4 weeks home

Another week in the books :)

Highlights:

Katie: Katie is talking up a storm. Most of it is still babble but you can hear her working through sounds. She has picked up a couple new words: Hi and Happy. We think she has also said dog. She knows what a dog is as when we say dog she will point to one of the dogs. We are working on body parts and sometimes if I ask her where her nose is she will point correctly to her nose or mine. She is also starting to get better at holding my hand and walking which she had previously refused to do. Same with stairs. She had no interest in walking up or down stairs and now with help she will do a few and twice has walked all the way up the stairs holding on to one or both of my hands.

Kiya: Kiya is truly a remarkable kid. She is responsible and loving and I rely on her for help. I can give her directions like go feed the dogs and she can go do it by herself. She is such a big girl. This morning I really wanted to take a shower and Katie was still sleeping but woke up just as I was finishing up. Kiya went in and kept her company and played with her. She loves being a big sister most of the time. Kiya is also determined to wear underwear to bed at night. Her goal is to stay dry for 2 weeks straight and then we will do underwear. We have 5 days down :) So proud of her and it is so true that kids will do these things when they want to not when mommy and daddy want them to.

Me: I am getting into a rhythm. I am starting to feel more comfortable with Katie and taking care of both girls together. I even ventured out this last week with the two of them which was a first. Kiya and I got flu shots and then we went to the coffee shop and then the grocery store. We did it. We survived and all parties left smiling as we headed home for lunch.

Challenges:

Katie: We aren't really sure what is going on it could be a total change in diet, a food insensitivity or teething but let's just say Katie's diapers are less than fun to change. We have good days and bad which leads me to think her little body is still adjusting but there are some trends emerging that have some things like milk or gluten issues on our radar. I have talked to the nurse so we are keeping an eye on things and giving her some more time to adjust. Katie also appears to be getting her first cold with us anyway :( Poor thing has a constant face full of snot.

Kiya: Well Kiya is still having some emotional days at school. She is mostly fine at her private school. It is her old school that is the problem. I am not really sure what it going on. Her best friend is there and gets super excited when Kiya shows up but Kiya just shuts down. Yesterday she refused to participate in art and spent a lot of time by herself looking at our family picture. I have tried talking to her about it and she says she misses her mama. We have read and re-read and read again Llama Llama Misses Mama. We are 3 weeks into her new schedule so I am hoping in time she will adjust and get used to it. She has told me that Monday she will be happy at school so we shall see.

Me: I don't have a lot of patience and I never really did. Some days I have more than others. I am trying to find some as I need it with two very loud, very silly and very messy girls. I am also not a baby person so things like spoon feeding, diaper changing are not my favorite past times. I need to learn to enjoy the little things. She is going to grow up so fast and I know I will miss those little times where she spits cereal at me or slyly feeds the dogs. I also need to learn to let go. I want Kiya to learn things at her pace. Things like writing her letters. She asks to practice and I have to learn to not get annoyed when she doesn't do it like I want her too. I need to be better at encouraging her free spirit and give her the time to figure it out for herself.

Overall we are really doing quite well. Time is the key to this all getting easier. For now trying to soak up every moment I can as my girls are growing up too fast.

Thank you social media

I was eating breakfast yesterday morning with the girls and was browsing facebook. I am part of a number of different groups for Ethiopian adoption, Korean adoption, scoliosis, etc. I stopped by one of my Korean adoption groups and a family had posted their adoption video. I am a sucker for those so I went to watch it.

As I read a little more and got the password to watch it, I noticed that this little guy had the same foster mom as Katie. Not that shocking as Katie's foster mom has been one since 1986 and Katie was her 111th foster child.

Now here comes the shocking part...this little guy and Katie shared 11 months together with their foster mom. He is older than Katie by about  7 months or so. I had no idea that Katie had a foster brother...none. He lives in Florida now with his amazing parents who posted their video.

After a few private messages, I learned that they did know there was another child in the home. I also learned that Katie wasn't sleeping on a mattress with foster mom like we were told but was actually sleeping with her foster dad. We have zero pictures of him and don't even know his name. The little guys mom and I don't have any pictures of our kids together. They did share clothes though. She has pictures and I have pictures of them wearing the same yellow turtleneck and Katie was wearing a jacket that they had sent their son.

It was really neat to be able to get more info about Katie's early months, to find a connection out there. The even stranger part is that they have family that live in Wisconsin and will be here at the end of the year for a visit. It isn't that far from us and we may try and reunite their little guy with Katie.

So that is all the warm a fuzzies...here is the part where I am frustrated and a little mad.

I want to know why we didn't know there was another child in the house? Not a big deal really but would have been nice to know. We could have connected with this other family sooner. I have sent an email to my social worker asking her some questions to see if we can get a clearer picture.

I am frustrated that pieces of Katie's story are different than what we thought. I am sad that we have so very little info to give her. We don't even know her mother or father's first name. Now I find out that she may have been closer to foster dad??? We don't know who he is....it does help understand why maybe Katie reached out to Dave first and why there weren't and haven't been a whole lot of tears. She barely cried when her foster mom handed her to us. It was kind of sad. I could tell that her foster mom cared for her and took good care of her and for that I am grateful.

I have these two amazing kids with two very different stories. At least for Kiya I can tell her something about her mom. I hate that I can't do that for Katie. Don't get me wrong I knew that going in and always said well at least I can tell her about her foster mom but what if that isn't the person she wasn't the closest too.

I know that Katie is going to have questions and be confused. Not one person thinks my sweet girl is Korean at all and yet part of her is. This alone will be challenging for her add to that not knowing anything about where she came from...it breaks my heart for her.

I will be the best advocate I can for her. I will do my best to stay in touch with her foster brother's family. I will keep sending pictures to foster mom even though she didn't want direct contact with us. I have given her my email address in hopes that she will reach out to us. Who knows.

Adoption is not easy and raises so many questions. I know as both of my girls grow up they are going to ask questions and as their mom I will do my best and find a way to help them both put the pieces together.

3 weeks home

We have been home for 3 weeks. So hard to believe...time does sure fly by when you are busy trying to keep up with 2 kids.

As expected we have had new challenges and new highlights.

Highlights:

-Katie is up to 5 English words. She is learning more and more everyday and today I caught her trying to sing along with the Leap Frog alphabet thing on the refrigerator. She is sleeping really well at bedtime and naptime. She has stopped screaming at us and when she wakes up she just goes to her gate and fusses but no actual tears. Today I talked to her over the baby monitor to let her know I was on my way and she quieted down and then when she saw me she was practically jumping up and down she was so exited.

-Kiya is a great helper often volunteering to clean up toys all on her own. She most of the time plays nicely with her sister and seems to really love her. She is still working on staying dry all night and when she does she gets a star on her board and when the board is full she gets a prize. Well her board was full so this weekend she got a prize. She picked sparkly Hello Kitty shoes. I can't say I was surprised. So in the last 11 days she has been dry all night for 8 of them. She is a VERY sound sleeper and as an infant I could change her diaper without waking her up that is how well she sleeps. So I knew this part of potty training would take time but she is doing great!

-As for me I am really falling for the littlest one. She is such a sweetie and so funny. I love that goofy grin she gives me and we are really starting to connect. It is feeling more natural now.

Challenges:

-Katie is in to everything. She tends to throw things, chase the dogs and today climbed out of bed at naptime and took all of the books out of her basket. I am so not used to having a kid this mobile at this age that is so curious.

-Kiya is struggling at school. She has gone to this school since she was 9 months old. She is in class again with her best friend and yet she is getting really sad and even crying. Kiya has never been much of a crier. She is however very sensitive and very dramatic. They said she did better today but still sad and just standing off to the side by herself. When you ask her why she is sad she says " I miss my mommy." So this weekend as a treat, I took Kiya shopping and then to a movie. Let's just say we didn't have the best time and Kiya was VERY moody. We both ended the afternoon in tears.

-As for me I am struggling to balance taking care of two kids and the housework. I have no system in place and most days am overwhelmed by the shear mess two little kids can make. I am thankful I have house cleaners that come every two weeks as I then have to clean up the clutter so they can do the other stuff. I am also struggling to not be so hard on Kiya. I know this is hard on her and I wasn't prepared for her reaction. Some days I have very little patience and can be snippy with the kids, the dogs, my husband. I am tired a lot and don't have a lot of energy. I am working on it and I find as my attachment and bonding to Katie get stronger things seem better.

So there you have the reality of life for us right now. I have another post brewing....we were surprised today to learn that Katie has a foster brother. More on that next time.

Katie's 1st doctor visit

Today we had Katie's first doctor's visit which happens to also be her 18 month check up. Here are the numbers

Height: 33.5 inches (91st percentile)
Weight: 23.3 lbs (56th percentile)
Head: 98th percentile

It has been determined I guess that I must raise tall children :) Kiya was 32.5 inches at her 18 month check up officially though a month later she was over an inch taller than that so who knows how accurate the official number was.

Katie's pediatrician is also Kiya's so that was nice. Kiya did not see this doctor when we first came home so I was kind of using this check up as a test for our doctor to see if we would stay with her or find someone else. Let's just say I was super impressed today. The doctor came in and I heard what I wanted. She wanted to run a lenghty list of blood tests, get stool samples and get her caught up on her vaccines. She was prepared and was wanting to run all of the tests I had on my list plus some once I mentioned that Katie is 3/4 African American so we are now testing for sickle cell.

And while I was happy to not have to go doctor shopping again, I was even more thrilled when she said " I want to check Katie's back." She then turned Katie over to look at her spine. I nearly cried. This was completely unexpected because it isn't standard protocol to check a baby's spine. She said that she was checking all of her patients backs mostly because of Kiya. May not seem like a big deal but if her checking can help even one kid not have to go through what Kiya or her cast buddies are going through that is great or if her checking helps a child get treatment sooner that is great.

Katie did really well overall. She wasn't too happy with the 4 shots, TB test and then the dreaded blood draw. We go back Monday to read the TB test and do another round of blood draws. FUN.

Oh wait I saved the best part for last, let's just say it involves saran wrap, diapers, rubber gloves and test tubes. Fun times in our house this weekend.

Other than that, Katie is right on target in gross motor, fine motor, problem solving, etc. She is behind in speech but at this point no one is worried about it. She is up to 5 words in English, home 3 weeks yesterday. She now says, mama, dada, tickle, go, baby and she is babbling a lot more in English versus Korean. It is kind of sad though, I will miss her Korean babble and her bowing. She doesn't bow nearly as much as she used to.

After we are done with Monday, she should be good to go until she is 2 years old provided we don't get any surprises in the blood work or samples.

Wish us luck this weekend with our fun ;) and wish me luck on Monday. Pretty sure Katie is going to start crying once we get there. Hoping we get the same lab tech as she was awesome and quick.

2 weeks home

We did it! We survived the first two weeks home. Trust me it was far from easy but I have come to learn that Katie is actually very sweet and snuggly except when she wakes up and Kiya really needs outlets for her energy and special time with mommy and daddy.

The highlights

-Katie eats like a champ now. She will usually out eat her big sister. Granted Kiya has her cast on so she never eats much in cast. Katie will try just about everything and has really only said an adamant no to avocado and tomatoes. Chicken, turkey, fish and peanut butter seem to be favorites along with bananas, oranges, plums, pears, grapes...just about any fruit really.

-Katie is recognizing her name and when we say Katie she will turn her head towards us or start pointing to herself. She is getting better at pointing at mommy, daddy and Kiya also. She is really understanding quite a bit of English which is so great. Her first official English word was "tickle" and we are pretty sure she said "hi" and then "dada".

-Kiya is enjoying school so much and is making new friends at her new school. She is really very independent and very reliable. She does so much all by herself now. The other day she got up really early and I took her to the bathroom and asked her to play in her room for a little while so mommy and Katie could sleep some more. She played quietly which is VERY hard for her, for over an hour and then came into my room fully dressed and ready for the day. Such a sweet girl.

The challenges:

--Nap time. Kiya has pretty much decided she doesn't want to nap anymore. I think last week she napped one day. I don't force it but she still does quiet time in her room for a little while. Katie will nap most days but the length of naps is 45 minutes to maybe an hour and a half tops. Very rarely will she sleep longer than that and she still wakes up screaming. It is a work in progress...

--Jealousy. It goes both ways but Kiya is super sensitive and doesn't like the extra attention often shown to Katie. She is so used to be the only child and grand child that this has rocked her little world more than I think I anticipated. She pouts a lot which I hear is pretty typical of 4 years olds but on Friday she got really sad at school and started to cry because she missed her mommy. Broke my heart. I love that kid and it is so hard because Katie really needs me and I am trying hard to build that bond with her and Kiya sees that and doesn't like it. I try to do something special for Kiya every day even if it is something small like painting her fingernails.

--Ignorance. People are really not very bright sometimes and that can be frustrating. Not one person we encounter thinks that Katie is Korean. She admittedly doesn't look it at all but she is. She still babbles in Korean. So when complete strangers (ie store clerks, postal workers, etc) ask why she won't talk or wave to them or give them five, I get seriously annoyed and try to stay calm and explain. She doesn't speak English I usually say. They follow up with well how old is she? I respond that she is almost 18 months and then I get the oh you should talk to your doctor she should be talking by now. I politely try to remind them that she had been in my arms for a little over 2 weeks and thus only heard the English language that long. And usually I get a strange look or an abrupt end to the conversation.

I am sure week 3 will bring us some new highlights and some new challenges but we will figure it out. And be warned ignorant strangers, I will always go to bat for both of my kids. They both currently have their own challenges and none of it is your business and if you choose to make it so, I warned you. This mama bear can get pretty fierce if need be.

1st day of preschool

 

 

Kiya started at her new school today. She was all set in her pink shirt, pink shoes and her new Hello Kitty pink backpack. She was excited and a little nervous I think.

 

I just wonder where my baby girl went. How did she get so big? 

 

 

She was there from 8:15-11am. I finally got to meet her teacher. We missed Parent/teacher night as it was the day we flew home from Seoul. Her teacher seemed great and we already know the teacher's aide from church.

 

Surprisingly, I got a little teary eyed. It didn't help that Kiya was asking me why the flags were only half way up and I was struggling to find the words to tell her that would make sense and not be too much detail.

 

Our biggest area of concern was her using the toilets all by herself since they are full size and with her cast that can be challenging. She actually asked her teacher to go potty. Her teacher helped her up and she did the rest all by herself. I am so proud of her.

 

It looks like she has a great year ahead of her. I can't wait to see her blossom. She is truly a remarkable kid and I am pretty sure she is hands down the tallest kid in her class :)

Random musings

I have a lot of really randoms things on my mind, some adoption related some travel related so this post may not make any sense but I will do my best.

Travel:

I truly enjoyed Seoul. I could see us bringing the kids there and being just fine. It is a nice big city with lots to do and see. While we didn't do as much as we wanted we did a lot and we ate a variety of foods from bulgogi pizza to Korean BBQ to some of the best Italian food to Vietnamese. We also ate a lot of sandwiches. There are little cafes like every block sometimes more than one. Within a 5 minute walk from our hotel we had 3 cafes it was nice. Then there was the coffee. I am pretty sure Seoul would be up near the top of the list for most caffeinated cities. There were coffee shops everywhere. Within that same 5 minute walk we had 2 Starbucks, a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in our hotel, the 3 cafes all served coffee and then on one block there were 3 coffee shops practically next to each other. It was like this all over Seoul. Completely unexpected but as a coffee lover I was grateful.

One thing we did notice is the lack of napkins. Sometimes when you ordered a meal for takeout you would get a packet with a wet nap in it. There were not a lot of actual napkins and when you did find them they were thin and cocktail size. I so wish we had bought a roll of paper towels....toddlers are messy.

Even though we had a language barrier it was pretty easy to get around in Seoul. The front desk at our hotel was great and would write out our destination in Korean so we could hand it to the cab driver. The subway seemed really overwhelming at first but once we got our bearings it was super easy and cheap.

This adoption trip was so very different than Ethiopia. We were sheltered and someone held our hands all along the way. In Seoul we were 100% on our own and it was kind of neat to navigate and explore on our own.

Adoption:

Adoption is not easy. It can be downright painful at times. That said I am glad it was how we grew our family. Katie's adoption from start to finish took 3 years and a country switch and a surprise.

We are glad she is part of our family and will share with her her story and her Korean heritage. She is 1/4 Korean. She doesn't look Korean at all as we were told oh so many times while in Korea and since being home. It doesn't matter at all to me.

It does to her big sister. Kiya is THRILLED that her baby sister has brown skin and curly hair.

We even had a lady on the plane ask us if it was hard to adopt in the States. She was under the impression that we flew to South Korea to adopt this adorable black child. We politely informed her that Katie was part Korean and she she kind of stopped asking questions at that point.

We had been warned about racism while in Korea and it was a huge factor in not bringing Kiya with us besides the whole idea of 13 hours on a plane with a loud almost 4 year old and an almost 18 month old who was in essence a stranger. We even had to get special permission to adopt from South Korea because Kiya is from Ethiopia. Some agencies in Korea wouldn't allow our family to adopt with them. Thankfully Eastern was more open and because of that we have sweet Katie. I should also say thank you to the other families that looked at Katie's file and didn't think she was a good fit for their family. She fits perfectly in ours and we are in love.

While our and about in Seoul with Katie we got a few stares but most people thought she was adorable which was an unexpected reaction. I had braced myself for the worst. I am sure that things were said in Korean that I didn't understand and thankfully Katie didn't either. I think for the most part people were just as confused as the lady on the plane.

I think I have rambled enough. I know we as a family will travel back to Seoul and enjoy it. I also know that in my heart my family is truly complete. After we adopted Kiya I had dreams of a sibling. I don't have those anymore. I am complete. My heart is overflowing and I get to be the mom to two of the most amazing and special girls. I am blessed. I couldn't ask for anything more.

1 week home

We have been home for one week. Hard to believe really. We have mad a lot of progress since my last post. Here are the highlights.

1) Katie is EATING!!! And I am not talking about baby food. I am talking actual food. Chicken, hot dogs, every fruit possible, bread, cheese and more. I am thrilled beyond belief and better yet she stopped screaming at us at every meal. Whew....

2) Katie seeks me out to pick her up often as I feel like she was carried everywhere. She is giving hugs and kisses. The kisses started with me and then today she gave Dave a kiss. Warms my heart to see the beginnings of attachment and bonding.

3) We have worked out a system of communication. Katie is starting to really understand yes and no. She seems to be getting her name. She puts her hands out for so big.  She is waving hello and goodbye most of the time.

4) Sleeping can still be a challenge. She needs someone in the room with her until she falls asleep and then she is usually fine. She has slept through the night most of the nights and if she does wake up it usually isn't for long though we have had one really bad night.

5) Katie is pretty adaptable. We have hit the store, gotten here new tennis shoes and today we ventured out to her very first restaurant with Grandma. She did great. She was all smiles and actually ate pretty well. I was worried but so relieved. Kiya LOVES restaurants so this was a big accomplishment.

Kiya is really a big help. This whole thing has been an adjustment for her too. She is a little more sensitive right now and really really needs her schedule back. She helps me change Katie's diapers, she is responsible for feeding the dogs every morning and she loves to put Katie's bib on.

Tomorrow I get one on one time with Katie as Kiya goes to school. I am excited for it to just be the two of us for a little while.

Here is to the next post bringing even more progress from sweet Katie. We are more in love every day and I think she actually likes us too.

Family of Four :)

 

 

 

We met Katie one week ago and have been home for 4 days. It has been a crazy ride so far but we are attempting to figure out our new normal. I have learned a lot in this last week

 

1) I am pretty sure Katie was allowed to do whatever she wanted when she wanted. She gets pretty mad when redirected or stopped form doing something.

 

2) Grief in toddlers SUCKS! If it isn't sleeping issues, it is food issues. No fun and to make it even more fun throw in a 14 hour time difference and just for the heck of it she is teething. We are working through it and have made progress. Katie naps by herself. We lay with her at bedtime until she is asleep and in order to get her to eat we went back to baby food. She doesn't do well eating with utensils either by herself or with help. She is finally eating 3 meals a day....well she did yesterday and has had 2 meals today. Yogurt is a huge hit and she likes Oatmeal. We did finally get her to eat rice again last night and she ate the whole bowl. Once asleep Katie usually sleeps well. She is known to take 4 hour naps and has slept 13 hours at night before.

 

3)I am also pretty sure that Katie never had to sit in one spot to eat. She was probably allowed to walk all over and roam around. We are making progress there too thanks to big sister.

 

4) Becoming a big sister after 3 plus years of undivided attention is hard. We have seen Kiya be a lot more whiny, turn into a tattle tale and have had some potty issues. She loves Katie and wants to play with her and hug her but doesn't understand why Katie sometimes pushes her away or won't talk back. Patience is not Kiya's strong suit and she doesn't grasp why the rules are different right now for Katie. Add that to her missing me a lot. I try to spend special quality time just the two of us and will continue to do so. She is sad and in a way grieving the loss of what life was like pre-Katie.

 

Tomorrow I start a 3 day stint with just me and the two girls. It is going to be interesting. Kiya is a big help overall we just need to find ways for her to expend all that energy she has. Katie isn't really ready for parks. We have taken her to the store without incident minus the projectile vomit at Kohl's. I am pretty sure after tomorrow I am going to look forward to Friday when Kiya goes back to preschool. In hindsight I wish I had waited one week to change her schedule. Next week will be better. She has preschool all day on Monday, half day Tuesday, Wednesday she is home, Thursday half day again and then all day again on Friday.

 

On the plus side, Katie seems to love her big sister and she has really taken to the dogs, Sebastian in particular. We will find a way to make these next few days work and get on a schedule and get a system in place that allows us to leave the house before 10:30am.

 

And blogger finally let me post a pic :) So here you have it, our happy family of four at the airport.

 

 



 

Korea Part 4

I know I am behind so bare with me as I catch up....

Our last full day in Korea....Katie finally woke up so we decided to hit a palace that was in walking distance of our hotel.

It was a nice little walk and to our surprise we got to the palace right as they were starting the changing of the guards ceremony. It was very cool to watch.

Again, we kept it pretty low key. We had Vietnamese take out for lunch and ordered burgers from room service for dinner. By this point Katie was not really eating a whole lot and seemed to be pretty picky. She would eat little bits of rice and drink milk but not much else besides blueberry muffin and goldfish crackers.

We packed up our suitcases and organized the diaper bag. We were sharing a bus to the airport with our friends and had to get up early.

While in Korea, I co-slept with Katie in the big bed. She would snuggle up at first and then kind of did her own thing. She is a CRAZY sleeper and all over the place. Every time she moved I would wake up as I was afraid she would fall out of bed even though she knew how to get off the bed all by herself. Nap times, she seemed to be fine sleeping by herself so we went with that.

The next morning we woke Miss Katie and headed to the airport. She was pretty quiet for everything until we got to our gate. Then she let loose and was super screamy and grumpy. The first 30 minutes of waiting to board were just plain awful. The lifesavers were our new friends buying us lunch and Katie eating her first french fry and then most of the bread from my chicken sandwich.

Our flight was delayed almost 2 hours which was not fun but we survived. Katie cried at first but once the flight attendants gave her a toy magna doodle she was great. She fell asleep almost right after take off. We were lucky and got bulkhead seating with a bassinet. I think technically Katie was too big but we went with it. She napped for almost 2 hours and then was up. She ate most of my dinner roll and drank a bunch of milk.

The next 5 hours of the flight were a little rough as Miss Katie was wide awake. She didn't want to sit still. I paced with her in the baby carrier for awhile. Dave walked with her for awhile. Finally Katie decided it was time to sleep again. I slept too.

The bassinet was great. The only issue was anytime we hit turbulence and the captain turned the fasten seat belt sign on we had to take her out of the bassinet. The plus side is once that kid is asleep you can move her any which way and she stays asleep.

The flight was long. The delay was HORRIBLE. Chicago airport is the worst. We had to go through customs and immigration which was a huge line. Then we had to go to another area to get Katie's paperwork processed. Then recheck our luggage. Catch the tram to our connecting gate. Go through security again and then run to make out plane. Dave literally boarded our flight without his shoes on. We barely made our connecting flight.

I am so glad we did. I couldn't wait to get home and see my family. Kiya saw us coming down the escalator and just ran/bounced over. Got to love that kid and all her energy.

We did it. We had made it home and were ready to figure out our new normal....things are about to get interesting!