Right here, right now

I wasn't going to blog today but as I was going to get coffee this morning, I felt I really should put in writing the things going through my head. (And yes, I realize I have a severe addiction to coffee) So the turkey is in the oven, the house is clean and we are waiting for family to arrive yet my mind is far far away.

This is our last Thanksgiving without our little peanut. I am thinking a lot about peanut today and wondering if they are in the care center or even born yet. I am also wondering about peanut's first family and what they might be going through.

I also know that my life today isn't what I thought it would be yet I can't imagine being anywhere but right here, right now. Sure in my head I wouldn't have pictured my life like this but really I believe everything happens for a reason. I am supposed to be right here, right now. I am supposed to be waiting for peanut to find us. As hard as this is, the waiting, it is what I am supposed to be doing.

So 10 years ago, if you asked me what my life would look like I wouldn't have responded that I was waiting to adopt from Ethiopia but I am. And more importantly I want to be. I need to be. My peanut needs me to be. So as I wait to serve dinner to my precious family on this day of Thanksgiving, my thoughts are with you peanut. I have set a place at the table in my heart for you. You will be here next year to share this day with us.

So thank you God for putting me right here, right now. I may not have always understood why things happen but I am thankful for all things past, present and future.

It is finished :)

THE MURAL IS DONE!!!!

I have finally finished the mural in the nursery. It took me just under 1 month to complete the entire project. I LOVE it and I can't wait to show it off to friends and family oh and my local SW.

The one random thought I have been having is what if it scares little peanut?? It is on the wall directly opposite the crib so anytime peanut opens his/her eyes they will see it. I am sure I am just being paranoid, right???

So little peanut, this was a labor of love just for you. I truly hope when you can see it and appreciate it you will love it as much or more than I do.

Wedding Band

Today and for the third time so far, I had to take my wedding ring in to be repaired. I keep bending the prongs holding the stone in and this time I actual broke the top off of one of those prongs. Everytime the jeweler asks me if I wear it next to another ring and everytime I say no. I am just as baffled as he is as to how this keeps happening.

To try and prevent permanent damage, I will no longer wear my wedding ring to work. This was a tough decision because I don't really take it off unless I am going in water or it is being repaired.

I also brought another ring in to be resized today. This was my grandmother's wedding ring. It is a plain silver band and it was entirely too large. (Try a size 9 down to a size 5 1/2) I haven't really discussed resizing this ring with anyone except hubby so I hope no one is upset by it. I am going to wear my newly resized grandmother's ring to work, Ethiopia and a few other places I am sure.

I can pick both of these up at the jeweler on Tuesday and I can't wait. My grandmother's ring is the only thing I really have from her. I do have some toys, a pillow and some other things from my childhood but this is different. This is the ring my grandfather bought for my grandmother and since they are both deceased it means a lot to me.

In adoption news, I heard from my specialist that we probably won't see anymore referrals until December. Guess what, that is next week so let's just hope it is the beginning of December and maybe if we are really lucky we will see some siblings for those at or near the top of the list. Infants are good too :) oh and toddlers :)

Thankful

I had a great weekend. Mostly uneventful. I purchased all the supplies necessary for cooking Thanksgiving dinner and I finally broke down and bought myself some snow boots. I have been in serious denial about needing them but after last winter I really can't deny it anymore.

I got a welcome surprise on Saturday after a crazy day of shopping. When we pulled into the driveway I had a package by the front door. It was Secret Pal gift time. Yeah!! What a great way to get through our 10 months of waiting. So thanks Secret Pal :) I love the children's book and the bib clip. I know both will come in handy.

Then this morning I logged on to the forum and say my favorite word: Referral! That's right we have moved up another spot. We are now #14 on the unofficial list. There are 4 families ahead of us on this unofficial list waiting solely for siblings so on the unofficial infant list we are #10.

So as I saw that and reflected on the weekend. I really have a lot to be thankful for. Thankful that I could afford to buy food for a big dinner and new shoes. Thankful for the kindness of my Secret Pal and thankful that we are getting a little closer to little peanut joining our family.

Adoption milestones in numbers

So there are lots of numbers going through my head and since we hit a really big milestone (unfortunately) tomorrow, I need to process a little.

2--The number of years ago we started our domestic adoption journey with Catholic Charities

1--year ago tomorrow we submitted our application to CHSFS to adopt our little peanut from Ethiopia and officially withdrew from the domestic adoption program

10--months (tomorrow) that we have been officially waiting for the referral of our little peanut

15--our number on the unofficial list

8--(hopefully less) weeks away from the referral for our little peanut

That is the basic rundown of the adoption numbers in my head. There are definitely things I can't count however that are still in my head and they are:

1) the number of new friends I have made through this process

2) how many times a day I think about our little peanut and their first family

I never thought I would get to this point in our process and not have a referral but yet here we are. And really I am doing as best I can with that. I know there is nothing I can do so I need to pray, reflect and wait. We are very busy with the upcoming holidays and that makes the time go by faster which is A-okay in my book. I know our time will come. I know our family will grow and I will be here to love and nurture our little peanut each and every day. I already love this little peanut and can't wait to see their beautiful face.

Hotline update

I have posted before that our agency has a hotline that we can call and get basic program updates. Well I just called and here is what I learned.

1) Expected wait for referral is still approximately 12 months

2)The wait between referral and travel appears to still be 12-16 weeks

3) There are children at the Addis Ababa care center waiting for medical evaluation before being ready for referral.

4) Additional paperwork is being required from the local court (Kebele) in relinquishment cases where there is 1 or 2 living birth parents. CHSFS has being getting this paperwork for awhile so it shouldn't effect timelines too much.

While, I didn't learn anything earth shattering I thought I would share the latest. Please continue to keep single moms in your prayers. There are lots of rumors flying around right now that we are all awaiting verification on. My heart goes out to these women as if the rumors are true their wait times could increase significantly.

Random musings

Okay today has been kind of a blur so bare with me as this post is going to be random.

1) I am definitely a little sleepy and have some sore arms from the shots yesterday.

2) I was scheduling a hair appointment for 8 weeks from now and that it is in January. Wow, that is sneaking up on me quickly. Everyone at the salon hopes I have some good news to share by then.

3) We just found out we are going to the Dells after Christmas. I already made reservations for the dogs at this really cool pet resort.

4) I am super late in sending out my secret pal gift this month and I feel terrible about it.

5) I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner next week for the whole family and have a TON of stuff to do before then.

6) I have book club this weekend and I didn't read the book.

See lots of random thoughts in my head today and I need to make space for more thoughts and more to do lists.

Cute story

I forgot to mention this cute little story about our visit to the travel clinic. So we check in and we both get these forms to fill out with some basic questions.

They asked us when we are travelling and we put spring of 2009 (hopefully) and then asked us about allergies, medications, etc.

Well one question asked for the reason for our travel to Ethiopia. Our options were vacation/pleasure, humanitarian work, education, business and I think there was one other option but none really applied to our situation. I didn't know what to check and I look over to hubby and he made his own option: adoption.

It made me smile :)

Shots x4 and an update :)

Okay I will start with the good news....we are #15!

Today we had our travel clinic appointment. Didn't really learn anything I didn't already know but it was good to go. Obviously, we can't drink the water, eat raw fruits and vegetables and swimming in "fresh" water is highly discouraged.

We both got a polio booster, meningitis, typhoid and yellow fever vaccine. I opted for the typhoid shot and hubby is taking the pills. We went back and forth on whether to get yellow fever and decided to just do it. Our risk of getting it while in Ethiopia is low but I just don't want to worry about that while I am there. So far feeling fine and arms don't hurt. It could take 5-10 days for reactions from yellow fever shot to kick in but those should be minor (fever, headache, overall aches).

We also got a prescription for Malarone for Malaria and one for Zithromax, a broad spectrum antibiotic. We could have gotten Cipro but with it being black labeled and hubby's previous bad reactions to it we opted for Zithromax.

There will be a trip to REI in our future to buy bug spray with at least 30% DEET in it and some spray that we can spray on our clothes that is an insect repellent and lasts through 5 washes. That will be nice as we can spray clothes here and not have to worry about it. The doctor even told us that the DEET spray was safe for babies as long as we didn't put it on their face or hands.

Once we get closer to knowing when we are going we will get travel insurance so if we need medical care while we are there we can be air lifted to Kenya. Just a precaution but will be good to have just in case.

And on a totally random note, there are lots of rumors flying around right now about single parents being able to adopt from Ethiopia and the possible limiting of how many single parents can adopt from an agency each year. I want to send hug HUGS and lots of PRAYERS to all of the single waiters and those with referral or about to start the process. My heart is with you and I hope you get some good news or at the very least some clear answers.

Mad at Target

Well apparently Target screwed up and mispriced the carseats. They have cancelled everyones orders. We got ZERO explanation and only found out because someone went to check the status of their order and saw it was cancelled. A bunch of us are on the phone and writing emails to lodge our complaints.

I am sure nothing will come of it but we have to try. I guess I am just meant to own the Graco 3 in 1 Nautilus seats instead. Oh well... I guess some things in life are too good to be true.

Best Deal Ever!!!

Last night I signed on to my agencies forum and someone posted a link to this carseat. For those of you who don't know, this carseat, the Britax Marathon, normally retails for close to $300. Yes that is right, $300. I would NEVER have purchased this carseat if not for the amazing deal. Are you ready...

We bought this carseat last night online with free shipping for $45. Yes!!!! I couldn't believe it. This is one of the best and highest rated carseats on the market. I only wish I had purchased 2.

We were having a carseat dilemma anyway. We have 2 Graco infant Snugride carseats so that will get us to about 22lbs. then what??? Well it is recommended to keep babies rear facing until about 30lbs. I had my eye on this carseat, the Graco Nautilus 3 in 1. This was the perfect car seat and REALLY affordable. Oh wait it isn't rear facing...ahhhh. That was the only draw back but it is made for children 20-100lbs and converts to a booster. It has a 5 point harness for children up to 65 lbs. This was my carseat.

So now we have a Britax Marathon seat on the way that will last until about 65 lbs or 49 inches and then we have to get a booster seat. We will still need another carseat since we have 2 cars and don't want to be swapping the carseat between vehicles all the time. So unless I see or hear about another fabulous deal on the Britax seats I will probably just get the Graco 3 in 1 seat for our other car.

Pics from the Packer game :)

Here are a few pics from the Packer game yesterday. It was chilly but so worth it. I managed to stay in my seat for the whole game except during halftime and the first part of the 3rd quater. I was in line for the bathroom :(

I realize this last picture is just of the empty seats but it is what the 2 rows in front of us looked like after the 3rd quarter. All of the Bears fans packed up and left. I guess they couldn't take watching the beating anymore...

Okay...

Well we are now #16 and I am shedding tears of pure joy for a fellow forum family JB aka Josie. I know that this wait has been tough for her and all of us and I am so excited for her and her whole family.

Hopefully we will see more good news in the future, in the meantime, I am sending huge hugs to Josie for what should be an awesome weekend!

It took a month but....

WE ARE # 17!!!!!

Yes it has been far too long since we have seen any movement but it finally happened. We have also heard many reports that specialists don't think families waiting for an infant will hit the 12 month or beyond mark and that more referrals should be on the way. Let's hope that is the case. I would love to not be the one that hits that 12 month mark. I don't want any of us to hit that number. We are all very aware of what is happening or about to happen on the other side of the globe but we are also all longing to add a precious little one to our family. We hit 10months next week so that is about 8 weeks left before we hit 12 months. When you talk about it in terms of weeks that isn't so bad. Weeks fly by, months seem to take forever. Maybe it is just me :)

PS: My prayers are with the families and caregivers in Ethiopia who are making very difficult decisions so we all can be parents.

Photo tagged :)

So this person, one of my adoption pals, photo tagged me. I was to take the 4th picture in the 4th file on my computer and explain it. So here it is. This is Sebastian in the summer of 2007 at my in-laws place on the lake. He LOVES this chair. Well, he loves most rocking/reclining chairs but this one seems to be a favorite. If you aren't careful he will steal the chair from you. He is pretty sneaky and super cute! I have to tag 4 people so I tag Kate, Rachel, Cheryl and Leah.

Peace

I can't really explain it but a sense of peace has come over me. I am not carrying around all of this nervous energy and anxiety around when we will get our referral. I started thinking about it today and if there are only 10 or so infant referrals a month then we should have a referral right around the end of January or beginning of February. We hit 12 months in January.

I think I have more thoughts on this but need to reflect some more. I am just feeling peaceful. I don't know if that feeling will last but I sure hope so.

In other news, HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY to K and D my two adorable nieces in California. Auntie Cathy is sending big hugs and kisses to you. Have fun in Disneyland :)

A whole new world...

I have always been amazed throughout this international adoption experience how many wonderful people have entered my life. Yesterday was the perfect example.

I got to visit and hang out with this little cutie pie. (Scroll down and you can see him) How can you resist that smile :) His Super Cool Mom invited me over yesterday and shared lots of great info with me. It was great to have someone who has been there and done that to chat with.

She had some really neat toys from here that I really want (hint hint). Super Cool Mom also showed me what a referral looked like, a lifebook and answered a lot of questions and she gave me some great tips too. She gave me the name of a doctor who will look at our referral info and of a great doctor in town who has seen lots of adopted kids. She highly recommended that if we can swing it to travel in Ethiopia prior to starting our planned week with the agency even if only in Addis Ababa.

We talked about travel, the care center, our agency and so much more.I learned about a play group here in town with other Mom's that have adopted from Ethiopia and I got to cure my baby craving. I even came home smelling like baby formula. I know not everyone likes that smell but I miss it. I want that smell back in my house. I digress...

I really was very grateful to have met her yesterday and to learn from her. She and I share similar thoughts on our agency. That things will happen when they are supposed to and that our specialist does the very best that she can with what info she has and can share. Some days that is easier to believe than others but it helped tremendously to hear it from an adoptive mom.

All in all is was a great day, one of the better days that I have had since we started this process. It gave me a lot to think about and to anticipate. I look forward to the day when I can join Super Cool Mom and her little cutie at play group with the all the other beautiful little ones.

Picture of the mural

Here is the mural in its current state. This will be the last picture I post before it is done. I am getting closer and thanks to Abby hopefully have a solution to my sunshine issue. My guess is that I will be completely done in the next week or so.

I mentioned yesterday that I had a really neat play date scheduled today. I am still trying to put in to words how awesome the hour and half I spent today with one cute little boy and his really cool Mom was. The time deserves its own post so tomorrow after some reflection I will post on.

Surprises

Someone started a thread about what has surprised us the most by this whole crazy ride of Ethiopian adoption. I responded there but thought I would share here too. I am not going to list how long it has taken because that is a given but here are some other things that have really surprised me.

1) How in love I am with a family I don't know and a country I haven't been to yet.

I wasn't really prepared for the deep emotions I would have and that will probably only intensify about Ethiopia and about our little ones first family. I pray for them everyday.

2)How draining this process can be emotionally and physically.

I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be this hard. I thought TTC would be so much harder than this. I was wrong. Both are hard but with TTC there was a more definite timeline and plan of action and with adoption there is a TON of waiting and a lot of unknowns. That really has taken a toll on me.

3) How many people have entered my life that I don't know yet but consider to be friends and supporters.

I could never have imagined all the wonderful people we have met. It has been beyond fabulous to share stories, frustrations and joys with them. Some of them I will meet someday and others I may not but we will always be connected. Isn't the Internet amazing... With our domestic adoption attempt, we were very alone. We didn't have this amazing support network and since we were with a small agency we didn't really know any of the families also going through the process. With our Ethiopia adoption, we have entered a whole new place full of amazing families and hopefully play groups in the future.

4) How at peace and certain I was that adoption was for us.

I can't take full credit for this thought but it rang so true for me. This huge weight lifted off my shoulders when we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. Everything fell into place. What was so muttled and jumbled in my head suddenly made sense.

5) How truly okay I am with not getting pregnant.

It took me awhile to get to this place but I am so okay with it. In fact there is part of me that can't even imagine getting pregnant. Not saying that if by some crazy miracle I were to get pregnant I wouldn't be ecstatic, I would for sure but adoption will start my family and we are already talking about adoption #2.

6) How amazing my friends and family have been.

Not all of our friends and family know the intimate details of our TTC but they do know about the highs and lows of our adoption journey. We hit one speed bump with our adoption journey and a family member but all is forgotten. Everyone is on board to support us and be excited with us.

I know our journey isn't over and I am sure once we have our referral and travel more things will surprise me but this is where I am today. As for what will lie ahead all I can do is sit back, wait and try to enjoy the bumpy ride.

What lies ahead...

This week presents itself to be very random and pretty exciting all at the same time. I do have to work 5 days this week but the days that I am not working are going to be exciting.

Let's start with Tuesday:

Hubby and I are getting our last Hepatitis A and B shots early tomorrow. I then have a few hour break in which I need to give the dogs a bath, clean the bathrooms and eat some lunch. After lunch, I am going on a play date. Yes, I have a play date with a very special little boy adopted from Ethiopia by one pretty cool Mom. This will be the first time that I meet these two but I am so excited. Super cool Mom offered to have me over to cheer me up. How cool is that?? I would say pretty darn cool. She swears her son will charm the pants off of me so I can't wait!

Then after a string of boring days at work we hit Sunday:

Me, hubby, a 2 plus hour car ride and football. I am going to the Packers vs. Bears game at Lambeau field. It is going to be cold but hopefully not too cold. It may snow but hopefully it won't. This will be my second game at Lambeau. I am sure it will be a lot of fun. It is going to be an all day affair though. We are hoping to leave by 7:30 or 8 in the morning and probably will return home about 12 hours later. WOW!

In mural news, I will take a picture soon. Maybe tomorrow. I have hit a bit of a snag as the yellow for the sun isn't really covering the trace lines very well. I have now done 4 coats of bright yellow and can still see the outline. AHHHH.... I am sure I will figure it out. I am open to suggestions if anyone has any....

It has arrived...ICK!

Have I mentioned that I HATE winter!!!! Well, it is here sort of. Not on the calendar but in the weather. It was full on snowing today. ICK!!!!

I am not ready for winter. Especially since more and more people are telling me that we will exceed last years snowfall total of 100 plus inches. How is that even possible??? Where in the world will we find room for all of that snow???

I don't like being cold or wet. I hate driving in the winter with the blowing snow and the icy roads and the semi-trucks that drive WAY too fast. Can't we skip it this year??? I mean, really we had enough snow last year. We don't need anymore.

Now I have to put my winter coat back together, find a matching pair of gloves that aren't destroyed from all the shovelling last year and find my knit hat. I think I need a new hat and some new gloves if I recall correctly. And scarf, not sure where that is either.

I really only have a couple pair of shoes that are winter savvy. I am kind of in denial that I need snow boots. I look at them every year in the Land's End catalog and convince myself that I don't need them. When I first started dating my husband and would fly out here to visit there was barely any snow covering the ground. I mean you could still see the grass. I was lulled in to a false sense of what winter was and now that I live here it is TERRIBLE. So much worse than I thought it would be.

I know I am being really dramatic but that is the Gemini in me rearing one side of its ugly head. I am just hoping that all the reports of projected snowfall are wrong and winter will be gone before I know it. At least one positive thing should come out of winter: MY REFERRAL!!!

Updated picture of the mural

Here is the most recent photo of the mural. I feel like the end is merely a few days away. I did realize today that I am missing one color so I will have to make a return trip to Michael's for that. Most of the animals are done except for the zebras and a couple of fish. I chose to do the black and white last so it still looks weird to have animals with no faces but those are coming. Then we have the sun and the rest of the rainbow. There are a few things I may touch up still but I really feel like it is 70% done.

I have kind of been avoiding blogging lately as I don't have lots of good things to say. It has been confirmed that we will wait at least 12 months for a referral. I have been trying to come to terms with this. I mean really it is only a few months away until we hit 12 months anyway. I just need to get through the holidays. Luckily we will be very busy with holiday festivities so that should help the time go by faster.

And as everyone is talking about the election, I feel like I should as well. I did not vote for Obama and I don't agree with his politics. However, this is a historic event in American history and I get to be a part of it. More importantly and politics aside, as a future parent to black children, it will be amazing to say to my children that they really can be anything they want to in this country.

ETA: I realize that my children cannot at this time be President of this great country. I guess my point is that this country has come so far and that a black President is a good example for our children that if they work hard and follow their dreams, they too can be successful. Just wanted to clarify.

Mural part 4

Here are some recent pictures of the mural. The first one was from this weekend and the second one is what it looks like right now. Painting is definitely bringing me peace and I am really enjoying it.

In other news:

First, I want to send a HUGE thank you and lots of HUGS to all the wonderful women who sent me kind words and encouragement after my last post. It means so much to me. It really did help. I am still a little down but to know there are such amazing women out there going through this with me and supporting me through it helps. And any time you need me to return the hugs or encouragement I will be there for sure.

Second, the reason I am still down is yes adoption related. I am having to readjust my expectations again. It now appears that my chances of seeing a picture of my baby before the end of the year are next to none. It could happen but is very unlikely. There is some speculation that we will most likely wait at least 12 months for a referral which for us is January. I am still hoping to be home with baby by Mother's Day next year or maybe my birthday also in May. I don't know if that will happen but that is what I am hoping for.

There aren't a lot of answers as to why things are the way they are. Such is International Adoption and this leads to lots of frustration. I know I am strong enough to deal with this but it isn't easy. I am just going to take a deep breath and keep myself VERY busy and hopefully the next few months just fly on by.