Kiya will tell anyone that will listen that she is almost 5 and that her birthday is November 29th. She will also tell you who she wants to invite to her birthday party that has gone form princess tea party with girls only to something else that includes boys.
What I have observed is that for Kiya being almost 5 is proving to come with a HUGE learning curve. There is daily drama at school as to so and so said they won't be my friend anymore so now I am friends with this person, to this person pushed me or this person didn't listen to the teachers. I had no idea friendship drama was so intense in 4k. I believe there is a leader to the drama and thankfully it is not Kiya but alas she gets caught up in it. We stress thanks to her 3k teachers that we are friends with everyone and it is never okay to exclude anyone or make anyone feel bad. Hence we told her for her birthday party if she wants to invite only girls that is fine but it will be every girl in her class. If she wants to invite boys to then the whole class gets invited. Yes I realize I may be crazy as that could be up to 20 invites but no the party will not be at my house and I am sure some people won't come.
The other big challenge for Kiya is she is really starting to realize and comprehend that other kids can do things that she can't. This is frustrating for her. This weekend she went to a birthday party at a local kids gym that offers cheerleading and tumbling classes for kids. It was an open gym environment and there were lots of activities. That said trampolines are a huge no no for Kiya and there were a lot of those. We allow her to play in bounce houses and luckily there were a few of those but most of the kids formed a huge line at the big trampoline in the middle of the room. My heart broke. I saw the look on Kiya's face and she was obviously upset.
I immediately took off my shoes and gave her some options of things should could do. I even let her run across a tumble track and jump to me a few times and there was a small trampoline that was maybe 6 inches off the ground and I let her hold my hands and jump on that. She said she was having fun and then she would see someone do a cartwheel or forward roll or flip and say "I can't do that. I have a curvy back and a cast on." She even once said "I don't want a curvy back anymore. I just want to do things my friends do." Again heart breaking here.
The reality for Kiya is she will not be trying out for any gymnastics teams in her lifetime. We will have to see about cheerleading as if it is more dancing and some jumping then okay but none of the crazy acrobatic stuff.
To make things even more challenging add Katie into the mix. Katie has a ton of energy and loves to jump. We talked about maybe signing Katie up for gymnastics classes when she is 3. I mentioned this to Kiya and she got mad and said it wasn't fair. She is right it isn't but I struggle as a mom to two girls to find the right balance. To not make Kiya feel different but all the while encouraging Katie to find her favorite activities.
I guess Kiya and I both got smacked in the face with reality this weekend. She is different. She won't do some of the things her friends are doing and while I try to make modifications and help from the sidelines I get the stares and bombarded with the questions. Did she break her collar bone? What is wrong with her? Is the cast going to fix her? Surely you take it off at night and for baths? Luckily, the mom of the girl whose party it was stepped in and said she has seen Kiya in class and the cast obviously doesn't bother her and she does really great with it.
So what do we do now? Good question. I for sure don't have all the answers but I know I have a tough job ahead. I just hate that at almost 5 Kiya has to learn that life just isn't fair sometimes and we need to pull up our big girl panties and strive to find the things we can do instead of focusing on the ones that we out right can't or shouldn't do. That is a tough life lesson for most adults to comprehend. I am sure there will be tears and probably not just from her but that is our reality. I have Kiya who loves to sing, dance and swim so we are going to focus on those things with her. As for Katie, I have to support and be there for her too. She is still young and has no scheduled activities yet but I can't hold her back. We don't know if gymnastics is her thing or sports or art, who knows but whatever it is I will encourage her as well and help mend the broken pieces of Kiya's heart if it is in fact something she won't be able to do.
Wish me luck....things are going to get complicated.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
She said "milk"
It happened. Katie said milk. It took being home a year but she finally said milk. Prior to this it was always gilk. Or then it became "my almond gilk". We knew she could say the m sound as she was saying my, mommy, mama, mine, moo, etc. I joked with Kiya that the day Katie said milk we would have a party. Reality is she said it at bedtime so we did a little dance in the hallway and gave high fives all around.
I know this seems silly but to us it was just another sign of just how far Katie has come in the last year. She is really very smart and is adjusting well. Sure she has her two year old irrational moments but as her language has progressed those moments are not as often.
On top of saying milk she is also saying Mickey Mouse instead of the Gickey Bouse. Yet another little step in her language development. She is stringing more and more words together and it is easier to understand her. I have been told that she isn't that far behind children her age who grew up hearing English. Big sigh of relief.
As an adoptive parent especially of a toddler you feel this pressure to get them caught up to their peers all the while making sure the build a secure attachment to you as their parents. And then since we are talking about two year olds there is the debate of is it toddler related behavior or adoption related...or a combo of both.
For a long time Katie was sweet but reserved and sometimes angry. She had this little wall around herself to protect herself or so it seemed. She would only get so close and only show so much affection.
In the last couple of months, the wall has crumbled. She is so sweet and snuggly. She loves to give hugs and kisses and she genuinely seems really really happy. She seems to have really settled in and is enjoying life. At first she got really possessive of me. She started saying "my mommy" and making sure everyone around her knew it. She got a little clingy with me and was never far from my side. Almost like she was testing to make sure I wasn't going to leave.
Over this last year I have learned a lot about my sweet Katie Kat. She is smart and stubborn, silly and serious, a daredevil and cautious. She is for sure complex and has given me a run for my money but she is truly amazing.
Sure we are still trying to sort out her food issues. She has been gluten free since January and gluten and dairy free since April. Eliminating gluten seemed to help at first but then wasn't as much so we went dairy free and limited fruit. Things seemed maybe a little better and then they weren't again. We see a specialist next week to figure out what to do. We don't believe she has an allergy as we aren't seeing hives, eczema, trouble breathing, etc. but something is not sitting well with her.
It is hard to believe sometimes that this little girl found her way to our family. We started the process to adopt a second child in November of 2009. We left the Ethiopia program in March of 2011. July of 2011 we saw her sweet face in an email even after we thought for sure that we would be having a little boy. 6 days shy of the new adoption laws going in to effect in South Korea and we got our Emigration Permission. Finally after 13 plus months of waiting we brought our sweet girl home.
I have always been a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for everyone. So it may have taken three years, a program switch, a gender surprise and an efficient Korean ministry process, but our family was finally complete. She is a perfect fit. She is a little spark that just keeps on going. I couldn't imagine loving her anymore than I already do and I feel very blessed to be the mom to two wonderful and very different little girls.
I know this seems silly but to us it was just another sign of just how far Katie has come in the last year. She is really very smart and is adjusting well. Sure she has her two year old irrational moments but as her language has progressed those moments are not as often.
On top of saying milk she is also saying Mickey Mouse instead of the Gickey Bouse. Yet another little step in her language development. She is stringing more and more words together and it is easier to understand her. I have been told that she isn't that far behind children her age who grew up hearing English. Big sigh of relief.
As an adoptive parent especially of a toddler you feel this pressure to get them caught up to their peers all the while making sure the build a secure attachment to you as their parents. And then since we are talking about two year olds there is the debate of is it toddler related behavior or adoption related...or a combo of both.
For a long time Katie was sweet but reserved and sometimes angry. She had this little wall around herself to protect herself or so it seemed. She would only get so close and only show so much affection.
In the last couple of months, the wall has crumbled. She is so sweet and snuggly. She loves to give hugs and kisses and she genuinely seems really really happy. She seems to have really settled in and is enjoying life. At first she got really possessive of me. She started saying "my mommy" and making sure everyone around her knew it. She got a little clingy with me and was never far from my side. Almost like she was testing to make sure I wasn't going to leave.
Over this last year I have learned a lot about my sweet Katie Kat. She is smart and stubborn, silly and serious, a daredevil and cautious. She is for sure complex and has given me a run for my money but she is truly amazing.
Sure we are still trying to sort out her food issues. She has been gluten free since January and gluten and dairy free since April. Eliminating gluten seemed to help at first but then wasn't as much so we went dairy free and limited fruit. Things seemed maybe a little better and then they weren't again. We see a specialist next week to figure out what to do. We don't believe she has an allergy as we aren't seeing hives, eczema, trouble breathing, etc. but something is not sitting well with her.
It is hard to believe sometimes that this little girl found her way to our family. We started the process to adopt a second child in November of 2009. We left the Ethiopia program in March of 2011. July of 2011 we saw her sweet face in an email even after we thought for sure that we would be having a little boy. 6 days shy of the new adoption laws going in to effect in South Korea and we got our Emigration Permission. Finally after 13 plus months of waiting we brought our sweet girl home.
I have always been a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for everyone. So it may have taken three years, a program switch, a gender surprise and an efficient Korean ministry process, but our family was finally complete. She is a perfect fit. She is a little spark that just keeps on going. I couldn't imagine loving her anymore than I already do and I feel very blessed to be the mom to two wonderful and very different little girls.
Friday, September 6, 2013
A three year journey so far...
Three years ago we heard the words scoliosis, MRI and surgery for the first time. It was scary. In reality it still is sometimes. That said we all have come a long way in these last 3 years and while our journey on this curvy path is far from over we have all learned a lot.
I think the thing that has floored me the most is how much I can learn from my child. Kiya truly is remarkable and nothing will stop her. She is determined and willing and a fighter. She is still innocent and doesn't think about things like potential surgery or surgeries. She takes one cast, one brace at a time and just rolls with it.
This summer we worked with her doctor to have her in a brace so she could build muscle strength and well be a kid for the first time in a long time. We have her in weekly swim lessons and weekly physical therapy and we do daily therapy exercises. That said she is allowed to play in water and enjoy her summer. It is amazing to see. She is so happy. Yet she also knows that come September she will get cast number 11 and while it saddens me she is sure she wants a pink one and is ready to go.
I started this post 2 months ago...here is where we are today.
Kiya is sporting cast 11 and it is pink with a stripe of purple. She was a trooper on cast day. She took her medicine. She listened and cooperated for the trimming and taping. She hasn't complained once that her cast is back on. Not even last night when Katie was in the bath tub. The bath tub they shared all summer long. Sure she was pretty mad when she first woke up but mom, her pillow pet and some kit kat bars made that all better.
This cast day was smooth and I was blessed to have a dear dear friend come and sit with me. I needed the shoulder to cry on and the laughs and just to be with someone facing a complicated journey as well.
Kiya's curve got worse over the summer in her brace. Her curve measured 60 degrees out of cast and after her cast was on the curve measured at 30 degrees. This was not good news. We are basically back to the beginning only her spine isn't nearly as flexible as it used to be. In the 10 previous casts, her spine was being held at less than 20 degrees in the cast. Her doctor fears her spine is becoming stiff. He would like to do one or two more casts and then discuss growing rod surgery.
Reality is I knew this was coming. I have seen it coming for awhile but it always seemed so distant. It may not be so distant anymore. We just don't know. We are holding on to hope and prayer that God will allow her spine to hold even some little bit of correction. I don't want my 5 year old to have surgery, not yet.
For now we are going to continue physical therapy, she will get an hour and a half of therapy a week with the school district and then some exercises at home. She will also have a half hour dance class once a week. Cast 12 will go on in early December just after her 5th birthday likely. A trip to the Dells will definitely be a birthday present. We will see what the xrays show then and move forward with cast 13 or start looking at plan B.
Kiya is a shining star and model patient. She impressed everyone at hospital and impresses me daily. She still asks to do her exercises. She chose an extra half hour of therapy today with her therapist instead of going home. Nothing slows her down and she finds a way to make everything work and she does it with a smile. I know that no matter what be it cast, brace, surgery or all of the above she will come through with flying colors and with a huge smile. She is a truly remarkable and stellar kid.
One day at a time. Deep breaths. Lots of prayers. God has a plan. I may not get it and I may not think it is fair but I know with God and our friends standing by our side we will tackle whatever path we need to on this curvy road we are on.
I think the thing that has floored me the most is how much I can learn from my child. Kiya truly is remarkable and nothing will stop her. She is determined and willing and a fighter. She is still innocent and doesn't think about things like potential surgery or surgeries. She takes one cast, one brace at a time and just rolls with it.
This summer we worked with her doctor to have her in a brace so she could build muscle strength and well be a kid for the first time in a long time. We have her in weekly swim lessons and weekly physical therapy and we do daily therapy exercises. That said she is allowed to play in water and enjoy her summer. It is amazing to see. She is so happy. Yet she also knows that come September she will get cast number 11 and while it saddens me she is sure she wants a pink one and is ready to go.
I started this post 2 months ago...here is where we are today.
Kiya is sporting cast 11 and it is pink with a stripe of purple. She was a trooper on cast day. She took her medicine. She listened and cooperated for the trimming and taping. She hasn't complained once that her cast is back on. Not even last night when Katie was in the bath tub. The bath tub they shared all summer long. Sure she was pretty mad when she first woke up but mom, her pillow pet and some kit kat bars made that all better.
This cast day was smooth and I was blessed to have a dear dear friend come and sit with me. I needed the shoulder to cry on and the laughs and just to be with someone facing a complicated journey as well.
Kiya's curve got worse over the summer in her brace. Her curve measured 60 degrees out of cast and after her cast was on the curve measured at 30 degrees. This was not good news. We are basically back to the beginning only her spine isn't nearly as flexible as it used to be. In the 10 previous casts, her spine was being held at less than 20 degrees in the cast. Her doctor fears her spine is becoming stiff. He would like to do one or two more casts and then discuss growing rod surgery.
Reality is I knew this was coming. I have seen it coming for awhile but it always seemed so distant. It may not be so distant anymore. We just don't know. We are holding on to hope and prayer that God will allow her spine to hold even some little bit of correction. I don't want my 5 year old to have surgery, not yet.
For now we are going to continue physical therapy, she will get an hour and a half of therapy a week with the school district and then some exercises at home. She will also have a half hour dance class once a week. Cast 12 will go on in early December just after her 5th birthday likely. A trip to the Dells will definitely be a birthday present. We will see what the xrays show then and move forward with cast 13 or start looking at plan B.
Kiya is a shining star and model patient. She impressed everyone at hospital and impresses me daily. She still asks to do her exercises. She chose an extra half hour of therapy today with her therapist instead of going home. Nothing slows her down and she finds a way to make everything work and she does it with a smile. I know that no matter what be it cast, brace, surgery or all of the above she will come through with flying colors and with a huge smile. She is a truly remarkable and stellar kid.
One day at a time. Deep breaths. Lots of prayers. God has a plan. I may not get it and I may not think it is fair but I know with God and our friends standing by our side we will tackle whatever path we need to on this curvy road we are on.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Summer recap
I am going to try this whole blogging thing again. School starts on Monday so I am hoping to get a little time to myself.
This summer has been very very busy. We kicked it off with a family trip to Disney World. We met just about every princess at least once and both girls loved going on rides and dressing up in pretty dresses. Katie was a little young to understand it all but Kiya was in heaven. She can't wait to go back again.
Kiya was in a brace all summer so she got to take swim lessons for the first time. We opted for private lessons since she had zero core muscle strength and we wanted to make sure she wasn't left behind in a bigger group setting. The private lessons were a bit of a hassle as we had a flaky college student and then the aquatics director trying to fill in the gaps. Regardless of the hiccups, Kiya loved the lessons and went from not knowing how to swim or really even hold herself up in the water to being able to swim with her face in the water for half the length of the pool completely unassisted. We are so proud of her. She also spent the summer doing at first weekly and then every other week physical therapy sessions. She is so much stronger and her balance and coordination are vastly improved. We also did mini therapy sessions either in the pool or I turned the living room into a min therapy room. She worked really really hard. She also enjoyed running in the sprinklers, a picnic at Shriner's hospital, the Iowa State fair with her new BFF Paul, boat rides, Cornfest, and oh so much more. Her summer officially ends Sunday as she starts 4k bright and early Monday morning.
Katie has changed so much in these months of summer. She went from being not a fan of water to enjoying a splash park and little water slide. She is still refusing to potty train but we talk about it and hope someday soon preferably she will get it. Her language has just exploded. She is so expressive and silly and is speaking in small sentences. She points to everything and will tell you what it is. She is learning to count to 10 and is starting to grasp some colors. She loves to read books, play with her Lightening Mcqueen car and give hugs and kisses. She has officially been home for a year now. In the last 6 weeks or so it was like the little wall she had put up to protect herself came crumbling down. She is happy and funny and literally walks with a sass and bounce in her step. She is dancing through life and for awhile she seemed angry and not much for hugs and kisses. Even her hugs are different now. She gives big bear hugs or at least as big as a 2 1/2 year old can give. Katie goes to daycare three days a week and is really thriving. She is making friends and practicing writing her letters. She also enjoyed trips to the park and sometimes when she was in the mood the sprinklers.
As for me I sat back and watched my girls really become each others best friends. Sure they fight sometimes but they really do love being with each other. Katie plays in Kiya's room while I shower and at first I was nervous about this but they do great most of the time. Sometimes they have to work out their issues but they do and then hug. I also shuffled kids from one activity to another. We were in Chicago for a picnic at Shriner's. We went to Iowa to visit friends. Kiya and I went back to Chicago just this week.
The month of September is a busy one. It started with a new cast for Kiya but that is for another post. We have doctors appointments for both girls coming up, our new schedule with school now factored in, a few more baseball games, a football game, friends visiting and more. Whew. I am tired just thinking about it.
No promises I can motivate myself to keep this blog going but I have a lot on my mind.
This summer has been very very busy. We kicked it off with a family trip to Disney World. We met just about every princess at least once and both girls loved going on rides and dressing up in pretty dresses. Katie was a little young to understand it all but Kiya was in heaven. She can't wait to go back again.
Kiya was in a brace all summer so she got to take swim lessons for the first time. We opted for private lessons since she had zero core muscle strength and we wanted to make sure she wasn't left behind in a bigger group setting. The private lessons were a bit of a hassle as we had a flaky college student and then the aquatics director trying to fill in the gaps. Regardless of the hiccups, Kiya loved the lessons and went from not knowing how to swim or really even hold herself up in the water to being able to swim with her face in the water for half the length of the pool completely unassisted. We are so proud of her. She also spent the summer doing at first weekly and then every other week physical therapy sessions. She is so much stronger and her balance and coordination are vastly improved. We also did mini therapy sessions either in the pool or I turned the living room into a min therapy room. She worked really really hard. She also enjoyed running in the sprinklers, a picnic at Shriner's hospital, the Iowa State fair with her new BFF Paul, boat rides, Cornfest, and oh so much more. Her summer officially ends Sunday as she starts 4k bright and early Monday morning.
Katie has changed so much in these months of summer. She went from being not a fan of water to enjoying a splash park and little water slide. She is still refusing to potty train but we talk about it and hope someday soon preferably she will get it. Her language has just exploded. She is so expressive and silly and is speaking in small sentences. She points to everything and will tell you what it is. She is learning to count to 10 and is starting to grasp some colors. She loves to read books, play with her Lightening Mcqueen car and give hugs and kisses. She has officially been home for a year now. In the last 6 weeks or so it was like the little wall she had put up to protect herself came crumbling down. She is happy and funny and literally walks with a sass and bounce in her step. She is dancing through life and for awhile she seemed angry and not much for hugs and kisses. Even her hugs are different now. She gives big bear hugs or at least as big as a 2 1/2 year old can give. Katie goes to daycare three days a week and is really thriving. She is making friends and practicing writing her letters. She also enjoyed trips to the park and sometimes when she was in the mood the sprinklers.
As for me I sat back and watched my girls really become each others best friends. Sure they fight sometimes but they really do love being with each other. Katie plays in Kiya's room while I shower and at first I was nervous about this but they do great most of the time. Sometimes they have to work out their issues but they do and then hug. I also shuffled kids from one activity to another. We were in Chicago for a picnic at Shriner's. We went to Iowa to visit friends. Kiya and I went back to Chicago just this week.
The month of September is a busy one. It started with a new cast for Kiya but that is for another post. We have doctors appointments for both girls coming up, our new schedule with school now factored in, a few more baseball games, a football game, friends visiting and more. Whew. I am tired just thinking about it.
No promises I can motivate myself to keep this blog going but I have a lot on my mind.
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