Sweet Baby K is now 5 months old and just as cute as ever. We just got new pictures and measurements. She is just too adorable for words really. I can't wait to share her pictures.
She currently weighs about 14.5lbs (28th percentile) and is about 25 1/4 inches (55th percentile) and her head circumference is in the 22nd percentile per CDC growth charts anyway.
I wasn't expecting the new pictures so soon but it was a nice surprise. It has been one month since we first saw her face and now I have 7 fabulous pictures to stare at.
We also finished being fingerprinted by USCIS. We have our I171h already. We still aren't really sure what the next steps are but we know we anxious to get the ball rolling. I know time will fly and our house is so not ready physically for a second child. We need to remodel the basement, get new carpets, paint and I could go on.
In other crazy news, instead of quitting my job which I still will when Baby K comes home, for now I applied for a promotion. It gets me out of the day to day bank sales and more into management. We shall see if I get it or not. I have the peer support. I hope I do. The extra money would be nice especially with all the home projects.
We are also preparing for a vacation. We haven't been to California in 2 years and decided why not take Kiya back to California. I am a little nervous about traveling with a potty trained/training toddler. We have been telling her we are going on an airplane and that she has to sit in her seat and be quiet. We also let her pick out a special travel bag which mommy will fill with special surprises. She picked a little Dora back pack on wheels. So far there is a my little pony in it. There will be a magna doodle, some paper markers, snacks, and other little things she loves including beads and rubber spiders and snakes. Yeah I know. My girlie girl LOVES rubber insects and reptiles and yet also LOVES all things pink and loves to wear beads. We just roll with it. Doesn't bother me in the slightest though the rubber insects are kind of gross.
These next few weeks will be busy as I should find out if I get the promotion at work and we have to get ready for vacation. Fun stuff.
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
The heavy stuff
This blog breaks my heart
Ethiopian Adoption Truth
Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Reading the stories, listening to my fellow adoptive parents has opened my eyes to the sad realities.
I cannot honestly say that for 100% sure everything we learned about Kiya's life pre-adoption is the truth. That is a hard thing to swallow. I want to believe it. I have the words in writing and on DVD but how do I know that is the truth? Will I ever know? If we hire our own translator while in Ethiopia maybe but maybe not.
We learned recently that the orphanage where Kiya spent her first few weeks was one of more than 10 orphanages closed in Ethiopia. I don't normally talk about adoption ethics on here but this was just too much. Ethics have been on my mind for awhile. It was one of the major reasons we made the difficult decision to not adopt from Ethiopia again.
Things in Ethiopia adoptions are a complete mess. There are investigations, orphanage closures and worst kids and families both adoptive and birth caught in the middle. It is tragic. Agencies are lengthening timelines, asking families to consider other adoption avenues. This is not boding well for Ethiopian adoptions. I cringe a little when someone tells me they are starting an Ethiopian adoption. Don't get me wrong a piece of my heart will always belong in Ethiopia. I fell in love. I can't wait to show Kiya the beauty that is Ethiopia. The corruption, the lies, the falsified paperwork and stories is all just too much.
How am I supposed to explain this? How will I answer the tough questions? Our 2 daughters adoptions are so very different. How am I supposed to explain that? I know this post may not make sense but I had to write something. I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. My heart is breaking. I feel for all of the families caught in the middle both birth and adoptive. I pray that a system will emerge so that ethical adoptions could continue in Ethiopia but I am not sure that is even possible.
Sigh.....double sigh.....
Ethiopian Adoption Truth
Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Reading the stories, listening to my fellow adoptive parents has opened my eyes to the sad realities.
I cannot honestly say that for 100% sure everything we learned about Kiya's life pre-adoption is the truth. That is a hard thing to swallow. I want to believe it. I have the words in writing and on DVD but how do I know that is the truth? Will I ever know? If we hire our own translator while in Ethiopia maybe but maybe not.
We learned recently that the orphanage where Kiya spent her first few weeks was one of more than 10 orphanages closed in Ethiopia. I don't normally talk about adoption ethics on here but this was just too much. Ethics have been on my mind for awhile. It was one of the major reasons we made the difficult decision to not adopt from Ethiopia again.
Things in Ethiopia adoptions are a complete mess. There are investigations, orphanage closures and worst kids and families both adoptive and birth caught in the middle. It is tragic. Agencies are lengthening timelines, asking families to consider other adoption avenues. This is not boding well for Ethiopian adoptions. I cringe a little when someone tells me they are starting an Ethiopian adoption. Don't get me wrong a piece of my heart will always belong in Ethiopia. I fell in love. I can't wait to show Kiya the beauty that is Ethiopia. The corruption, the lies, the falsified paperwork and stories is all just too much.
How am I supposed to explain this? How will I answer the tough questions? Our 2 daughters adoptions are so very different. How am I supposed to explain that? I know this post may not make sense but I had to write something. I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. My heart is breaking. I feel for all of the families caught in the middle both birth and adoptive. I pray that a system will emerge so that ethical adoptions could continue in Ethiopia but I am not sure that is even possible.
Sigh.....double sigh.....
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Adoption update
We have sent in our official acceptance paperwork and it is already on its way to Korea. That is the good news. We are still waiting to hear from our specialist as to what we can expect now, when we can send our first care package and when it becomes really official.
So because there are a lot of unknowns and to protect our baby girl, she will be called for the time being Baby K and we won't be posting any pictures of her. You will just have to trust me that she has a full head of hair and is just plain adorable.
Baby K does have a name here at home and among family. It is the name she was given by her birth mother. Her birth mother chose for her an American first name and then a Korean middle name. We aren't going to change it. We love it and we love that it came from her mother.
For now we also aren't sharing all of the details about sweet Baby K. Some details will for sure come out and other's will stay private but for now it will be private.
This adoption is so very different. We likely won't meet Baby K's mother possibly ever. We will meet her foster mom and family which is amazing. She isn't in an orphanage as was Kiya. Things are just different. One big difference is Baby K weighed at 3 months what Kiya weighed at 6 months. Kiya was well loved and taken care of by the nannies at the care center. Baby K gets a mom figure that takes care of her. A person that she can attach too.
I am anxiously awaiting to hear what the next steps are in this long part of the process besides just waiting. We know we are being fingerprinted by USCIS in a couple weeks so that piece will be done.
So while we wait we will talk about her and look at her pictures. Kiya insists on looking at her pictures all the time. She also insists that "baby walk now". She also said today in the car that she wanted to play with Baby K. I think she is going to make an amazing big sister. It will be an adjustment and I suspect the first months home will be a challenge but in the end. I think Kiya is going to like have a sister to play with. They will be about 2 1/2 years apart in age.
Ok I am officially rambling. I am just so excited to hear the squeals of two beautiful little girls in this house. I am very blessed.
So because there are a lot of unknowns and to protect our baby girl, she will be called for the time being Baby K and we won't be posting any pictures of her. You will just have to trust me that she has a full head of hair and is just plain adorable.
Baby K does have a name here at home and among family. It is the name she was given by her birth mother. Her birth mother chose for her an American first name and then a Korean middle name. We aren't going to change it. We love it and we love that it came from her mother.
For now we also aren't sharing all of the details about sweet Baby K. Some details will for sure come out and other's will stay private but for now it will be private.
This adoption is so very different. We likely won't meet Baby K's mother possibly ever. We will meet her foster mom and family which is amazing. She isn't in an orphanage as was Kiya. Things are just different. One big difference is Baby K weighed at 3 months what Kiya weighed at 6 months. Kiya was well loved and taken care of by the nannies at the care center. Baby K gets a mom figure that takes care of her. A person that she can attach too.
I am anxiously awaiting to hear what the next steps are in this long part of the process besides just waiting. We know we are being fingerprinted by USCIS in a couple weeks so that piece will be done.
So while we wait we will talk about her and look at her pictures. Kiya insists on looking at her pictures all the time. She also insists that "baby walk now". She also said today in the car that she wanted to play with Baby K. I think she is going to make an amazing big sister. It will be an adjustment and I suspect the first months home will be a challenge but in the end. I think Kiya is going to like have a sister to play with. They will be about 2 1/2 years apart in age.
Ok I am officially rambling. I am just so excited to hear the squeals of two beautiful little girls in this house. I am very blessed.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Long overdue adoption update
So apparently people (I mean Leah) still read this blog and informed me that I changed my side bar to say we are officially waiting yet failed to blog about it. So here it is.
On May 10 we were officially put on the wait list for Korea. Right now the timeline for waiting for a referral is as such
0-3 months for a boy
4-8 months for a girl
Once we accept our referral, we will do an acceptance dossier. No worries not nearly the amount of paperwork involved this go round.
From there we wait for a visa and then travel clearance. Here is where the long wait comes in. It is estimated that it could take as long as 14 months from time of referral acceptance until travel clearance.
So far the longest wait I have seen is 10 months. During the wait to travel we can send 2 care packages and request two updates on top of the other updates we will receive.
We are currently on the wait list for a boy or a girl. We know that we will likely bring home a child closer to 2 in age so a full fledged toddler. We are both excited and nervous about this.
In the meantime we are trying to learn as much as we can and wait for that phone to ring. It could be tomorrow or it could be August or heck it could even be December whatever is meant to be will be and we are at peace with that.
At last check there were about 18 families waiting for girls and 8 waiting for boys.
So there you have it.
Stay tuned for Wordless Wednesday...pics of Kiya and Badger just for you Leah :)
On May 10 we were officially put on the wait list for Korea. Right now the timeline for waiting for a referral is as such
0-3 months for a boy
4-8 months for a girl
Once we accept our referral, we will do an acceptance dossier. No worries not nearly the amount of paperwork involved this go round.
From there we wait for a visa and then travel clearance. Here is where the long wait comes in. It is estimated that it could take as long as 14 months from time of referral acceptance until travel clearance.
So far the longest wait I have seen is 10 months. During the wait to travel we can send 2 care packages and request two updates on top of the other updates we will receive.
We are currently on the wait list for a boy or a girl. We know that we will likely bring home a child closer to 2 in age so a full fledged toddler. We are both excited and nervous about this.
In the meantime we are trying to learn as much as we can and wait for that phone to ring. It could be tomorrow or it could be August or heck it could even be December whatever is meant to be will be and we are at peace with that.
At last check there were about 18 families waiting for girls and 8 waiting for boys.
So there you have it.
Stay tuned for Wordless Wednesday...pics of Kiya and Badger just for you Leah :)
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Updates galore
So my blogging time is limited so this post is some updates as to what is going on with Kiya, scoliosis and our pending adoption.
Kiya
She is FANTASTIC. We enjoyed our week of squishy hugs and bubble baths. She is officially in pull ups during the day and diapers only at night. She is doing just awesome in the potty training department. She still sometimes wets in her pull ups and we are getting there with the whole poop thing. She did go poop on the potty twice yesterday but had started to poop in her pants. She told us though that she wanted to go to the potty so off we went and sure enough she finished pooping on the potty. She gets one star for pee and 2 for poop and when her reward board is full which it is she gets a prize. Her first prize is a playdough filled back pack with accessories that we are going to play with today.
Kiya still loves to sing and dance. She talks all the time. She has a tendency to be very bossy so we are working on using nice words and respect. Telling mommy to walk away tends to be a favorite. Or she will yell at the dogs to do something and poor Sebastian is pretty deaf so we have to remind her that his ears are broken.
She is now sporting a super cool blue cast. She for a week said she wanted a pink cast but they showed her the colors and she immediately said blue. We asked her if she was sure and she said "Yes mommy, blue cast." She bounced back VERY quickly. We thought we would get one night of her staying in bed all night and sure enough she got up once. The saddest part was the morning after when she said "bubble baths all gone" followed by "cut cast. cut cast off mommy". Broke my heart that she is old enough to understand all of that. We just told her that cast had to stay on and she seemed to get over it.
Scoliosis
Tuesday was surgery day. She did great. The doctor gave us a chart of her progress that showed her numbers out of cast and in cast. Her out of cast numbers started at 40 which was her initial measurement back in June of last year. She was 52 right before her first cast. She went up to about 64 after the 2 month break at the end of last year. Tuesday she was about 61/62 so we got a small amount of correction. Her cast numbers have always been awesome. She was held at about 15 in first cast, 16/17 in second cast and just under 15 in her 3rd cast. She is super flexible which is good. In talking with the doctor, he isn't worried yet. He said it often takes 2-3 casts for kids to show real progress and we really need to look at this as cast number 2 since she had such a long break after cast 1. It makes sense so we are sticking with it. We are so very grateful to have Shriner's hospital and Dr. H. to treat Kiya.
We also discovered that Kiya weighs 29lbs and is just under 36 inches tall. Yup my little string bean :)
Adoption
We are still waiting on our Adam Walsh clearance from California. All other paperwork is in and has been reviewed. Just one piece of paper holding us back from being officially waiting. Sigh.....
It will happen soon I hope but for now we just wait.
So I think that is a long enough post for today. Need to focus on our post placement report that is due next month.
Kiya
She is FANTASTIC. We enjoyed our week of squishy hugs and bubble baths. She is officially in pull ups during the day and diapers only at night. She is doing just awesome in the potty training department. She still sometimes wets in her pull ups and we are getting there with the whole poop thing. She did go poop on the potty twice yesterday but had started to poop in her pants. She told us though that she wanted to go to the potty so off we went and sure enough she finished pooping on the potty. She gets one star for pee and 2 for poop and when her reward board is full which it is she gets a prize. Her first prize is a playdough filled back pack with accessories that we are going to play with today.
Kiya still loves to sing and dance. She talks all the time. She has a tendency to be very bossy so we are working on using nice words and respect. Telling mommy to walk away tends to be a favorite. Or she will yell at the dogs to do something and poor Sebastian is pretty deaf so we have to remind her that his ears are broken.
She is now sporting a super cool blue cast. She for a week said she wanted a pink cast but they showed her the colors and she immediately said blue. We asked her if she was sure and she said "Yes mommy, blue cast." She bounced back VERY quickly. We thought we would get one night of her staying in bed all night and sure enough she got up once. The saddest part was the morning after when she said "bubble baths all gone" followed by "cut cast. cut cast off mommy". Broke my heart that she is old enough to understand all of that. We just told her that cast had to stay on and she seemed to get over it.
Scoliosis
Tuesday was surgery day. She did great. The doctor gave us a chart of her progress that showed her numbers out of cast and in cast. Her out of cast numbers started at 40 which was her initial measurement back in June of last year. She was 52 right before her first cast. She went up to about 64 after the 2 month break at the end of last year. Tuesday she was about 61/62 so we got a small amount of correction. Her cast numbers have always been awesome. She was held at about 15 in first cast, 16/17 in second cast and just under 15 in her 3rd cast. She is super flexible which is good. In talking with the doctor, he isn't worried yet. He said it often takes 2-3 casts for kids to show real progress and we really need to look at this as cast number 2 since she had such a long break after cast 1. It makes sense so we are sticking with it. We are so very grateful to have Shriner's hospital and Dr. H. to treat Kiya.
We also discovered that Kiya weighs 29lbs and is just under 36 inches tall. Yup my little string bean :)
Adoption
We are still waiting on our Adam Walsh clearance from California. All other paperwork is in and has been reviewed. Just one piece of paper holding us back from being officially waiting. Sigh.....
It will happen soon I hope but for now we just wait.
So I think that is a long enough post for today. Need to focus on our post placement report that is due next month.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Adoption update
Okay time to spill the beans on what we are up too.
First let me say that it is with a heavy heart that we have decided to leave to Ethiopia program. It was all becoming just too much. The corruption, the changing timelines, the lack of timelines....it was not settling well with us to just sit at the bottom of this long waiting list. We were waiting for an orphan to be made. We had no end in sight to how long that wait might be and given the current vibe of adoption from Ethiopia we couldn't be sure it would be in the next 2 years or so. That and all the talk of corruption and massive slow downs, etc. It just didn't feel right anymore.
It breaks my heart to leave behind a culture and country that gave me my beautiful daughter. We know we will visist but it does sadden me that my children will not share this beautiful heritage. I know a piece of my heart will always belong in Ethiopia.
And it will also now belong in South Korea.
We are officially making the switch. We have sent in all the updated paperwork to both our local agency and CHS. Why Korea? Well, there are orphans that need families. There are kids in the system waiting for a forever family. We searched our hearts and truly feel we can be a family for one of those little ones.
The other big change is that we are likely adopting a toddler. Given how the timelines work in Korea our child will likely be over 1 year and possibly even as old as two at homecoming. We are excited about our new journey.
Our Little Man may turn out to be a girl which we are fine with as well.
This was not an easy decision for us. We truly wanted to adopt from Ethiopia. We were excited by the two trip rule as that meant we could spend more time in this country that we love. I am sure some will say we are jumping ship because Korea is faster. And to that I say mind your own business. We shed tears about this decision. We second guessed ourselves. Long before we settled in and found Korea we were looking at national domestic adoption agencies and other countries. Korea hadn't even been brought up but was mentioned to us as a possibility.
We did some research. We did some soul searching. We talked. We thought. We talked some more. It felt right. It made sense. We envisioned our future son or daughter. We couldn't stop talking about Korea. About learning about a new culture about traveling to Asia and Africa with our kids. It fit into our future.
So there you have it. There is the news. We should hopefully fingers crossed be officially in the Korea program before the end of April. We are waiting on Adam Walsh paperwork to come back from California and yet another fingerprint check. And then we settle in to wait with the news of our future child. We don't know how long that will take. It could be a month, it could be 6 months, it could be 8 months. From there we could wait for as many as 11-12 more months before we would travel to Korea. Either way our hearts our open and we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our child.
First let me say that it is with a heavy heart that we have decided to leave to Ethiopia program. It was all becoming just too much. The corruption, the changing timelines, the lack of timelines....it was not settling well with us to just sit at the bottom of this long waiting list. We were waiting for an orphan to be made. We had no end in sight to how long that wait might be and given the current vibe of adoption from Ethiopia we couldn't be sure it would be in the next 2 years or so. That and all the talk of corruption and massive slow downs, etc. It just didn't feel right anymore.
It breaks my heart to leave behind a culture and country that gave me my beautiful daughter. We know we will visist but it does sadden me that my children will not share this beautiful heritage. I know a piece of my heart will always belong in Ethiopia.
And it will also now belong in South Korea.
We are officially making the switch. We have sent in all the updated paperwork to both our local agency and CHS. Why Korea? Well, there are orphans that need families. There are kids in the system waiting for a forever family. We searched our hearts and truly feel we can be a family for one of those little ones.
The other big change is that we are likely adopting a toddler. Given how the timelines work in Korea our child will likely be over 1 year and possibly even as old as two at homecoming. We are excited about our new journey.
Our Little Man may turn out to be a girl which we are fine with as well.
This was not an easy decision for us. We truly wanted to adopt from Ethiopia. We were excited by the two trip rule as that meant we could spend more time in this country that we love. I am sure some will say we are jumping ship because Korea is faster. And to that I say mind your own business. We shed tears about this decision. We second guessed ourselves. Long before we settled in and found Korea we were looking at national domestic adoption agencies and other countries. Korea hadn't even been brought up but was mentioned to us as a possibility.
We did some research. We did some soul searching. We talked. We thought. We talked some more. It felt right. It made sense. We envisioned our future son or daughter. We couldn't stop talking about Korea. About learning about a new culture about traveling to Asia and Africa with our kids. It fit into our future.
So there you have it. There is the news. We should hopefully fingers crossed be officially in the Korea program before the end of April. We are waiting on Adam Walsh paperwork to come back from California and yet another fingerprint check. And then we settle in to wait with the news of our future child. We don't know how long that will take. It could be a month, it could be 6 months, it could be 8 months. From there we could wait for as many as 11-12 more months before we would travel to Korea. Either way our hearts our open and we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our child.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Lost and confused
Adoption is not an easy path. Far from it. Our path got a little more complicated on Friday with the news that Ethiopia was cutting adoptions by 90% starting March 10, 2011.
Sigh. My head realizes that this is the right thing to do. There is too much corruption. Too many lies. I get it. I do. But yet my heart is breaking. My hope and dream of having another Ethiopian born child may not come true.
I am at a total loss. I turn 35 in a few short months. There is no real timeline for an Ethiopian adoption. Yet, supposedly only 5 letters written per day. That is five across all agencies and countries. The Ministry of Women's Affairs only works about 200 or less days a year... we are easily still well in to the high 200's on our agencies waiting list. This could take a few more years or it could all change again in a few months. It is a HUGE unknown.
So we are at a crossroads. Should we stay or should we go? We are torn. We would love to adopt again from Ethiopia. I would want to feel certain that that adoption was truly ethical. Yet am I ready to wait an unknown amount of time....I don't know. Is that selfish....probably.
I can't deny that I am getting older. I had always thought I would be done having kids by the time I was in my early thirties and well life just didn't turn out that way. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I am beyond thrilled that Kiya joined our family when she did.
Are we meant to find another path to expanding our family? I don't know. Are we meant to only have one child? I don't know.
There are a lot of unknowns right now. We have a lot of questions and not a whole lot of answers. I will be touching base with our country specialist and our local homestudy social worker this week. I am not really sure what I will ask them but I feel like I need to get a glimpse into what might be the reality of the wait to adopt from Ethiopia.
In the meantime I have started doing my homework. What am I researching....well other countries and even domestic adoption. My heart belongs in Ethiopia so in my research I am trying to see if there is room in my heart for a different path. I am terrified of all that is out there but yet excited to see where we might go.
Sigh. My head realizes that this is the right thing to do. There is too much corruption. Too many lies. I get it. I do. But yet my heart is breaking. My hope and dream of having another Ethiopian born child may not come true.
I am at a total loss. I turn 35 in a few short months. There is no real timeline for an Ethiopian adoption. Yet, supposedly only 5 letters written per day. That is five across all agencies and countries. The Ministry of Women's Affairs only works about 200 or less days a year... we are easily still well in to the high 200's on our agencies waiting list. This could take a few more years or it could all change again in a few months. It is a HUGE unknown.
So we are at a crossroads. Should we stay or should we go? We are torn. We would love to adopt again from Ethiopia. I would want to feel certain that that adoption was truly ethical. Yet am I ready to wait an unknown amount of time....I don't know. Is that selfish....probably.
I can't deny that I am getting older. I had always thought I would be done having kids by the time I was in my early thirties and well life just didn't turn out that way. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I am beyond thrilled that Kiya joined our family when she did.
Are we meant to find another path to expanding our family? I don't know. Are we meant to only have one child? I don't know.
There are a lot of unknowns right now. We have a lot of questions and not a whole lot of answers. I will be touching base with our country specialist and our local homestudy social worker this week. I am not really sure what I will ask them but I feel like I need to get a glimpse into what might be the reality of the wait to adopt from Ethiopia.
In the meantime I have started doing my homework. What am I researching....well other countries and even domestic adoption. My heart belongs in Ethiopia so in my research I am trying to see if there is room in my heart for a different path. I am terrified of all that is out there but yet excited to see where we might go.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Cast Day
So yesterday was the big day. It was overwhelming and long to say the least. We had to be there at 6am and we walked out the doors about noon.
I am not even really sure I can accurately put into words what yesterday was like. It just was. However, I can say that I really feel like we had the best first cast day ever. Why? Well so many reasons really. First, we got to share it with two amazing families that have been with us on this journey the last few months. Their sons were there for cast #5 and the hugs, words of support and encouragement meant the world to us. I have life long friends in these women. Their husbands and parents are pretty amazing too. And the kids, well I think we had the 3 cutest, bravest and most amazing kids in that hospital yesterday.
Where there tears? Oh yeah. I cried a good number of them.Where there screams? Oh yeah. Kiya post anesthesia screaming was really tough. Really really tough but once we were able to be with her it helped. Yes we could here her screaming from the waiting area. I am not sure I could have prepared myself for that. I was warned by my new friends and Nurse Gwen (who is a saint in my opinion) but wow that was the worst part of the day for sure.
We were with Kiya up until the rolled her back to surgery. We even got to gown up and watch cartoons in pre-op with her. They gave her some medicine to help ease separation. Kiya LOVED it and wanted to more. Instead of settling she was all over the place. The nurse bought out this crazy singing/dancing super annoying monkey and she finally sat and watched that and settled. They rolled her back just before 8:30am.
We went and had some breakfast and waited. We sat with one of the other families and just chatted while trying to pass the time. Finally, the doctor's showed up. We got to meet her new Doctor also and he is GREAT. They told us her pre-cast x-ray showed a curve of 50 + degrees (she was previously around 40) and that they were able to hold her curve at 15 degrees in cast. I think I teared up and would have fainted had I not been leaning on a desk. I was never expecting to hear such a low in cast number. That doesn't mean when we take the cast off in a few months that her curve will be 15 it just means they were able to manipulate her spine and hold her at 15 for the next few months. I so wish I would hear 15 for her next x-ray but that is unlikely. We were assured that this was fabulous news for a first cast so we went with that.
Next up was taping, trimming and a little more trimming. The cast saw was not Kiya's favorite nor was Nurse Gwen and her tape. Did I mention that Nurse Gwen is a saint. She just loved on sweet Kiya and she could see that she was a spunky, spirited kid. She wished us luck with her :) She was just the best and didn't even mind when Kiya flung yogurt all over all of us really. She just laughed and said at least she didn't puke on me :) Robert had to trim a few places on the cast and really he is a gentle soul with all the kids as well.
So here we were with Kiya in her freshly taped and trimmed purple cast and kind of like now what. Our new normal was starting to set in. We had to change her diaper and that was challenge but some kind words from a sweet grandma helped. Now I feel like I could do it in my sleep. We had to adjust. We all did.
Kiya really did great. Much better than I had anticipated. I was preparing myself for the worst. All the nurses, techs, doctors, parents, etc kept commenting that Kiya really did do fabulous for it being her first cast. I was prepared for a long 3 hour drive with a grumpy toddler but I got a quiet peaceful ride. She asked for teddy grahams, pretzels and her dolly and then she slept. So sweet. She spent the afternoon on the couch where she watched her favorite shows. I fed her some yogurt. She did ask for a hot dog so of course she got one. She did manage to eat some of that by herself in the high chair. We are still working on the feeding situation as she can't see her food as well.
She can't really sit up by herself and as of last night couldn't stand up, roll over, crawl or really do much of anything. She did walk a few steps holding our hands but not much. I don't blame her really. She was in full traction and pulled every which way possible to get that 50 down to 15. She was sore and top heavy.
She went to bed at 7 after some Tylenol. Woke at 9:30ish and we gave her some Ibuprofen. She slept until 1am. I changed her diaper and gave her some tylenol and she slept the rest of the night.
Kiya is a truly amazing kid. She surprised us yesterday again with her resilience. I don't think I give her enough credit. I have a lot to learn from that little one. I am proud to be her mother. And if I ever doubted (which I don't) that we truly attached and bonded as a family, I got complete confirmation in that yes in fact we are. She needs us. She calls for us. She settled down for us. And we need her to keep us grounded and to keep on trucking. Nothing is going to stop Miss Kiya and I love that about my daughter.
***Update in Kiya's Korner also and will post updates about day to day there as well
I am not even really sure I can accurately put into words what yesterday was like. It just was. However, I can say that I really feel like we had the best first cast day ever. Why? Well so many reasons really. First, we got to share it with two amazing families that have been with us on this journey the last few months. Their sons were there for cast #5 and the hugs, words of support and encouragement meant the world to us. I have life long friends in these women. Their husbands and parents are pretty amazing too. And the kids, well I think we had the 3 cutest, bravest and most amazing kids in that hospital yesterday.
Where there tears? Oh yeah. I cried a good number of them.Where there screams? Oh yeah. Kiya post anesthesia screaming was really tough. Really really tough but once we were able to be with her it helped. Yes we could here her screaming from the waiting area. I am not sure I could have prepared myself for that. I was warned by my new friends and Nurse Gwen (who is a saint in my opinion) but wow that was the worst part of the day for sure.
We were with Kiya up until the rolled her back to surgery. We even got to gown up and watch cartoons in pre-op with her. They gave her some medicine to help ease separation. Kiya LOVED it and wanted to more. Instead of settling she was all over the place. The nurse bought out this crazy singing/dancing super annoying monkey and she finally sat and watched that and settled. They rolled her back just before 8:30am.
We went and had some breakfast and waited. We sat with one of the other families and just chatted while trying to pass the time. Finally, the doctor's showed up. We got to meet her new Doctor also and he is GREAT. They told us her pre-cast x-ray showed a curve of 50 + degrees (she was previously around 40) and that they were able to hold her curve at 15 degrees in cast. I think I teared up and would have fainted had I not been leaning on a desk. I was never expecting to hear such a low in cast number. That doesn't mean when we take the cast off in a few months that her curve will be 15 it just means they were able to manipulate her spine and hold her at 15 for the next few months. I so wish I would hear 15 for her next x-ray but that is unlikely. We were assured that this was fabulous news for a first cast so we went with that.
Next up was taping, trimming and a little more trimming. The cast saw was not Kiya's favorite nor was Nurse Gwen and her tape. Did I mention that Nurse Gwen is a saint. She just loved on sweet Kiya and she could see that she was a spunky, spirited kid. She wished us luck with her :) She was just the best and didn't even mind when Kiya flung yogurt all over all of us really. She just laughed and said at least she didn't puke on me :) Robert had to trim a few places on the cast and really he is a gentle soul with all the kids as well.
So here we were with Kiya in her freshly taped and trimmed purple cast and kind of like now what. Our new normal was starting to set in. We had to change her diaper and that was challenge but some kind words from a sweet grandma helped. Now I feel like I could do it in my sleep. We had to adjust. We all did.
Kiya really did great. Much better than I had anticipated. I was preparing myself for the worst. All the nurses, techs, doctors, parents, etc kept commenting that Kiya really did do fabulous for it being her first cast. I was prepared for a long 3 hour drive with a grumpy toddler but I got a quiet peaceful ride. She asked for teddy grahams, pretzels and her dolly and then she slept. So sweet. She spent the afternoon on the couch where she watched her favorite shows. I fed her some yogurt. She did ask for a hot dog so of course she got one. She did manage to eat some of that by herself in the high chair. We are still working on the feeding situation as she can't see her food as well.
She can't really sit up by herself and as of last night couldn't stand up, roll over, crawl or really do much of anything. She did walk a few steps holding our hands but not much. I don't blame her really. She was in full traction and pulled every which way possible to get that 50 down to 15. She was sore and top heavy.
She went to bed at 7 after some Tylenol. Woke at 9:30ish and we gave her some Ibuprofen. She slept until 1am. I changed her diaper and gave her some tylenol and she slept the rest of the night.
Kiya is a truly amazing kid. She surprised us yesterday again with her resilience. I don't think I give her enough credit. I have a lot to learn from that little one. I am proud to be her mother. And if I ever doubted (which I don't) that we truly attached and bonded as a family, I got complete confirmation in that yes in fact we are. She needs us. She calls for us. She settled down for us. And we need her to keep us grounded and to keep on trucking. Nothing is going to stop Miss Kiya and I love that about my daughter.
***Update in Kiya's Korner also and will post updates about day to day there as well
Friday, September 10, 2010
Trying to find some patience....
So I know bad blogger again but really life isn't all that interesting right now.
I am not a patient person. I am better than I used to be but still not patient. We are waiting on Kiya's cast date. I know it has only been a little over a week since we were there but still. I want a date. I want to stop the what if's running through my head and just get started already.
I did check in with the nurse yesterday. Since Kiya's Dr. is leaving and he does most of the casting, everyone is trying to get in to see him before he leaves. Well, with the help of a friend talking me through it, I called the nurse to ask if we could just have Kiya's cast done by the doctor she will be seeing in the future. She agreed that it made sense. Right now we are waiting on Dr. S's schedule and that is pretty full. We are hoping to get in to see Dr. H maybe faster. Dr. H would be the one to do Kiya's follow up check up after 1 month in cast and then her future castings. We haven't met this Dr. but have heard amazing things about him so here's hoping.
On the adoption front, we got word that we will likely wait at least 24 months for a referral. Sigh...we knew that was coming but to see it officially written was a little tougher to take. The only thing that could slightly speed it up is whether or not we are more open to certain conditions than others and the fact that we would like to have a son. Either way we will wait it out. It gives us plenty of time to get Kiya out of diapers and if we are lucky out of casts too. It will all work out. I really don't even think about the wait for our son that much but when I got that email it all came rushing to the forefront. So when people ask me when we will have a son my stock answer right now is sometime in the year 2012 hopefully.
We are also waiting for the call that says Kiya's ankle braces are ready. I am hoping that one comes in early next week.
So kind of a boring post. To end on a happier note, Miss Kiya is a superstar. She loves all things related to her doll. She straps her in the high chair and pretends to feed her. She loves her new art easel and crayons. And since thanks to a dear friend it looks like a Dora toy store in my living room, she is loving all of that stuff too. She is saying more and more words every day and word combinations. She is unfortunately and fortunately waking up in the middle of the night if her diaper is wet. Good sign for future potty training bad sign for sleeping. She is developing this impy side to her where she is deliberately doing something she knows she shouldn't and then laughing. It is hard not to laugh with her as she is just too cute. So I have no doubt that this wait for our son will fly by as Kiya will definitely keep us on on toes and running around.
I am not a patient person. I am better than I used to be but still not patient. We are waiting on Kiya's cast date. I know it has only been a little over a week since we were there but still. I want a date. I want to stop the what if's running through my head and just get started already.
I did check in with the nurse yesterday. Since Kiya's Dr. is leaving and he does most of the casting, everyone is trying to get in to see him before he leaves. Well, with the help of a friend talking me through it, I called the nurse to ask if we could just have Kiya's cast done by the doctor she will be seeing in the future. She agreed that it made sense. Right now we are waiting on Dr. S's schedule and that is pretty full. We are hoping to get in to see Dr. H maybe faster. Dr. H would be the one to do Kiya's follow up check up after 1 month in cast and then her future castings. We haven't met this Dr. but have heard amazing things about him so here's hoping.
On the adoption front, we got word that we will likely wait at least 24 months for a referral. Sigh...we knew that was coming but to see it officially written was a little tougher to take. The only thing that could slightly speed it up is whether or not we are more open to certain conditions than others and the fact that we would like to have a son. Either way we will wait it out. It gives us plenty of time to get Kiya out of diapers and if we are lucky out of casts too. It will all work out. I really don't even think about the wait for our son that much but when I got that email it all came rushing to the forefront. So when people ask me when we will have a son my stock answer right now is sometime in the year 2012 hopefully.
We are also waiting for the call that says Kiya's ankle braces are ready. I am hoping that one comes in early next week.
So kind of a boring post. To end on a happier note, Miss Kiya is a superstar. She loves all things related to her doll. She straps her in the high chair and pretends to feed her. She loves her new art easel and crayons. And since thanks to a dear friend it looks like a Dora toy store in my living room, she is loving all of that stuff too. She is saying more and more words every day and word combinations. She is unfortunately and fortunately waking up in the middle of the night if her diaper is wet. Good sign for future potty training bad sign for sleeping. She is developing this impy side to her where she is deliberately doing something she knows she shouldn't and then laughing. It is hard not to laugh with her as she is just too cute. So I have no doubt that this wait for our son will fly by as Kiya will definitely keep us on on toes and running around.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Meant to be?
There has been a discussion well lots of them really that are pretty heavy and sometimes hard to read and sometimes even really judgemental. What about, well adoption of course and more specifically, adopting from Ethiopia.
So, was I meant to be Kiya's mother? I think that is a tough question but I strongly feel that yes I was meant to be Kiya's mother if her Ethiopian mother couldn't take care of her. A child is naturally meant to be with their biological parents however the world isn't always wrapped up in a nice little box. Sometimes, reality steps in and gets in the way as is the case with our adoption of Kiya. For circumstances beyond poverty, Kiya's Mama Zinash chose to place her for adoption. As such we were matched with her. So yes we were meant to be Kiya's and she was meant to be ours.
Digging a little further, someone asked me if we had known about Kiya's scoliosis at the time of referral would we still have adopted her? I can't even think about that. Because the reality is we didn't know about it and because we didn't know about it she was matched with us. If it was known, Kiya would not be a member of this family. She would be someone elses and that is just something I frankly cannot stomach.
Kiya fits here curvy back and all. I do think there was a greater force that connected us together. Sadly, yes Kiya had to leave a mother, a country, a home, a culture behind and that is something we will never forget. That said, adoption turned our world upside down in the most beautiful way and I am grateful for that.
Sure there have been some unexpected things thrown our way but Kiya is Kiya. She is sweet and sassy, loud and funny, opinionated and stubborn and yes she has a curve in her spine. It is who she is. That said we are not heros, or saviors or rescuers. We are merely a couple that wanted to have a family. So we sought out adoption. We are not bad people for doing so. Our adoption was the right thing for our family. It would make more sense if I just spilled Kiya's story but I can't and I won't. Just trust me. Adoption was the right thing for her and even more so now.
Her scoliosis may have gone forever undiagnosed and even if it was diagnosed it for sure wouldn't have been treated. Not treating progressive infantile scoliosis can be fatal. Her rib cage is shifting and thus in time could put pressure on her internal organs protected by that rib cage. That is a scary thought.
I have always thought positively about my adoption and now with a medical condition I am grateful that she is here with us and we are seeking the best treatment for her. That said, I don't deny there are issues in Ethiopia. There are some BIG issues in adoption in Ethiopia. These scare me. I worry we will not be adding a son to our family from Ethiopia because of all of these BIG issues and BAD agencies doing truly unethical things. I can't ignore the issues, but I can't ignore the place I fell in love with . The place where my daughter was born. I dream of my children sharing a cultural connection, is that wrong? To some yes, yes it is. But for my family it isn't wrong.
So, was I meant to be Kiya's mother? I think that is a tough question but I strongly feel that yes I was meant to be Kiya's mother if her Ethiopian mother couldn't take care of her. A child is naturally meant to be with their biological parents however the world isn't always wrapped up in a nice little box. Sometimes, reality steps in and gets in the way as is the case with our adoption of Kiya. For circumstances beyond poverty, Kiya's Mama Zinash chose to place her for adoption. As such we were matched with her. So yes we were meant to be Kiya's and she was meant to be ours.
Digging a little further, someone asked me if we had known about Kiya's scoliosis at the time of referral would we still have adopted her? I can't even think about that. Because the reality is we didn't know about it and because we didn't know about it she was matched with us. If it was known, Kiya would not be a member of this family. She would be someone elses and that is just something I frankly cannot stomach.
Kiya fits here curvy back and all. I do think there was a greater force that connected us together. Sadly, yes Kiya had to leave a mother, a country, a home, a culture behind and that is something we will never forget. That said, adoption turned our world upside down in the most beautiful way and I am grateful for that.
Sure there have been some unexpected things thrown our way but Kiya is Kiya. She is sweet and sassy, loud and funny, opinionated and stubborn and yes she has a curve in her spine. It is who she is. That said we are not heros, or saviors or rescuers. We are merely a couple that wanted to have a family. So we sought out adoption. We are not bad people for doing so. Our adoption was the right thing for our family. It would make more sense if I just spilled Kiya's story but I can't and I won't. Just trust me. Adoption was the right thing for her and even more so now.
Her scoliosis may have gone forever undiagnosed and even if it was diagnosed it for sure wouldn't have been treated. Not treating progressive infantile scoliosis can be fatal. Her rib cage is shifting and thus in time could put pressure on her internal organs protected by that rib cage. That is a scary thought.
I have always thought positively about my adoption and now with a medical condition I am grateful that she is here with us and we are seeking the best treatment for her. That said, I don't deny there are issues in Ethiopia. There are some BIG issues in adoption in Ethiopia. These scare me. I worry we will not be adding a son to our family from Ethiopia because of all of these BIG issues and BAD agencies doing truly unethical things. I can't ignore the issues, but I can't ignore the place I fell in love with . The place where my daughter was born. I dream of my children sharing a cultural connection, is that wrong? To some yes, yes it is. But for my family it isn't wrong.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Little Man Update
I haven't talked much about our journey to our Little Man as they just hasn't been much to say until now. We are DONE with the paperchase. Dossier went out in the mail today. It took me so much longer to complete the paperchase this time but I have a little more on my plate than I did 2 1/2 years ago when I did this last time :)
So as I wrote out more checks than I write in 6 months today, photocopied a bazillion pieces of paper twice and tried to figure out how to fit all of this paper in an envelope, I got a little misty eyed. The journey seems more real now. Before it was just kind of out there like yeah we are adopting and we are officially waiting etc. But today it kind of sunk in. This is real. We just mailed off our entire life to bring our son home. We still have lots of waiting left to do but today I feel like our Little Man's space in my heart got a little bit bigger.
We are still at least 1 year away from seeing his face for the first time. Next summer. We could see his face in our email next summer. Wow. As to when he will be with us forever. Tough to say. The process is taking a lot longer with the two trip rule. Based on current estimated wait times which I am well aware may change but it appears we will wait around 20/21 months for our referral which puts us in July/August of next year.
We would then need to travel for court. However we will very likely hit court closure again next year. This year courts in Ethiopia are closed from August 6 (or so) until the end of September with the reality that it will likely be weeks into October before things are fully up and running. So if that stays true for next year, the earliest we would travel for the first time is next fall sometime. We had hoped our son would be home for Christmas 2011 but reality is setting in that he will likely not be home until 2012. I hope I am wrong but I am trying to not be overly optimistic only to be disappointed when things change. Been there done that and it is a nasty roller coaster ride that I am trying to avoid this time around.
I know the wait is long but really I am okay with it. First, I have Kiya to keep me plenty busy. It gives us time to work on her needs and medical stuff. It gives us a chance to hopefully get her out of diapers before baby brother comes home. Second, we stuck with the same agency even given the long waits because getting a son fast is not our goal. Sure we could have switched to some agency that would have produced a son for us in no time at all but at what cost???
So we hit 8 months of officially waiting this coming Sunday. Little Man, just know that Mom, Dad and your Big Sister are waiting for you. We will wait as long as it takes. We are praying for you, your first family and all those that will be taking care of you along the way.
So as I wrote out more checks than I write in 6 months today, photocopied a bazillion pieces of paper twice and tried to figure out how to fit all of this paper in an envelope, I got a little misty eyed. The journey seems more real now. Before it was just kind of out there like yeah we are adopting and we are officially waiting etc. But today it kind of sunk in. This is real. We just mailed off our entire life to bring our son home. We still have lots of waiting left to do but today I feel like our Little Man's space in my heart got a little bit bigger.
We are still at least 1 year away from seeing his face for the first time. Next summer. We could see his face in our email next summer. Wow. As to when he will be with us forever. Tough to say. The process is taking a lot longer with the two trip rule. Based on current estimated wait times which I am well aware may change but it appears we will wait around 20/21 months for our referral which puts us in July/August of next year.
We would then need to travel for court. However we will very likely hit court closure again next year. This year courts in Ethiopia are closed from August 6 (or so) until the end of September with the reality that it will likely be weeks into October before things are fully up and running. So if that stays true for next year, the earliest we would travel for the first time is next fall sometime. We had hoped our son would be home for Christmas 2011 but reality is setting in that he will likely not be home until 2012. I hope I am wrong but I am trying to not be overly optimistic only to be disappointed when things change. Been there done that and it is a nasty roller coaster ride that I am trying to avoid this time around.
I know the wait is long but really I am okay with it. First, I have Kiya to keep me plenty busy. It gives us time to work on her needs and medical stuff. It gives us a chance to hopefully get her out of diapers before baby brother comes home. Second, we stuck with the same agency even given the long waits because getting a son fast is not our goal. Sure we could have switched to some agency that would have produced a son for us in no time at all but at what cost???
So we hit 8 months of officially waiting this coming Sunday. Little Man, just know that Mom, Dad and your Big Sister are waiting for you. We will wait as long as it takes. We are praying for you, your first family and all those that will be taking care of you along the way.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Toast at my hose
We are toasting Rebekah and family. They have a daughter Dagmawit. We couldn't be there to toast in person so we are toasting at our hose. (No that is not a spelling error, you just have to be in the know to know that hose is a VERY important word said by a very important person)
Dagmawit,
While I don't know your family personally, yet. I do know that they love you dearly. Enjoy all that is Wisconsin, especially the summers. And who knows, maybe you will like snow too. We are wishing you all the best and we are praying for you. We are also saying prayers for those that are caring for you in Ethiopia and for those that cared and loved you in your earlier years.
Best wishes!!! Fingers crossed for a speedy and successful court date and travel date soon to follow.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
We are the truth
We Are The Truth – an adoption blogger day: To ensure the world knows about every successful adoption, on Thursday, April 15, 2010 blog about your adoption or the adoption of someone you know. It doesn’t matter if your adoption is with Russia, domestic or otherwise international. Let the world know your truth!
By now I am sure all of you have heard about the woman that sent her 7 year old son on a plane back to Russia alone. She had adopted this boy. He was legally her son. As a result of her actions, I read this article today. Bloggers are uniting to tell the truth. The happy truth about adoption.
So I am blogging today to join this call to action. To share the joy of adoption.
Our journey to parenthood was not easy but every bump in the road that we hit was worth it the second that phone rang on January 6 2009 at 12:53pm. This was it. This was our destiny. Our fate. Our daughter was born to us that day. She was 5 1/2 weeks old and 7 some thousand miles away in beautiful Ethiopia. We were presented with the greatest gift. We saw our sweet little girls face and our heart melted. Somewhere deep inside we just knew that this was it. We were supposed to be together. That these last 6 years were all leading us to her.
As we approach our 1 year of being a family, I am reminded of the beauty that is Ethiopia. I long to return to Ethiopia. To soak up as much as I can. Why? Not for me but for my sweet daughter. We owe it to her. We made a commitment to her and to her Ethiopian mother. I look forward to honoring those commitments.
We spent countless hours researching, educating ourselves and being investigated in order to be able to adopt. There were no secrets. There were background checks, fingerprints, more background checks, more fingerprints, home visits, fire safety plans, classes to attend, applications to fill out and more paperwork than it took to buy our house and car times 10.
We attended classes on transracial adoption, we read about Ethiopia, we reviewed medical information. We did our homework.
It was all so that we could realize our dreams of parenthood. There are many many more positive adoption stories than negative. But if you read the papers and worse if you do it online and read the comments you would think otherwise.
We are truly blessed. I was fortunate enough to read this article. I think the author sums it up really well. He says, "Love trumps genetics" That couldn't be more true. He also says " There's something mysterious and wonderful about the bond between an adoptive parent and child." Yup, true again.
If I could say anything to people who read these articles about adoption gone wrong. I would say don't judge all adoptive parents by the actions of a few. Many more of us are willing to put in the effort and do the work to see our dreams of parenthood come true. We don't go into adoption with rose colored glasses on. We know the realities and are willing to deal with them. Sadly, yes some people are unwilling to make this same commitment but please don't judge us all.
Adoption is how I started my family and it will be how I grow my family. I couldn't be any happier with this path we chose and I for sure couldn't imagine being anymore in love with my little girl.
By now I am sure all of you have heard about the woman that sent her 7 year old son on a plane back to Russia alone. She had adopted this boy. He was legally her son. As a result of her actions, I read this article today. Bloggers are uniting to tell the truth. The happy truth about adoption.
So I am blogging today to join this call to action. To share the joy of adoption.
Our journey to parenthood was not easy but every bump in the road that we hit was worth it the second that phone rang on January 6 2009 at 12:53pm. This was it. This was our destiny. Our fate. Our daughter was born to us that day. She was 5 1/2 weeks old and 7 some thousand miles away in beautiful Ethiopia. We were presented with the greatest gift. We saw our sweet little girls face and our heart melted. Somewhere deep inside we just knew that this was it. We were supposed to be together. That these last 6 years were all leading us to her.
As we approach our 1 year of being a family, I am reminded of the beauty that is Ethiopia. I long to return to Ethiopia. To soak up as much as I can. Why? Not for me but for my sweet daughter. We owe it to her. We made a commitment to her and to her Ethiopian mother. I look forward to honoring those commitments.
We spent countless hours researching, educating ourselves and being investigated in order to be able to adopt. There were no secrets. There were background checks, fingerprints, more background checks, more fingerprints, home visits, fire safety plans, classes to attend, applications to fill out and more paperwork than it took to buy our house and car times 10.
We attended classes on transracial adoption, we read about Ethiopia, we reviewed medical information. We did our homework.
It was all so that we could realize our dreams of parenthood. There are many many more positive adoption stories than negative. But if you read the papers and worse if you do it online and read the comments you would think otherwise.
We are truly blessed. I was fortunate enough to read this article. I think the author sums it up really well. He says, "Love trumps genetics" That couldn't be more true. He also says " There's something mysterious and wonderful about the bond between an adoptive parent and child." Yup, true again.
If I could say anything to people who read these articles about adoption gone wrong. I would say don't judge all adoptive parents by the actions of a few. Many more of us are willing to put in the effort and do the work to see our dreams of parenthood come true. We don't go into adoption with rose colored glasses on. We know the realities and are willing to deal with them. Sadly, yes some people are unwilling to make this same commitment but please don't judge us all.
Adoption is how I started my family and it will be how I grow my family. I couldn't be any happier with this path we chose and I for sure couldn't imagine being anymore in love with my little girl.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Amazing Artwork
You all need to check out this beautiful artwork! I just love it and she donates a portion of her profits to Kolfe Youth Orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
http://jqueenan.blogspot.com/2010/01/last-chance-to-enter-big-art-give-away.html
She also has a great etsy shop located here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/jqueenan
http://jqueenan.blogspot.com/2010/01/last-chance-to-enter-big-art-give-away.html
She also has a great etsy shop located here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/jqueenan
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Waiting this time
Someone asked me today what was going on with Little Man's adoption and I had to pause and think. When someone asked me about our first adoption, I could tell them where we were on the unofficial list, my guess at what number we were on the official list, when I thought we might get a referral, how many months and days we have been waiting, etc. It is just different this time. I am different.
Trust me when I say it is not because I am not as excited to have a son. I can't wait but wait I will and with grace or at least I am telling myself that now. The wait for Kiya was VERY tough and I was not at all graceful with it at times. I got down right whiny at times and needed a swift kick in the butt from some wise women.
Having been to Ethiopia and seeing the pure emotion on Kiya's mother's face forever changed my perspective. We have no idea what Little Man's story will be or if we will be able to meet his parents but it doesn't matter. His parents are out there and their heartache is our heartache. We can only hope to meet one or both of them and let them know that we will love on their little guy and take good care of him and teach him to be proud of his heritage and his family.
So this time around it isn't about counting numbers and months, it is about counting our blessings. We plan to enjoy our time with Kiya and know that at some point in the future she will have a little brother. We know that he will be a perfect fit for our family when the time is right. We have that faith having been through it all before and seeing just how perfect Kiya is for our family.
We have been officially waiting for Little Man for a few months now. Next up is some paperwork and once that is done we will continue to enjoy watching Kiya learn and explore and we will prepare her for big sisterhood when the time comes.
Trust me when I say it is not because I am not as excited to have a son. I can't wait but wait I will and with grace or at least I am telling myself that now. The wait for Kiya was VERY tough and I was not at all graceful with it at times. I got down right whiny at times and needed a swift kick in the butt from some wise women.
Having been to Ethiopia and seeing the pure emotion on Kiya's mother's face forever changed my perspective. We have no idea what Little Man's story will be or if we will be able to meet his parents but it doesn't matter. His parents are out there and their heartache is our heartache. We can only hope to meet one or both of them and let them know that we will love on their little guy and take good care of him and teach him to be proud of his heritage and his family.
So this time around it isn't about counting numbers and months, it is about counting our blessings. We plan to enjoy our time with Kiya and know that at some point in the future she will have a little brother. We know that he will be a perfect fit for our family when the time is right. We have that faith having been through it all before and seeing just how perfect Kiya is for our family.
We have been officially waiting for Little Man for a few months now. Next up is some paperwork and once that is done we will continue to enjoy watching Kiya learn and explore and we will prepare her for big sisterhood when the time comes.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Unanswered Prayers
I heard one of my favorite songs on the radio yesterday on the way to pick Kiya up from daycare, Garth Brooks' "Unanswered Prayers".
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because He doesn't answer doesn't mean He don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
I have always loved this song and while we waited for Kiya I would hear it and cry because it is so very true. I prayed for days, months, years even that we would be blessed and get pregnant and it never happened. At times I was very bitter about this but remained convinced that we were meant to have children some way some how and I just needed to pray more.
I look at Kiya and I am so grateful that my prayers didn't come true. I am over the idea that I will ever get pregnant, it isn't even on my radar anymore. Not saying if in the unlikely case it did happen I wouldn't be thrilled it just isn't a priority for me. My unanswered prayers really did give me the greatest gift. I couldn't imagine a more wonderful child, tantrums and all.
She is everything I dreamed of and yet so much more. She is my perfect little gift. God knew what He was doing when He lead us to adoption and more so to Kiya. For awhile I was so angry and frustrated and sad that my prayers weren't being answered. Trying to get pregnant was the BIGGEST test to my faith. I admittedly was very mad at God and kind of tuned out for awhile.
I am glad I found my way back. God didn't let me down. He had bigger and better things on the agenda for me and I just wasn't patient enough. Now I see. I see the bigger picture and I thank God every day for my unanswered prayers. Because of those unanswered prayers I get to be a mom to the most amazing kid I know and there is nothing better than that.
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because He doesn't answer doesn't mean He don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
I have always loved this song and while we waited for Kiya I would hear it and cry because it is so very true. I prayed for days, months, years even that we would be blessed and get pregnant and it never happened. At times I was very bitter about this but remained convinced that we were meant to have children some way some how and I just needed to pray more.
I look at Kiya and I am so grateful that my prayers didn't come true. I am over the idea that I will ever get pregnant, it isn't even on my radar anymore. Not saying if in the unlikely case it did happen I wouldn't be thrilled it just isn't a priority for me. My unanswered prayers really did give me the greatest gift. I couldn't imagine a more wonderful child, tantrums and all.
She is everything I dreamed of and yet so much more. She is my perfect little gift. God knew what He was doing when He lead us to adoption and more so to Kiya. For awhile I was so angry and frustrated and sad that my prayers weren't being answered. Trying to get pregnant was the BIGGEST test to my faith. I admittedly was very mad at God and kind of tuned out for awhile.
I am glad I found my way back. God didn't let me down. He had bigger and better things on the agenda for me and I just wasn't patient enough. Now I see. I see the bigger picture and I thank God every day for my unanswered prayers. Because of those unanswered prayers I get to be a mom to the most amazing kid I know and there is nothing better than that.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Bill of Rights
I saw this on a blog I read and had to pass it on. Besides this blogging every day thing is tough when you are planning Thanksgiving and a 1st birthday party. I am so glad I read this. Truly amazing and so important.
Copy it, print it off, link to this post, please just pass it along. And while you are at it. Check out this blog. An inspiring story of a woman and her struggles with PAD. She also wrote a book I wish I had read while we were waiting and plan to read to soon.
A Transracially-Adopted Child’s Bill of Rights Adapted by Liza Steinberg Triggs from “A Bill of Rights for Mixed Folks,” by Marilyn Dramé
Every child is entitled to:
Love and full membership in her family.
Have his culture embraced and valued.
Parents who know that this is a race conscious society.
Parents who know that she will experience life differently than they do.
Parents who are not looking to “save” him or to improve the world.
Parents who know that being in a family doesn’t depend on “matching.”
Parents who know that transracial adoption changes the family forever.
Be accepted by extended family members.
Parents who know that, if they are white, they benefit from racism.
Parents who know that they can’t transmit the child’s birth culture if it is not their own.
Have items at home that are made for and by people of his race.
Opportunities to make friends with people of her race or ethnicity.
Daily opportunities of positive experiences with his birth culture.
Build racial pride within her own home, school, and neighborhood.
Have many opportunities to connect with adults of the child’s race.
Parents who accept, understand and empathize with her culture.
Learn survival, problem-solving, and coping skills in a context of racial pride.
Take pride in the development of a dual identity and a multicultural/multiracial perspective on life.
Find his multiculturalism to be an asset and to conclude, “I’ve got the best of both worlds.”
Copy it, print it off, link to this post, please just pass it along. And while you are at it. Check out this blog. An inspiring story of a woman and her struggles with PAD. She also wrote a book I wish I had read while we were waiting and plan to read to soon.
A Transracially-Adopted Child’s Bill of Rights Adapted by Liza Steinberg Triggs from “A Bill of Rights for Mixed Folks,” by Marilyn Dramé
Every child is entitled to:
Love and full membership in her family.
Have his culture embraced and valued.
Parents who know that this is a race conscious society.
Parents who know that she will experience life differently than they do.
Parents who are not looking to “save” him or to improve the world.
Parents who know that being in a family doesn’t depend on “matching.”
Parents who know that transracial adoption changes the family forever.
Be accepted by extended family members.
Parents who know that, if they are white, they benefit from racism.
Parents who know that they can’t transmit the child’s birth culture if it is not their own.
Have items at home that are made for and by people of his race.
Opportunities to make friends with people of her race or ethnicity.
Daily opportunities of positive experiences with his birth culture.
Build racial pride within her own home, school, and neighborhood.
Have many opportunities to connect with adults of the child’s race.
Parents who accept, understand and empathize with her culture.
Learn survival, problem-solving, and coping skills in a context of racial pride.
Take pride in the development of a dual identity and a multicultural/multiracial perspective on life.
Find his multiculturalism to be an asset and to conclude, “I’ve got the best of both worlds.”
Saturday, November 21, 2009
PAD?
PAD or post adoption depression is not something a lot of people talk about but it is real.
I haven't really ever written about it here but was inspired to tell my story because of some other strong women I know who were brave enough to put it out there.
In May of 2007 we were 6 months into our wait for a domestic adoption. We got a phone call about the possibility of being matched with a birth mom who had twin girls. The girls were born in April. Well, 2 weeks later we took a legal risk placement of the girls. In essence we were foster parents until all legal matters could be resolved and there was a termination of parental rights hearing.
So here I was a Mom in all senses of the word with two beautiful 8 week old girls. This is what I dreamed of. This is what I had wanted for the years we struggled with infertility--to be a Mom. So what was the problem? I had all these expectations of what motherhood would look like. I would fall head over heels in love and cherish every moment of it. So when that didn't happen I was at a loss. I felt lost. I didn't know what to do.
I never really felt a connection to the girls. It was almost as if I was living outside of myself and going through the motions. I didn't have this instant bond or love for them. Sure I took good care of them but I didn't love them the way a mother was supposed to love children. Maybe because they legally weren't mine? I am not sure. All I know is that I was miserable and felt guilty every day for feeling this way. What was wrong with me? I had children, that is what I wanted. Maybe I wasn't cut out to be Mom?
I thought all of these things. We cared for the girls for 2 months and just towards the end of our time together did I start to feel any sense of connection and really with only one of the girls. It was in so many ways the hardest 2 months of my life. I was out of sorts and not sure who I was and throw in the craziness that is adoption and I thought for sure I had lost my mind. The worst part was I felt so alone. I hadn't done any homework on PAD so I at the time didn't know what it was.
So as we were preparing to bring Kiya home, I was acutely aware of what I felt our first go round with kids and honestly, I was nervous. Terrified actually. What if I flew for 24 hours to meet this little girl and I didn't instantly fall in love or feel like a Mom? What if I were to just go through the motions again? Could I really do this?
Well, we walked up those stairs to meet our little girl and the tears were there, the feelings were real but I can't say it was a mutual or instant love. I knew she was my daughter and things felt different this time but we just met this was going to take time. The most important thing I told myself as we geared up for this trip of a lifetime, is that it is okay to take time. It is okay to not fall head over heels in love the instant we see her. It is perfectly normal.
Don't get me wrong I loved Kiya the second I saw her picture back in January but truly love as in we have a mother/daughter love took some time. Not long but time. The first weeks home were tough. Illness, jet lag and settling in to being a full time parent were an adjustment and just when we figured that out I went back to work.
I knew things were really different this time when I went back to work. I kind of threw a fit and complained about it. I didn't want to be away from Kiya. We were enjoying the time together and I didn't want to miss that. With the twins I only took two weeks off and not even two full weeks and when I was at work I didn't really miss them or wonder what they were doing. I was grateful to have work to get out of the house.
I guess the reason I wrote this is because once I did my homework and read other stories, it was a huge comfort to know that I wasn't alone. That I wasn't crazy and that what I felt with the twins and even a little with Kiya was totally normal. When you adopt you have this huge rush of excitement to get the paperwork done, to get on the wait list, to move up the wait list, to get the call, to pass court, etc. and when the moment happens that you actually meet that's it. The excitement is over. There are no more deadlines to meet or expectations. You are now a parent. Good luck and have fun. And oh yeah, welcome to the world of 5 minutes to shower, screaming, dirty diapers, puke, snotty noses, no free time, no idea what you are doing all with a child you have known for merely a week.
My best advice and something I will tell myself as we do this again, is that it takes time and that is okay. I am not crazy. I am a good Mom, it just took me some time to actually believe that.
I haven't really ever written about it here but was inspired to tell my story because of some other strong women I know who were brave enough to put it out there.
In May of 2007 we were 6 months into our wait for a domestic adoption. We got a phone call about the possibility of being matched with a birth mom who had twin girls. The girls were born in April. Well, 2 weeks later we took a legal risk placement of the girls. In essence we were foster parents until all legal matters could be resolved and there was a termination of parental rights hearing.
So here I was a Mom in all senses of the word with two beautiful 8 week old girls. This is what I dreamed of. This is what I had wanted for the years we struggled with infertility--to be a Mom. So what was the problem? I had all these expectations of what motherhood would look like. I would fall head over heels in love and cherish every moment of it. So when that didn't happen I was at a loss. I felt lost. I didn't know what to do.
I never really felt a connection to the girls. It was almost as if I was living outside of myself and going through the motions. I didn't have this instant bond or love for them. Sure I took good care of them but I didn't love them the way a mother was supposed to love children. Maybe because they legally weren't mine? I am not sure. All I know is that I was miserable and felt guilty every day for feeling this way. What was wrong with me? I had children, that is what I wanted. Maybe I wasn't cut out to be Mom?
I thought all of these things. We cared for the girls for 2 months and just towards the end of our time together did I start to feel any sense of connection and really with only one of the girls. It was in so many ways the hardest 2 months of my life. I was out of sorts and not sure who I was and throw in the craziness that is adoption and I thought for sure I had lost my mind. The worst part was I felt so alone. I hadn't done any homework on PAD so I at the time didn't know what it was.
So as we were preparing to bring Kiya home, I was acutely aware of what I felt our first go round with kids and honestly, I was nervous. Terrified actually. What if I flew for 24 hours to meet this little girl and I didn't instantly fall in love or feel like a Mom? What if I were to just go through the motions again? Could I really do this?
Well, we walked up those stairs to meet our little girl and the tears were there, the feelings were real but I can't say it was a mutual or instant love. I knew she was my daughter and things felt different this time but we just met this was going to take time. The most important thing I told myself as we geared up for this trip of a lifetime, is that it is okay to take time. It is okay to not fall head over heels in love the instant we see her. It is perfectly normal.
Don't get me wrong I loved Kiya the second I saw her picture back in January but truly love as in we have a mother/daughter love took some time. Not long but time. The first weeks home were tough. Illness, jet lag and settling in to being a full time parent were an adjustment and just when we figured that out I went back to work.
I knew things were really different this time when I went back to work. I kind of threw a fit and complained about it. I didn't want to be away from Kiya. We were enjoying the time together and I didn't want to miss that. With the twins I only took two weeks off and not even two full weeks and when I was at work I didn't really miss them or wonder what they were doing. I was grateful to have work to get out of the house.
I guess the reason I wrote this is because once I did my homework and read other stories, it was a huge comfort to know that I wasn't alone. That I wasn't crazy and that what I felt with the twins and even a little with Kiya was totally normal. When you adopt you have this huge rush of excitement to get the paperwork done, to get on the wait list, to move up the wait list, to get the call, to pass court, etc. and when the moment happens that you actually meet that's it. The excitement is over. There are no more deadlines to meet or expectations. You are now a parent. Good luck and have fun. And oh yeah, welcome to the world of 5 minutes to shower, screaming, dirty diapers, puke, snotty noses, no free time, no idea what you are doing all with a child you have known for merely a week.
My best advice and something I will tell myself as we do this again, is that it takes time and that is okay. I am not crazy. I am a good Mom, it just took me some time to actually believe that.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
International adoption, Ethiopia, Little Man and more
This is a heavy post. Just an FYI. It is me sorting through some tough stuff.
We just got word the other day that our agency has officially extended the wait time for referral of a child age 0-24months to 16-24months. Not a shock, we fully expected this. The shock came in the same announcement that they have stopped accepting applications for the Ethiopia program effective immediately for families looking to adopt a child 0-24 months. Reality is they probably should have done this sooner but it is what it is. We just barely made that cut off.
Our hearts belong in Ethiopia and in a way they always will. Can I say at this writing that I am 100% sure that our Little Man will be born in Ethiopia, no I can't. My deep seeded fear that is surfacing more and more each day is that Ethiopia will shut down to international adoption before we can realize the dream of a son. Do I know that will happen, no but it is a fear and I believe a good one. There are a lot of red flags and warning signs right now and it is a scary thing.
So then what? Well, if that happens we would definitely have to switch agencies. While I can't say my son will be born in Ethiopia, I would like to confidently say that he would be born in Africa or the Caribbean. I feel and believe that in my heart. Our current agency doesn't have any other programs in either of those places right now. We are pretty sure we know what agency we would switch to. The list is short.
There is always domestic adoption but I honestly don't know if I could ever go back to that. I just don't have the heart for it. Can I say I would 100% rule it out as an option, no but I have a lot more soul searching to do before that would become a reality. I admire those willing to tough it out. I am not that strong. I was strong once and I don't think I could be that strong again. I don't know.
Absolute worst case scenario, and yes we talked about this just last night. We have a daughter. A beautiful daughter that we love more than anything in this world and we are so honored to be her parents. If that is it for us, one child then we couldn't ask for a more perfect child. Yes, this brings tears to my eyes and it scares me.
There was a time in my life that I wasn't sure I even wanted to have children. That changed and I LOVE being a mom. I would love to have more than one child but in reality it isn't up to us. God made that pretty clear. He led us to adoption once and is leading us there again and we just have to have faith. That is a whole lot easier said than done.
International adoption is never a guarantee and it is definitely not an easy path. We knew that going in though it was much harder than I thought it would be. We want our adoptions to be ethical and above board. Ethics to be honest wasn't always a topic on the table. I feel I have come along way in my thought process and I owe that to wise AP's who have come before me. They have made me think. Really think. I have said this before that I feel that Kiya's adoption was above board and ethical. I want the same feeling when we adopt our son be it from Ethiopia or some place else.
As we gear up to start waiting, my plan is to focus on today. Focus on this beautiful little girl in my life and cherish every moment with her. We can deal with the reality of adoption, when we need to. Right now we need to be the best parents we can to Kiya. She deserves nothing less than our very best. She will keep us going and going and going I have a feeling but every tired moment is so worth it.
Don't get me wrong, I pray everyday that our Little Man will join our family some time in the future but I also realize that at some point Little Man may be another daughter or may not be at all. Time will tell and what is supposed to be will be. We are merely waiting for more instructions.
We just got word the other day that our agency has officially extended the wait time for referral of a child age 0-24months to 16-24months. Not a shock, we fully expected this. The shock came in the same announcement that they have stopped accepting applications for the Ethiopia program effective immediately for families looking to adopt a child 0-24 months. Reality is they probably should have done this sooner but it is what it is. We just barely made that cut off.
Our hearts belong in Ethiopia and in a way they always will. Can I say at this writing that I am 100% sure that our Little Man will be born in Ethiopia, no I can't. My deep seeded fear that is surfacing more and more each day is that Ethiopia will shut down to international adoption before we can realize the dream of a son. Do I know that will happen, no but it is a fear and I believe a good one. There are a lot of red flags and warning signs right now and it is a scary thing.
So then what? Well, if that happens we would definitely have to switch agencies. While I can't say my son will be born in Ethiopia, I would like to confidently say that he would be born in Africa or the Caribbean. I feel and believe that in my heart. Our current agency doesn't have any other programs in either of those places right now. We are pretty sure we know what agency we would switch to. The list is short.
There is always domestic adoption but I honestly don't know if I could ever go back to that. I just don't have the heart for it. Can I say I would 100% rule it out as an option, no but I have a lot more soul searching to do before that would become a reality. I admire those willing to tough it out. I am not that strong. I was strong once and I don't think I could be that strong again. I don't know.
Absolute worst case scenario, and yes we talked about this just last night. We have a daughter. A beautiful daughter that we love more than anything in this world and we are so honored to be her parents. If that is it for us, one child then we couldn't ask for a more perfect child. Yes, this brings tears to my eyes and it scares me.
There was a time in my life that I wasn't sure I even wanted to have children. That changed and I LOVE being a mom. I would love to have more than one child but in reality it isn't up to us. God made that pretty clear. He led us to adoption once and is leading us there again and we just have to have faith. That is a whole lot easier said than done.
International adoption is never a guarantee and it is definitely not an easy path. We knew that going in though it was much harder than I thought it would be. We want our adoptions to be ethical and above board. Ethics to be honest wasn't always a topic on the table. I feel I have come along way in my thought process and I owe that to wise AP's who have come before me. They have made me think. Really think. I have said this before that I feel that Kiya's adoption was above board and ethical. I want the same feeling when we adopt our son be it from Ethiopia or some place else.
As we gear up to start waiting, my plan is to focus on today. Focus on this beautiful little girl in my life and cherish every moment with her. We can deal with the reality of adoption, when we need to. Right now we need to be the best parents we can to Kiya. She deserves nothing less than our very best. She will keep us going and going and going I have a feeling but every tired moment is so worth it.
Don't get me wrong, I pray everyday that our Little Man will join our family some time in the future but I also realize that at some point Little Man may be another daughter or may not be at all. Time will tell and what is supposed to be will be. We are merely waiting for more instructions.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Where to begin....
Tomorrow--stay tuned for a we met Kiya 5 months ago and she has now known us as long as she had known Ethiopia.
But today I need to VENT. I am angry, hurt, frustrated, mystified, saddened, freaking out and more.
Yesterday I was SHOCKED to find out that CHSFS, our agency, has decided to unexpectedly close their forum. I am at a loss. I 'met' and met some amazing people through this forum. It was my life line while we were waiting for Kiya. I honestly am not sure I could have survived the process without the amazing support I found there.
For all of you blog readers, I started this blog because of the people I met on the forum. I found their blogs inspiring and informative and wanted to connect with more adoptive families. You all are amazing. I feel honored to be in your company. I truly thank you all for your words of wisdom, virtual hugs and support. You are an amazing group of people that I am proud to call my friends.
We are in the process of trying to pick up the pieces and find a way to continue. We are emailing everyone we know to get them moved over to a new place. We are writing anyone and everyone in our agency pleading with them to change this. There is a WEALTH of info on that forum from adoption ethics, hair care, travel tips, packing lists, medical questions, tax questions, parenting tips, the unofficial list that I so faithfully counted down when we were waiting for Kiya.
As we are gearing up for adoption #2, we have a lot of thinking to do. I was looking forward to the forum and members of it is as we started our wait again. I am having a hard time imagining how adoption number 2 will be without that support system. It was one of the more appealing qualities of CHSFS. We have some soul searching to do. I check that forum daily and have posted more questions than I care to say.
I will deeply miss the community, the love, the honesty, the support, the hugs, the joy, the tears, the sense of family. The worst part is we as members of this forum are not getting ANY answers as to why they are doing this...it just doesn't make sense to close this off.
I would have been lost without all of you. I found everyone one of my blogging buddies either directly or indirectly through that forum.
But today I need to VENT. I am angry, hurt, frustrated, mystified, saddened, freaking out and more.
Yesterday I was SHOCKED to find out that CHSFS, our agency, has decided to unexpectedly close their forum. I am at a loss. I 'met' and met some amazing people through this forum. It was my life line while we were waiting for Kiya. I honestly am not sure I could have survived the process without the amazing support I found there.
For all of you blog readers, I started this blog because of the people I met on the forum. I found their blogs inspiring and informative and wanted to connect with more adoptive families. You all are amazing. I feel honored to be in your company. I truly thank you all for your words of wisdom, virtual hugs and support. You are an amazing group of people that I am proud to call my friends.
We are in the process of trying to pick up the pieces and find a way to continue. We are emailing everyone we know to get them moved over to a new place. We are writing anyone and everyone in our agency pleading with them to change this. There is a WEALTH of info on that forum from adoption ethics, hair care, travel tips, packing lists, medical questions, tax questions, parenting tips, the unofficial list that I so faithfully counted down when we were waiting for Kiya.
As we are gearing up for adoption #2, we have a lot of thinking to do. I was looking forward to the forum and members of it is as we started our wait again. I am having a hard time imagining how adoption number 2 will be without that support system. It was one of the more appealing qualities of CHSFS. We have some soul searching to do. I check that forum daily and have posted more questions than I care to say.
I will deeply miss the community, the love, the honesty, the support, the hugs, the joy, the tears, the sense of family. The worst part is we as members of this forum are not getting ANY answers as to why they are doing this...it just doesn't make sense to close this off.
I would have been lost without all of you. I found everyone one of my blogging buddies either directly or indirectly through that forum.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)