel that Kiya's adoption was above board and ethical. I want the same feeling when we adopt our son be it from Ethiopia or some place else.

As we gear up to start waiting, my plan is to focus on today. Focus on this beautiful little girl in my life and cherish every moment with her. We can deal with the reality of adoption, when we need to. Right now we need to be the best parents we can to Kiya. She deserves nothing less than our very best. She will keep us going and going and going I have a feeling but every tired moment is so worth it.

Don't get me wrong, I pray everyday that our Little Man will join our family some time in the future but I also realize that at some point Little Man may be another daughter or may not be at all. Time will tell and what is supposed to be will be. We are merely waiting for more instructions.

5 Months ago....

5 glorious months ago we were in Ethiopia and meeting Kiya. I can't even believe it. 5 months. It seems like just yesterday in a way.

We have now known Kiya as long as she knew Ethiopia. This brings me great joy and sadness as well. We are so blessed to be Kiya's parents, yet we realize all that she left behind.

We are so grateful to the nannies, doctors and nurses who took such fabulous care of her while we were half way around the world. We think about her dear birth mother Zinash often and hope and pray that she is doing well.

We promise to expose Kiya to her birth culture, her story, her country, her birth mother. We are committed to raising Kiya to be proud of where she came from and confident in herself.

Kiya we love you more than we can ever say and we are so honored to have you in our lives. You bring sunshine to even the cloudiest of days. Your sweet face, your goofy grin, your contagious laugh, your 2am singing in your crib, in essence we love everything about you.

The tough stuff

The Australian Broadcasting Company put out this article/video this week.

WARNING--the video is VERY unpleasant to watch. I did watch it and I cried, I got angry and now I need to write.

The basis is that there is a lot of corruption in Ethiopian adoption. The article/video focus on one specific agency but imply that many adoption agencies operating in Ethiopia are in fact unlicensed and unregulated. It goes on the imply that Americans are flocking to adopt "orphans" because it is the new hip thing to do after all Angelina Jolie did it. The article questions whether orphans are really being adopted or if Ethiopians are being wrongly taken advantage of. The idea of a DVD catalog of children available for adoption in a word is HORRIBLE. That alone would have been a HUGE red flag to not go further for me.

Here is what I think take it or leave it. Is there corruption in Ethiopian adoptions, unfortunately yes. I have heard the stories. Were some people misinformed about their child's age, birth date, history, medical conditions--unfortunately yes. Do I think that some birth families were deceived? I would like to say no but I can't 100% say that. Do I think all adoptions from Ethiopia are corrupt? No. I think there are plenty of great agencies big and small doing amazing work in Ethiopia. It is unfortunate that a few bad seeds cast a bad light on all Ethiopian adoptions.

What does this mean for my family? Good question. I have to take ownership that I can't say for 100% sure that my daughter's story is accurate however I feel very confident that it is. I feel her birth date is completely accurate and I don't feel I as an adoptive parent was duped or lied to in any way. I trust my agency and that is why we are sticking with them. Are they people that don't like my agency? Sure and each person has their own reasons but we haven't had a bad experience.

Do I think Kiya's birth mom was lied to? No I don't. She was very aware and present in our meeting and asked us some great questions. Are we bad people for adopting a child that has a mother living in Ethiopia? NO! Some people try to imply that the only children that should be adopted are those with no living parents. Zinash had deep, very personal reasons for placing Kiya for adoption and it saddens me to this day. She loved Kiya and I saw it in her tears and on her face and in her words. She had her reasons just like any birth mom here in the US does and I don't think we as adoptive parents should be labeled nor should she as a birth mom.

International adoption is a murky world. Add in that we are adopting from a developing country and things get even a little murkier (is that word???). Anyway, the point is that as adoptive parents we have to do all we can to make sure our children's adoptions are ethical. I feel that my daughter's was. Not everyone can say that and that saddens me and my heart goes out to them. I wish we could all feel confident in our children's story but such is not the case and that to be honest is a little scary. We as adoptive parents need to do our homework and be diligent and demand answers when things just don't seem to add up.

Blog Union, New Friends and Lots of Kiya first's

We spent the weekend in Chicago with a bunch of other blogging families with children from Ethiopia. It was so great. I got to meet a few bloggers that I have followed for awhile and I met a whole bunch of other really cool bloggers. You will see that my Blog List on the right has gotten a tad longer. :)

Kiya did pretty well over the course of the weekend. She had some trouble with dinner out in loud restaurants, crowds, etc. Thank goodness for the Ergo.

We got to experience lots of Kiya firsts this weekend that are documented in these adorable photos.

Kiya LOVES to lick thinks so this is me trying to prevent Kiya from licking the table at The Cheesecake Factory. Good times...

Kiya made her first trip to the American Girl store :)

Here she is all dressed up for dinner at her first Ethiopian restaurant in a dress we bought her in Ethiopia.

Here she is playing with her Uncle Andy.

Hanging out at 5 Guys Burgers :)

Looking cute after I put her head scarf on :)
Playing with her new best friend a full length mirror

Hanging at the hotel pool with Mom. She LOVED the pool and the big beach balls that were in it. We are looking to sign her up for a Mommy and Me swim class very soon.

Feeding herself crackers at a restaurant in Navy Pier

Spending time with Daddy at the hotel bar...long story but our private room for our welcome reception never happened so we (all the families) hung out at the bar at the W hotel with our kids. A little awkward....

We had a great weekend. Met some new friends, hung out with some old ones and even fit some family time in there. And now it is back to reality and work. I forsee a going back to work blog post in my future...

Reflections on the last 2 months

We have know Peanut now for 2 months and I don't think I accurately have reflected on Ethiopia and how much my life has changed since I became a Mom but first I had to start with pictures :)

She just figured out today how to feed herself.

She also likes to grab on to her bottle, one time she even got it in her mouth. Other times she pokes herself in the nose or eye.

Well this is just sweet potatoes on her face but she is so cute :)

Two months ago today, I walked up the stairs and met my daughter. I knew my life would never be the same and I was filled with excitement and fear. Excited that my dreams were coming true and scared that I would do something wrong. What I have learned in 2 months is that the excitement doesn't wear off and all moms make mistakes and that is okay.

As for Ethiopia, it has taken me a long time to really process what I saw and what I experienced and I am not sure I can put it in to words. The hope. The despair. The smiles. The extreme poverty. A very obvious haves and have nots. It was a lot to take in. I have lived a pretty sheltered life. This was my first time on another continent. I had really only been to Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean. I needed this. I needed Ethiopia. I finally saw what goes on outside of my little world and I will never be the same. Call it obligation to my daughter or my family or to a greater sense of awareness but I can't and won't turn my back on Ethiopia and the wonderful people that live there.

I have joined a cooperative sponsorship with a group of other families to sponsor a child at AHOPE. My goal is next year to sponsor a child independently. It isn't much but it is a start. I want to do more, so much more.

I can't wait to share Ethiopia with Peanut and let her know how committed we are to do what we can. I can't wait to go back to Ethiopia. I can't wait to take Peanut and our son to Ethiopia. Hopefully, if all goes well, Dave and I will be back in Ethiopia in a few years to be united with our son. Our trip will look very different the second time around. Will we go to the museum again, probably not. Will we look for ways to spend more time at AHOPE or other places, yes. We would love to travel to Lalibela and Gondar and Bahir Dar.

For Christmas, Dave bought me this beautiful wood box that says "My heart belongs in Ethiopia" and I didn't realize then how true that statement really is.