I forgot to mention the last 2 secret pal gifts that I have received. In August, I opened my package to find some really cool children's books, the book "The Kite Runner" and a chocolate bar. How cool is that???
This month, I had an envelope in the mail. I took one look at the envelope and broke out in a HUGE grin. Inside was a gift card for Gymboree, my new favorite baby store. Yeah.
The first thing my hubby said was I had to wait until October to buy something else for baby since I promised only one thing per month. Well, October starts tomorrow so thanks Secret Pal. I will post a picture of what I decide to get. So many choices...
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Day off??
Today was supposed to be my day off however it hasn't felt like it. I have been going and going all day except for the 20 minutes I sat down and talked to my Mom and right now.
I started the day with a workout and then a quick shower. From there I was off to get a cup of much needed coffee. From the coffee shop, I headed to grocery store #1. I picked up the few items I needed from that store and headed off to grocery store #2. I used to think shopping at more than one store was a waste of time but in the efforts to get the best deal I have found it necessary. Store 1 sells 96% fat free ground beef and store 2 does not. My husband likes to drink Izze and at store 1 they have more flavors but are almost $1 more expensive than store 2. So since I was going to both stores I got one flavor at store 1 that they don't sell at store 2 and then the other flavor at store 2. Store 2 is MUCH closer to home but you can get sucked in there. They have the best produce,bakery, deli, meat and fish sections though so I like to go there but often spend too much money on stuff we don't really need so store 1 keeps me honest.
So after all the grocery shopping, I headed to a store called MyMenu. I LOVE this place. You can go in a pick out frozen meals that are healthy and easy to make. You get so much food for so little. I purchased 2 chicken breast dinners, 3 fish dinners, spinach and cheese cannelloni, 6 twice baked potatoes and a chicken/pasta/vegetable dish. So I have enough food for 1 week all for less than $45. I am so glad this store came to our area. It will come in handy for right after baby arrives. We can eat at home and healthy without much prep work or hassle. It is great.
After that I headed home to unload. I did manage to stop and eat lunch and read a chapter or two in a Catherine Coulter book. When lunch was finished it was time to bath the pugs. Now this is a task in and of itself. I get wet, the floor gets wet and everything the dogs come in contact with gets wet. I bathe them together to save time and energy. For the most part they are really good. They hate getting water in their eyes and being dried off. They try endlessly to climb out of the tub. It is exhausting but a monthly task that needs to get done.
From dog washing, I went to sand the patio furniture. I don't enjoy sanding but I did it and now I have to put a few coats of shellac on it and it will be done. As soon as its done I get to buy the white paint for the background of the nursery mural :)
Oh I almost forgot that I cleaned 2 bathrooms as well. So to say I am tired is an understatement. I am taking the next few hours for me time to catch up on my favorite shows that I Tivo'd and then I will make dinner.
I started the day with a workout and then a quick shower. From there I was off to get a cup of much needed coffee. From the coffee shop, I headed to grocery store #1. I picked up the few items I needed from that store and headed off to grocery store #2. I used to think shopping at more than one store was a waste of time but in the efforts to get the best deal I have found it necessary. Store 1 sells 96% fat free ground beef and store 2 does not. My husband likes to drink Izze and at store 1 they have more flavors but are almost $1 more expensive than store 2. So since I was going to both stores I got one flavor at store 1 that they don't sell at store 2 and then the other flavor at store 2. Store 2 is MUCH closer to home but you can get sucked in there. They have the best produce,bakery, deli, meat and fish sections though so I like to go there but often spend too much money on stuff we don't really need so store 1 keeps me honest.
So after all the grocery shopping, I headed to a store called MyMenu. I LOVE this place. You can go in a pick out frozen meals that are healthy and easy to make. You get so much food for so little. I purchased 2 chicken breast dinners, 3 fish dinners, spinach and cheese cannelloni, 6 twice baked potatoes and a chicken/pasta/vegetable dish. So I have enough food for 1 week all for less than $45. I am so glad this store came to our area. It will come in handy for right after baby arrives. We can eat at home and healthy without much prep work or hassle. It is great.
After that I headed home to unload. I did manage to stop and eat lunch and read a chapter or two in a Catherine Coulter book. When lunch was finished it was time to bath the pugs. Now this is a task in and of itself. I get wet, the floor gets wet and everything the dogs come in contact with gets wet. I bathe them together to save time and energy. For the most part they are really good. They hate getting water in their eyes and being dried off. They try endlessly to climb out of the tub. It is exhausting but a monthly task that needs to get done.
From dog washing, I went to sand the patio furniture. I don't enjoy sanding but I did it and now I have to put a few coats of shellac on it and it will be done. As soon as its done I get to buy the white paint for the background of the nursery mural :)
Oh I almost forgot that I cleaned 2 bathrooms as well. So to say I am tired is an understatement. I am taking the next few hours for me time to catch up on my favorite shows that I Tivo'd and then I will make dinner.
Monday, September 29, 2008
The greatest game ever?
So we went to possibly the greatest game that I may ever see in my life time. It is hard to put in to words what exactly it was like to be at this baseball game but trust me it was AMAZING!!
Let me first set the scene. It was a cloudy Sunday afternoon in the next to the last row in the upper level of Miller Park. We were there with my BIL and FIL. We were hoping and praying to beat the Cubs one last time. We needed to beat the Cubs if we wanted any chance of going to the playoffs. Playoffs and Brewers haven't been used in the same sentence in 26 years. This was a really big deal.
The Cubs jumped out to an early lead. The mood in the stadium sours. Everyone has their cell phones out checking the score of the Packers game. News from that game soured the mood even more. First we were winning, then our quarterback threw 2 picks, then he got hurt and then we were losing and would go on to lose. Really bad moods were all around except for the ANNOYING Cubs fans. We were also watching the score of the Mets/Marlins game as we desperately needed the Mets to lose.
It was getting a little tense. The Brewers were losing, the Mets game was tied. Then things started to take a turn for the better. The Cubs pitcher walked in a run so we had tied the game and Wes Helms hit a home run for the Marlins and next thing we knew it was 4-2 Marlins with a few innings to go. Okay so that helped. We were thinking, well if the Mets lose and we lose, we are tied for the Wild Card so we have to play the play in game. It could be worse.
Fast forward to the bottom of the 8th inning. CC Sabathia and Mike Cameron both had recorded outs and then Ray Durham hit a double. With 2 outs and our best players coming up we were hopeful. Ryan Braun, hands down one of the best players in baseball, is up to bat. We, in the stands, felt that he was our last chance. We needed him to get it done. After all, he did hit a walk off Grand Slam earlier in the week so he could hit a home run right now, right?? Oh yeah, he can!!! No joke, he hit a 400 plus feet home run. To say the stadium went wild was an understatement. I think my feet still hurt from jumping up and down.
Someone pinch me, is this really happening?? Yes, yes it is. We were 3 outs away from possibly going to the playoffs. The Brewers spent big money to bring in CC Sabathia and oh is he worth it. He has pitched 7 complete games for the Brewers, more than any other pitcher in the National League and he only joined the National League in July. He is AMAZING. So when we saw him bat in the 8th inning we had renewed hope that things were going to go our way. After all, we didn't have a lot of options. Our "closer" is TERRIBLE. So Sabathia gets one guy out, the second guy gets a single and now the tying run is at the plate. Oh no. Well low and behold the next batter one Derrick Lee hit into a double play. GAME OVER!!!! BREWERS WIN!!!
The crowd went beyond wild. Screaming, crying, hugging, waiting to see the score in the Mets game. They started showing the Mets game on the scoreboard and 10's of thousands of fans stayed to see if we were going to New York for a play in game or if we were going to Philly for the first round of the playoffs.
We watched, we cheered, we yelled and we waited for what seemed like forever for that darn Mets game to be over. We are sitting there with 2 outs in the bottom of 9th and the Mets have one last chance. We hear the crack of the bat and get really nervous. The ball is flying high and fast to deep center field and we waited with such anticipation to see if it would be caught or be a home run. AHHH I didn't want to watch but I am so glad I did. Catch, three outs, game over, last game in Shea Stadium and oh yeah the Brewers are going to the playoffs.
I have never witnessed anything like what I saw when that 3rd out was recorded in New York. We had cheering, streamers, confetti and champagne showers. It was truly a sight and I am so lucky to have been able to witness baseball history in the making. 26 years in the making but in the end the Brewers are going to the playoffs. And I have playoff tickets :)
Let me first set the scene. It was a cloudy Sunday afternoon in the next to the last row in the upper level of Miller Park. We were there with my BIL and FIL. We were hoping and praying to beat the Cubs one last time. We needed to beat the Cubs if we wanted any chance of going to the playoffs. Playoffs and Brewers haven't been used in the same sentence in 26 years. This was a really big deal.
The Cubs jumped out to an early lead. The mood in the stadium sours. Everyone has their cell phones out checking the score of the Packers game. News from that game soured the mood even more. First we were winning, then our quarterback threw 2 picks, then he got hurt and then we were losing and would go on to lose. Really bad moods were all around except for the ANNOYING Cubs fans. We were also watching the score of the Mets/Marlins game as we desperately needed the Mets to lose.
It was getting a little tense. The Brewers were losing, the Mets game was tied. Then things started to take a turn for the better. The Cubs pitcher walked in a run so we had tied the game and Wes Helms hit a home run for the Marlins and next thing we knew it was 4-2 Marlins with a few innings to go. Okay so that helped. We were thinking, well if the Mets lose and we lose, we are tied for the Wild Card so we have to play the play in game. It could be worse.
Fast forward to the bottom of the 8th inning. CC Sabathia and Mike Cameron both had recorded outs and then Ray Durham hit a double. With 2 outs and our best players coming up we were hopeful. Ryan Braun, hands down one of the best players in baseball, is up to bat. We, in the stands, felt that he was our last chance. We needed him to get it done. After all, he did hit a walk off Grand Slam earlier in the week so he could hit a home run right now, right?? Oh yeah, he can!!! No joke, he hit a 400 plus feet home run. To say the stadium went wild was an understatement. I think my feet still hurt from jumping up and down.
Someone pinch me, is this really happening?? Yes, yes it is. We were 3 outs away from possibly going to the playoffs. The Brewers spent big money to bring in CC Sabathia and oh is he worth it. He has pitched 7 complete games for the Brewers, more than any other pitcher in the National League and he only joined the National League in July. He is AMAZING. So when we saw him bat in the 8th inning we had renewed hope that things were going to go our way. After all, we didn't have a lot of options. Our "closer" is TERRIBLE. So Sabathia gets one guy out, the second guy gets a single and now the tying run is at the plate. Oh no. Well low and behold the next batter one Derrick Lee hit into a double play. GAME OVER!!!! BREWERS WIN!!!
The crowd went beyond wild. Screaming, crying, hugging, waiting to see the score in the Mets game. They started showing the Mets game on the scoreboard and 10's of thousands of fans stayed to see if we were going to New York for a play in game or if we were going to Philly for the first round of the playoffs.
We watched, we cheered, we yelled and we waited for what seemed like forever for that darn Mets game to be over. We are sitting there with 2 outs in the bottom of 9th and the Mets have one last chance. We hear the crack of the bat and get really nervous. The ball is flying high and fast to deep center field and we waited with such anticipation to see if it would be caught or be a home run. AHHH I didn't want to watch but I am so glad I did. Catch, three outs, game over, last game in Shea Stadium and oh yeah the Brewers are going to the playoffs.
I have never witnessed anything like what I saw when that 3rd out was recorded in New York. We had cheering, streamers, confetti and champagne showers. It was truly a sight and I am so lucky to have been able to witness baseball history in the making. 26 years in the making but in the end the Brewers are going to the playoffs. And I have playoff tickets :)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Getting in shape
I know I mentioned that I had been working out and as a reward I bought myself a baby blanket. Well, I am still working out. YEAH! In fact, another adoptive mom is starting a support group for us waiters and another one for those already home with babies to get in shape and drop those excess pounds.
I currently try to work out 4-5 days a week for 20-30 minutes a day depending on what day it is and how much time I have. I am on week 3 which is usually around the time that I get bored and give up. Well, now that I will have a group of moms to help motivate me I am hoping not to quit.
A lot of my friends who have bio children would make comments about how it was so great that I got to be a mom and didn't have to gain the pregnancy weight. Well let me tell you, there is a such thing as adopting a baby weight gain. I think the stress and unknown of adoption makes anxious moms eat at least that is how it is with me. I have definitely gained weight since we started this adoption journey.
At first I blamed the few extra pounds on the hormone pills I took when we were trying IUI since the doctor said that could be a side effect. Well, that was 2 years ago and I have gained more weight since then so that wasn't totally it. I eat when I am bored so my goal is to try and keep myself busy so I don't have time to snack. And if I do snack then making sure it is a healthy snack and not chips and salsa or worse. I don't have much of a sweet tooth which is nice but my total weakness is ice cream. I can't help it; I love it.
My motto for this whole thing is everything in moderation. I can't stop eating ice cream because then I will want it more. I just need to watch how much I eat. I don't eat it everyday but probably once a week. I know terrible. The worst part is that now it is fall and Culver's has the most amazing Pumpkin milkshakes. I have had only one so far. This is definitely a HUGE weakness.
I want to stick with this working out and eating better so I can be in better shape for not only the high altitudes in Ethiopia but for when baby is home. It is not always going to be fun but it needs to be done. I have to update my home study in December and part of that is going to the doctor. My goal is to weigh less at that appointment than I did before we started the adoption process. I figure that means I need to lose about 15 pounds before then. I can do this. I have done it before but always put the weight back on. In total I would love to lose about 30 pounds but I would be happy with 20. If I stick with my work out plan and cut out my eating when bored I should be a okay.
I cook pretty healthy dinners so that part doesn't need to change. We could eat more veggies so I will try to add more of those in but overall we do pretty well. The only dessert I eat every week is after our kickball games and that is ice cream. We don't go out to eat often maybe once or twice a week and usually we eat fairly healthy sometimes we splurge and don't but not too often. So I feel like this is a reasonable goal to reach and I am getting a lot closer to being able to start my mural so that will keep my busy and not eating while bored. We shall see how this goes...
I currently try to work out 4-5 days a week for 20-30 minutes a day depending on what day it is and how much time I have. I am on week 3 which is usually around the time that I get bored and give up. Well, now that I will have a group of moms to help motivate me I am hoping not to quit.
A lot of my friends who have bio children would make comments about how it was so great that I got to be a mom and didn't have to gain the pregnancy weight. Well let me tell you, there is a such thing as adopting a baby weight gain. I think the stress and unknown of adoption makes anxious moms eat at least that is how it is with me. I have definitely gained weight since we started this adoption journey.
At first I blamed the few extra pounds on the hormone pills I took when we were trying IUI since the doctor said that could be a side effect. Well, that was 2 years ago and I have gained more weight since then so that wasn't totally it. I eat when I am bored so my goal is to try and keep myself busy so I don't have time to snack. And if I do snack then making sure it is a healthy snack and not chips and salsa or worse. I don't have much of a sweet tooth which is nice but my total weakness is ice cream. I can't help it; I love it.
My motto for this whole thing is everything in moderation. I can't stop eating ice cream because then I will want it more. I just need to watch how much I eat. I don't eat it everyday but probably once a week. I know terrible. The worst part is that now it is fall and Culver's has the most amazing Pumpkin milkshakes. I have had only one so far. This is definitely a HUGE weakness.
I want to stick with this working out and eating better so I can be in better shape for not only the high altitudes in Ethiopia but for when baby is home. It is not always going to be fun but it needs to be done. I have to update my home study in December and part of that is going to the doctor. My goal is to weigh less at that appointment than I did before we started the adoption process. I figure that means I need to lose about 15 pounds before then. I can do this. I have done it before but always put the weight back on. In total I would love to lose about 30 pounds but I would be happy with 20. If I stick with my work out plan and cut out my eating when bored I should be a okay.
I cook pretty healthy dinners so that part doesn't need to change. We could eat more veggies so I will try to add more of those in but overall we do pretty well. The only dessert I eat every week is after our kickball games and that is ice cream. We don't go out to eat often maybe once or twice a week and usually we eat fairly healthy sometimes we splurge and don't but not too often. So I feel like this is a reasonable goal to reach and I am getting a lot closer to being able to start my mural so that will keep my busy and not eating while bored. We shall see how this goes...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Being grateful
I got an email today that really hit home. I have been whiny and pretty selfish lately. As I posted awhile ago, I am not super happy with my job and REALLY want to be a stay at home mom but we need health insurance so that really isn't an option for right now. Hubby and I are in negotiations for when Baby #2 comes home that I will be a stay at home mom. YEAH!!! There is a chance it could happen before that if we pay off some bills and find reasonable health insurance.
Anyway, back to the email... I got this from my Mom who I believe got it from my uncle. I have been grumpy about my job for awhile now and when I read this email it made me pause. I had to stop and think that I really need to be grateful for all the things I do have and not so upset about the little stuff. In the grand scheme of life, my job isn't that relevant. That doesn't mean I now love my job, I don't but I have had a realization anyway. I realize that I should be thankful for the ability to work and really just suck it up and deal. It isn't that bad and me complaining about it isn't helping. So here is the email:
Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are.
Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings.
Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.
Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible. Thank you, Lord , that I can see. Many are blind.
Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising. Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.
Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned, tempers are short, and my children are so loud. Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.
Even though our breakfast table never looks like the picture in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced. Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.
Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.
Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances we're different. Thank you, Lord, for life.
I got this email while I was at work today. Yes, I should have been working but it was slow so I checked my email. If I could I would quit my job the day we get back from Ethiopia but that isn't reality and I will hang in there for my family. I know at some point in the relatively near future (12-24months or so) that I will be a stay at home mom. I did gain a little much needed perspective today and for that I am grateful. Amazing what a forwarded email chain can do, huh?
Anyway, back to the email... I got this from my Mom who I believe got it from my uncle. I have been grumpy about my job for awhile now and when I read this email it made me pause. I had to stop and think that I really need to be grateful for all the things I do have and not so upset about the little stuff. In the grand scheme of life, my job isn't that relevant. That doesn't mean I now love my job, I don't but I have had a realization anyway. I realize that I should be thankful for the ability to work and really just suck it up and deal. It isn't that bad and me complaining about it isn't helping. So here is the email:
Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are.
Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings.
Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.
Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible. Thank you, Lord , that I can see. Many are blind.
Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising. Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.
Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned, tempers are short, and my children are so loud. Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.
Even though our breakfast table never looks like the picture in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced. Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.
Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.
Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances we're different. Thank you, Lord, for life.
I got this email while I was at work today. Yes, I should have been working but it was slow so I checked my email. If I could I would quit my job the day we get back from Ethiopia but that isn't reality and I will hang in there for my family. I know at some point in the relatively near future (12-24months or so) that I will be a stay at home mom. I did gain a little much needed perspective today and for that I am grateful. Amazing what a forwarded email chain can do, huh?
Monday, September 22, 2008
8 months today
We have hit the 8 month mark in our adoption journey. Our journey to parenthood is getting closer to the 6 year mark. Wow what a journey this has been so far. It definitely has not been an easy journey. There have been very few highs and even those turned in to really big lows.
The only comfort I have is that we are so close. We have to be. I am still hopeful that we won't hit the one year mark. We will likely hit the 10 or 11 month mark but I don't want to hit one year. I would love to see the picture of our baby before Christmas. It would be an amazing gift. I know that that may not happen but a girl can dream right??
I found this poem on the forum today and it touched me so I thought I would share it with everyone.
Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone
But still miraculously my own
Never forget for a single minute
You didn't grow under my heart,
But in it.
I think it is a beautiful way to describe adoption. Even though I don't know if we are having a boy or a girl or how old or if they have hair or not, I love that little one already. They have been growing in my heart since we started the adoption journey two years ago. We never dreamed we would still be waiting for the love of our life two years later but we are and we will continue to wait. We know our little one is out there. I dream of them everyday and I can't wait to meet them, but wait I will. They will come to me when they are ready and I will be there with open arms and probably a bunch of tears.
The only comfort I have is that we are so close. We have to be. I am still hopeful that we won't hit the one year mark. We will likely hit the 10 or 11 month mark but I don't want to hit one year. I would love to see the picture of our baby before Christmas. It would be an amazing gift. I know that that may not happen but a girl can dream right??
I found this poem on the forum today and it touched me so I thought I would share it with everyone.
Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone
But still miraculously my own
Never forget for a single minute
You didn't grow under my heart,
But in it.
I think it is a beautiful way to describe adoption. Even though I don't know if we are having a boy or a girl or how old or if they have hair or not, I love that little one already. They have been growing in my heart since we started the adoption journey two years ago. We never dreamed we would still be waiting for the love of our life two years later but we are and we will continue to wait. We know our little one is out there. I dream of them everyday and I can't wait to meet them, but wait I will. They will come to me when they are ready and I will be there with open arms and probably a bunch of tears.
Friday, September 19, 2008
I don't like stupid people
I read this article today and got VERY angry. I tried to post a comment but as of yet it hasn't gone through. Here is a link to the article and below that a few select paragraphs that really upset me.
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-blankenhorn19-2008sep19,0,2093869.story
"Marriage as a human institution is constantly evolving, and many of its features vary across groups and cultures. But there is one constant. In all societies, marriage shapes the rights and obligations of parenthood. Among us humans, the scholars report, marriage is not primarily a license to have sex. Nor is it primarily a license to receive benefits or social recognition. It is primarily a license to have children.
In this sense, marriage is a gift that society bestows on its next generation. Marriage (and only marriage) unites the three core dimensions of parenthood -- biological, social and legal -- into one pro-child form: the married couple. Marriage says to a child: The man and the woman whose sexual union made you will also be there to love and raise you. Marriage says to society as a whole: For every child born, there is a recognized mother and a father, accountable to the child and to each other.
All our scholarly instruments seem to agree: For healthy development, what a child needs more than anything else is the mother and father who together made the child, who love the child and love each other."
I hate that I published these words here but it made me so mad. I need to vent. The author is trying to argue against same sex marriage but rather than discussing that issue he goes WAY over board and insults all adoptive parent, single parent, and gay couples raising children.
In his view only biological parents can raise healthy, well adjusted children. So if you didn't "make" the child you can't possibly be a good parent, right??? WRONG!!!
I know a gay couple that has adopted children that were born to a Mom who was addicted to drugs. These kids would have been on the street or in the foster care system unless they had been adopted by this couple. They now have two parents that love them and provide for them. They are afforded opportunities that they never would have had had they stay with the biological mother and father. So which is better for the children??
Admittedly, I am super sensitive to this issue since my children will not be born to me. I know though that I will give my children everything I have. I will love them , cherish them and support them to the best of my ability. I don't think we will be bad parents or have unhealthy children just because we didn't give birth to them.
There is more to parenting than mere biology. Will raising adopted children come with issues? Sure and I am preparing myself for those. Would I potentially have issues in raising a biological child? Yup. So I don't really understand the point he is trying to make.
Isn't is better for a child to be loved by one awesome parent, two parents whether biological or not or a loving gay couple then bounced around in the foster care system? I sure think so. Marriage does not a good parent make. Love goes along way and I hope my child will always know that I love them even though they were born in my heart and not in my tummy.
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-blankenhorn19-2008sep19,0,2093869.story
"Marriage as a human institution is constantly evolving, and many of its features vary across groups and cultures. But there is one constant. In all societies, marriage shapes the rights and obligations of parenthood. Among us humans, the scholars report, marriage is not primarily a license to have sex. Nor is it primarily a license to receive benefits or social recognition. It is primarily a license to have children.
In this sense, marriage is a gift that society bestows on its next generation. Marriage (and only marriage) unites the three core dimensions of parenthood -- biological, social and legal -- into one pro-child form: the married couple. Marriage says to a child: The man and the woman whose sexual union made you will also be there to love and raise you. Marriage says to society as a whole: For every child born, there is a recognized mother and a father, accountable to the child and to each other.
All our scholarly instruments seem to agree: For healthy development, what a child needs more than anything else is the mother and father who together made the child, who love the child and love each other."
I hate that I published these words here but it made me so mad. I need to vent. The author is trying to argue against same sex marriage but rather than discussing that issue he goes WAY over board and insults all adoptive parent, single parent, and gay couples raising children.
In his view only biological parents can raise healthy, well adjusted children. So if you didn't "make" the child you can't possibly be a good parent, right??? WRONG!!!
I know a gay couple that has adopted children that were born to a Mom who was addicted to drugs. These kids would have been on the street or in the foster care system unless they had been adopted by this couple. They now have two parents that love them and provide for them. They are afforded opportunities that they never would have had had they stay with the biological mother and father. So which is better for the children??
Admittedly, I am super sensitive to this issue since my children will not be born to me. I know though that I will give my children everything I have. I will love them , cherish them and support them to the best of my ability. I don't think we will be bad parents or have unhealthy children just because we didn't give birth to them.
There is more to parenting than mere biology. Will raising adopted children come with issues? Sure and I am preparing myself for those. Would I potentially have issues in raising a biological child? Yup. So I don't really understand the point he is trying to make.
Isn't is better for a child to be loved by one awesome parent, two parents whether biological or not or a loving gay couple then bounced around in the foster care system? I sure think so. Marriage does not a good parent make. Love goes along way and I hope my child will always know that I love them even though they were born in my heart and not in my tummy.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Updates
The hotline for our agency was just updated and they are still saying it is approximately a 12 month wait for a referral for an infant. They also said that things like age, health of the baby and a whole host of other factors could influence how fast you get a referral.
So that being said we have to update our homestudy so we could make some changes to the age of the child we would accept or the health of the child. We have talked at length about this and we are sticking with 0-12 months for an infant or twins. I am not ready to bring home a toddler and if we change to siblings we would need to be open to 0-4years and we can't specify ages within that range. So we could get an infant and a 2 year old or we could get a 2 year and a 4 year old. That is not where my heart is. I want to do the whole baby thing at least once. We are planning to adopt again so we will reevaluate at that time the right thing for our family. As for the health questionnaire we filled out, we are comfortable with how we filled it out the first time and will not make changes. For our second adoption, would we fill it our differently, maybe. We have learned a lot already and hope to learn more. I am not going to go into detail about the health questionnaire as I feel it is a private family matter. I will say though it was a VERY difficult form to fill out.
Also on the hotline we learned that the fee for the Hossana trip has been reduced. The Hossana trip is our chance to meet our little one's birth family or care giver. It will be truly amazing and emotional I am sure. They used to have private drivers for each family and now they have a bus so all the families go together. I think there are pros and cons to private cars versus the bus but either way I will be there. The current fee for this trip is $125 per adult. It used to be $350 per family.
There is A LOT of debate about the cost of this trip and why is it so high since it is one bus and the fee is paid once we are in Ethiopia and apparently there isn't a detailed breakdown of how every dime of that money is spent. Here is what I think. The money we are told is to provide for transportation for the birth family, food and accommodations as necessary and then any other expenses for gas, staffing, etc. I am fine with that answer. I trust my agency and don't think there is anything shady going on. Other may disagree. For me personally, I would pay 10 times that amount to be able for even only a few minutes spend time with my little ones family. To have those pictures and that conversation and to be able to share that with our baby is priceless to me. This is one of the many reasons we selected our agency. I never in a million years would have dreamed this would be possible in international adoption.
That being said there is a chance that no one would show up for this meeting so I have to prepare myself for that. We still will have the life book and DVD which should have some pictures and descriptions of the birth family and where they lived.
So that being said we have to update our homestudy so we could make some changes to the age of the child we would accept or the health of the child. We have talked at length about this and we are sticking with 0-12 months for an infant or twins. I am not ready to bring home a toddler and if we change to siblings we would need to be open to 0-4years and we can't specify ages within that range. So we could get an infant and a 2 year old or we could get a 2 year and a 4 year old. That is not where my heart is. I want to do the whole baby thing at least once. We are planning to adopt again so we will reevaluate at that time the right thing for our family. As for the health questionnaire we filled out, we are comfortable with how we filled it out the first time and will not make changes. For our second adoption, would we fill it our differently, maybe. We have learned a lot already and hope to learn more. I am not going to go into detail about the health questionnaire as I feel it is a private family matter. I will say though it was a VERY difficult form to fill out.
Also on the hotline we learned that the fee for the Hossana trip has been reduced. The Hossana trip is our chance to meet our little one's birth family or care giver. It will be truly amazing and emotional I am sure. They used to have private drivers for each family and now they have a bus so all the families go together. I think there are pros and cons to private cars versus the bus but either way I will be there. The current fee for this trip is $125 per adult. It used to be $350 per family.
There is A LOT of debate about the cost of this trip and why is it so high since it is one bus and the fee is paid once we are in Ethiopia and apparently there isn't a detailed breakdown of how every dime of that money is spent. Here is what I think. The money we are told is to provide for transportation for the birth family, food and accommodations as necessary and then any other expenses for gas, staffing, etc. I am fine with that answer. I trust my agency and don't think there is anything shady going on. Other may disagree. For me personally, I would pay 10 times that amount to be able for even only a few minutes spend time with my little ones family. To have those pictures and that conversation and to be able to share that with our baby is priceless to me. This is one of the many reasons we selected our agency. I never in a million years would have dreamed this would be possible in international adoption.
That being said there is a chance that no one would show up for this meeting so I have to prepare myself for that. We still will have the life book and DVD which should have some pictures and descriptions of the birth family and where they lived.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Random happenings
So lots of weird stuff has been going on and some of it we have taken care of and some of it needs investigating.
First off the thing we took care of was the Freezer. We have a GE side by side refrigerator/freezer and every since we bought it (about 4 years ago) it made this kind of weird howling noise. Well after some investigation it turns out the make/model we have was known to have a defective control board and howl as a result of this defect. Wow. It was so annoying to listen to. We called GE one night to inquire as we had read online that the problem could be fixed and GE was only charging people for the labor costs and not the replacement part. Well after being on the phone for 30 minutes most of it on hold, we hung up. Dave called back in the morning and the service guy was here today. It is fixed! YEAH!! We did have to pay for the visit and the labor but not the part. So hopefully that is the end of the howling....
Second, we have a Roomba (robot vacuum) and it has decided to make an unusual thumping sound and stop every few minutes telling me to clean the brushes. Well, the brushes were clean so I restarted it and then a few minutes later it stopped again. I kept restarting it and it kept stopping. By this point, I was very frustrated. I decided to take the thing apart and look for a problem. Well behind one of the wheels, I found a TON of dog hair. So I cleaned that all out and anything else that I could and put it back together. By this point I was pretty proud of myself thinking I had fixed the problem. Boy was I wrong....it still won't run properly. Sometimes technology is so frustrating....
Next, the cord on one of my blinds on the front window broke. This is now 2 cords that are broken out of 3. The only way to get it fixed is to call the company we bought the blinds from. We are hoping to purchase blinds for the remaining windows at the same time. We are budgeting for that right now. When we first purchased the blinds we only did the blinds on the windows on the front of the house. The windows in the back of the house got some cheap tab curtains from Target. One of the rooms in the back is the nursery so we want to have real window covers on those windows before baby comes home.
Lastly, I think we have wasps/hornets. I don't really know what either one looks as I HATE bees of any kind. I was reading my book today and there was like 2 or 3 of these creatures crawling and flying around on the screen door. I am hoping we don't have a nest somewhere but I am WAY too chicken to go outside and look. I will wait until Dave gets home...
I hope there aren't any more surprises (unless it is a referral of course) in the near future.
First off the thing we took care of was the Freezer. We have a GE side by side refrigerator/freezer and every since we bought it (about 4 years ago) it made this kind of weird howling noise. Well after some investigation it turns out the make/model we have was known to have a defective control board and howl as a result of this defect. Wow. It was so annoying to listen to. We called GE one night to inquire as we had read online that the problem could be fixed and GE was only charging people for the labor costs and not the replacement part. Well after being on the phone for 30 minutes most of it on hold, we hung up. Dave called back in the morning and the service guy was here today. It is fixed! YEAH!! We did have to pay for the visit and the labor but not the part. So hopefully that is the end of the howling....
Second, we have a Roomba (robot vacuum) and it has decided to make an unusual thumping sound and stop every few minutes telling me to clean the brushes. Well, the brushes were clean so I restarted it and then a few minutes later it stopped again. I kept restarting it and it kept stopping. By this point, I was very frustrated. I decided to take the thing apart and look for a problem. Well behind one of the wheels, I found a TON of dog hair. So I cleaned that all out and anything else that I could and put it back together. By this point I was pretty proud of myself thinking I had fixed the problem. Boy was I wrong....it still won't run properly. Sometimes technology is so frustrating....
Next, the cord on one of my blinds on the front window broke. This is now 2 cords that are broken out of 3. The only way to get it fixed is to call the company we bought the blinds from. We are hoping to purchase blinds for the remaining windows at the same time. We are budgeting for that right now. When we first purchased the blinds we only did the blinds on the windows on the front of the house. The windows in the back of the house got some cheap tab curtains from Target. One of the rooms in the back is the nursery so we want to have real window covers on those windows before baby comes home.
Lastly, I think we have wasps/hornets. I don't really know what either one looks as I HATE bees of any kind. I was reading my book today and there was like 2 or 3 of these creatures crawling and flying around on the screen door. I am hoping we don't have a nest somewhere but I am WAY too chicken to go outside and look. I will wait until Dave gets home...
I hope there aren't any more surprises (unless it is a referral of course) in the near future.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Shopping Addiction
My previous post mentioned that I went shopping and bought an oh so cute monkey blanket. Well, after reading my blog post a good friend sent me this link, www.gymboree.com and told me to look at the big baby sale items. Well I did and low and behold I found this
Is that not the cutest monkey coat you have ever seen??? I thought so. Well, now to the dismay of my husband, I am addicted to shopping especially for baby. I did convince him that I needed to buy this coat for our little one. He didn't think we did but I told him it was on sale, which it was. He finally caved after a little convincing, some pouting and a promise that I will only buy 1 item per month for the baby pre-referral that is. So I should be receiving this fabulous coat in 3-4 business days.
I bought the biggest size they had which was 12-18 months so hopefully that will work out timing wise. My thinking was as follows that if say in April/May when we go to pick up little one they are 7-9 months old and a little small for their age then come winter here the coat would fit since they would be 14-16 months old by next winter. Made sense to me but that isn't saying much :)
So I will have to wait until October to buy something else for the baby. Well that is only a few weeks away, I think I can contain myself. I just need to stay away from Target and my new found love of www.gymboree.com. I even found a Gymboree outlet store not that far from here and also in that outlet mall is a Carter's outlet, an Old Navy outlet, Oskkosh B'Gosh outlet and a Gap outlet. I will be heading to that outlet mall post referral for sure. I love shopping for baby. It always brightens my mood to think about how cute my little one will look in a outfit or wrapped up in a soft blanket or with a drool covered toy. We really are getting a lot closer to that glorious day. I hope it goes by quickly and I hope that we might see the referral word very soon for all my forum friends who have hit the 10 and 11 month marks.
Is that not the cutest monkey coat you have ever seen??? I thought so. Well, now to the dismay of my husband, I am addicted to shopping especially for baby. I did convince him that I needed to buy this coat for our little one. He didn't think we did but I told him it was on sale, which it was. He finally caved after a little convincing, some pouting and a promise that I will only buy 1 item per month for the baby pre-referral that is. So I should be receiving this fabulous coat in 3-4 business days.I bought the biggest size they had which was 12-18 months so hopefully that will work out timing wise. My thinking was as follows that if say in April/May when we go to pick up little one they are 7-9 months old and a little small for their age then come winter here the coat would fit since they would be 14-16 months old by next winter. Made sense to me but that isn't saying much :)
So I will have to wait until October to buy something else for the baby. Well that is only a few weeks away, I think I can contain myself. I just need to stay away from Target and my new found love of www.gymboree.com. I even found a Gymboree outlet store not that far from here and also in that outlet mall is a Carter's outlet, an Old Navy outlet, Oskkosh B'Gosh outlet and a Gap outlet. I will be heading to that outlet mall post referral for sure. I love shopping for baby. It always brightens my mood to think about how cute my little one will look in a outfit or wrapped up in a soft blanket or with a drool covered toy. We really are getting a lot closer to that glorious day. I hope it goes by quickly and I hope that we might see the referral word very soon for all my forum friends who have hit the 10 and 11 month marks.
Friday, September 12, 2008
5 days and counting plus a blanket
For the last 5 days, I have been working out. Yes, me. I know it is hard to believe but I have been. I needed a way to release some stress and this has been helping. My SIL (sister in law) asked us to store her elliptical machine since it won't fit where she is living. Well, I have decided to use it. So far everyday this week I have completed 1 program on the machine for an approximately 30 minute workout. Now, I have the machine on the lowest settings so as to build up my strength. The plan is to increase the resistance each week. So next week I will raise the level up one and do that for a week.
The machine is in my unfinished basement so all I have is a radio down there but it works. I can get my favorite country station. I could also pop in a CD too if I wanted. It feels good to be active again. When I was younger I was always playing sports and was in pretty good shape at least through sophomore year of college. Why that year?? Well, I stopped playing sports. In high school, I played volleyball, soccer, field hockey and badminton. In college I played on our club field hockey team and then intramural soccer. Due to a second injury to my already bum knee, I had to stop playing so I did. Well, since that time I haven't been playing sports or regularly exercising. I take my dogs for walks and play kickball (but that doesn't really count since it is beer league kickball). I do try and do yoga or pilates and will regularly for a month or so and then get busy and stop doing it. Well, I have some extra time on my hands so I figured it was time to commit.
So what is the blanket part....well I went shopping after work and found myself at Old Navy. Plastered all over the windows were signs announcing a 40% off Baby Sale. Well that was all I needed. I have now purchased another item for our little one. I love monkeys and saw this cotton blanket and just had to have it. I know we will want light weight cotton blankets for travel so this fits the bill. We need to keep our babies covered when out in Ethiopia on Embassy day and since it may be warm when we travel I want to have a light weight blanket. The blanket is of course gender neutral and will look super cute in our car seats and stroller. Isn't it adorable??
The machine is in my unfinished basement so all I have is a radio down there but it works. I can get my favorite country station. I could also pop in a CD too if I wanted. It feels good to be active again. When I was younger I was always playing sports and was in pretty good shape at least through sophomore year of college. Why that year?? Well, I stopped playing sports. In high school, I played volleyball, soccer, field hockey and badminton. In college I played on our club field hockey team and then intramural soccer. Due to a second injury to my already bum knee, I had to stop playing so I did. Well, since that time I haven't been playing sports or regularly exercising. I take my dogs for walks and play kickball (but that doesn't really count since it is beer league kickball). I do try and do yoga or pilates and will regularly for a month or so and then get busy and stop doing it. Well, I have some extra time on my hands so I figured it was time to commit.
So what is the blanket part....well I went shopping after work and found myself at Old Navy. Plastered all over the windows were signs announcing a 40% off Baby Sale. Well that was all I needed. I have now purchased another item for our little one. I love monkeys and saw this cotton blanket and just had to have it. I know we will want light weight cotton blankets for travel so this fits the bill. We need to keep our babies covered when out in Ethiopia on Embassy day and since it may be warm when we travel I want to have a light weight blanket. The blanket is of course gender neutral and will look super cute in our car seats and stroller. Isn't it adorable??
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Happy New Year!
Today is New Year's Day in Ethiopia in the year 2001. There will be lots of celebrating with music, food and dance. Happy New Year Ethiopia.
Have you forgotten?
Today is a sad day for me. I think in some ways it will always be a sad day. Seven years ago on September 11th, something truly devastating happened. We have all seen the pictures, and videos and while yes I lived on the West Coast at the time, the 9/11 tragedy struck very close to home.
My mom once told me that every generation has a defining moment. A moment where everyone who lived through something and will never forget where they were or what they were doing. For my Mom is was the day JFK died, she will never forget what she was doing at that moment. I thought for sure the Challenger exploding while we watched it on TV in grade school would be our moment. I was so very wrong. 9/11 will be my moment that I never forget what I was doing on that day.
I was a Resident Director at Santa Clara University. We hadn't started school yet and we were finishing up our training of the housing staff. I was in the shower and my husband tells me I am needed on the phone. I was a little ticked off as I was tired and cranky from the week but the whole training program depended on me and my coworker and she was the one on the phone. All she said was turn on the TV and call her back. I was confused but standing in a towel I did just that. What I saw I will never forget, I sank down on the bed and cried. Over and over the images of those towers falling down were played on TV along with news of the Pentagon and a missing plane. I have never seen something so awful in my life and I hope I never have to again.
At that moment I kicked into overdrive. We had a huge presentation scheduled for the morning with a bunch of college kids who were going to be scared and unsure of what was going on. Some had family members living in New York or working at the Pentagon. Our presentation as relevant as it seemed 2 weeks prior was so not important at this moment. I called my coworker back and we talked with Campus Ministry and our Director. We decided to round up the staff have an opportunity for prayer and reflection and cancelled all remaining activities for the day. The staff had a bulletin board project they were working on so we gave them a quiet work day and offered any support we could while we tried to maintain our composure.
By 10am we were all glued to the TV trying to understand what just happened. Lots of tears were shed and questions asked. By this time, the missing plane had crashed in a Pennsylvania field and no one was sure if it was a related event or not. If only I had known to prepare myself for another crushing blow.
My boss called and said she would like all of us Resident Directors to get together with the Dean of Students to figure out a game plan for the following weeks. We had students moving back into the dorms in less than 5 days. There was bound to be a lot of emotion and late check ins given the flying nightmares that followed.
We show up at this meeting in which the Dean announces that a Santa Clara student was killed on Flight 93 that when down in Pennsylvania. We were shocked. We are talking about a school that has 4000 undergraduates. More shocking for me was that this student had been one of my residents the previous year. I saw her almost every day in and around the halls and sometimes in my office. When I heard this I bolted out of the meeting. I needed a few minutes to process. Then I started thinking about her friends and how they would respond. Her RA from the previous year was close to her. How could this be happening??? We are talking about a 20 year old girl with her whole life ahead of her, big dreams that would never be fulfilled. She loved to read and tutor children and thought about being a teacher.
The next days brought lots of tears, hugs and prayer services. I did what I could to offer support to her friends and in my downtime cried to myself. It was devastating. She was a sweet girl and will be dearly missed by friends and family alike. I think that is what I said in one of the many interviews I gave after it was announced that she as on the flight.
So in response to the question, have you forgotten? No, and I never will.
http://www.cmt.com/videos/darryl-worley/26304/have-you-forgotten.jhtml
My mom once told me that every generation has a defining moment. A moment where everyone who lived through something and will never forget where they were or what they were doing. For my Mom is was the day JFK died, she will never forget what she was doing at that moment. I thought for sure the Challenger exploding while we watched it on TV in grade school would be our moment. I was so very wrong. 9/11 will be my moment that I never forget what I was doing on that day.
I was a Resident Director at Santa Clara University. We hadn't started school yet and we were finishing up our training of the housing staff. I was in the shower and my husband tells me I am needed on the phone. I was a little ticked off as I was tired and cranky from the week but the whole training program depended on me and my coworker and she was the one on the phone. All she said was turn on the TV and call her back. I was confused but standing in a towel I did just that. What I saw I will never forget, I sank down on the bed and cried. Over and over the images of those towers falling down were played on TV along with news of the Pentagon and a missing plane. I have never seen something so awful in my life and I hope I never have to again.
At that moment I kicked into overdrive. We had a huge presentation scheduled for the morning with a bunch of college kids who were going to be scared and unsure of what was going on. Some had family members living in New York or working at the Pentagon. Our presentation as relevant as it seemed 2 weeks prior was so not important at this moment. I called my coworker back and we talked with Campus Ministry and our Director. We decided to round up the staff have an opportunity for prayer and reflection and cancelled all remaining activities for the day. The staff had a bulletin board project they were working on so we gave them a quiet work day and offered any support we could while we tried to maintain our composure.
By 10am we were all glued to the TV trying to understand what just happened. Lots of tears were shed and questions asked. By this time, the missing plane had crashed in a Pennsylvania field and no one was sure if it was a related event or not. If only I had known to prepare myself for another crushing blow.
My boss called and said she would like all of us Resident Directors to get together with the Dean of Students to figure out a game plan for the following weeks. We had students moving back into the dorms in less than 5 days. There was bound to be a lot of emotion and late check ins given the flying nightmares that followed.
We show up at this meeting in which the Dean announces that a Santa Clara student was killed on Flight 93 that when down in Pennsylvania. We were shocked. We are talking about a school that has 4000 undergraduates. More shocking for me was that this student had been one of my residents the previous year. I saw her almost every day in and around the halls and sometimes in my office. When I heard this I bolted out of the meeting. I needed a few minutes to process. Then I started thinking about her friends and how they would respond. Her RA from the previous year was close to her. How could this be happening??? We are talking about a 20 year old girl with her whole life ahead of her, big dreams that would never be fulfilled. She loved to read and tutor children and thought about being a teacher.
The next days brought lots of tears, hugs and prayer services. I did what I could to offer support to her friends and in my downtime cried to myself. It was devastating. She was a sweet girl and will be dearly missed by friends and family alike. I think that is what I said in one of the many interviews I gave after it was announced that she as on the flight.
So in response to the question, have you forgotten? No, and I never will.
http://www.cmt.com/videos/darryl-worley/26304/have-you-forgotten.jhtml
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Big sigh of relief
You all know about the mass email that was sent out to all families from my agency announcing the longer wait times. Well, with that email came a TON of speculation and borderline conspiracy theories about what was really going on. I must admit I had some pretty wacky ideas in my head as well. I can be a drama queen sometimes, just ask my husband :)
The other day a family from our agency (along with a few others) sent a VERY detailed list of questions to our agency asking for clarification. We got the answers and reassurance we were looking for. Questions were asked about officials at the US Embassy, the definition of orphan and the rumors that only children with no living birth parents will be approved for adoptions. Told you us adoptive parents get a little wacky sometimes.
Here is what we have learned today:
Regarding a rumor of a stringent US Embassy official causing delays: First, the rumor of an American official who might have been taking too stringent a stance is an old one. In fact, the official who was doing that is no longer there.
Second, CHSFS has developed a very strong relationship with the "orphan desk" at the embassy, and they do in fact seek pre-approval if there is any sort of red flag that might pose a problem in getting orphan status approved, pre-referral. **Some agencies deal with this after referral and have much longer waits before court, travel, etc. while these issues are being resolved.
Third, it appears that in July, the embassy basically pulled a random inspection on CHSFS and its system in ET, and they passed with flying colors, reassuring and strengthening the trust between the US embassy and CHS adoptions.
Fourth, MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) at times may seem to be more stringent...but on a case by case basis. There is no hard line rule regarding one parent living or even two parents living. They are trying to evaluate each case to be sure that adoption is in the child's best interests, and to see if there is not some less disruptive solution to a family's distress. They have come under some political pressure to tighten up and be sure that they are looking to the child's best interests.
Fifth, the court is the final arbiter of that decision, not MOWA. So, in some cases the court approves adoptions that MOWA did not recommend. CHS will push back if necessary where they feel an adoption is warranted. That said, obviously they want to keep a good relationship with MOWA.
So with this news come a HUGE sigh of relief. I feel so grateful to have CHSFS as my agency. I really feel like not only are they on top of every last detail but they really do care about the children and will fight to do what is right for each child even if it means adoption isn't the best option.
I also heard from someone close to me on the unofficial list, who heard from her specialist, that end of January dossier dates like mine will hopefully get referrals in the next 3-4 months. Let's hope that is true. I am just hoping and praying to have a picture of my baby by Christmas. I couldn't ask for a better gift than that. We hit 11 months just days before Christmas so anytime before that would be amazing.
So all in all I am feeling more relaxed about this whole process. Everything happens for a reason and I have always lived by that and this should be no different.
The other day a family from our agency (along with a few others) sent a VERY detailed list of questions to our agency asking for clarification. We got the answers and reassurance we were looking for. Questions were asked about officials at the US Embassy, the definition of orphan and the rumors that only children with no living birth parents will be approved for adoptions. Told you us adoptive parents get a little wacky sometimes.
Here is what we have learned today:
Regarding a rumor of a stringent US Embassy official causing delays: First, the rumor of an American official who might have been taking too stringent a stance is an old one. In fact, the official who was doing that is no longer there.
Second, CHSFS has developed a very strong relationship with the "orphan desk" at the embassy, and they do in fact seek pre-approval if there is any sort of red flag that might pose a problem in getting orphan status approved, pre-referral. **Some agencies deal with this after referral and have much longer waits before court, travel, etc. while these issues are being resolved.
Third, it appears that in July, the embassy basically pulled a random inspection on CHSFS and its system in ET, and they passed with flying colors, reassuring and strengthening the trust between the US embassy and CHS adoptions.
Fourth, MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) at times may seem to be more stringent...but on a case by case basis. There is no hard line rule regarding one parent living or even two parents living. They are trying to evaluate each case to be sure that adoption is in the child's best interests, and to see if there is not some less disruptive solution to a family's distress. They have come under some political pressure to tighten up and be sure that they are looking to the child's best interests.
Fifth, the court is the final arbiter of that decision, not MOWA. So, in some cases the court approves adoptions that MOWA did not recommend. CHS will push back if necessary where they feel an adoption is warranted. That said, obviously they want to keep a good relationship with MOWA.
So with this news come a HUGE sigh of relief. I feel so grateful to have CHSFS as my agency. I really feel like not only are they on top of every last detail but they really do care about the children and will fight to do what is right for each child even if it means adoption isn't the best option.
I also heard from someone close to me on the unofficial list, who heard from her specialist, that end of January dossier dates like mine will hopefully get referrals in the next 3-4 months. Let's hope that is true. I am just hoping and praying to have a picture of my baby by Christmas. I couldn't ask for a better gift than that. We hit 11 months just days before Christmas so anytime before that would be amazing.
So all in all I am feeling more relaxed about this whole process. Everything happens for a reason and I have always lived by that and this should be no different.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Happy 5th Birthday Badger!!!
My little Badger is 5 today. I haven't gotten his birthday toys yet since we had a busy weekend but he will get them soon. Here he is finally awake. He usually spends his afternoons sleeping and snoring. He is the sweetest dog. He doesn't always make the best decisions but you can't be mad at that face. He is 100% lap dog and he loves to give kisses. I will post another picture or two after we get his toys and treats.Turning frowns upside down
I am tired of being grumpy and depressed. I can choose my mood and while everything isn't going exactly the way I want it I know that in the end everything will work out. I am making a choice to push through this setback and to be positive and dare I say happy.
For starters: Here is my horoscope for today, courtesy of Yahoo!
"Try to live in the moment. Enjoy the time you're having while you're having it."
That is exactly what I am going to do. Live for today and cherish each moment I have with my husband, dogs, friends and family before I become a Mom.
Secondly, I touched based with my local social worker. If I haven't said it before she is truly an amazing person. She spent a lot of time with me on the phone when we had the twins and just after they had to leave. I wasn't always the most coherent person on the phone through the tears but her willingness to listen and offer support has been very helpful. Well, she knows of our latest delays and she again is opening her door to us if we need to talk. She is such a caring person and I am so grateful to have her standing by us on this adoption journey. She also happened to give us some good news. Wait for it....
There will be no charge for updating our home study. YEAH!!! This will be our 3rd time so we thought for sure their would be a fee but there isn't. We can now take the money we had set aside for that update and add it to our travel to Ethiopia fund.
Thirdly (is that a word???), we along with a bunch of other families from my international placement agency helped sponsor a Madison woman who was competing in the Triathlon. She is one amazing lady for sure. Anyway, she pledged to raise money for Doctor's Without Borders and their program to distribute PlumpyNut to starving children in Ethiopia. Here is how we did as a group:
"With the award, we have donated over $15,000 to MSF(Doctors Without Borders). Here's the math: 350 children will receive Plumpy'Nut for a 6 week course that will return them to good health- 350 children will go home with their moms and dads - 350 children will find friendship in their communities - 350 children will have a chance at education - 350 children will walk the beautiful landscape of Ethiopia - 350 children will live...350 children. Wow"
A special thanks to Meghan for organizing this effort and to Amber our athlete who may have a broken toe but kept on going for a good cause. You both are truly amazing women and have helped me personally gain some perspective on my longer wait. It really could be so much worse. I pray everyday for the well being of my little one's birth family.
Lastly, I would like to share with you today an email. Yes it is one of those cheesy forwards everyone passes around. I got this particular email from my Mom and it really rang true for me.
LEMONS and SUGAR
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror
where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
So........ If you are a loving friend,send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you.If you get it back, then they really do love you. And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for Sugar and call me !
Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.
Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway.
Happiness keeps You Sweet
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Life keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going
For starters: Here is my horoscope for today, courtesy of Yahoo!
"Try to live in the moment. Enjoy the time you're having while you're having it."
That is exactly what I am going to do. Live for today and cherish each moment I have with my husband, dogs, friends and family before I become a Mom.
Secondly, I touched based with my local social worker. If I haven't said it before she is truly an amazing person. She spent a lot of time with me on the phone when we had the twins and just after they had to leave. I wasn't always the most coherent person on the phone through the tears but her willingness to listen and offer support has been very helpful. Well, she knows of our latest delays and she again is opening her door to us if we need to talk. She is such a caring person and I am so grateful to have her standing by us on this adoption journey. She also happened to give us some good news. Wait for it....
There will be no charge for updating our home study. YEAH!!! This will be our 3rd time so we thought for sure their would be a fee but there isn't. We can now take the money we had set aside for that update and add it to our travel to Ethiopia fund.
Thirdly (is that a word???), we along with a bunch of other families from my international placement agency helped sponsor a Madison woman who was competing in the Triathlon. She is one amazing lady for sure. Anyway, she pledged to raise money for Doctor's Without Borders and their program to distribute PlumpyNut to starving children in Ethiopia. Here is how we did as a group:
"With the award, we have donated over $15,000 to MSF(Doctors Without Borders). Here's the math: 350 children will receive Plumpy'Nut for a 6 week course that will return them to good health- 350 children will go home with their moms and dads - 350 children will find friendship in their communities - 350 children will have a chance at education - 350 children will walk the beautiful landscape of Ethiopia - 350 children will live...350 children. Wow"
A special thanks to Meghan for organizing this effort and to Amber our athlete who may have a broken toe but kept on going for a good cause. You both are truly amazing women and have helped me personally gain some perspective on my longer wait. It really could be so much worse. I pray everyday for the well being of my little one's birth family.
Lastly, I would like to share with you today an email. Yes it is one of those cheesy forwards everyone passes around. I got this particular email from my Mom and it really rang true for me.
LEMONS and SUGAR
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror
where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
So........ If you are a loving friend,send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you.If you get it back, then they really do love you. And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for Sugar and call me !
Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.
Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway.
Happiness keeps You Sweet
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Life keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going
Friday, September 5, 2008
Patience is wearing thin...
Well, we got some more bad news today. An email was sent to all the families in the Ethiopia program and we were told to expect a wait of 12 months for a referral. Yup, you read that right 12 months. I cannot even begin to describe my feelings right now. I have an email into my specialist for a little more clarification but haven't heard back from her yet.
I posted last week that we were told to add 3 months to our wait and that put us at 10 months and now I am being told it could be another 2 months on top of that. AHHHHH okay that didn't help but I don't know what else to do.
Logically, I know that my baby will come to me when the time is right but my heart is aching. I want to be a Mom and have faced many let downs and heart aches along the way to making that dream come true. When will it be my turn? I just want to hold my baby. Is that too much to ask? Am I being tested?
I feel guilty for even thinking these things but I am at my wits end. If I had been told when I signed up that it would be a 12 month wait then no problem but it is this constant changing of timelines that is getting frustrating. I feel like I get 1 more month of waiting under my belt to find out that I will have to wait longer than expected.
With this news, here is what we might be looking at. If we wait the 12 months we are now being told, we will get a referral in January and may not travel until May. Yes, May. There is about 12-16weeks post referral before travel. If this turns out to be the case, we will have to be re-fingerprinted by USCIS which isn't a big deal but a hassle none the less. Never in my wildest dreams when I was approved in January of 2008 did I think that I might not be holding my baby until my birthday in May of 2009. Whew, saying that makes me want to cry.
I want to be a Mom and I know that international adoption is unpredictable but this is so tough. Tougher than I ever imagined. We have adjusted our thinking so many times already. We were hoping for late winter/early spring travel and now who knows it could be late spring.
I guess we have more time to get prepared for our baby....
Sometimes I just want to ask "why me"? What did I do to upset the universe? I know not productive thinking.
It is hard right now to find the positives, other than some day eventually I will be a Mom. I hold on to that with everything I have. I know it will happen and when it does it will be the greatest gift I could ever receive but getting to that point sure isn't easy.
I will post more when I hear back from my specialist. Is it too early for a glass of wine and some chocolate??
ETA: Here is what my specialist said in response to my email.
"Currently, families at the top of "the list" waiting for referrals of infants have been waiting since mid-October, 2007 -- so they are almost at the 11 month mark of waiting for a referral. Based on your January 22nd dossier date, my best guess is that you are at least 3 months "behind" those families if the timeline stays the same.
The program is not in jeopardy, although we are seeing longer waits for referral.
I don't know if there will be referrals in September or if the first referrals won't come until October. I can't predict whether you will get a referral before the end of the year.
I know that it is frustrating and discouraging that the wait keeps getting longer and longer. I don't have any reason to think you won't receive a referral, but of course nothing can be guaranteed in the world of international adoption (or domestic adoption for that matter, as I know you've already experienced so very painfully...)
Things will start moving again, and hopefully this painful wait will one day be a distant memory"
I posted last week that we were told to add 3 months to our wait and that put us at 10 months and now I am being told it could be another 2 months on top of that. AHHHHH okay that didn't help but I don't know what else to do.
Logically, I know that my baby will come to me when the time is right but my heart is aching. I want to be a Mom and have faced many let downs and heart aches along the way to making that dream come true. When will it be my turn? I just want to hold my baby. Is that too much to ask? Am I being tested?
I feel guilty for even thinking these things but I am at my wits end. If I had been told when I signed up that it would be a 12 month wait then no problem but it is this constant changing of timelines that is getting frustrating. I feel like I get 1 more month of waiting under my belt to find out that I will have to wait longer than expected.
With this news, here is what we might be looking at. If we wait the 12 months we are now being told, we will get a referral in January and may not travel until May. Yes, May. There is about 12-16weeks post referral before travel. If this turns out to be the case, we will have to be re-fingerprinted by USCIS which isn't a big deal but a hassle none the less. Never in my wildest dreams when I was approved in January of 2008 did I think that I might not be holding my baby until my birthday in May of 2009. Whew, saying that makes me want to cry.
I want to be a Mom and I know that international adoption is unpredictable but this is so tough. Tougher than I ever imagined. We have adjusted our thinking so many times already. We were hoping for late winter/early spring travel and now who knows it could be late spring.
I guess we have more time to get prepared for our baby....
Sometimes I just want to ask "why me"? What did I do to upset the universe? I know not productive thinking.
It is hard right now to find the positives, other than some day eventually I will be a Mom. I hold on to that with everything I have. I know it will happen and when it does it will be the greatest gift I could ever receive but getting to that point sure isn't easy.
I will post more when I hear back from my specialist. Is it too early for a glass of wine and some chocolate??
ETA: Here is what my specialist said in response to my email.
"Currently, families at the top of "the list" waiting for referrals of infants have been waiting since mid-October, 2007 -- so they are almost at the 11 month mark of waiting for a referral. Based on your January 22nd dossier date, my best guess is that you are at least 3 months "behind" those families if the timeline stays the same.
The program is not in jeopardy, although we are seeing longer waits for referral.
I don't know if there will be referrals in September or if the first referrals won't come until October. I can't predict whether you will get a referral before the end of the year.
I know that it is frustrating and discouraging that the wait keeps getting longer and longer. I don't have any reason to think you won't receive a referral, but of course nothing can be guaranteed in the world of international adoption (or domestic adoption for that matter, as I know you've already experienced so very painfully...)
Things will start moving again, and hopefully this painful wait will one day be a distant memory"
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Ethiopian food experience
My friend sent me the picture so as promised, here it is. It is hard to see the food so you will have to trust me that is was super YUMMY!
Politics...
Generally, I HATE talking about politics. I was a political science major in college and I still don't like talking politics. I don't like to argue with people and when it comes to politics it always leads to arguments. Since we are having a Presidential election this year everyone wants to talk politics. I try and avoid it as much as possible. I won't talk about it at work for sure and I really don't want to talk about it at all.
I have always been told that you don't talk politics, sex or religion with people. It just isn't going to go the way you want it to. It always leads to heated discussion and debate. I have seen it. I married a debater. For me personally, I don't like to debate. People have their opinions and me getting into a heated discussion isn't going to change anybody's mind so why bother.
I bring this up because all around me lately there have been heated discussions both in person and online. I have barely participated in both of these discussions. I did feel a little attacked in one discussion so I posted my opinion but other than I am going to butt out. I have better things to do.
So for one time and one time only I will spell out my thoughts on the upcoming election. I am not interested in a debate just stating my beliefs. I have friends that agree with me and plenty of friends that don't and that is fine with me. We don't have to have the same political beliefs to be friends; that just isn't on the list of friend material for me.
I classify myself as: a pro-life, Christian, conservative. I have since the age of 18 been a registered Republican. I am not ashamed to say that. I have always voted Republican. I will do the same this election. I am also glad that there is a woman VP candidate. I don't agree 100% with everything the Republican party says and does but on the issues that matter to me I do agree.
Now just because I use the words Christian and conservative doesn't mean that I don't have some dare I say progressive/liberal ideas. I know shocker. My stance on some things will never change like abortion however I think gay couples should be allowed to adopt children. Better to have a child loved by two people same sex or not then spend any more time in an orphanage or bouncing in and out of foster homes. I don't see things in black and white. I see things in shades of gray. I am actually a pretty reasonable person with an open mind who just happens to be a Republican. I have strong beliefs and a strong faith that I cannot sacrifice even if it makes me unpopular in some circles. And in the words of Popeye the Sailorman, " I am what I am".
I have always been told that you don't talk politics, sex or religion with people. It just isn't going to go the way you want it to. It always leads to heated discussion and debate. I have seen it. I married a debater. For me personally, I don't like to debate. People have their opinions and me getting into a heated discussion isn't going to change anybody's mind so why bother.
I bring this up because all around me lately there have been heated discussions both in person and online. I have barely participated in both of these discussions. I did feel a little attacked in one discussion so I posted my opinion but other than I am going to butt out. I have better things to do.
So for one time and one time only I will spell out my thoughts on the upcoming election. I am not interested in a debate just stating my beliefs. I have friends that agree with me and plenty of friends that don't and that is fine with me. We don't have to have the same political beliefs to be friends; that just isn't on the list of friend material for me.
I classify myself as: a pro-life, Christian, conservative. I have since the age of 18 been a registered Republican. I am not ashamed to say that. I have always voted Republican. I will do the same this election. I am also glad that there is a woman VP candidate. I don't agree 100% with everything the Republican party says and does but on the issues that matter to me I do agree.
Now just because I use the words Christian and conservative doesn't mean that I don't have some dare I say progressive/liberal ideas. I know shocker. My stance on some things will never change like abortion however I think gay couples should be allowed to adopt children. Better to have a child loved by two people same sex or not then spend any more time in an orphanage or bouncing in and out of foster homes. I don't see things in black and white. I see things in shades of gray. I am actually a pretty reasonable person with an open mind who just happens to be a Republican. I have strong beliefs and a strong faith that I cannot sacrifice even if it makes me unpopular in some circles. And in the words of Popeye the Sailorman, " I am what I am".
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Food, Fun and Friends
We had the best weekend. First off our friends from college came to visit with their 2 children. It was so nice to be able to catch up with them. We hadn't seen them in awhile so it was great. Their kids are beyond amazing. Their 4 year old is a chatter box for sure and she loves her dolls and bugs. I know I don't get it either but she is adorable and a lot of fun. I can't complain about the chattiness after all look at the name of my blog. Their 4 month old is too sweet for words. She is so cuddly and so bald. I love it.
We stayed up at the lake so we cooked out and went on a boat ride. After the kids went to bed us adults stayed up late, played games and drank some good Wisconsin beer. It was so relaxing. Too bad we had to get back to reality today.
The Taste of Madison was this weekend also so we stopped in to eat of course. My main objective was to find the Ethiopian restaurant's booth and for the first time eat Ethiopian food. I couldn't think about it too much, I just had to do it. Well we walked for just a little while, turned the corner and there was the booth. YEAH!!! So I went up and ordered Chicken Peanut Stew with injera (bread) and the Dorowat(chicken) with injera. It smelled really good. The girl that waited on us asked us if we wanted sour cream on the dorowat and we told her we had never had this before so she said get it with cream. We did; it was good. In fact both dishes were AMAZING!!! I was shocked. I thought for sure since I am far from an adventurous eater that I would hate Ethiopian food. I don't hate it.
The chicken peanut stew was really mild and had potatoes in it and a peanut sauce. Yum. The dorowat was mostly chicken in a sauce (it looked like curry kind of). I thought it would be spicy and it had a kick but nothing too terrible. I have had curry and the dorowat was not any spicier than curry really. Both dishes came with lentils that I can't even describe because they were so good. It all tasted really great. I was so excited. I was worried that I wouldn't like it and since Ethiopian culture and food will always be a part of my family I was going to have to make it work if I didn't like it. Well problem solved. I like it.
Okay so I didn't love all of it. The injera (bread) is very unique. I wasn't sure what to expect when I ordered it. I kept thinking it might be like Naan bread in Indian food but it wasn't anything like that. I looked like a spongy tortilla for lack of a better description. It has an interesting kind of sour flavor and the texture is not one I was used to. I think I am going to have to work on this. My hubby said it was really good with the dorowat. It soaked up the sauce and took on that flavor so I might try it that way next time.
After the Ethiopian food, I moved on to crab rangoon and Chinese food. I could eat crab rangoon every day if it wasn't friend and full of cheese. I am lactose intolerant for one and two I would weigh 300lbs if I ate that every day. But I figured I could celebrate my new found love of Ethiopian food with one of my other favorite treats. All in all we had some really yummy food and some gelato for dessert. The most diverse meal of my life.
My friend took a picture of us eating Ethiopian food for the first time so if I get that I will post it here. Today is was back to the same old boring day to day stuff so at least we were able to have a fabulous weekend with friends and yummy food.
We stayed up at the lake so we cooked out and went on a boat ride. After the kids went to bed us adults stayed up late, played games and drank some good Wisconsin beer. It was so relaxing. Too bad we had to get back to reality today.
The Taste of Madison was this weekend also so we stopped in to eat of course. My main objective was to find the Ethiopian restaurant's booth and for the first time eat Ethiopian food. I couldn't think about it too much, I just had to do it. Well we walked for just a little while, turned the corner and there was the booth. YEAH!!! So I went up and ordered Chicken Peanut Stew with injera (bread) and the Dorowat(chicken) with injera. It smelled really good. The girl that waited on us asked us if we wanted sour cream on the dorowat and we told her we had never had this before so she said get it with cream. We did; it was good. In fact both dishes were AMAZING!!! I was shocked. I thought for sure since I am far from an adventurous eater that I would hate Ethiopian food. I don't hate it.
The chicken peanut stew was really mild and had potatoes in it and a peanut sauce. Yum. The dorowat was mostly chicken in a sauce (it looked like curry kind of). I thought it would be spicy and it had a kick but nothing too terrible. I have had curry and the dorowat was not any spicier than curry really. Both dishes came with lentils that I can't even describe because they were so good. It all tasted really great. I was so excited. I was worried that I wouldn't like it and since Ethiopian culture and food will always be a part of my family I was going to have to make it work if I didn't like it. Well problem solved. I like it.
Okay so I didn't love all of it. The injera (bread) is very unique. I wasn't sure what to expect when I ordered it. I kept thinking it might be like Naan bread in Indian food but it wasn't anything like that. I looked like a spongy tortilla for lack of a better description. It has an interesting kind of sour flavor and the texture is not one I was used to. I think I am going to have to work on this. My hubby said it was really good with the dorowat. It soaked up the sauce and took on that flavor so I might try it that way next time.
After the Ethiopian food, I moved on to crab rangoon and Chinese food. I could eat crab rangoon every day if it wasn't friend and full of cheese. I am lactose intolerant for one and two I would weigh 300lbs if I ate that every day. But I figured I could celebrate my new found love of Ethiopian food with one of my other favorite treats. All in all we had some really yummy food and some gelato for dessert. The most diverse meal of my life.
My friend took a picture of us eating Ethiopian food for the first time so if I get that I will post it here. Today is was back to the same old boring day to day stuff so at least we were able to have a fabulous weekend with friends and yummy food.
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