The doorbell just rang and it was UPS and the driver had in her pretty little hands my baby's mural!!! I am so excited!!! Can you tell???
Now I just have to decide which wall it is to be painted on, get the brushes and the paint. Oh and since I painted the room yellow last year, I need to paint the section of wall the mural will be on white. The idea is to have the mural on a white background and then once it is completed to buy wood trim and in essence frame the mural on the wall. It is a big project but I LOVE projects.
Hubby says we (read I) need to refinish the patio table and chairs first. UGHH. I sanded all of our patio furniture and applied 3 coats of clear coat on it last or the year before I can't remember. Anyway, we leave the furniture out on the deck covered over the winter. Well, our lovely furniture cover blows off on those windy winter days so we decided to put a brick on top to hold it down. Yeah, in hindsight not a smart idea. Water/moisture got trapped under the cover and hence has ruined the finish on the table top and the tops of some of the chairs. So we need to clean, sand and refinish these items. I know it needs to be done but the mural sounds like more fun.
I tend to be the one in our house who likes to tackle the projects. Especially, the painting, staining and sanding projects. I like it. Hubby helps when I ask, especially when I had to stain the deck and the spindles were hard to reach since our deck is 1 story high. He is going to help me clean the patio furniture but the sanding and clear coating will be my task. As for the mural, he will help me tape and transfer the mural on to the wall and then it will be up to me to paint it. I can't wait.
This all means a trip to Michael's craft store, one of my favorite places. Yeah!
Well, I have a list of things that still needs to get done before company comes tomorrow and since I work in the morning tomorrow, I better hop to it. Stay tuned for mural updates. Oh and for the time being Thursday song day is on hiatus. It may or may not return I haven't decided yet.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
First gift for baby
Today I went shopping. No secret that I LOVE to shop. I went to Target. The goal was to figure out what to get for 4 beautiful little girls. Two of the girls are my nieces and they will be turning 2 in November. As Auntie Cathy, it is my job to spoil them like crazy. I talked to their mom yesterday (YEAH!!) and found out that the girls love Curious George. She will be glad to know that I found 2 Curious George DVD's to send along with some other special gifts.
The other 2 girls are 4 and 4 months. Their Mom and Dad are coming to visit this weekend (YEAH!!). I had some things already purchased for the littlest one but not the 4 year old. I know that she likes to play dress up and that one of her newest fascinations is Fancy Nancy. I found a few Fancy Nancy things for her. She may already have them since she just had a big birthday party but I got a gift receipt just in case.
Okay task accomplished so why was I in Target for an hour an a half. Besides the fact that I love Target, lately when I go their by myself I wander over to the baby section and just start looking at things. One day it was bottles and liners for travelling, or pacifiers or sippy cups. Today it was a little of everything. I looked at formula, bottles, pacifiers, toys, clothes, etc. My main focus though was looking for hair/skin care products for our little one. I found some that smell great and are alcohol free and great for sensitive skin. It was from the Burt's Bees line. I found it in the baby aisle and it smelled really good and was all natural. I know from experience that black babies can tend to have very dry skin and very sensitive skin. The twins did. Both of them had mild forms of ezcema and some very dry patches of skin on their legs. I have learned that we should have avoided using products that have mineral oil, alcohol or petroleum in them. The Burt's Bees didn't have any of those things and it wasn't too expensive for a big bottle of shampoo/baby wash. Yeah!
So I wandered around some more, picked up my next book club book and then headed back to the baby section. I couldn't resist, it drew me in. I felt the need to buy something, so here is what I bought.
Yes it is a teething ring and no it isn't that special really but it is special to me. This is the first time since we started the entire adoption process that I have allowed myself to get attached to the idea that I will really be a Mom and need to buy actual things for a baby. Yes, I know I was "attached" to the twins but at the same time I wasn't. I always was a little guarded and never truly felt like a Mom as I knew that until all the paperwork was signed, sealed and delivered they could be taken away from me and they were. I was trying to protect my heart. It didn't totally work. I couldn't fully resist two of the cutest faces I have ever seen but I had to. I kept my distance emotionally from them to a certain extent. That probably doesn't make sense to anyone but it is the truth. I just had this gut feeling that something wasn't right with that situation and as it turns out something was very wrong.
Finally now as we approach two years in our adoption journey, I have allowed myself to start preparing for our little one emotionally. Yes, I have all of the physical basics and more but all of that stuff was bought in a hurry in a short period of time and some of it I am not in love with but given the situation we were in I had to buy things that were in stock. We will survive after all it is only furniture. But now that I am fully embracing that in the next few months I will be a Mom, I want to do things they way I would have had I had the time. I always dreamed of decorating my nursery so that is why I want to paint the mural on the wall myself.
So this teething ring is the first real thing that I bought specifically for my little one in Ethiopia. Our bundle of joy will also get full use of all previously purchased toys, books etc but this little teething ring is all theirs and no one elses. Again, some people may not understand this rambling post but as soon to be adoptive parent I feel like I have taken a giant step in my personal journey.
The other 2 girls are 4 and 4 months. Their Mom and Dad are coming to visit this weekend (YEAH!!). I had some things already purchased for the littlest one but not the 4 year old. I know that she likes to play dress up and that one of her newest fascinations is Fancy Nancy. I found a few Fancy Nancy things for her. She may already have them since she just had a big birthday party but I got a gift receipt just in case.
Okay task accomplished so why was I in Target for an hour an a half. Besides the fact that I love Target, lately when I go their by myself I wander over to the baby section and just start looking at things. One day it was bottles and liners for travelling, or pacifiers or sippy cups. Today it was a little of everything. I looked at formula, bottles, pacifiers, toys, clothes, etc. My main focus though was looking for hair/skin care products for our little one. I found some that smell great and are alcohol free and great for sensitive skin. It was from the Burt's Bees line. I found it in the baby aisle and it smelled really good and was all natural. I know from experience that black babies can tend to have very dry skin and very sensitive skin. The twins did. Both of them had mild forms of ezcema and some very dry patches of skin on their legs. I have learned that we should have avoided using products that have mineral oil, alcohol or petroleum in them. The Burt's Bees didn't have any of those things and it wasn't too expensive for a big bottle of shampoo/baby wash. Yeah!
So I wandered around some more, picked up my next book club book and then headed back to the baby section. I couldn't resist, it drew me in. I felt the need to buy something, so here is what I bought.
Yes it is a teething ring and no it isn't that special really but it is special to me. This is the first time since we started the entire adoption process that I have allowed myself to get attached to the idea that I will really be a Mom and need to buy actual things for a baby. Yes, I know I was "attached" to the twins but at the same time I wasn't. I always was a little guarded and never truly felt like a Mom as I knew that until all the paperwork was signed, sealed and delivered they could be taken away from me and they were. I was trying to protect my heart. It didn't totally work. I couldn't fully resist two of the cutest faces I have ever seen but I had to. I kept my distance emotionally from them to a certain extent. That probably doesn't make sense to anyone but it is the truth. I just had this gut feeling that something wasn't right with that situation and as it turns out something was very wrong.
Finally now as we approach two years in our adoption journey, I have allowed myself to start preparing for our little one emotionally. Yes, I have all of the physical basics and more but all of that stuff was bought in a hurry in a short period of time and some of it I am not in love with but given the situation we were in I had to buy things that were in stock. We will survive after all it is only furniture. But now that I am fully embracing that in the next few months I will be a Mom, I want to do things they way I would have had I had the time. I always dreamed of decorating my nursery so that is why I want to paint the mural on the wall myself.
So this teething ring is the first real thing that I bought specifically for my little one in Ethiopia. Our bundle of joy will also get full use of all previously purchased toys, books etc but this little teething ring is all theirs and no one elses. Again, some people may not understand this rambling post but as soon to be adoptive parent I feel like I have taken a giant step in my personal journey.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Busy and more busy
I was looking at the calendar last night and wow are we busy. We have at least one thing to do every weekend in September. Some weekends we are booked both days. It is going to be a wild and crazy month. I am so glad we have a lot to do so I won't go totally nuts when we hit 8 months of waiting.
I got word today that my mural has shipped so that will be a project I can start soon, when I manage to find some free time. Then there is baseball playoffs...
We are hoping the Brewers make the playoffs and we get first chance at first and second round tickets so of course if that happens we are going to go to at least one game. So here is hoping to a busy October too.
Other than that we are going (hopefully) on a brewery tour in Milwaukee. I need to find someone to work for me. Then we have 2 Brewers games left this month. We are planning to spend a Saturday at my parents and then we are going to the Eagles concert.
Whew...that is a lot. I just keep thinking all of this stuff won't be possible next year so I should enjoy it now. See next year we will be planning trips to do more family friendly stuff. There will still be baseball but some of these other activities will need to be restructured to include our little one. How cool is that... Next year at this time we will have a baby. We can buy a Halloween costume. Yes, I am going to dress up my baby for Halloween and take lots of pictures and hand out candy to the neighbor kids. But I digress...
What I should be doing instead of blogging and watching bad reality TV is cleaning my house. Our friends are coming to visit this weekend and I have floors to clean and dogs to bathe and I should think about dinner at some point. Well back to wet floors and dogs.
I got word today that my mural has shipped so that will be a project I can start soon, when I manage to find some free time. Then there is baseball playoffs...
We are hoping the Brewers make the playoffs and we get first chance at first and second round tickets so of course if that happens we are going to go to at least one game. So here is hoping to a busy October too.
Other than that we are going (hopefully) on a brewery tour in Milwaukee. I need to find someone to work for me. Then we have 2 Brewers games left this month. We are planning to spend a Saturday at my parents and then we are going to the Eagles concert.
Whew...that is a lot. I just keep thinking all of this stuff won't be possible next year so I should enjoy it now. See next year we will be planning trips to do more family friendly stuff. There will still be baseball but some of these other activities will need to be restructured to include our little one. How cool is that... Next year at this time we will have a baby. We can buy a Halloween costume. Yes, I am going to dress up my baby for Halloween and take lots of pictures and hand out candy to the neighbor kids. But I digress...
What I should be doing instead of blogging and watching bad reality TV is cleaning my house. Our friends are coming to visit this weekend and I have floors to clean and dogs to bathe and I should think about dinner at some point. Well back to wet floors and dogs.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Time to paint...
One of the things on my to do list before baby is to pick out and paint a mural on the wall. Now, if you know me then you know that I can't even draw a straight line with a ruler. Quite a talent actually, I get this particular trait from my mother. To say we are not artistic is an understatement. What I have learned though is that I LOVE to paint. I have painted Christmas ornaments and figurines, two rooms in my house, helped my BFF paint walls in house, and even painted when I volunteered with Habitat for Humanity.
I have painted the nursery yellow, my favorite color. It works for both boys and girls but I want something else on the walls. When we lived in CA, we used to go to Art and Wine festivals in the Bay Area and at one of them either Santa Clara or Sunnyvale, can't remember which, we bought a watercolor of Noah's Ark. I just love it. We have probably had this print for going on 6 years before having a family was even in the works for us. There was just something about this painting that I loved so we bought it. I still need to have it framed but can't wait to hang it in the nursery. So that will hang on one of the walls, one wall is a window, one wall will have the crib on it so that leaves us with another wall. Well I have found the solution.
http://www.elephantsonthewall.com/proddetail.php?prod=461
I have purchased this mural. The smaller one which is still large. It is paint by number. So when it arrives it will have the design, transfer paper and a color guide. With the help of my hubby, we will center it on the wall and trace the design and then I just have to paint it. I really am excited about this. I wanted to do something special for our little one. It will be like coloring on the walls. How cool is that!
It will be nice to have a project to keep me busy and help pass the time. I know I have been down and up emotionally in the last few posts but I really am doing okay. I know it will all work out and I have found tremendous support from the other families in the same boat as us.
I have painted the nursery yellow, my favorite color. It works for both boys and girls but I want something else on the walls. When we lived in CA, we used to go to Art and Wine festivals in the Bay Area and at one of them either Santa Clara or Sunnyvale, can't remember which, we bought a watercolor of Noah's Ark. I just love it. We have probably had this print for going on 6 years before having a family was even in the works for us. There was just something about this painting that I loved so we bought it. I still need to have it framed but can't wait to hang it in the nursery. So that will hang on one of the walls, one wall is a window, one wall will have the crib on it so that leaves us with another wall. Well I have found the solution.
http://www.elephantsonthewall.com/proddetail.php?prod=461
I have purchased this mural. The smaller one which is still large. It is paint by number. So when it arrives it will have the design, transfer paper and a color guide. With the help of my hubby, we will center it on the wall and trace the design and then I just have to paint it. I really am excited about this. I wanted to do something special for our little one. It will be like coloring on the walls. How cool is that!
It will be nice to have a project to keep me busy and help pass the time. I know I have been down and up emotionally in the last few posts but I really am doing okay. I know it will all work out and I have found tremendous support from the other families in the same boat as us.
Friday, August 22, 2008
A little sunshine on a cloudy day
I have recovered from the disappointment of yesterday at least as much as I can anyway. It still stinks to have one time line in mind and have to keep readjusting but there is really nothing I can do but adjust.
There has been a really long thread on our forum today for those of us having a hard time dealing with the changing expectations and time lines. One little snip it of info posted by one of my fellow January waiters gave me a little sunshine today.
We are hearing anyway that we are probably in the top 40ish or so waiting for an infant. That is still a lot of families ahead of us but this little tidbit helped my mood tremendously. See, the last newsletter told us that there were 289 families waiting so for us to be in the top 40-50 on that list is a little exciting. We really have come a long way. I know we still have a ways to go but I am hopeful at least more hopeful than I was yesterday anyway.
We have adjusted our thinking and in an ideal world we will have a referral by Thanksgiving or close to it and as a Happy New Year's gift we will have made it through court and then as a birthday treat for my fabulous hubby (in February) a trip to Ethiopia to go pick up our little one. I am hopeful that this is a semi-realistic timeline but I know that I may have to change it again and instead of a birthday gift for hubby in February it may be a birthday gift for Grandma in March.
As tough as all of this is I know we are doing what feels right. It feels right in my heart. I know my little one will be born in Ethiopia and I will go get them when they are ready to come home. For now, I know my little one is loved more than I can explain by families both here in the US and in Ethiopia.
There has been a really long thread on our forum today for those of us having a hard time dealing with the changing expectations and time lines. One little snip it of info posted by one of my fellow January waiters gave me a little sunshine today.
We are hearing anyway that we are probably in the top 40ish or so waiting for an infant. That is still a lot of families ahead of us but this little tidbit helped my mood tremendously. See, the last newsletter told us that there were 289 families waiting so for us to be in the top 40-50 on that list is a little exciting. We really have come a long way. I know we still have a ways to go but I am hopeful at least more hopeful than I was yesterday anyway.
We have adjusted our thinking and in an ideal world we will have a referral by Thanksgiving or close to it and as a Happy New Year's gift we will have made it through court and then as a birthday treat for my fabulous hubby (in February) a trip to Ethiopia to go pick up our little one. I am hopeful that this is a semi-realistic timeline but I know that I may have to change it again and instead of a birthday gift for hubby in February it may be a birthday gift for Grandma in March.
As tough as all of this is I know we are doing what feels right. It feels right in my heart. I know my little one will be born in Ethiopia and I will go get them when they are ready to come home. For now, I know my little one is loved more than I can explain by families both here in the US and in Ethiopia.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Bummer :(
I broke down and finally emailed my specialist today to see if I could get any insight into when we might start seeing referrals again and here is what she said.
After all the hype about whether families were open to "summer referrals," we didn't get any! Our staff in Ethiopia has advised us that our Care Center really was at maximum capacity, so they needed to wait for more children to be placed before they could bring new children into care. At this point, my best guess is that we might not see new referrals until mid-September...
The families at the top of the list waiting for referrals of infants have been waiting since mid-October, 2007 and are at the 10 month mark of waiting. Given your 1/22/08 dossier date, I would anticipate at least another three months wait for referral. I am definitely hopeful that you will get a referral by the end of the year, but I can't say for sure that it will happen -- it will all depend on the number of children brought into care, their ages, health and background concerns, etc.
To say I am not having a good day is an understatement. I always knew that hitting 9 months could be a reality but I hoped it wouldn't be true and now I have to adjust again to thinking we may be lucky to get a referral by Thanksgiving which would be 10 months for us. AHHHH. I am trying really hard to be patient with all of this and I know everything will work out in the end but this waiting is just so hard....
After all the hype about whether families were open to "summer referrals," we didn't get any! Our staff in Ethiopia has advised us that our Care Center really was at maximum capacity, so they needed to wait for more children to be placed before they could bring new children into care. At this point, my best guess is that we might not see new referrals until mid-September...
The families at the top of the list waiting for referrals of infants have been waiting since mid-October, 2007 and are at the 10 month mark of waiting. Given your 1/22/08 dossier date, I would anticipate at least another three months wait for referral. I am definitely hopeful that you will get a referral by the end of the year, but I can't say for sure that it will happen -- it will all depend on the number of children brought into care, their ages, health and background concerns, etc.
To say I am not having a good day is an understatement. I always knew that hitting 9 months could be a reality but I hoped it wouldn't be true and now I have to adjust again to thinking we may be lucky to get a referral by Thanksgiving which would be 10 months for us. AHHHH. I am trying really hard to be patient with all of this and I know everything will work out in the end but this waiting is just so hard....
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
To Do List...
As we get closer to our referral, we have decided that we need to make a to do list to get better prepared for baby. We need to clean some things, child proof some things and just some basic reorganizing.
The list is getting quite long...
1) Carpets cleaned in the whole house
2) Clean out the closet in the nursery
3) Clean the office
4) Buy a wine cooler with a lock and remove wine rack from kitchen (not child friendly at all right now)
5) Clean up the basement
6) Buy the last piece of baby furniture we need, the 5 drawer dresser
7) Refinish the patio furniture (long story...)
8) Repaint the entry way
9) Decide on and paint mural in nursery
10) Clean the exterior windows and screens
This is only the beginning of the list. There will be a lot more added to it once we have our referral and then more stuff after we have a travel date. Since we know the list will get longer we figured we should try and take care of this kind of stuff now so when we do get baby news we can focus most of our time and attention on things for our baby and our travels.
I am really glad we already have 2 cribs, a changing table, stroller, car seats and bases, diaper pail, etc. This saves us a lot of time. Well, I didn't really have a lot of time to shop for those things last summer. I had less than 2 weeks to prepare for the twins so off to USA baby I went, spent a few hours, made 2 car trips and ta da we had a full nursery of furniture. It was fun but a little overwhelming so I am glad that is over. Now when we have to go shopping it will be for the fun stuff like bedding, toys, clothes, etc. I really won't need bedding or bath towels if it is a girl since I have more pink and purple sheets and towels and blankets than I know what to do with. If we have a boy however I only have one yellow crib sheet so we would need some more of those and bath towels well we could use the ones we have but it would be a little weird for our son to be wrapped up in a towel that says Daddy's little girl. I know they won't know but I will. Beside shopping for stuff like that is a lot of fun so if we have a boy that will be fun. If we have a girl there is still shopping that needs to be done. We don't have everything we need so either way I am looking forward to lots of trips to Target and Babies R Us and one trip to USA Baby in Brookfield.
Now all I need is a referral. Some people have hit the 10 month mark and I know that I am going stir crazy at almost 7 months so I am really hoping that these families get good news soon. In the mean time we wait as patiently as we can and know that some day that phone will ring and it will be the call that forever changes our lives and not just Dominos pizza offering us a $4 large pizza.
The list is getting quite long...
1) Carpets cleaned in the whole house
2) Clean out the closet in the nursery
3) Clean the office
4) Buy a wine cooler with a lock and remove wine rack from kitchen (not child friendly at all right now)
5) Clean up the basement
6) Buy the last piece of baby furniture we need, the 5 drawer dresser
7) Refinish the patio furniture (long story...)
8) Repaint the entry way
9) Decide on and paint mural in nursery
10) Clean the exterior windows and screens
This is only the beginning of the list. There will be a lot more added to it once we have our referral and then more stuff after we have a travel date. Since we know the list will get longer we figured we should try and take care of this kind of stuff now so when we do get baby news we can focus most of our time and attention on things for our baby and our travels.
I am really glad we already have 2 cribs, a changing table, stroller, car seats and bases, diaper pail, etc. This saves us a lot of time. Well, I didn't really have a lot of time to shop for those things last summer. I had less than 2 weeks to prepare for the twins so off to USA baby I went, spent a few hours, made 2 car trips and ta da we had a full nursery of furniture. It was fun but a little overwhelming so I am glad that is over. Now when we have to go shopping it will be for the fun stuff like bedding, toys, clothes, etc. I really won't need bedding or bath towels if it is a girl since I have more pink and purple sheets and towels and blankets than I know what to do with. If we have a boy however I only have one yellow crib sheet so we would need some more of those and bath towels well we could use the ones we have but it would be a little weird for our son to be wrapped up in a towel that says Daddy's little girl. I know they won't know but I will. Beside shopping for stuff like that is a lot of fun so if we have a boy that will be fun. If we have a girl there is still shopping that needs to be done. We don't have everything we need so either way I am looking forward to lots of trips to Target and Babies R Us and one trip to USA Baby in Brookfield.
Now all I need is a referral. Some people have hit the 10 month mark and I know that I am going stir crazy at almost 7 months so I am really hoping that these families get good news soon. In the mean time we wait as patiently as we can and know that some day that phone will ring and it will be the call that forever changes our lives and not just Dominos pizza offering us a $4 large pizza.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
WOW!!! Packer tickets!!!
I cannot even believe it!!! We bought one ticket in a raffle where the prizes were tickets to various Packers games. One was a preseason game, one was tickets to a Cowboys game and the grand prize was tickets to the Packers vs. Bears game in November.
Guess what???? We WON!!! We are going to a Packers vs. Bears game!!! I cannot even believe that we won much less the grand prize.
I have only seen the Packers play twice. Once at Candlestick park in San Francisco and once in a preseason game at Green Bay so this is going to be great. Hopefully it won't be too cold....
Yeah Go Pack Go!!!!!!
Guess what???? We WON!!! We are going to a Packers vs. Bears game!!! I cannot even believe that we won much less the grand prize.
I have only seen the Packers play twice. Once at Candlestick park in San Francisco and once in a preseason game at Green Bay so this is going to be great. Hopefully it won't be too cold....
Yeah Go Pack Go!!!!!!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Conflicted....
I am having a lot of mixed emotions lately. First, I can't stop reading about the famine and drought in Ethiopia. Check out today's edition of the USA today for a look at what I am talking about. Watching the video is heartbreaking.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2008-08-17-ethiopia_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip
Add to that, I have been thinking a lot about our little one and their first family. I read these articles on the famine and I wonder what life is like for their family right now and my heart breaks a little. I am sure that if my little hasn't blessed this earth with their presence then they are for sure growing big and strong inside their birth mom. What was the pregnancy like? Did their Mom have our little one yet? Did she survive child birth? I know, sad question but last time I checked 1 in 14 women died giving birth in Ethiopia. Does my little ones first family have food, live on a farm, have other children??? These are all questions that I am asking myself and I have no answers yet and I may never have all of the answers.
This is the tough part about international adoption. There will be a lot of unanswered questions and unknowns and a lot of heart break. My heart is aching for our little ones first family. I want nothing more than for them to be happy and healthy and flourishing. I just don't think that is the case and that makes me sad.
Then there is the other side of my heart tugging towards excitement to see the face of our little one and know that soon they will be a part of our family. I can't wait for that day and I can't wait to be a Mom and hold my little one at last.
I want so much to meet our little one but I know that our little one joining our family is a loss for another family. I hold our baby's first family near and dear to my heart. I pray for them everyday. I pray that they have food to eat, clean water to drink and a chance at happiness. I pray that birth mom has an uneventful pregnancy and that both she and baby are doing well. I pray that our baby's first family finds peace in their decision to relinquish their child. I pray that I can say thank you when and if we get to meet a member of our little ones birth family or worst case scenario their caregiver. I know with my referral may come shocking news about little one, their first family or their family history. I know I will guard this info and share when necessary and I know that I can't ignore this info and may have to find a way to make sense out of it all. We knew what we were getting into when we switched to international adoption and we know that behind the joy of us adding to our family there is sadness, loss, grief and a story that may be very difficult to deal with much less share.
Now you see why I am conflicted... I want to be nothing but happy as my journey to becoming a Mom comes closer to being a reality but I have such sadness in my heart for all the loss and devastation that may be facing my little ones first family.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2008-08-17-ethiopia_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip
Add to that, I have been thinking a lot about our little one and their first family. I read these articles on the famine and I wonder what life is like for their family right now and my heart breaks a little. I am sure that if my little hasn't blessed this earth with their presence then they are for sure growing big and strong inside their birth mom. What was the pregnancy like? Did their Mom have our little one yet? Did she survive child birth? I know, sad question but last time I checked 1 in 14 women died giving birth in Ethiopia. Does my little ones first family have food, live on a farm, have other children??? These are all questions that I am asking myself and I have no answers yet and I may never have all of the answers.
This is the tough part about international adoption. There will be a lot of unanswered questions and unknowns and a lot of heart break. My heart is aching for our little ones first family. I want nothing more than for them to be happy and healthy and flourishing. I just don't think that is the case and that makes me sad.
Then there is the other side of my heart tugging towards excitement to see the face of our little one and know that soon they will be a part of our family. I can't wait for that day and I can't wait to be a Mom and hold my little one at last.
I want so much to meet our little one but I know that our little one joining our family is a loss for another family. I hold our baby's first family near and dear to my heart. I pray for them everyday. I pray that they have food to eat, clean water to drink and a chance at happiness. I pray that birth mom has an uneventful pregnancy and that both she and baby are doing well. I pray that our baby's first family finds peace in their decision to relinquish their child. I pray that I can say thank you when and if we get to meet a member of our little ones birth family or worst case scenario their caregiver. I know with my referral may come shocking news about little one, their first family or their family history. I know I will guard this info and share when necessary and I know that I can't ignore this info and may have to find a way to make sense out of it all. We knew what we were getting into when we switched to international adoption and we know that behind the joy of us adding to our family there is sadness, loss, grief and a story that may be very difficult to deal with much less share.
Now you see why I am conflicted... I want to be nothing but happy as my journey to becoming a Mom comes closer to being a reality but I have such sadness in my heart for all the loss and devastation that may be facing my little ones first family.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Yeah it is Friday!!
I am so excited that it is Friday. I have the weekend off from work. I don't have any major plans but just looking forward to some down time with the family and the dogs.
Other than a weekend of house cleaning, dog walking, corn eating and shopping we don't have much going on. We are still waiting for news of our referral.
I would like to say the waiting gets easier but it doesn't. We hit 7 months next week. Wow. We still didn't see any referrals this week on the forum so hopefully next week. We did get to see some people get some good news with birth certificates and travel dates so that is great.
We have gotten some updates from recent travelers. It was so nice to see their pictures and to hear the insights. It makes me that much more excited to go there. It is so weird to think that in the next 6-8 weeks I could get a referral. I am still hopeful that we will get our referral before we hit month number 9 of waiting in October. For that to happen we need to start seeing some referrals for all those families who have already hit that 9 month mark. I am really hoping and praying that we start seeing some referral news for these families. I haven't totally lost it yet with all the waiting but I am not sure how sane I would be if we hit 9.5 months or 10. I really hope that doesn't happen. I know that it could but I try not to think too much about it.
Sorry if I am a downer today. I have had a rough week at work with a crazy schedule so I think I have had too much coffee and not enough sleep. I know deep down that no matter how long I wait the right child will join my family when they are ready too. I have faith and I pray God doesn't make me wait too much longer to see the beautiful face of my child but if He does, I know there is a reason and I have to go with it.
Other than a weekend of house cleaning, dog walking, corn eating and shopping we don't have much going on. We are still waiting for news of our referral.
I would like to say the waiting gets easier but it doesn't. We hit 7 months next week. Wow. We still didn't see any referrals this week on the forum so hopefully next week. We did get to see some people get some good news with birth certificates and travel dates so that is great.
We have gotten some updates from recent travelers. It was so nice to see their pictures and to hear the insights. It makes me that much more excited to go there. It is so weird to think that in the next 6-8 weeks I could get a referral. I am still hopeful that we will get our referral before we hit month number 9 of waiting in October. For that to happen we need to start seeing some referrals for all those families who have already hit that 9 month mark. I am really hoping and praying that we start seeing some referral news for these families. I haven't totally lost it yet with all the waiting but I am not sure how sane I would be if we hit 9.5 months or 10. I really hope that doesn't happen. I know that it could but I try not to think too much about it.
Sorry if I am a downer today. I have had a rough week at work with a crazy schedule so I think I have had too much coffee and not enough sleep. I know deep down that no matter how long I wait the right child will join my family when they are ready too. I have faith and I pray God doesn't make me wait too much longer to see the beautiful face of my child but if He does, I know there is a reason and I have to go with it.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Back on track...
Here is a picture of part of the anniversary gift we got from my in-laws. It is a bag, with an African print that is part of the Red campaign and a beautiful figure that has writing on the side that says "Time makes love grow stronger." I just love it. The bag is amazing as it is part of the Red program that companies like Hallmark and GAP contribute to by selling specialized Red products where the money goes to helping fight AIDS in Africa. So not only do I have a super cute bag but it is helping to eliminate AIDS in Africa. I know it is one bag but every little bit helps.
I missed blogging yesterday as my schedule is all out of whack this week. I have someone on vacation at work so my hours are different and then there are the Olympics which has been keeping me pretty busy at night. My schedule will be out of whack for the next few weeks. Yuck!
I am hoping to get myself back on track. I haven't talked a lot about adoption stuff lately as there simply isn't much going on. Here is some recent info I have learned. There are currently 289 families waiting to adopt from Ethiopia with my agency. Wow. That is so great. All of those families are going to find each other. It may take a little longer now but families will be formed. It shouldn't affect our wait time any as we were told 6-9 months and next Tuesday we hit 7 months. I hope we get a referral before we hit 9 months but we shall see. We have also learned a lot from recent travelers about the need to bring toilet paper with us and just how amazing the nannies are that are caring for our children. We have learned that if we fly Ethiopian Airlines, they are pretty strict about the weight of our bags including carry ons.
There was also a discussion about hair recently. I will admit that hair care for my child is a fear of mine. There is so much info and so many products it is a little overwhelming. It will help once we know if our child's hair will be thick or not but I feel like I have a lot to learn in this regard. I have always thought that I would NEVER loc my child's hair (yes as in dreadlocs, sisterlocs or brotherlocs). These are all very different ways to do our child's hair and I have learned that the are semi-permanent. Meaning if we were to loc our child's hair and maintain that and our child decided they didn't want that anymore then the only way to change it is to shave their head. Wow. I had no idea. I was reading the discussion of this and thinking I would never do this to my child. However after putting aside my own images of locs and doing some research I actually like them. I think they look nice and depending on what type you choose there is a lot of flexibility. Girls can wear their hair long, pull it up put clips and bows in it. It is great. Boys can have short hair, long hair whatever. That all being said it is a big process. It takes many hours to loc hair and then those locs need to be maintained every 4 some weeks. I am still not sure what we will do or if we will leave it up to our child when they are old enough. Ultimately, it will depend on our child, their hair and the process of locing itself. So much to learn.....
I missed blogging yesterday as my schedule is all out of whack this week. I have someone on vacation at work so my hours are different and then there are the Olympics which has been keeping me pretty busy at night. My schedule will be out of whack for the next few weeks. Yuck!
I am hoping to get myself back on track. I haven't talked a lot about adoption stuff lately as there simply isn't much going on. Here is some recent info I have learned. There are currently 289 families waiting to adopt from Ethiopia with my agency. Wow. That is so great. All of those families are going to find each other. It may take a little longer now but families will be formed. It shouldn't affect our wait time any as we were told 6-9 months and next Tuesday we hit 7 months. I hope we get a referral before we hit 9 months but we shall see. We have also learned a lot from recent travelers about the need to bring toilet paper with us and just how amazing the nannies are that are caring for our children. We have learned that if we fly Ethiopian Airlines, they are pretty strict about the weight of our bags including carry ons.
There was also a discussion about hair recently. I will admit that hair care for my child is a fear of mine. There is so much info and so many products it is a little overwhelming. It will help once we know if our child's hair will be thick or not but I feel like I have a lot to learn in this regard. I have always thought that I would NEVER loc my child's hair (yes as in dreadlocs, sisterlocs or brotherlocs). These are all very different ways to do our child's hair and I have learned that the are semi-permanent. Meaning if we were to loc our child's hair and maintain that and our child decided they didn't want that anymore then the only way to change it is to shave their head. Wow. I had no idea. I was reading the discussion of this and thinking I would never do this to my child. However after putting aside my own images of locs and doing some research I actually like them. I think they look nice and depending on what type you choose there is a lot of flexibility. Girls can wear their hair long, pull it up put clips and bows in it. It is great. Boys can have short hair, long hair whatever. That all being said it is a big process. It takes many hours to loc hair and then those locs need to be maintained every 4 some weeks. I am still not sure what we will do or if we will leave it up to our child when they are old enough. Ultimately, it will depend on our child, their hair and the process of locing itself. So much to learn.....
Monday, August 11, 2008
The start of another week...
I really really don't like Mondays. I have to go to bed early on Sunday nights so I can get up a little before 5am on Mondays. Well, I am mostly used to it but with the Olympics on I miss a lot of good stuff. In fact, after I blog today, I am going to watch the video online of the incredible swimming event last night where the USA came back to win a gold medal and I want to watch the portion of the Opening Ceremonies that I missed. I saw a lot of the opening but I missed Ethiopia and I want to see that.
Mondays at work are tough to as that is major paperwork day and today I had a new hire to train so I was running around like crazy. I didn't get everything done but I should have time tomorrow.
The weekend went by way too quickly. We went to the Brewers game on Saturday and it was awesome! Ben Sheets pitched a complete game and the Brewers won! Yeah!
Badger, my almost 5 year old pug, had a rough weekend. He was throwing up most of Sunday. It started at 2:30am and then after breakfast and after lunch and a couple of times in between. He was so hungry but he kept throwing up. Finally, he seemed to turn a corner for the better Sunday late afternoon. He crashed on the couch for his usual afternoon nap and managed to eat dinner and a snack with no issues. Yeah! He seems to be better today. I think both of my dogs have ear infections though so we are battling that.
We are still hoping for any news adoption wise. We need birth certificates, travel dates and referrals. It has been far too long with no news. My heart goes out to those waiting 4 + weeks for birth certificates and those families that have hit the 9 + month mark of waiting. I am still hoping I won't hit 9 months of waiting but have prepared myself for that possibility.
That is enough rambling for one day. Tomorrow I will post a picture of the anniversary gift we got from my in-laws. It is pretty neat.
Mondays at work are tough to as that is major paperwork day and today I had a new hire to train so I was running around like crazy. I didn't get everything done but I should have time tomorrow.
The weekend went by way too quickly. We went to the Brewers game on Saturday and it was awesome! Ben Sheets pitched a complete game and the Brewers won! Yeah!
Badger, my almost 5 year old pug, had a rough weekend. He was throwing up most of Sunday. It started at 2:30am and then after breakfast and after lunch and a couple of times in between. He was so hungry but he kept throwing up. Finally, he seemed to turn a corner for the better Sunday late afternoon. He crashed on the couch for his usual afternoon nap and managed to eat dinner and a snack with no issues. Yeah! He seems to be better today. I think both of my dogs have ear infections though so we are battling that.
We are still hoping for any news adoption wise. We need birth certificates, travel dates and referrals. It has been far too long with no news. My heart goes out to those waiting 4 + weeks for birth certificates and those families that have hit the 9 + month mark of waiting. I am still hoping I won't hit 9 months of waiting but have prepared myself for that possibility.
That is enough rambling for one day. Tomorrow I will post a picture of the anniversary gift we got from my in-laws. It is pretty neat.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Above Average??
The story is that apparently the National Endowment for the Arts estimates that the average adult has only read six of these books. Here are the markup guidelines:
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Star the ones you love
4) Reprint this list in your blog
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee *
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. The Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger *
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown*
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery *
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert -
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen5
5 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens*
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White *
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom*
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery *
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl *
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
I guess that isn't too bad. You will notice that I didn't italicize many because I really doubt I would read some of these books.
Well, not much else is going on. Still waiting but I couldn't help but thinking last night that in a number of weeks I may be blessed to see the face of my little one. Hopefully, we will start seeing some infant referrals soon. I can't wait to see that beautiful face. I feel like we are so close yet at the same time so far. I know that the waiting is far from over but a picture would help. Please say a prayer for my forum family members waiting on birth certificates for almost a month. They are going nuts and rightly so. So my hopes for the weekend/next week are this.
1) Birth Certificates and Travel dates come flying in to the agency
2) Referrals, Referrals, Referrals
Have a great one!
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Star the ones you love
4) Reprint this list in your blog
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee *
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. The Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger *
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown*
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery *
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert -
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen5
5 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens*
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White *
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom*
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery *
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl *
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
I guess that isn't too bad. You will notice that I didn't italicize many because I really doubt I would read some of these books.
Well, not much else is going on. Still waiting but I couldn't help but thinking last night that in a number of weeks I may be blessed to see the face of my little one. Hopefully, we will start seeing some infant referrals soon. I can't wait to see that beautiful face. I feel like we are so close yet at the same time so far. I know that the waiting is far from over but a picture would help. Please say a prayer for my forum family members waiting on birth certificates for almost a month. They are going nuts and rightly so. So my hopes for the weekend/next week are this.
1) Birth Certificates and Travel dates come flying in to the agency
2) Referrals, Referrals, Referrals
3) The Brewers win! (and Cubs lose)
Have a great one!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Happy Anniversary!!
We made it. Nine years ago today was my wedding day. It was so far the greatest day of my life. The weather turned out to be perfect. In fact it was in the high 70's low 80's and given that it rained the night before and it was August in the Silicon Valley, I would say it was better than perfect. It could be have been in the 90's or worse. I had bride freak out moment #3 when we were taking pictures before the ceremony. My Mother had some of the flowers in her car including my bouquet and she was late. My Mother is never late but that day she was. I had to use my Maid of Honor's bouquet for some of the pictures until she arrived. I was a little upset but it passed quickly when I got to see Dave all dressed up. Everything was just perfect. The day went by so quickly that I don't remember all of it. Thank goodness we had amazing photographers and a friend taking video.
I know I was young when I got married, 23 to be exact but I wouldn't change it for the world. I truly had found the love of my life and when I was least expecting it. I remember my Aunt saying that that is why girls went to college to find a husband. That was definitely not why I went but I consider it a huge bonus. Dave and I have been through some crazy times together especially the last 5 years of trying to have a family but he has always stood by my side and been my rock. I couldn't have survived this last few years without him. We were there for each other when we hit rock bottom in the TTC (trying to conceive) arena and the failed domestic adoption arena. He was there to celebrate on my good days and hold me on my bad days.
As we wait for our little one, he has been patient with me most of the time :) He is the only one in my life who will forever understand what this journey to our baby has been like and I couldn't imagine taking this journey with anyone else.
Since today is Thursday song day, I will share with you Sara Evans, "I Could Not Ask for More". The reason I picked this song is because it seems so fitting for where we are right now in our life story. We have been truly blessed even through all the hard times and we are almost there. Almost to making our dreams come true, to being the family that we have always wanted. I know Dave will be an amazing father, I saw it and I can't wait to see it again. So this song, is meant to bring hope that one day every word of this song will be true and I know that all our dreams will come true when we hold our beautiful baby.
"I Could Not Ask For More"
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything in me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments
I know all I need is this
I've found all I've waited for, yeah
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I've had's come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
Yeah
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I've had's come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Oh, here with you here with me
No, I could not ask for more
Than this love you gave me
Cause it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
No, yeah
No, I could not ask for more
I know I was young when I got married, 23 to be exact but I wouldn't change it for the world. I truly had found the love of my life and when I was least expecting it. I remember my Aunt saying that that is why girls went to college to find a husband. That was definitely not why I went but I consider it a huge bonus. Dave and I have been through some crazy times together especially the last 5 years of trying to have a family but he has always stood by my side and been my rock. I couldn't have survived this last few years without him. We were there for each other when we hit rock bottom in the TTC (trying to conceive) arena and the failed domestic adoption arena. He was there to celebrate on my good days and hold me on my bad days.
As we wait for our little one, he has been patient with me most of the time :) He is the only one in my life who will forever understand what this journey to our baby has been like and I couldn't imagine taking this journey with anyone else.
Since today is Thursday song day, I will share with you Sara Evans, "I Could Not Ask for More". The reason I picked this song is because it seems so fitting for where we are right now in our life story. We have been truly blessed even through all the hard times and we are almost there. Almost to making our dreams come true, to being the family that we have always wanted. I know Dave will be an amazing father, I saw it and I can't wait to see it again. So this song, is meant to bring hope that one day every word of this song will be true and I know that all our dreams will come true when we hold our beautiful baby.
"I Could Not Ask For More"
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything in me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments
I know all I need is this
I've found all I've waited for, yeah
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I've had's come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
Yeah
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I've had's come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Oh, here with you here with me
No, I could not ask for more
Than this love you gave me
Cause it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
No, yeah
No, I could not ask for more
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Flashback...1998/99
Now in 1998, I was a college senior writing a thesis and getting excited about planning a wedding. We were not going to get married until after Dave graduated in 1999. We both wanted to be done with school, well undergrad anyway.
In January of 1998, I had to get up early and stand in line to book the Mission church for the date we wanted. They only book the church a year and half in advance so when they opened the books for 1999 I was there with my good friend, Kerry. She got married in January and we got married in August. We put down our deposit and cemented the date. August 7, 1999 at 3pm. Perfect.
Here are the highlights of the wedding planning.
1) I remember going wedding dress shopping with my Mom and my Grandma. I actually tried on the dress I fell in love with in a magazine. It was perfect. One store, one day, great deal and my dress was ordered.
2) Registering for gifts. This actually turned out to not be a good day. We went to Crate and Barrell and that was easy. Macy's though was tough. Part of the reason, is that poor Dave was stuck with me and my Mom looking at china patterns all the while he was turning red and flushing from some medicine he was taking. We had to come back and add things on another day.
3) Flowers: If you you haven't gotten married yet don't bother bringing your future hubby to pick out flowers that was pointless. He hated every second of it.
4) Cake tasting: Now this was definitely the highlight. Yum.
5) Colors: We had decided on royal blue as the main color for our wedding. We picked out invitations with that color ink, napkins for the reception, decorations on the cake, and lastly bridesmaids dresses. Well, or so we thought. I had three freakout moments as a bride and the first was the day I picked up the bridesmaids dresses. They were ordered in royal blue and they were purple. Crayola Crayon purple. I cried; I secreamed; I got VERY upset with the poor girl at Bay Area Bridal. I was stuck. They were "royal" blue but the color swatch they gave me and the color of the dresses was VERY different. There was nothing I could do. So calls were made to change flowers, napkins and decorations to purple.
Through all of it Dave was very supportive and usually just nodded his head and he actually likes the color purple so he helped me overcome my freakout moment.
I had an AMAZING bachelorette party thanks to my awesome friends and bridemaids. My BFF rented a limo so we could go out and be chauffered around downtown San Jose. We had dinner at Tied House and enjoyed some beverages. It was the night I smoked my last cigarette.
Dave's bachelor party was fun. They played pool and had a few drinks. All I know is that when he came back from his party, he smelled. I was waiting for him with my friend Kerry, whose husband was at the party too, and when they walked in the door we both were like "wow, you guys stink". It was hard to pinpoint if it was cigars, beer or what but it was nasty.
Now it is a few days before our wedding, we are moving into our apartment in a dorm since I was now a Resident Director and we were getting pretty excited. A bunch of his friends drove out from Wisconsin, some we knew about, some we didn't. Everything was planned and ready to go.
I was so ready to get married. I had found the man of my dreams and was ready to move forward and start my life as a real adult. My best friend was my Matron of Honor and my closest friends were bridemaids as was my new sister in law. My little cousin was my flower girl and my dad was going to walk me down the aisle.
So nine years ago today was the day before my wedding. It should have been a beautiful sunny day in California but alas it rained. Here was second bride freakout moment. I was so upset. We were gettting married at Mission Santa Clara and our photos were to be mostly taken outside. It couldn't rain in August in CA, right???
Well tomorrow is THE day. Stay tuned for bride freakout moment #3 and a special song for the most important person in my life.
In January of 1998, I had to get up early and stand in line to book the Mission church for the date we wanted. They only book the church a year and half in advance so when they opened the books for 1999 I was there with my good friend, Kerry. She got married in January and we got married in August. We put down our deposit and cemented the date. August 7, 1999 at 3pm. Perfect.
Here are the highlights of the wedding planning.
1) I remember going wedding dress shopping with my Mom and my Grandma. I actually tried on the dress I fell in love with in a magazine. It was perfect. One store, one day, great deal and my dress was ordered.
2) Registering for gifts. This actually turned out to not be a good day. We went to Crate and Barrell and that was easy. Macy's though was tough. Part of the reason, is that poor Dave was stuck with me and my Mom looking at china patterns all the while he was turning red and flushing from some medicine he was taking. We had to come back and add things on another day.
3) Flowers: If you you haven't gotten married yet don't bother bringing your future hubby to pick out flowers that was pointless. He hated every second of it.
4) Cake tasting: Now this was definitely the highlight. Yum.
5) Colors: We had decided on royal blue as the main color for our wedding. We picked out invitations with that color ink, napkins for the reception, decorations on the cake, and lastly bridesmaids dresses. Well, or so we thought. I had three freakout moments as a bride and the first was the day I picked up the bridesmaids dresses. They were ordered in royal blue and they were purple. Crayola Crayon purple. I cried; I secreamed; I got VERY upset with the poor girl at Bay Area Bridal. I was stuck. They were "royal" blue but the color swatch they gave me and the color of the dresses was VERY different. There was nothing I could do. So calls were made to change flowers, napkins and decorations to purple.
Through all of it Dave was very supportive and usually just nodded his head and he actually likes the color purple so he helped me overcome my freakout moment.
I had an AMAZING bachelorette party thanks to my awesome friends and bridemaids. My BFF rented a limo so we could go out and be chauffered around downtown San Jose. We had dinner at Tied House and enjoyed some beverages. It was the night I smoked my last cigarette.
Dave's bachelor party was fun. They played pool and had a few drinks. All I know is that when he came back from his party, he smelled. I was waiting for him with my friend Kerry, whose husband was at the party too, and when they walked in the door we both were like "wow, you guys stink". It was hard to pinpoint if it was cigars, beer or what but it was nasty.
Now it is a few days before our wedding, we are moving into our apartment in a dorm since I was now a Resident Director and we were getting pretty excited. A bunch of his friends drove out from Wisconsin, some we knew about, some we didn't. Everything was planned and ready to go.
I was so ready to get married. I had found the man of my dreams and was ready to move forward and start my life as a real adult. My best friend was my Matron of Honor and my closest friends were bridemaids as was my new sister in law. My little cousin was my flower girl and my dad was going to walk me down the aisle.
So nine years ago today was the day before my wedding. It should have been a beautiful sunny day in California but alas it rained. Here was second bride freakout moment. I was so upset. We were gettting married at Mission Santa Clara and our photos were to be mostly taken outside. It couldn't rain in August in CA, right???
Well tomorrow is THE day. Stay tuned for bride freakout moment #3 and a special song for the most important person in my life.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Flashback...1997/98
Okay so the rest of 1996 and the first part of 1997 went by fairly quickly and were uneventful. We were both in college doing our thing and in the summers we both worked full time.
Come fall of 1997, I was entering my senior year of college and starting to think about what I would do after I graduated. As a child, my dream job was to be a Supreme Court Justice. I even read books about the Supreme Court. As a political science major it was assumed that I would either teach or go to law school. I didn't really want to be a teacher so it was law school. I bought the LSAT prep books and was one my way until I realized that I wasn't sure I wanted to be a lawyer, what if I hated it and spent $100k on law school for nothing? I opted to get my Master's in Education Administration specializing in Higher Education instead. I loved working with college students in residence life, orientation and admissions so it was a good fit.
So now that my career/education goals were in place, what about my personal goals? Dave and I had already talked about getting married after college. It was kind of a no brainer. We even picked out my engagement ring together that October. I didn't get it right away, Dave hid it from me. He said that I would get it when he was ready to ask me the big question. So I waited....I am not a patient person, I am much better now but then not so much. I tried to figure out when he might ask me but I had no idea.
First, I thought it would be Thanksgiving. We had Thanksgiving with my parents so I thought maybe then. Well, Thanksgiving came and went and nothing. Then I thought, well maybe Christmas??? But he was going home to WI for Christmas and I was staying in CA so maybe it would be at our Christmas break from school??? Well most of December had come and gone and I was due to fly to WI the day after Christmas to visit. I had only seen snow once before and didn't really own a warm enough coat or gloves so that was an adventure and I thought just maybe on this my first trip to WI, he would finally propose.
There wasn't a lot of snow on the ground that year but it sure was cold. This coming from the CA girl that freezes if it gets below 50 outside. I survived and got to meet some more of Dave's friends and spend time with his family. On New Year's Eve, we were having a little party at the lake house. Some of Dave's friends from high school were coming up and spending the night. Well, I was one of the only people over 21 so I had to stop at the liquor store in Lodi, WI and sign my life away to buy some beer. And I kid you not that the name of the liquor store was "Ted Kennedy's Liquor" I so wish had taken a picture of that.
Anyway so we were having a good time with our friends and were counting down the last seconds of 1997. Okay--here is the funny story. As we started to say Happy New Year, I found Dave down on both knees with my ring asking me to marry him. I cried and then laughed and then cried some more as it appeared he was begging me to marry him. Everyone else stopped mid thought and started to stare at us. It was a little weird since I didn't really know them all that well. Everyone was waiting to see what I would say. Obviously, I said yes. I loved this dorky, smart, funny man so why wouldn't I say yes.
I will never forget that moment. I waited until the next morning to call my parents and tell them. I couldn't wait to show them my ring when we got off the plane in a few days. And I couldn't wait to call my bestest friend and tell her either. I knew she would be thrilled and then we could start doing wedding stuff again (she was already married).
Stay tuned for wedding planning, bachlorette/bachelor party and the BIG DAY.
Come fall of 1997, I was entering my senior year of college and starting to think about what I would do after I graduated. As a child, my dream job was to be a Supreme Court Justice. I even read books about the Supreme Court. As a political science major it was assumed that I would either teach or go to law school. I didn't really want to be a teacher so it was law school. I bought the LSAT prep books and was one my way until I realized that I wasn't sure I wanted to be a lawyer, what if I hated it and spent $100k on law school for nothing? I opted to get my Master's in Education Administration specializing in Higher Education instead. I loved working with college students in residence life, orientation and admissions so it was a good fit.
So now that my career/education goals were in place, what about my personal goals? Dave and I had already talked about getting married after college. It was kind of a no brainer. We even picked out my engagement ring together that October. I didn't get it right away, Dave hid it from me. He said that I would get it when he was ready to ask me the big question. So I waited....I am not a patient person, I am much better now but then not so much. I tried to figure out when he might ask me but I had no idea.
First, I thought it would be Thanksgiving. We had Thanksgiving with my parents so I thought maybe then. Well, Thanksgiving came and went and nothing. Then I thought, well maybe Christmas??? But he was going home to WI for Christmas and I was staying in CA so maybe it would be at our Christmas break from school??? Well most of December had come and gone and I was due to fly to WI the day after Christmas to visit. I had only seen snow once before and didn't really own a warm enough coat or gloves so that was an adventure and I thought just maybe on this my first trip to WI, he would finally propose.
There wasn't a lot of snow on the ground that year but it sure was cold. This coming from the CA girl that freezes if it gets below 50 outside. I survived and got to meet some more of Dave's friends and spend time with his family. On New Year's Eve, we were having a little party at the lake house. Some of Dave's friends from high school were coming up and spending the night. Well, I was one of the only people over 21 so I had to stop at the liquor store in Lodi, WI and sign my life away to buy some beer. And I kid you not that the name of the liquor store was "Ted Kennedy's Liquor" I so wish had taken a picture of that.
Anyway so we were having a good time with our friends and were counting down the last seconds of 1997. Okay--here is the funny story. As we started to say Happy New Year, I found Dave down on both knees with my ring asking me to marry him. I cried and then laughed and then cried some more as it appeared he was begging me to marry him. Everyone else stopped mid thought and started to stare at us. It was a little weird since I didn't really know them all that well. Everyone was waiting to see what I would say. Obviously, I said yes. I loved this dorky, smart, funny man so why wouldn't I say yes.
I will never forget that moment. I waited until the next morning to call my parents and tell them. I couldn't wait to show them my ring when we got off the plane in a few days. And I couldn't wait to call my bestest friend and tell her either. I knew she would be thrilled and then we could start doing wedding stuff again (she was already married).
Stay tuned for wedding planning, bachlorette/bachelor party and the BIG DAY.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Flashback....1996
This week my blog is going to go back in time. My wedding anniversary is this week and since we are going low key this year I wanted to devote my blog this week to my relationship with my husband from beginning to current time.
We start in May of 1996 in sunny CA. I was a sophomore in college and Dave was a freshman. Yes, I dated a younger man. It was towards the end of the school year and a friend and I went to a party. While at this party, at a house affectionately named "Chicken House", another friend introduced me to Dave. We spent the rest of the night, laughing, enjoying a few beverages and running through the sprinklers. We were up really late that night, in fact it was close to 4am when we went back to the dorms.
For me it was one of the best nights of my life. Why? Well, because what started as an ordinary outing to your typical college party led to me finding my knight in shining armor. We clicked instantly, like we were meant to be together.
My parents met him a few weeks later since it was my birthday and they wanted to take me out to dinner. That was a tad awkward because I had never done that before. I mean, my parents knew my boyfriends in high school but I had never had dinner with me, my boyfriend and my parents before until then.
School ended in June and I took Dave to the airport and I cried. A LOT! I had already made plans to go to Wisconsin and visit but I felt like that was too far away. We were just starting to get to know each other and now we were not going to be living in the same place. We were going to talk on the phone almost every day and email back and forth. Oh did we run up the phone bill. It was a few hundred dollars on my end and I am sure just as much on his end. One day we talked for a couple of hours. While it was hard to be apart, we got to know each other really well through our conversations and emails. I still wish he could have been my date to my best friends wedding that summer but it wasn't meant to be.
In July, I flew out to meet Dave in Wisconsin and thus meet his parents. They were so welcoming and everyone was so nice. I had a great time the week that I was there but it went by very quickly and I had to head home. Yes, I cried A LOT then too.
It was during this trip that I knew. I knew that Dave and I were meant to be together. We just fit. I can't really explain it any better than that. I have had that feeling only 3 times in my life so far. Once was when I was deciding where to go to college and as soon as I walked on to the campus at Santa Clara University this feeling overcame me and I knew I belonged there. It happened again when I met Dave. And the third time it happened was when we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. It just all felt right each time. All of the pieces fell into place and I found peace in my soul.
Things only got better that year when in November, Dave's parents flew to CA for Thanksgiving. They were going to eat at a restaurant and my parents insisted that they come over to our house for dinner. So 6 months after we had been dating, our parents were meeting. This was a HUGE deal but it went off without a hitch. It just reaffirmed that this was 100% right.
This is merely the beginning, stay tuned for the next segment, which skips ahead to December of 1997 and a funny story.
We start in May of 1996 in sunny CA. I was a sophomore in college and Dave was a freshman. Yes, I dated a younger man. It was towards the end of the school year and a friend and I went to a party. While at this party, at a house affectionately named "Chicken House", another friend introduced me to Dave. We spent the rest of the night, laughing, enjoying a few beverages and running through the sprinklers. We were up really late that night, in fact it was close to 4am when we went back to the dorms.
For me it was one of the best nights of my life. Why? Well, because what started as an ordinary outing to your typical college party led to me finding my knight in shining armor. We clicked instantly, like we were meant to be together.
My parents met him a few weeks later since it was my birthday and they wanted to take me out to dinner. That was a tad awkward because I had never done that before. I mean, my parents knew my boyfriends in high school but I had never had dinner with me, my boyfriend and my parents before until then.
School ended in June and I took Dave to the airport and I cried. A LOT! I had already made plans to go to Wisconsin and visit but I felt like that was too far away. We were just starting to get to know each other and now we were not going to be living in the same place. We were going to talk on the phone almost every day and email back and forth. Oh did we run up the phone bill. It was a few hundred dollars on my end and I am sure just as much on his end. One day we talked for a couple of hours. While it was hard to be apart, we got to know each other really well through our conversations and emails. I still wish he could have been my date to my best friends wedding that summer but it wasn't meant to be.
In July, I flew out to meet Dave in Wisconsin and thus meet his parents. They were so welcoming and everyone was so nice. I had a great time the week that I was there but it went by very quickly and I had to head home. Yes, I cried A LOT then too.
It was during this trip that I knew. I knew that Dave and I were meant to be together. We just fit. I can't really explain it any better than that. I have had that feeling only 3 times in my life so far. Once was when I was deciding where to go to college and as soon as I walked on to the campus at Santa Clara University this feeling overcame me and I knew I belonged there. It happened again when I met Dave. And the third time it happened was when we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. It just all felt right each time. All of the pieces fell into place and I found peace in my soul.
Things only got better that year when in November, Dave's parents flew to CA for Thanksgiving. They were going to eat at a restaurant and my parents insisted that they come over to our house for dinner. So 6 months after we had been dating, our parents were meeting. This was a HUGE deal but it went off without a hitch. It just reaffirmed that this was 100% right.
This is merely the beginning, stay tuned for the next segment, which skips ahead to December of 1997 and a funny story.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Same old same old
Thursday song day will return next week, I had no Internet at home yesterday and really shouldn't blog while at work but I have done it before. Shh...don't tell the boss.
Anyway, I was so happy to see the Referral word on the forum this week. It went to a friend of mine. YEAH!! I was so happy for her family. She had thought that they wouldn't hear anything this week and out of nowhere they get THE call. I can't even tell you how happy I am for them. I even got a sneak peak at his picture. Too cute for words!
I hope I have a picture to share with her soon. I haven't started bugging my specialist since I am sure we are months away still. I sure hope that with the start of August comes more referrals.
We try and hit one show a year at the Overture Center and we were looking at the schedule and the shows we most want to see are in February. For right now we aren't making any plans for February since we are hoping to either be home from Ethiopia with our baby or getting ready to go get our baby so we don't want to buy tickets for something we might not be able to go to. That in and of itself if exciting that we can't make future plans, that means we are getting closer.
Well another weekend is upon us and we are hoping to go to the New Glarus Brewery for a tour and tasting and maybe stop in Mt. Horeb at the Grumpy Troll for some lunch. Then we have to clean the house. No fun but really necessary.
Hopefully next week will be more exciting but for now not much new is going on. Have a great weekend!
Anyway, I was so happy to see the Referral word on the forum this week. It went to a friend of mine. YEAH!! I was so happy for her family. She had thought that they wouldn't hear anything this week and out of nowhere they get THE call. I can't even tell you how happy I am for them. I even got a sneak peak at his picture. Too cute for words!
I hope I have a picture to share with her soon. I haven't started bugging my specialist since I am sure we are months away still. I sure hope that with the start of August comes more referrals.
We try and hit one show a year at the Overture Center and we were looking at the schedule and the shows we most want to see are in February. For right now we aren't making any plans for February since we are hoping to either be home from Ethiopia with our baby or getting ready to go get our baby so we don't want to buy tickets for something we might not be able to go to. That in and of itself if exciting that we can't make future plans, that means we are getting closer.
Well another weekend is upon us and we are hoping to go to the New Glarus Brewery for a tour and tasting and maybe stop in Mt. Horeb at the Grumpy Troll for some lunch. Then we have to clean the house. No fun but really necessary.
Hopefully next week will be more exciting but for now not much new is going on. Have a great weekend!
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