State of our home address

This picture just about sums up what the state of our home is right now. You see that impy grin....you see the dominoes that are dumped all over the couch and the floor. Yup that is Kiya. She is a non-stop all over the place full fledged toddler. Wow. The amount of energy she has can be a lot. Don't get me wrong she is beyond amazing and beyond adorable and super silly but wow.

She is super sassy as of late. She can be kind of bossy and yet we have a hard time not laughing. The other day she said to me " Mommy, sit down. Time for shoes on." Granted I had no intention of going anywhere but that didn't seem to matter to Kiya.

She is on the verge of jumping. She has mastered running as best she can with a cast on and has decided that jumping is up next. I am so excited for her. Every night she runs into her room and screams "1,2,3 jump." Then she says "Mommy do it." So of course I I say 1, 2, 3 and I jump. Then Kiya says " Daddy do it."  So Daddy jumps. To which Kiya responds, "No Daddy. Do 1, 2, 3 jump."

Just last night it was time to brush her teeth and in response to let's go in the bathroom, Kiya says "I'm gonna sit down now." She then sits down on the floor in her room. Sigh.....

Kiya is keeping us on our toes that is for sure. She is determined to try and climb oh everything. She loves to empty dog food out of the dog food bin if we forget to close the door to the laundry room. She loves to kick water out of the laundry room sink during bath time.

We spend a lot of time laughing in this house. We also spend a lot of time exhausted as Kiya doesn't appear to have an off switch. She is silly all the time and just loves to laugh and make others laugh. We are working on her understanding when we are serious and when we aren't. That is a challenge....but so far the threat of a time out usually works.

I love seeing her independent side. Each morning she wakes up and asks to sit up. Which means she wants her pillow propped up and then she wants her books. She then "reads" her books to her babies and stuffed animals while we get ready. It is too cute. And how she wants to tie her own shoes or put her own chapstick on or try to do her own hair. Her independence is a big reason for her sassiness. She is also very stubborn. If she doesn't want to do something like say sit on the potty boy are we going to hear about it.

So the state of our home is silly, goofy, crazy, fun, exhausting and really amazing.

Lost and confused

Adoption is not an easy path. Far from it. Our path got a little more complicated on Friday with the news that Ethiopia was cutting adoptions by 90% starting March 10, 2011.

Sigh. My head realizes that this is the right thing to do. There is too much corruption. Too many lies. I get it. I do. But yet my heart is breaking. My hope and dream of having another Ethiopian born child may not come true.

I am at a total loss. I turn 35 in a few short months. There is no real timeline for an Ethiopian adoption. Yet, supposedly only 5 letters written per day. That is five across all agencies and countries. The Ministry of Women's Affairs only works about 200 or less days a year... we are easily still well in to the high 200's on our agencies waiting list. This could take a few more years or it could all change again in a few months. It is a HUGE unknown.

So we are at a crossroads. Should we stay or should we go? We are torn. We would love to adopt again from Ethiopia. I would want to feel certain that that adoption was truly ethical. Yet am I ready to wait an unknown amount of time....I don't know. Is that selfish....probably.

I can't deny that I am getting older. I had always thought I would be done having kids by the time I was in my early thirties and well life just didn't turn out that way. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I am beyond thrilled that Kiya joined our family when she did.

Are we meant to find another path to expanding our family? I don't know. Are we meant to only have one child? I don't know.

There are a lot of unknowns right now. We have a lot of questions and not a whole lot of answers. I will be touching base with our country specialist and our local homestudy social worker this week. I am not really sure what I will ask them but I feel like I need to get a glimpse into what might be the reality of the wait to adopt from Ethiopia.

In the meantime I have started doing my homework. What am I researching....well other countries and even domestic adoption. My heart belongs in Ethiopia so in my research I am trying to see if there is room in my heart for a different path. I am terrified of all that is out there but yet excited to see where we might go.