Well it is finally baseball season, which means the weather has to get nicer right? After 100 inches of snow, the weather has to get better for baseball season, right?
Today was opening day and the Brewers beat the Cubs in 10 innings, 4-3. YEAH!
We are going to the Brewers home opener on Friday and it might actually hit 50 degrees, maybe. I really hope so.
Being from CA, I really can't stand the winter weather. I am way over due for some sunshine and jacket less days. It has been a very long winter.
Well, here is hoping for a Brewers sweep of the Cubs and a nice sunny (warm) day to go to the ballpark on Friday.
Monday, March 31, 2008
To name or not to name
I have been reading a lot of posts lately about naming your newly adopted Ethiopian child. We can keep their given name which may have been given to them by their birth parents or the orphanage, we can use their given name as a middle name, we can given them a new name all together or some combination that we determine.
We have thought a lot about this. I even bought 2 baby name books. That was a process in and of itself. I wanted to get books that had African/Ethiopian names with pronunciations and meanings. I found 2. One is pretty good and well organized and the other is pretty terrible and I should really return it. It doesn't have the pronunciations in it for all of the names and the African names section is just a couple of pages.
Anyway, we have an African name picked out if we are to have a girl. (No I am not going to say what it is yet). We really couldn't find a boy's name that we just loved. Family names are important in both of our families. I have my mother's middle name and Dave's middle name is his father's first name and his father's middle name is his Dad's first name. So if we have a girl the middle name will be Eileen and if we have a boy the middle name will be David. That was the easy part.
We are going to wait until we get our referral before we decide what we will do for sure. We may really love their Ethiopian name and decide to keep it as their first name. Even if we don't love the name or maybe it is hard to say it will still be a part of our child's name whether it be their first name or another middle name. Part of that decision will depend on if their name was given to them by their birth family or by someone at the orphanage. Our child's given name will mean a lot more if it was given to them by their birth family.
I have read of circumstances where the child is named "Baby" in English or the equivalent in Amharic. In that case we would most definitely change our child's name but would make sure they had an African name. We want our children to be proud of where they came from and their culture.
We have thought a lot about this. I even bought 2 baby name books. That was a process in and of itself. I wanted to get books that had African/Ethiopian names with pronunciations and meanings. I found 2. One is pretty good and well organized and the other is pretty terrible and I should really return it. It doesn't have the pronunciations in it for all of the names and the African names section is just a couple of pages.
Anyway, we have an African name picked out if we are to have a girl. (No I am not going to say what it is yet). We really couldn't find a boy's name that we just loved. Family names are important in both of our families. I have my mother's middle name and Dave's middle name is his father's first name and his father's middle name is his Dad's first name. So if we have a girl the middle name will be Eileen and if we have a boy the middle name will be David. That was the easy part.
We are going to wait until we get our referral before we decide what we will do for sure. We may really love their Ethiopian name and decide to keep it as their first name. Even if we don't love the name or maybe it is hard to say it will still be a part of our child's name whether it be their first name or another middle name. Part of that decision will depend on if their name was given to them by their birth family or by someone at the orphanage. Our child's given name will mean a lot more if it was given to them by their birth family.
I have read of circumstances where the child is named "Baby" in English or the equivalent in Amharic. In that case we would most definitely change our child's name but would make sure they had an African name. We want our children to be proud of where they came from and their culture.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Learning Curve
I am already learning so much about adoption, Ethiopia, parasites and so much more. We started our journey to adopt in November of 2006 with the intent of adopting domestically. All of that changed after a really long summer and 2 months of fostering African American twin girls. We had hopes of adopting these girls so we took a legal risk placement, knowing that the birth parents could decide to parent their children. Well, we took placement of the girls in June and by early August, the birth father had decided that he wanted to parent his daughters. It was one of the hardest days of my entire life to hand the girls back to the social worker. We totally fell in love with them and so did our family. While it was hard, I truly believe it was a wonderful 2 months, we learned a lot about parenting, and it reaffirmed our decision to want to be parents. I know that God must have wanted us to have this experience no matter how hard it was. I have faith that the right child will find our family and those girls weren't meant to be permanent members of our family. God wanted us to offer those 2 girls, 2 fabulous months and give their parents the opportunity to make a very difficult decision. While I want to say I would do things differently so we could avoid the pain, I don't know. I loved those girls and everything that they were able to offer us and we were able to offer them.
After a vacation and some soul searching, in the fall of 2007 we decided to leave the domestic adoption pool and start our journey to Africa. In the process, we have read so much about Ethiopia and the people that live there. We gave all of our child's grandparents books about Ethiopia so they learn more as well. All of our family in friends know about the journey we are embarking on and we feel very supported.
Just about everyday I log in to read the message boards at our agency's website. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have learned from the other families who are also waiting or have already traveled to bring home their children. I have been inspired, challenged and a little scared. I definitely have a fear of parasites and getting sick. From these message boards, I have learned a valuable lesson. No matter what I may or may not come home with, it will be all worth it as I will be a parent to a beautiful Ethiopian child. (And if I do get sick, I have been told that it won't be as bad as I thought it would be).
I have learned about which airlines we should and shouldn't fly. How many suitcases to bring, what things we should bring to donate, what place we should eat pizza at, that there is a Home Depot in Addis Ababa, to bring ear plugs to drown out the sound of the barking dogs at night, that the nannies at the care center are remarkable, caring, loving people, and so much more.
Most importantly though, I have learned that no matter what, I should take the trip to Hossana. I have been so inspired by others who have already traveled and their inability to put into words how powerful meeting their child's birth family was. Sure I am nervous about this but I wouldn't miss it for anything if we are able to do this trip (IE if it is still available to us when we go) we will be there. I have been told we should bring a lot of tissues with us at it will be a very emotional experience. I am a crier anyway so I might bring the whole box. I keep thinking how amazing it will be to share this experience with our child as they get older. I never imagined that in international adoption, we would have the opportunity to meet members of our child's birth family. How amazing that we can thank these brave people in person. We will always be forever grateful to our child's birth parents and anxiously await being able to meet them.
After a vacation and some soul searching, in the fall of 2007 we decided to leave the domestic adoption pool and start our journey to Africa. In the process, we have read so much about Ethiopia and the people that live there. We gave all of our child's grandparents books about Ethiopia so they learn more as well. All of our family in friends know about the journey we are embarking on and we feel very supported.
Just about everyday I log in to read the message boards at our agency's website. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have learned from the other families who are also waiting or have already traveled to bring home their children. I have been inspired, challenged and a little scared. I definitely have a fear of parasites and getting sick. From these message boards, I have learned a valuable lesson. No matter what I may or may not come home with, it will be all worth it as I will be a parent to a beautiful Ethiopian child. (And if I do get sick, I have been told that it won't be as bad as I thought it would be).
I have learned about which airlines we should and shouldn't fly. How many suitcases to bring, what things we should bring to donate, what place we should eat pizza at, that there is a Home Depot in Addis Ababa, to bring ear plugs to drown out the sound of the barking dogs at night, that the nannies at the care center are remarkable, caring, loving people, and so much more.
Most importantly though, I have learned that no matter what, I should take the trip to Hossana. I have been so inspired by others who have already traveled and their inability to put into words how powerful meeting their child's birth family was. Sure I am nervous about this but I wouldn't miss it for anything if we are able to do this trip (IE if it is still available to us when we go) we will be there. I have been told we should bring a lot of tissues with us at it will be a very emotional experience. I am a crier anyway so I might bring the whole box. I keep thinking how amazing it will be to share this experience with our child as they get older. I never imagined that in international adoption, we would have the opportunity to meet members of our child's birth family. How amazing that we can thank these brave people in person. We will always be forever grateful to our child's birth parents and anxiously await being able to meet them.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Movin' on up :)
Well, we have moved up another spot on the list. YEAH!! #82 (unofficially) probably in the high 160's officially. Every time a referral is accepted we get to move on up the list. It may not seem like a big deal but for those of us waiting and with months to go every little bit helps. It shows progress and that things are moving and we are that much closer to realizing our dream. We are hoping and praying for a referral this fall.
As you may have noticed, this blog will be quite random. I will talk about whatever is going on with our adoption process and then anything else that strikes my fancy. Hope you don't mind, but blogging helps me get out whats bouncing around in this little head of mine.
I have been wondering lately, if our child (or twins) have been born yet and if not how there mom is doing. Or if they have been born are they still with their family or already at the care center? Are they a boy or a girl or one of each? Do they have lots of curly hair or no hair at all?
Really, it doesn't matter to us. Boy or girl, hair or no hair we are ready. We have been through a lot in the last 4 years in our attempts to start a family and we can't wait for our journey to Ethiopia to bring home our baby. We have been so inspired by other families that have traveled and their journey and we can't wait to share our experience with others.
PS--GO BADGERS!
As you may have noticed, this blog will be quite random. I will talk about whatever is going on with our adoption process and then anything else that strikes my fancy. Hope you don't mind, but blogging helps me get out whats bouncing around in this little head of mine.
I have been wondering lately, if our child (or twins) have been born yet and if not how there mom is doing. Or if they have been born are they still with their family or already at the care center? Are they a boy or a girl or one of each? Do they have lots of curly hair or no hair at all?
Really, it doesn't matter to us. Boy or girl, hair or no hair we are ready. We have been through a lot in the last 4 years in our attempts to start a family and we can't wait for our journey to Ethiopia to bring home our baby. We have been so inspired by other families that have traveled and their journey and we can't wait to share our experience with others.
PS--GO BADGERS!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Only children?
The subject came up recently on some of my message boards about only children and adopting again from Ethiopia and what that might look like in a few years. These were not things that I had thought of. I know for sure that we will have more than one child. I have always wanted at least 2 children and maybe 3. Adoption definitely makes that possible yet expensive and rewarding all at the same time.
Our first child will be from Ethiopia but what about our second? I guess it is possible we could have one of our own, highly unlikely but who knows what God has planned for us. I would like to adopt again and maybe from Ethiopia or maybe another African country, that will have to be determined later.
When we made the decision that adoption was the right choice for our family, we looked at lots of options. Our Social Worker helped us tremendously. She told us to look into Korea,Vietnam and Ethiopia as a lot of other programs like Guatemala, Russia and China were experiencing some issues or were shut down all together. So I sat at the computer for a few hours, printing out a ton of info. I think I should plant a tree or two to make up for all the paper I wasted.
After looking at our options we narrowed down out choices to Haiti, Korea or Ethiopia based on the age of the children available and our desire to become more familiar with the cultures. Once that choice was made, we had to select an agency. I could have just listened to my Social Worker as she recommended the agency that we are now using and we love them so far. But, I am pretty stubborn sometimes and I thought I could find something else. I looked at what seemed like hundreds of agencies across the country to find the best fit for us. We looked at time frames, price, and requirements both pre and post adoption and the history of the agency in the countries that we were interested in. It became clear that at that time Haiti would be a challenge. The cost was pretty high and not a lot of agencies had well established programs there and there were some corruption issues. Korea didn't seem to be a fit for us after all, I am not really sure why but it just didn't feel right. Ethiopia became a part of me. The more I looked into agencies the more I started focusing on Ethiopia. I 100% fell in love with the children and the country. Ok so that decision was made.
My next step was to make a chart of all the agencies that I liked that had the price, requirements, age of the children and time frames. The price and the time frames varied greatly from one agency to another. I kept emailing my Social Worker with questions about various agencies and she kept telling me to go with CHSFS. They were well established and accredited in Ethiopia. So after more research, I finally realized that CHSFS made the most sense. The time frames were reasonable and their commitment to Ethiopia and the people there is amazing. They weren't the cheapest agency around but they just might be one of the most dedicated to Ethiopia. After we found CHSFS, it was about a week later that we had our application turned in and started the process to get where we are now.
I feel so much at peace with our decision to adopt. It feels right in so many ways. If you had asked me 10 years ago if I would adopt a child much less a child from Africa, I would have said no way. Now that I am in the process, I can't imagine not doing this. I have so much love in my heart for our child or children (keeping fingers crossed for twins). I know that we have made the perfect choice for our family. Who knows what the future holds for our family and what new adventures we may have. Right now we are reading as much as we can about Ethiopia and I am working my way towards eating Ethiopian food.
Our first child will be from Ethiopia but what about our second? I guess it is possible we could have one of our own, highly unlikely but who knows what God has planned for us. I would like to adopt again and maybe from Ethiopia or maybe another African country, that will have to be determined later.
When we made the decision that adoption was the right choice for our family, we looked at lots of options. Our Social Worker helped us tremendously. She told us to look into Korea,Vietnam and Ethiopia as a lot of other programs like Guatemala, Russia and China were experiencing some issues or were shut down all together. So I sat at the computer for a few hours, printing out a ton of info. I think I should plant a tree or two to make up for all the paper I wasted.
After looking at our options we narrowed down out choices to Haiti, Korea or Ethiopia based on the age of the children available and our desire to become more familiar with the cultures. Once that choice was made, we had to select an agency. I could have just listened to my Social Worker as she recommended the agency that we are now using and we love them so far. But, I am pretty stubborn sometimes and I thought I could find something else. I looked at what seemed like hundreds of agencies across the country to find the best fit for us. We looked at time frames, price, and requirements both pre and post adoption and the history of the agency in the countries that we were interested in. It became clear that at that time Haiti would be a challenge. The cost was pretty high and not a lot of agencies had well established programs there and there were some corruption issues. Korea didn't seem to be a fit for us after all, I am not really sure why but it just didn't feel right. Ethiopia became a part of me. The more I looked into agencies the more I started focusing on Ethiopia. I 100% fell in love with the children and the country. Ok so that decision was made.
My next step was to make a chart of all the agencies that I liked that had the price, requirements, age of the children and time frames. The price and the time frames varied greatly from one agency to another. I kept emailing my Social Worker with questions about various agencies and she kept telling me to go with CHSFS. They were well established and accredited in Ethiopia. So after more research, I finally realized that CHSFS made the most sense. The time frames were reasonable and their commitment to Ethiopia and the people there is amazing. They weren't the cheapest agency around but they just might be one of the most dedicated to Ethiopia. After we found CHSFS, it was about a week later that we had our application turned in and started the process to get where we are now.
I feel so much at peace with our decision to adopt. It feels right in so many ways. If you had asked me 10 years ago if I would adopt a child much less a child from Africa, I would have said no way. Now that I am in the process, I can't imagine not doing this. I have so much love in my heart for our child or children (keeping fingers crossed for twins). I know that we have made the perfect choice for our family. Who knows what the future holds for our family and what new adventures we may have. Right now we are reading as much as we can about Ethiopia and I am working my way towards eating Ethiopian food.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Seriously--Bluetooth headsets???
I work at a coffee shop and today I got super annoyed. Why do people find it necessary to ALWAYS wear those bluetooth headsets. And more so why do they feel like they have to talk so loud that everyone can hear them especially while I am waiting for them to order. This guy was so involved in his conversation today that he was holding up the line and he didn't even have the decency to talk to me. He just pointed at what he wanted and then put some money on the counter and left.
Wow--would it have been too much trouble for him to acknowledge my existence. I had said "hi, how are you?" and nothing and then said "have a nice day" and again nothing. How rude. I was trying to pleasant as I am with all of my customers and apparently this guy was just to self involved.
A little later we had a woman in the drive thru who proceeded to carry on her phone conversation while we waited for her to order. All the time that we are waiting, we hear static in our ears. It was a good 5 minutes of us listening to her talk to her friend(and static) about their weekend plans. Annoyed!
I enjoy my job but it gets frustrating when people treat me or my staff like we are stupid. Most of us have college educations or are in college currently. I have a Master's Degree and yet some people just assume that because I CHOSE to work at a coffee shop that I must be an idiot. Sometimes it comes up in casual conversation that I went to college and graduated and the customer acts shocked. Is that really so hard to believe? I can make my own choices and I sure as heck don't want people feeling sorry for me. If I didn't want to be there I could leave but like I said I actually like my job. (most days anyway) Besides, I usually have a few good stories to tell by the end of the day.
Wow--would it have been too much trouble for him to acknowledge my existence. I had said "hi, how are you?" and nothing and then said "have a nice day" and again nothing. How rude. I was trying to pleasant as I am with all of my customers and apparently this guy was just to self involved.
A little later we had a woman in the drive thru who proceeded to carry on her phone conversation while we waited for her to order. All the time that we are waiting, we hear static in our ears. It was a good 5 minutes of us listening to her talk to her friend(and static) about their weekend plans. Annoyed!
I enjoy my job but it gets frustrating when people treat me or my staff like we are stupid. Most of us have college educations or are in college currently. I have a Master's Degree and yet some people just assume that because I CHOSE to work at a coffee shop that I must be an idiot. Sometimes it comes up in casual conversation that I went to college and graduated and the customer acts shocked. Is that really so hard to believe? I can make my own choices and I sure as heck don't want people feeling sorry for me. If I didn't want to be there I could leave but like I said I actually like my job. (most days anyway) Besides, I usually have a few good stories to tell by the end of the day.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Dr. Phil today
Okay--I admit it I watch Dr. Phil. Today I was watching Dr. Phil and I got sooooo MAD! He had couples on that were having troubles with their children. One couple was struggling with a child that has Down's Syndrome and Autism. One was a young mom with 4 kids who felt lost and that she had no life. I could understand a little why these couples were frustrated. Then there was the woman who made me so mad.
She and her husband had 2 adopted daughters from Eastern Europe. They adopted their first daughter at the age of 2 and she was now 11 and totally amazing in their eyes. Since she was such a great kid, they decided to adopt a second child from the same country. This time they adopted a 4 year old girl who is now 10. They knew before they accepted the referral that the child had some physical disabilites and some possible developmental delays and they accepted the referral. Dad loves this girl and sees through her issues. Here it comes...Mom wants to send her back. Yes, those were her exact words. I just about fell off the couch. I couldn't believe it.
She felt that with physical disability and the undiagnosed attachment disorder that it was near impossible to love this child like she would love her daughter. She said she didn't even feel like this girl was her daughter but merely a child that they took care of. WOW--as someone who so desperately tried to have a family, had a failed domestic adoption and is now waiting to adopt internationally, I was so mad. How ungrateful is this woman. She wanted to adopt this girl, and now this girl wants nothing more than to be loved and Mom wants to send her back.
Adoption like giving birth makes you a parent. It is a life long committment and you can't just run away when it gets tough. I was shocked and appalled and really sad for this girl. To Dr. Phil's credit he told these woman she needed to re-evaluate her position in regards to her daughter and learn how to handle the challenges of life.
Sorry to go on and on but adoption means a lot to me and my family. Sure there are risks with international adoption or any adoption really or even in giving birth. You can't always predict what will happen and you sure as heck can't pack it in when things get a little challenging. Being a mom means the world to me through thick and thin, through good and bad and no matter what I would NEVER want to send my child back. I hope this woman really looks back at this episode and regrets the things she said and I hope and pray that her daughters will never hear or see this episode.
She and her husband had 2 adopted daughters from Eastern Europe. They adopted their first daughter at the age of 2 and she was now 11 and totally amazing in their eyes. Since she was such a great kid, they decided to adopt a second child from the same country. This time they adopted a 4 year old girl who is now 10. They knew before they accepted the referral that the child had some physical disabilites and some possible developmental delays and they accepted the referral. Dad loves this girl and sees through her issues. Here it comes...Mom wants to send her back. Yes, those were her exact words. I just about fell off the couch. I couldn't believe it.
She felt that with physical disability and the undiagnosed attachment disorder that it was near impossible to love this child like she would love her daughter. She said she didn't even feel like this girl was her daughter but merely a child that they took care of. WOW--as someone who so desperately tried to have a family, had a failed domestic adoption and is now waiting to adopt internationally, I was so mad. How ungrateful is this woman. She wanted to adopt this girl, and now this girl wants nothing more than to be loved and Mom wants to send her back.
Adoption like giving birth makes you a parent. It is a life long committment and you can't just run away when it gets tough. I was shocked and appalled and really sad for this girl. To Dr. Phil's credit he told these woman she needed to re-evaluate her position in regards to her daughter and learn how to handle the challenges of life.
Sorry to go on and on but adoption means a lot to me and my family. Sure there are risks with international adoption or any adoption really or even in giving birth. You can't always predict what will happen and you sure as heck can't pack it in when things get a little challenging. Being a mom means the world to me through thick and thin, through good and bad and no matter what I would NEVER want to send my child back. I hope this woman really looks back at this episode and regrets the things she said and I hope and pray that her daughters will never hear or see this episode.
Bottom dwellers
Well, I started a thread today on the CHSFS Ethiopia adoption forum for the bottom dwellers. That is those of us near the bottom of the list. We are #83 on the unofficial list so that puts us probably at about #170ish on the official list. We have been officially waiting since January 22, 2008. We have been told to expect a 6-9 month wait for a child referral.
Well, when we signed up we didn't know that the courts close in Ethiopia in July, August and part of September so CHSFS (our agency) doesn't hand out referrals during that time so that families don't have pics and info on a child and have to wait for courts to reopen before they can move forward. Totally understand that but we can't really count those few months in our wait, so at this point the earliest we would probably hear anything is November/December. We are hoping to know if we are having a boy or girl (or twins) by the end of the year. Hopefully, we will have wonderful news to share by the holidays but most likely we won't be travelling until early 2009.
My goal with the thread is to stay in touch with other families who will be experiencing the same waiting period and with those families who live near us so we can start to connect now and in the future when our children are with us.
Well, when we signed up we didn't know that the courts close in Ethiopia in July, August and part of September so CHSFS (our agency) doesn't hand out referrals during that time so that families don't have pics and info on a child and have to wait for courts to reopen before they can move forward. Totally understand that but we can't really count those few months in our wait, so at this point the earliest we would probably hear anything is November/December. We are hoping to know if we are having a boy or girl (or twins) by the end of the year. Hopefully, we will have wonderful news to share by the holidays but most likely we won't be travelling until early 2009.
My goal with the thread is to stay in touch with other families who will be experiencing the same waiting period and with those families who live near us so we can start to connect now and in the future when our children are with us.
Wow, this blogging stuff is time consuming...
I have only been officially a blogger for a few hours and I have changed the look of my blog like 5 times. There are entirely too many choices. Well at least I am not busy. Today is my day off of work so I am watching Trading Spaces, blogging and listening to the dogs snore. I know super exciting. Well, it has been at least a few hours since I have read the message boards for our adoption agency so I better catch up.
New to blogging!
Okay--I am super new to this blogging thing but thought I should give it a try. The purpose of the blog is to have documentation about our Ethiopian adoption process and to talk about the random happenings in the life of a midwesterner from CA. You see I am originally from CA, met my darling Hubby Dave in college in CA and now we live just outside Madison, WI in his hometown. I love it and hate it all at the same time. I like the small town values and slower pace of life but I HATE WINTER!!!
I am hoping to meet new people with this blog and to update family and friends about whats going on with us. Lots of stuff about adoption and our future children to come and while we are still waiting lots of fun stories about pugs, coffee shops and anything else I can think of.
I am hoping to meet new people with this blog and to update family and friends about whats going on with us. Lots of stuff about adoption and our future children to come and while we are still waiting lots of fun stories about pugs, coffee shops and anything else I can think of.
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