I just purchased a bunch of books at Barnes and Noble. I got an African inspired coloring book, an Amharic phrasebook and the book "I'm Chocolate, Your Vanilla." Wow--I have lots of reading to do.
I really enjoy reading. I read for fun and every 6 weeks my group of friends/neighbors gets together for book club. Admittedly, I don't always read the book for book club. I usually try but if I can't get in to it I move on to something more enjoyable. Other times I am to busy with other stuff to sit and read.
So at this moment I am reading our next book club book, "Nineteen Minutes" by Jodi Piccoult. So far it is really good and I think I will enjoy it. I have until June so hopefully I can finish it.
I also started to read the first few pages of "I'm Chocolate, Your Vanilla". I have heard and read many wonderful things about this book. It is a book for parents and educators of biracial and black children. It is written by a black women psychologist and deals with how as parents we can develop a strong, independent and proud child regardless of the color of their skin. It is a parent's guide to how to reduce the impact of racism on our child's development. Do I want to believe that our child won't face racism? Sure I do but the reality is at some point while growing up they will encounter someone with an ignorant question. It may be an innocent kindergartner who doesn't think I am my child's mom since we don't look a like or it may be a not so innocent adult with questions about why we chose Ethiopia instead of Eastern Europe or China.
We want our children to be proud of their African heritage and will encourage continuous learning about African culture and more specifically Ethiopia. We know that it is our responsibility to make sure we raise our children to be well educated, independent and secure. We know we may get strange looks or random questions but we feel that by reading this book and being aware ahead of time we can appropriately answer questions and teach our child how to as well. I digress...
Anyway, I also started looking at the phrasebook. Wow--I have never been that great at languages. I can read basic french and understand the same basic french that I can read but now I am looking at a language that uses a whole different alphabet. It will be challenging but I want to learn some basic phrases for when we travel and we want to share the language with our child as well. It will be difficult to say the least but it helps pass the time during the months of waiting.
So my brain is full of info right now but they say knowledge is power right? I don't know if I like power but knowledge is always useful. I will let you all know what I learn and maybe share some Amharic words and phrases.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Worried Dog Momma
Ok--so I don't really post about my dogs but today is devoted to them and how I can definitely be a worried dog momma.
First there is Sebastian, he is an amazing pug who will be 8 years old in June. He is really smart and VERY stubborn. He can be totally independent or super cuddly. He has a mischievous side too and one of his favorite things to do is play in laundry and it doesn't matter to him if it is clean or dirty. He will climb in the laundry basket and fall asleep. In fact as I write this he is sleeping on a pile of my hubby's folded clothes on the couch. I just took a picture and when hubby gets home I will have him help me post it. Anyway, he was super easy to house train and doesn't really destroy stuff unless of course he eats a dryer sheet.
Next there is Badger, he is the cutest, softest pug who will be 5 in September. He is not quite as smart and VERY clingy. He really loves to snuggle and he snores REALLY loudly. He loves to sleep and eat weird stuff in the yard (grass, rocks, feathers, and he licked a dead vole once). GROSS! He really does sleep a lot so he loves to sleep with a toy in his mouth. It is really cute. He was a little hard to house train and still has some issues and he has separation anxiety so when we would leave him he would chew on furniture. He chewed on the rungs of all 6 of my dining room chairs, ate the corner of my sofa table and chewed the legs and ate the corner of the foot board on my bed. He has gotten a lot better but misses us terribly when we are gone which is really sweet.
First there is Sebastian, he is an amazing pug who will be 8 years old in June. He is really smart and VERY stubborn. He can be totally independent or super cuddly. He has a mischievous side too and one of his favorite things to do is play in laundry and it doesn't matter to him if it is clean or dirty. He will climb in the laundry basket and fall asleep. In fact as I write this he is sleeping on a pile of my hubby's folded clothes on the couch. I just took a picture and when hubby gets home I will have him help me post it. Anyway, he was super easy to house train and doesn't really destroy stuff unless of course he eats a dryer sheet.
Next there is Badger, he is the cutest, softest pug who will be 5 in September. He is not quite as smart and VERY clingy. He really loves to snuggle and he snores REALLY loudly. He loves to sleep and eat weird stuff in the yard (grass, rocks, feathers, and he licked a dead vole once). GROSS! He really does sleep a lot so he loves to sleep with a toy in his mouth. It is really cute. He was a little hard to house train and still has some issues and he has separation anxiety so when we would leave him he would chew on furniture. He chewed on the rungs of all 6 of my dining room chairs, ate the corner of my sofa table and chewed the legs and ate the corner of the foot board on my bed. He has gotten a lot better but misses us terribly when we are gone which is really sweet.
So the worried momma part comes in when I see something not quite right with one of my pugs. Badger is snoring away and doing fine; he is a little pudgy but not too bad. Sebastian is my problem pug (for now). He recently had a bout of acne on his chin that became infected. That has mostly cleared and now he has developed a limp. It appears to be his front right paw but he still runs and jumps. It is really bad after he has been laying down for awhile and then not as bad when he is walking around the house. We called the vet and they told us to give him aspirin two times per day which we are but I haven't seen a lot of improvement.
I had an appointment scheduled for him today to see the vet but since he was running around and putting pressure on it, I thought it might get better. So I cancelled his appointment and got my hair done instead. (Trust me, I do feel a little selfish) I know he is probably fine but the worried momma in me is going to get another appointment for him tomorrow. He isn't putting as much pressure on his leg right now so that is different and I don't want him to be in pain.
If you didn't know, I don't have kids so my dogs are like my babies. Yes I spoil them like crazy. They sleep in our bed and have too many toys to count. So when one of my babies isn't feeling right, I don't feel right. I know he is fine and it might just be arthritis or he could have twisted it or just slept on it wrong. Stay tuned for updates and super cute pictures.
I had an appointment scheduled for him today to see the vet but since he was running around and putting pressure on it, I thought it might get better. So I cancelled his appointment and got my hair done instead. (Trust me, I do feel a little selfish) I know he is probably fine but the worried momma in me is going to get another appointment for him tomorrow. He isn't putting as much pressure on his leg right now so that is different and I don't want him to be in pain.
If you didn't know, I don't have kids so my dogs are like my babies. Yes I spoil them like crazy. They sleep in our bed and have too many toys to count. So when one of my babies isn't feeling right, I don't feel right. I know he is fine and it might just be arthritis or he could have twisted it or just slept on it wrong. Stay tuned for updates and super cute pictures.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Shots, shots and more shots
I knew when we decided to adopt internationally and to travel to pick up our baby that I would have to get a lot of shots. Not an issue, I don't really mind that part. The part that I do mind is the hassle it has been for me to set up appointments to try and start some of these shots.
I need to get Hepatitis A and B shots, so I contacted my Dr.'s office to set up an appointment and they asked me why I needed these shots. I told them that early next year I would be travelling to Africa. At that point they told me I needed to contact the travel clinic. Well, the day we were officially approved back in January, I called the travel clinic and they wanted to know our travel date before setting up an appointment. I explained this to the woman and she said she would get back to me. Several messages later, they agreed to set up an appointment with the float nurse at my Dr.'s office to start the series of Hepatitis shots. They are spread out over a number of months so I want to get them out of the way now. I figure it will be one less thing I will have to worry about.
In talking with the nurse she wanted to make sure that I was still planning on going to the travel clinic before I travel to Ethiopia. I told her, of course. There are more shots that I need that I can get only at a travel clinic (yellow fever) and some others I am considering getting as well such as typhoid and meningitis and polio. I also want to go to the travel clinic to talk about things we can do while in Ethiopia to stay healthy and to ask questions about meds we should bring for our baby in case they are sick.
So for now the drama with the shots appears to be over, I have an appointment with the nurse in a few weeks. Let's hope the rest of the process goes well and that my arm won't hurt too much afterward.
I need to get Hepatitis A and B shots, so I contacted my Dr.'s office to set up an appointment and they asked me why I needed these shots. I told them that early next year I would be travelling to Africa. At that point they told me I needed to contact the travel clinic. Well, the day we were officially approved back in January, I called the travel clinic and they wanted to know our travel date before setting up an appointment. I explained this to the woman and she said she would get back to me. Several messages later, they agreed to set up an appointment with the float nurse at my Dr.'s office to start the series of Hepatitis shots. They are spread out over a number of months so I want to get them out of the way now. I figure it will be one less thing I will have to worry about.
In talking with the nurse she wanted to make sure that I was still planning on going to the travel clinic before I travel to Ethiopia. I told her, of course. There are more shots that I need that I can get only at a travel clinic (yellow fever) and some others I am considering getting as well such as typhoid and meningitis and polio. I also want to go to the travel clinic to talk about things we can do while in Ethiopia to stay healthy and to ask questions about meds we should bring for our baby in case they are sick.
So for now the drama with the shots appears to be over, I have an appointment with the nurse in a few weeks. Let's hope the rest of the process goes well and that my arm won't hurt too much afterward.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Seventy Three
Well, we moved up to #73! Yeah. We are still expecting to wait 8-9 months for a referral so still hoping for November/December.
The plus side is that we will get to travel (if all goes according to plans) in the winter and since I HATE winter it will be nice to get out of WI and to some place sunny.
As for "plans", you really can't plan in the world of international adoption. Things are very unpredictable so we never know what might happen.
The plus side is that we will get to travel (if all goes according to plans) in the winter and since I HATE winter it will be nice to get out of WI and to some place sunny.
As for "plans", you really can't plan in the world of international adoption. Things are very unpredictable so we never know what might happen.
Favorite Song with a special meaning
Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs (courtesy of azlyrics.com). This song was the first dance song at my wedding and while I heard it on the radio today, it occurred to me that a lot of this song will apply to the adoption of my first child. It brought tears to my eyes.
"From This Moment On"
From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on
From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on
I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you
From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on
You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you
From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on
There are lots of songs that really touch my heart and this one by Shania Twain always gets me a little choked up. I value music for the lyrics and the melody and the emotion. This song was the perfect choice for my first dance with my DH and there are certain parts of this song that made me think of my baby. There is nothing I wouldn't give for my child and I will love them as long as I live. And I truly believe that I will be even more blessed when I hold that child in my arms for the first time.
Thursday's on my blog will be song day. Each Thursday, I will highlight one of my favorite songs and explain a little bit about why that song means so much to me. I hope you enjoy and you will notice that I LOVE country music. But no worries I may be a little bit country but I am also a little bit rock n roll.
"From This Moment On"
From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on
From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on
I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you
From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on
You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you
From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on
There are lots of songs that really touch my heart and this one by Shania Twain always gets me a little choked up. I value music for the lyrics and the melody and the emotion. This song was the perfect choice for my first dance with my DH and there are certain parts of this song that made me think of my baby. There is nothing I wouldn't give for my child and I will love them as long as I live. And I truly believe that I will be even more blessed when I hold that child in my arms for the first time.
Thursday's on my blog will be song day. Each Thursday, I will highlight one of my favorite songs and explain a little bit about why that song means so much to me. I hope you enjoy and you will notice that I LOVE country music. But no worries I may be a little bit country but I am also a little bit rock n roll.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
THANKS!
I want to give a big THANKS to my Secret Pal. I have had a rough few days with everything not just adoption stuff and I got my gift today. It was this super cute picture frame. I will try and take a picture and post it on here, if I can figure that out. I just love it and it made my week for sure.
Also, I was off by a day. Today we have been officially waiting for 3 months. Since we have been pretty open with everyone about our plans to adopt we get lots and lots of questions about when we will know anything. It gets a little daunting to have to keep saying not yet or we won't know anything until towards the end of the year.
I just keep telling myself that everything will fall in to place when it is supposed to and when it does it will be the happiest day of my life. So not only do I need to hang in there in and be patient but I need others in my life to have a little patience too. Trust me when we have news to share, we will shout it from the mountains. Okay we live in WI so the hills.
Also, I was off by a day. Today we have been officially waiting for 3 months. Since we have been pretty open with everyone about our plans to adopt we get lots and lots of questions about when we will know anything. It gets a little daunting to have to keep saying not yet or we won't know anything until towards the end of the year.
I just keep telling myself that everything will fall in to place when it is supposed to and when it does it will be the happiest day of my life. So not only do I need to hang in there in and be patient but I need others in my life to have a little patience too. Trust me when we have news to share, we will shout it from the mountains. Okay we live in WI so the hills.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Eat, Pray, Love...
Well we have been officially waiting for 3 months today. It has gone by fairly quickly really but I am going to take this post to reflect on how I will spend the remainder of my wait.
If you haven't read the book, "Eat, Pray, Love" written by Elizabeth Gilbert. I highly recommend it. There are parts of the book that are slow but the overall message behind the book really moved me. In summary, it is a true story of a woman who takes a year to travel to Italy to eat, India to pray and Indonesia to love after she hit rock bottom. She took that time to focus on herself and figure out who she was and where she wanted to go in her life. She wanted to get re-centered. While I can't take a year off to do those things I plan on incorporating some of this into my life as in some ways I do feel that I hit rock bottom.
I got married pretty young (thankfully) thus I had it set in my head that by the time I was 3o I would have at least 2 kids. Well I as I am rapidly approaching 32 and have zero children I have had to do a lot of adjusting. Throughout the 3 years that we attempted to have children, there were many a day when I just cried. I wanted nothing more than to see those 2 pink lines on that test and month after month it never came. I hit rock bottom in September of 2006. That was the month we called it quits on our fertility treatments. We went on vacation and came back and immediately started the adoption process. None of what I was dealing with emotionally made sense at that time but after reading "Eat, Pray, Love" and listening to her talk about her nights on the bathroom floor I could really relate to that. She made a conscious choice to get up off that floor and make changes to her life and refocus and in essence I feel like I did that to by saying enough is enough and following my heart to adoption.
So for the next few months and possibly the rest of 2008 while I wait for my referral I am going to refocus a little. I am going to eat at the Cherry Festival in Michigan. I am going to pray every day and I am going to love my husband, my friends and my family but most importantly I am going to love myself. I am not sure that I have always loved myself enough in the past few years. I felt a lot pressure (that I put on myself) to get pregnant and then a lot of failure when that didn't happen. I know that God has a plan for me and I lost sight of that along the way. I truly believe that God won't give me anything that I can't handle and I have learned that I can handle a lot.
Lastly, I feel like I should explain while I said thankfully about getting married young. I met and married the most amazing person. He is truly my soul mate and without him my life wouldn't have as much meaning. Sure he has his flaws and some days those drive me beyond crazy but I know we will always be together and I cherish that. I am thankful to have found someone so wonderful at such a young age and to know that for better or worse we are doing this thing called life together. I couldn't have survived those 3 years of trying to get pregnant without him. It was a very challenging time for both of us and in the end it made us that much closer. It all comes back to God. I don't always understand why things happen the way they do but I know that everything happens for a reason and I just have to have a little faith. I lost that for awhile but thank you Elizabeth Gilbert for helping me find it.
If you haven't read the book, "Eat, Pray, Love" written by Elizabeth Gilbert. I highly recommend it. There are parts of the book that are slow but the overall message behind the book really moved me. In summary, it is a true story of a woman who takes a year to travel to Italy to eat, India to pray and Indonesia to love after she hit rock bottom. She took that time to focus on herself and figure out who she was and where she wanted to go in her life. She wanted to get re-centered. While I can't take a year off to do those things I plan on incorporating some of this into my life as in some ways I do feel that I hit rock bottom.
I got married pretty young (thankfully) thus I had it set in my head that by the time I was 3o I would have at least 2 kids. Well I as I am rapidly approaching 32 and have zero children I have had to do a lot of adjusting. Throughout the 3 years that we attempted to have children, there were many a day when I just cried. I wanted nothing more than to see those 2 pink lines on that test and month after month it never came. I hit rock bottom in September of 2006. That was the month we called it quits on our fertility treatments. We went on vacation and came back and immediately started the adoption process. None of what I was dealing with emotionally made sense at that time but after reading "Eat, Pray, Love" and listening to her talk about her nights on the bathroom floor I could really relate to that. She made a conscious choice to get up off that floor and make changes to her life and refocus and in essence I feel like I did that to by saying enough is enough and following my heart to adoption.
So for the next few months and possibly the rest of 2008 while I wait for my referral I am going to refocus a little. I am going to eat at the Cherry Festival in Michigan. I am going to pray every day and I am going to love my husband, my friends and my family but most importantly I am going to love myself. I am not sure that I have always loved myself enough in the past few years. I felt a lot pressure (that I put on myself) to get pregnant and then a lot of failure when that didn't happen. I know that God has a plan for me and I lost sight of that along the way. I truly believe that God won't give me anything that I can't handle and I have learned that I can handle a lot.
Lastly, I feel like I should explain while I said thankfully about getting married young. I met and married the most amazing person. He is truly my soul mate and without him my life wouldn't have as much meaning. Sure he has his flaws and some days those drive me beyond crazy but I know we will always be together and I cherish that. I am thankful to have found someone so wonderful at such a young age and to know that for better or worse we are doing this thing called life together. I couldn't have survived those 3 years of trying to get pregnant without him. It was a very challenging time for both of us and in the end it made us that much closer. It all comes back to God. I don't always understand why things happen the way they do but I know that everything happens for a reason and I just have to have a little faith. I lost that for awhile but thank you Elizabeth Gilbert for helping me find it.
Feeling a little lost and alone...
Well, let me start by saying that in no way to I want to undermine or trivialize the other families waiting to adopt from Ethiopia, in fact my heart goes out to all of the families waiting especially those waiting for siblings.
This is just me being real and maybe a little whiny and probably a lot selfish.
I am very fortunate to live where I do as I have a nice home in a fabulous neighborhood with amazing neighbors/friends. Yes, I consider a lot of my neighbors friends but to a certain extent I feel really alone sometimes. I know that I can call my neighbors and ask for a cup of sugar or to go out for a cup of coffee but yet I don't always share what is going on with me. I feel like an outsider sometimes and that is odd for me. I consider myself an outgoing person, a good listener and very friendly however when I am with my neighbors I get really quiet and am not really myself. I guess there are a lot of reasons for this that are painful for me sometimes.
The major issue is that I don't have children (yet). We get together every couple of weeks for Book Club and the conversation always turns to kids as it should but that makes me get really quiet. I don't fit in to that part of the conversation. I know they aren't trying to exclude me but it happens and it hurts. I want to participate but I choose to stay quiet. Why? I don't have kids so my opinion or thoughts aren't sought out. I just keep quiet.
The next issue is that all of my neighbors are aware of our pending adoption but no one really knows how taxing emotionally this process is and how I have good days and bad days. Some days I get super excited to see families getting referrals and am so happy for them and then there are other days when there isn't a lot of good news being shared on the message boards and I get a little down. There are days when I am gung ho adoption and want to talk about it with everyone who will listen and there are other days where I just don't want to talk adoption. Yes, I realize I could share more of what is going on with me but I don't. Why? I just don't think they would really understand. They all have at least one child and most have two. I am alone among my friends. I didn't know that could happen but now that it has I get it.
I guess part of my issue is that I don't know how to put into words how much adoption means to me. This is my family and is the most important thing I will ever do in my lifetime. I can say just that but really I don't think they will fully grasp what it all really means. Maybe I am underestimating my neighbors but then I am not one to make everything about me. In fact I hate it when people think the whole world revolves around them and I really don't want to be one of those people. Thus my dilemma, I don't know how to fix this and I don't know if I can.
I enjoy my neighbors but have realized that I really do need the message boards at CHSFS. Everyone on those boards gets it whether they have bio kids or will be first time parents like us. I have never met any of these people in person yet in a weird way they are my biggest support system. I can turn to them for anything. If I need help with the process, travel, sleep issues, whatever there will always be many people willing to help me out. I love that and I really need that. I am really grateful that we have this resource available as I really don't know how I could do this with out all the wonderful people I have "met" online.
I have also realized that I need to make better connections with other families that live near us who have adopted or will adopt from Ethiopia. They will get it and we can support each other through the challenges that will lie ahead.
Well, I guess that is enough of my whining, so back to my forum friends and to taking time to realize that I need to be grateful for all the people in my life whether they understand me or not.
This is just me being real and maybe a little whiny and probably a lot selfish.
I am very fortunate to live where I do as I have a nice home in a fabulous neighborhood with amazing neighbors/friends. Yes, I consider a lot of my neighbors friends but to a certain extent I feel really alone sometimes. I know that I can call my neighbors and ask for a cup of sugar or to go out for a cup of coffee but yet I don't always share what is going on with me. I feel like an outsider sometimes and that is odd for me. I consider myself an outgoing person, a good listener and very friendly however when I am with my neighbors I get really quiet and am not really myself. I guess there are a lot of reasons for this that are painful for me sometimes.
The major issue is that I don't have children (yet). We get together every couple of weeks for Book Club and the conversation always turns to kids as it should but that makes me get really quiet. I don't fit in to that part of the conversation. I know they aren't trying to exclude me but it happens and it hurts. I want to participate but I choose to stay quiet. Why? I don't have kids so my opinion or thoughts aren't sought out. I just keep quiet.
The next issue is that all of my neighbors are aware of our pending adoption but no one really knows how taxing emotionally this process is and how I have good days and bad days. Some days I get super excited to see families getting referrals and am so happy for them and then there are other days when there isn't a lot of good news being shared on the message boards and I get a little down. There are days when I am gung ho adoption and want to talk about it with everyone who will listen and there are other days where I just don't want to talk adoption. Yes, I realize I could share more of what is going on with me but I don't. Why? I just don't think they would really understand. They all have at least one child and most have two. I am alone among my friends. I didn't know that could happen but now that it has I get it.
I guess part of my issue is that I don't know how to put into words how much adoption means to me. This is my family and is the most important thing I will ever do in my lifetime. I can say just that but really I don't think they will fully grasp what it all really means. Maybe I am underestimating my neighbors but then I am not one to make everything about me. In fact I hate it when people think the whole world revolves around them and I really don't want to be one of those people. Thus my dilemma, I don't know how to fix this and I don't know if I can.
I enjoy my neighbors but have realized that I really do need the message boards at CHSFS. Everyone on those boards gets it whether they have bio kids or will be first time parents like us. I have never met any of these people in person yet in a weird way they are my biggest support system. I can turn to them for anything. If I need help with the process, travel, sleep issues, whatever there will always be many people willing to help me out. I love that and I really need that. I am really grateful that we have this resource available as I really don't know how I could do this with out all the wonderful people I have "met" online.
I have also realized that I need to make better connections with other families that live near us who have adopted or will adopt from Ethiopia. They will get it and we can support each other through the challenges that will lie ahead.
Well, I guess that is enough of my whining, so back to my forum friends and to taking time to realize that I need to be grateful for all the people in my life whether they understand me or not.
Friday, April 18, 2008
#74 and some stats
So we moved to #74 on the unofficial list. And since I am officially a member of the list obsessed I know that there are currently 18 families ahead of us waiting for siblings and that is whole other ball game. I feel for those at the top of the list waiting for siblings. Some have waited a year and still nothing. I pray their children find them soon and I admire their patience. Patience is definitely a virtue you learn when you adopt internationally and as my family can attest, I am not a patient person. I am working on it.
Here are some things I learned when I called our agencies hotline yesterday:
There are 241 waiting families in the Ethiopia program at CHSFS.
156 are waiting for an infant 0-12 months
23 are waiting for a toddler <18 months
17 are waiting for a toddler <24 months
11 are waiting for a toddler <36 months
6 are waiting for a toddler <48 months
9 are waiting for siblings <3 years
9 are waiting for siblings <4 years
11 are waiting for siblings <5 years
2 are waiting for siblings <8 years
93 children have joined 84 families this year so far.
We are a part of the top group, the biggest one. However, there are so many parameters within that age range so come October I may be a little jumpy when my phone rings. You see October will be 7 months that we have waited. Now we were approved in January but since referrals are stopped June 15th due to court closures in Ethiopia in August and September we can't really count those months. Referrals will start back up in September so we can start counting again. Since right now it seems pretty average for people to wait 8 months it is more likely that we will get a referral in November and then travel in January (hopefully). But one never knows. Our child will find us and if they find us in October that would be fabulous but if not I will wait for them. As much as the waiting gets hard, I know once I hold that beautiful child it will all have been worth it.
Here are some things I learned when I called our agencies hotline yesterday:
There are 241 waiting families in the Ethiopia program at CHSFS.
156 are waiting for an infant 0-12 months
23 are waiting for a toddler <18 months
17 are waiting for a toddler <24 months
11 are waiting for a toddler <36 months
6 are waiting for a toddler <48 months
9 are waiting for siblings <3 years
9 are waiting for siblings <4 years
11 are waiting for siblings <5 years
2 are waiting for siblings <8 years
93 children have joined 84 families this year so far.
We are a part of the top group, the biggest one. However, there are so many parameters within that age range so come October I may be a little jumpy when my phone rings. You see October will be 7 months that we have waited. Now we were approved in January but since referrals are stopped June 15th due to court closures in Ethiopia in August and September we can't really count those months. Referrals will start back up in September so we can start counting again. Since right now it seems pretty average for people to wait 8 months it is more likely that we will get a referral in November and then travel in January (hopefully). But one never knows. Our child will find us and if they find us in October that would be fabulous but if not I will wait for them. As much as the waiting gets hard, I know once I hold that beautiful child it will all have been worth it.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Dr. Phil again...
Okay I know that it is just TV and I shouldn't be so in to Dr. Phil but sometimes he says some really great things. Today's topic was teenager and drug use and the role that parents play in that. It makes me scared to have a teenager...
This 17 year old boy thinks that most teenagers smoke marijuana and that it is normal that he smokes a few times a week and drinks multiple times a week. He is totally smug and thinks he and all of his friends don't have any drug or alcohol issues. After all it is only marijuana so what is the big deal. WOW! I was an angel in high school. I didn't do anything wrong. I went to class, I got good grades, played sports, didn't argue that much with my parents, had a job and a boyfriend or two. I was kind of a dork really. I never got into the party scene in high school.
Enter the college years:
I am proud to say that I have NEVER tried marijuana. Sure I know what it smells like as I went to plenty a college party where people were smoking it. I was also a Residence Hall Director for a number of years and had more than one resident who thought they could smoke in their dorm room and my staff wouldn't figure it out. As for other drugs again NEVER. I didn't even hang out with people that did other drugs. I did have friends that smoked marijuana and I just chose not to.
I am in no way saying that I was an angel during my college years but I am glad that I can honestly tell my children that I didn't do drugs of any kind. I will be honest and say that I did try smoking but hated it. It was usually after a few drinks in college or at my bachelorette party but I never regularly smoked. I just didn't enjoy it and always regretted doing it. The smell on my clothes and in my hair was so gross. It was definitely a heat of the moment thing and I haven't smoked a cigarette in 9 years. I had my last one at my bachelorette party.
Alcohol--well that is another story. I had my ups and downs in college that really don't need reliving but I learned a tremendous amount about myself and turned my mistakes into a way to help other college students. I taught an Alcohol Education Class for college students in which I would tell my story which isn't always pretty but made me more relevant and more effective. I never took the approach that college kids shouldn't drink but if they choose to they need to be responsible about it and be willing to accept the consequences. My hope was always to share my experience and make a difference for at least one student and I know I did at least once.
I don't really recall talking about drugs or alcohol with my parents. Smoking was a definite no no since we had lost more than a few family members due to smoking related illnesses. The one thing my mom always told me was that if I was in a situation and needed help to call her no matter what time it was and she would come get me. I think that was her way of saying if you are out drinking don't drive let me come get you. I never called but I didn't put myself in situations where I would have needed to either. I plan on using this with our children as well. I will talk to them specifically about drugs and alcohol but will put it out there that I will come get them no matter the hour. I won't be happy but I would rather have them safe then risk their lives and the lives of others driving under the influence.
This show of Dr. Phil's really made me think about the realities I will have to face as we raise children. Things are really different now compared to when I grew up, they are a lot more scary I think. I as a parent will have to stay on top of things and most importantly be a parent to my child and not their best friend. My mom is my best friend now but growing up she was my mom and while at the time I didn't always like what she said in hindsight I had/have the best mom. I want to do that for my kids. I think I turned out okay. (You can stop laughing now Dad).
This 17 year old boy thinks that most teenagers smoke marijuana and that it is normal that he smokes a few times a week and drinks multiple times a week. He is totally smug and thinks he and all of his friends don't have any drug or alcohol issues. After all it is only marijuana so what is the big deal. WOW! I was an angel in high school. I didn't do anything wrong. I went to class, I got good grades, played sports, didn't argue that much with my parents, had a job and a boyfriend or two. I was kind of a dork really. I never got into the party scene in high school.
Enter the college years:
I am proud to say that I have NEVER tried marijuana. Sure I know what it smells like as I went to plenty a college party where people were smoking it. I was also a Residence Hall Director for a number of years and had more than one resident who thought they could smoke in their dorm room and my staff wouldn't figure it out. As for other drugs again NEVER. I didn't even hang out with people that did other drugs. I did have friends that smoked marijuana and I just chose not to.
I am in no way saying that I was an angel during my college years but I am glad that I can honestly tell my children that I didn't do drugs of any kind. I will be honest and say that I did try smoking but hated it. It was usually after a few drinks in college or at my bachelorette party but I never regularly smoked. I just didn't enjoy it and always regretted doing it. The smell on my clothes and in my hair was so gross. It was definitely a heat of the moment thing and I haven't smoked a cigarette in 9 years. I had my last one at my bachelorette party.
Alcohol--well that is another story. I had my ups and downs in college that really don't need reliving but I learned a tremendous amount about myself and turned my mistakes into a way to help other college students. I taught an Alcohol Education Class for college students in which I would tell my story which isn't always pretty but made me more relevant and more effective. I never took the approach that college kids shouldn't drink but if they choose to they need to be responsible about it and be willing to accept the consequences. My hope was always to share my experience and make a difference for at least one student and I know I did at least once.
I don't really recall talking about drugs or alcohol with my parents. Smoking was a definite no no since we had lost more than a few family members due to smoking related illnesses. The one thing my mom always told me was that if I was in a situation and needed help to call her no matter what time it was and she would come get me. I think that was her way of saying if you are out drinking don't drive let me come get you. I never called but I didn't put myself in situations where I would have needed to either. I plan on using this with our children as well. I will talk to them specifically about drugs and alcohol but will put it out there that I will come get them no matter the hour. I won't be happy but I would rather have them safe then risk their lives and the lives of others driving under the influence.
This show of Dr. Phil's really made me think about the realities I will have to face as we raise children. Things are really different now compared to when I grew up, they are a lot more scary I think. I as a parent will have to stay on top of things and most importantly be a parent to my child and not their best friend. My mom is my best friend now but growing up she was my mom and while at the time I didn't always like what she said in hindsight I had/have the best mom. I want to do that for my kids. I think I turned out okay. (You can stop laughing now Dad).
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
More good news (personally) and prayers requested
We are now #75! Yeah. That is one step closer to our dream.
On a side note: Please pray for the people living in Ethiopia. They have had a very dry season and are in a severe drought. If traditional pray isn't your thing try a rain dance anything. These people are desperate and hungry and rain would help crops grow, keep livestock from dying and keep the power on in some places as it is hydroelectric.
While your at it say a pray or 2 or 3 for the people of Haiti as well. They are facing tremendously high food prices and some civil unrest. People are starving and are resorting to anything to feed their family.
If you have the means here are some ways you can contribute to either Ethiopia or Haiti:
http://www.foodforthepoor.org/
http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia.html
http://www.ahopeforchildren.org/gift_ideas.html
I personally have donated to these places as a majority, as in upwards of 95%, of the money we donate goes directly to the people and not administrative costs.
On a side note: Please pray for the people living in Ethiopia. They have had a very dry season and are in a severe drought. If traditional pray isn't your thing try a rain dance anything. These people are desperate and hungry and rain would help crops grow, keep livestock from dying and keep the power on in some places as it is hydroelectric.
While your at it say a pray or 2 or 3 for the people of Haiti as well. They are facing tremendously high food prices and some civil unrest. People are starving and are resorting to anything to feed their family.
If you have the means here are some ways you can contribute to either Ethiopia or Haiti:
http://www.foodforthepoor.org/
http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia.html
http://www.ahopeforchildren.org/gift_ideas.html
I personally have donated to these places as a majority, as in upwards of 95%, of the money we donate goes directly to the people and not administrative costs.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Super Cute!
Okay--This is one of the cutest things I have ever seen. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CCs_ZZHanQ#
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CCs_ZZHanQ#
Monday, April 14, 2008
Two spots!!
Okay--short post today as I am not feeling great, just a little tired. I guess that happens when you have to work at 5:30am. :( But I have good news. We have moved up 2 spaces since my last post. We are now#76 on the unofficial list. Yeah! I am so happy for all the families that got such great news over the last few days. Lots of people have received their birth certificates and travel dates too so things have been going pretty well lately. Let's hope this trend continues.
Friday, April 11, 2008
We are on our way up!
Now we are #78 :) This has been a great end to the week. I sure hope that there are a lot more referrals next week. Who knows maybe by the end of next week we will be in the 60's.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
"Self Indulgent" ?
Okay--this has been bothering me for the last couple of days so I apologize in advance for venting.
I posted a few days ago about the Secret Adoption Pals. I was and still am very excited about being able to support and encourage another family through their wait time. However, what started as a beautiful idea has been called into question by some who are not participating in the pals program. In fact, some have gone so far as to say that those of us that have chosen to participate are "self-indulgent" and that we should take time to think about the realities of the world and the harsh and horrible conditions that people in Africa, Haiti and elsewhere live in. Some have assumed that we are so self absorbed that we don't see the big picture; that we are ignoring reality and should in essence be ashamed of ourselves for being so selfish.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined an innocent, caring, supportive idea would be so attacked. Everyone is entitled to their opinion so if you don't like the pals program then don't participate but leave those of us looking for friendship, encouragement and support alone. We aren't doing anything wrong we are reaching out to each other and help ease the wait. We aren't being selfish, in fact it is the opposite. We are thinking of another family and sending them a little gift to be supportive and encouraging. How is that selfish?
Also, it has been suggested that instead of giving gifts to each other we should support more meaningful causes to help the people in Ethiopia who have nothing. Who says we aren't? It is not an either/or situation. I am perfectly capable of gathering donations for AHOPE and CHSFS and still sending an uplifting gift to another waiting family. That is exactly what I plan on doing.
I don't in anyway feel that I am "entitled" to a child, a gift or anything else. I recognize that I have been very fortunate in my life and for that I will always be eternally grateful. Should I feel guilty about that? I don't think so. I come from a hard working middle class family. There were times when we didn't always have a lot but I had shelter, food and 2 parents that loved me. Any hardships I may have experienced are nothing compared to what goes on in Darfur, Haiti or elsewhere, but it is my reality. Should I do more to help others? Maybe. But I do a lot already and I don't think I should feel guilty for living my life ans seeking out support from others who may be sharing a similar experience.
Am I not allowed to celebrate our future adoption? Does all adoption conversation have to revolve around grief and loss? I hope not. I get it. We get it. We wouldn't or shouldn't be adopting if we didn't see the big picture. I know that one family will suffer a great loss in order for my family to be formed. I know that at some point our child will ask questions about where they came from and I will tell all that I can about their birth family and the loss that goes with that.
Couples that have biological children have milestones during pregnancy to look forward too. Seeing the heart beat, the end of morning sickness, feeling the first kick, having a baby shower. Those of us who are starting families through adoption and haven't been able to have biological children should be able to celebrate their joy as well. I see the Secret Pals as my monthly milestones to celebrate while waiting for my baby to find us. I just don't see that as wrong. I am not ignoring the realities and I do what I can to help out but please can't I just have a little support and encouragement. I really don't think that I am entitled or self indulgent. I am just looking for understanding and support from others who have chosen to adopt.
I realize that not everyone feels this way but I am tired of others telling me how I should or shouldn't feel or what I should or shouldn't do. I make it a life goal to not judge other people and I guess that is all I ask in return. I may not agree with you and sometimes I may tell you that but ultimately it is your life not mine. I firmly believe that it isn't my place to judge but to support. You may or may not know me but please give me the benefit of the doubt and don't make assumptions about what I stand for or what I feel.
Okay, done. Sorry, that was so long so as a treat to family who read this we moved up another spot so we are now #79. YEAH!
I posted a few days ago about the Secret Adoption Pals. I was and still am very excited about being able to support and encourage another family through their wait time. However, what started as a beautiful idea has been called into question by some who are not participating in the pals program. In fact, some have gone so far as to say that those of us that have chosen to participate are "self-indulgent" and that we should take time to think about the realities of the world and the harsh and horrible conditions that people in Africa, Haiti and elsewhere live in. Some have assumed that we are so self absorbed that we don't see the big picture; that we are ignoring reality and should in essence be ashamed of ourselves for being so selfish.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined an innocent, caring, supportive idea would be so attacked. Everyone is entitled to their opinion so if you don't like the pals program then don't participate but leave those of us looking for friendship, encouragement and support alone. We aren't doing anything wrong we are reaching out to each other and help ease the wait. We aren't being selfish, in fact it is the opposite. We are thinking of another family and sending them a little gift to be supportive and encouraging. How is that selfish?
Also, it has been suggested that instead of giving gifts to each other we should support more meaningful causes to help the people in Ethiopia who have nothing. Who says we aren't? It is not an either/or situation. I am perfectly capable of gathering donations for AHOPE and CHSFS and still sending an uplifting gift to another waiting family. That is exactly what I plan on doing.
I don't in anyway feel that I am "entitled" to a child, a gift or anything else. I recognize that I have been very fortunate in my life and for that I will always be eternally grateful. Should I feel guilty about that? I don't think so. I come from a hard working middle class family. There were times when we didn't always have a lot but I had shelter, food and 2 parents that loved me. Any hardships I may have experienced are nothing compared to what goes on in Darfur, Haiti or elsewhere, but it is my reality. Should I do more to help others? Maybe. But I do a lot already and I don't think I should feel guilty for living my life ans seeking out support from others who may be sharing a similar experience.
Am I not allowed to celebrate our future adoption? Does all adoption conversation have to revolve around grief and loss? I hope not. I get it. We get it. We wouldn't or shouldn't be adopting if we didn't see the big picture. I know that one family will suffer a great loss in order for my family to be formed. I know that at some point our child will ask questions about where they came from and I will tell all that I can about their birth family and the loss that goes with that.
Couples that have biological children have milestones during pregnancy to look forward too. Seeing the heart beat, the end of morning sickness, feeling the first kick, having a baby shower. Those of us who are starting families through adoption and haven't been able to have biological children should be able to celebrate their joy as well. I see the Secret Pals as my monthly milestones to celebrate while waiting for my baby to find us. I just don't see that as wrong. I am not ignoring the realities and I do what I can to help out but please can't I just have a little support and encouragement. I really don't think that I am entitled or self indulgent. I am just looking for understanding and support from others who have chosen to adopt.
I realize that not everyone feels this way but I am tired of others telling me how I should or shouldn't feel or what I should or shouldn't do. I make it a life goal to not judge other people and I guess that is all I ask in return. I may not agree with you and sometimes I may tell you that but ultimately it is your life not mine. I firmly believe that it isn't my place to judge but to support. You may or may not know me but please give me the benefit of the doubt and don't make assumptions about what I stand for or what I feel.
Okay, done. Sorry, that was so long so as a treat to family who read this we moved up another spot so we are now #79. YEAH!
# 80
Well, we have moved up another spot on the "unofficial" list. It was nice to make a little progress.
Things are moving really slowly right now but a lot of us waiting think it has to do with the extensive power outages in Ethiopia right now. We have gotten word, via the forum, that the power has been out some days for 10 or 12 hours. Some offices and places have generators and others don't so if someone needs paperwork from an office that has no power that could cause some delays.
It also reminds us of how grateful we should be to have consistent electricity and running water. Yes, there are delays in the process but we should all remember to be thankful for everything we are fortunate to have as there are others in this world who have so little.
PS--I have some more to say today on another topic and will post again later.
Things are moving really slowly right now but a lot of us waiting think it has to do with the extensive power outages in Ethiopia right now. We have gotten word, via the forum, that the power has been out some days for 10 or 12 hours. Some offices and places have generators and others don't so if someone needs paperwork from an office that has no power that could cause some delays.
It also reminds us of how grateful we should be to have consistent electricity and running water. Yes, there are delays in the process but we should all remember to be thankful for everything we are fortunate to have as there are others in this world who have so little.
PS--I have some more to say today on another topic and will post again later.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Kind of sorta
Well, I kinda sorta watched American Idol last night. We had a lot of stuff to do after dinner so it was on in the background. Some of the show was okay and some of it was really cheesy.
I do hope that the event went well and that lots of people here in the US and in Africa will reap the benefits. I did see some of the clips from various places in Africa and they were definitely sad and did tug at my heart strings. I will admit though that I didn't call up and donate or go to their website and donate.
We do give money to causes in Ethiopia through CHSFS so we can more closely follow the progress and see what else we can do to help. We are big on giving money to important causes. We often have given money to Food for the Poor which helps fight poverty and hunger in Haiti, the poorest country in the world. We just like to make sure that a majority of our money goes to the people that need it not to the administrators of the charity.
I don't know, I guess parading celebrities across the stage might entice some people to want to give money but it really doesn't do anything for me. I follow my heart and I don't need some super wealthy person telling me I should donate money to a cause. I admire that some celebrities truly believe in their causes but sometimes I wonder if some are just doing it to look good and improve their image. I hope not but I wonder....
I do hope that the event went well and that lots of people here in the US and in Africa will reap the benefits. I did see some of the clips from various places in Africa and they were definitely sad and did tug at my heart strings. I will admit though that I didn't call up and donate or go to their website and donate.
We do give money to causes in Ethiopia through CHSFS so we can more closely follow the progress and see what else we can do to help. We are big on giving money to important causes. We often have given money to Food for the Poor which helps fight poverty and hunger in Haiti, the poorest country in the world. We just like to make sure that a majority of our money goes to the people that need it not to the administrators of the charity.
I don't know, I guess parading celebrities across the stage might entice some people to want to give money but it really doesn't do anything for me. I follow my heart and I don't need some super wealthy person telling me I should donate money to a cause. I admire that some celebrities truly believe in their causes but sometimes I wonder if some are just doing it to look good and improve their image. I hope not but I wonder....
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
To watch or not watch
Ok--so tonight is the American Idol Gives Back show. It is a big fundraiser that raised over $76 million dollars last year.
I am torn as to whether or not to watch this event. I admire the desire to raise money for ailing countries and communities here in the US but I have thought a lot about this since my last post on this topic.
My forum friends at CHSFS made me really think about this event and what that says about Ethiopia and other African countries or communities. I get that the intention is to tug on the guilt strings of Americans and ask them to help others. Really I get it but as a future parent of a child from a third world country I don't know how I feel about these stereotypes that are being portrayed on television. Don't get me wrong, I think that we as Americans are very fortunate people and we should give to others but I take issue with all the assumptions that will be thrown at me and my family based on something someone saw on television.
I am fully aware of the challenges we will face as white parents raising an African-American child and all that is portrayed on TV are these horrible and often brutal images of life in Ethiopia. How will I explain that to my child? I have said before my intention of adopting internationally and Ethiopia specifically has never been to "save" a child or to relieve my "guilt". I am adopting for purely selfish reasons. I want to be a mom more than anything and there are children in this world that need parents. Are people going to start assuming, if they don't already, that we are adopting to "rescue" this poor child from this horrible place called Ethiopia? I don't know yet.
I know that if they showed the rolling hills and beautiful countryside and churches that can be found in Ethiopia that the number and amount of donations wouldn't be so high. I want the even to be successful and raise money, I am just thinking long and hard about the images of Ethiopia that my child may be exposed to and how a lot of those images aren't always positive.
I must also say that I am not in denial about the realities of everyday life in Ethiopia. I know the power goes out almost everyday and for up to 10 or 12 hours. Some places have generators and others don't. It is very difficult to get things done without power. I am also very aware of the overwhelming numbers of children who won't grow to be adults and that women who give birth to a child have a 1 in 14 chance of dying. I know that medical care is scarce but getting better. I know that schools are scarce but are popping up more frequently.
I guess what I am saying is that I want the show to raise money and help countries like Ethiopia but I want my child to be proud of where they came from. Negative portrayals on TV, will make my job as an adoptive parent harder than it already will be. It will be my goal to show all the beautiful things Ethiopia has to offer to my child. I don't want them to be sheltered but things will be shared at age appropriate times. Since we are adopting an infant, they won't have memories of life in Ethiopia and we will have to fill in the blanks. I don't want those blanks to be all negative.
I am torn as to whether or not to watch this event. I admire the desire to raise money for ailing countries and communities here in the US but I have thought a lot about this since my last post on this topic.
My forum friends at CHSFS made me really think about this event and what that says about Ethiopia and other African countries or communities. I get that the intention is to tug on the guilt strings of Americans and ask them to help others. Really I get it but as a future parent of a child from a third world country I don't know how I feel about these stereotypes that are being portrayed on television. Don't get me wrong, I think that we as Americans are very fortunate people and we should give to others but I take issue with all the assumptions that will be thrown at me and my family based on something someone saw on television.
I am fully aware of the challenges we will face as white parents raising an African-American child and all that is portrayed on TV are these horrible and often brutal images of life in Ethiopia. How will I explain that to my child? I have said before my intention of adopting internationally and Ethiopia specifically has never been to "save" a child or to relieve my "guilt". I am adopting for purely selfish reasons. I want to be a mom more than anything and there are children in this world that need parents. Are people going to start assuming, if they don't already, that we are adopting to "rescue" this poor child from this horrible place called Ethiopia? I don't know yet.
I know that if they showed the rolling hills and beautiful countryside and churches that can be found in Ethiopia that the number and amount of donations wouldn't be so high. I want the even to be successful and raise money, I am just thinking long and hard about the images of Ethiopia that my child may be exposed to and how a lot of those images aren't always positive.
I must also say that I am not in denial about the realities of everyday life in Ethiopia. I know the power goes out almost everyday and for up to 10 or 12 hours. Some places have generators and others don't. It is very difficult to get things done without power. I am also very aware of the overwhelming numbers of children who won't grow to be adults and that women who give birth to a child have a 1 in 14 chance of dying. I know that medical care is scarce but getting better. I know that schools are scarce but are popping up more frequently.
I guess what I am saying is that I want the show to raise money and help countries like Ethiopia but I want my child to be proud of where they came from. Negative portrayals on TV, will make my job as an adoptive parent harder than it already will be. It will be my goal to show all the beautiful things Ethiopia has to offer to my child. I don't want them to be sheltered but things will be shared at age appropriate times. Since we are adopting an infant, they won't have memories of life in Ethiopia and we will have to fill in the blanks. I don't want those blanks to be all negative.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Secret Adoption Pal
I am so excited. Hopefully later today I will have a secret adoption pal. I had started a thread on my agency's message board for those of us who are at the bottom of the list. Well someone suggested on that thread that we pair up and have a secret pal to help with the months of waiting we have.
What an awesome idea! The idea is that we will send a gift of less than $20 each month and then only reveal who we are after we have come home with our babies. It is a way to feel supported and get encouragement each month. Hopefully, it will make the next 6-8 months go by a lot faster.
Sometimes the waiting gets a little tough. It is like the longest pregnancy ever with a trip to Africa thrown in. It is nice to know that there are others feeling and experiencing the same emotions that I am and that we can all support each other.
And it gives me a reason to focus on something so positive to help someone else rather than getting down about the months we still have left. I hope that I can add a little sunshine to someones day and let them know that someone in the adoption world it out there rooting for them.
This is really exciting and I will post here on my blog what surprises I get each month.
What an awesome idea! The idea is that we will send a gift of less than $20 each month and then only reveal who we are after we have come home with our babies. It is a way to feel supported and get encouragement each month. Hopefully, it will make the next 6-8 months go by a lot faster.
Sometimes the waiting gets a little tough. It is like the longest pregnancy ever with a trip to Africa thrown in. It is nice to know that there are others feeling and experiencing the same emotions that I am and that we can all support each other.
And it gives me a reason to focus on something so positive to help someone else rather than getting down about the months we still have left. I hope that I can add a little sunshine to someones day and let them know that someone in the adoption world it out there rooting for them.
This is really exciting and I will post here on my blog what surprises I get each month.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Reality Check--sort of
I was watching American Idol last night. Yes, I admit it. I am addicted to reality TV. So that said, when watching the show last night they showed a clip of life in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. The show is gearing up for Idol Gives Back. Last year the event raised over $76 million dollars that was spent in the US, Africa and other places in need.
Well, I mentioned in a previous post that I am a crier and boy did I cry last night. The segment they showed in Addis was maybe 5 minutes long and my heart sank a little. I wanted to help all of the kids they showed. They showed some kids that were living on the streets, kids that were being beaten and kids that had been separated from their families and were trying to find them.
I realized that I will have to deal with a flood of emotions while in Ethiopia. I will be overjoyed that we are finally getting to meet our child and I will be sad because of the things I am going to see while there that I can't change. I always knew I would come back from Africa a changed person but for some reason that little segment last night really made me think a lot harder about how I will handle what I am going to see while in Ethiopia.
I would love to believe that my trip to Ethiopia will be nothing but happy times because we will be parents FINALLY! But I know that there will be some mixed emotions and some guilt. I know for a fact I will cry and probably on more than one occasion. There will be so many emotions to deal with in a very short period of time. I want to soak up everything that I can while I am there and I do want to come back with a different perspective.
Don't get me wrong, I plan on enjoying my time in Ethiopia but there will be a part of me trying to reconcile how to deal with things so outside my comfort zone. Honestly, I am a little scared but I have to do this for my baby. They will be coming into our world and will face challenges of their own and I want to have the wisdom to be able to share with them how to face those challenges. I also want to bring as much Ethiopia back home with me so I can have constant reminders in my house where my child came from. I plan on buying LOTS of various things while in Ethiopia, specifically a gift or two for my child for every year until they are 18. I know that sounds weird to some people but I want our child to have their own souvenirs of Ethiopia. Things they can look at, play with and appreciate and know that those items were made in Ethiopia, the place of their birth.
One thing I can say for sure is that this journey to our baby in Ethiopia will be the most wonderful, amazing and thought provoking experience to date in my life.
Amazing what runs through my head after a 5 minute segment on a reality TV show. But for what it was worth I think I really needed that dose of reality to remember that I will have to confront thoughts and emotions that I have yet to confront. For that I am grateful.
Well, I mentioned in a previous post that I am a crier and boy did I cry last night. The segment they showed in Addis was maybe 5 minutes long and my heart sank a little. I wanted to help all of the kids they showed. They showed some kids that were living on the streets, kids that were being beaten and kids that had been separated from their families and were trying to find them.
I realized that I will have to deal with a flood of emotions while in Ethiopia. I will be overjoyed that we are finally getting to meet our child and I will be sad because of the things I am going to see while there that I can't change. I always knew I would come back from Africa a changed person but for some reason that little segment last night really made me think a lot harder about how I will handle what I am going to see while in Ethiopia.
I would love to believe that my trip to Ethiopia will be nothing but happy times because we will be parents FINALLY! But I know that there will be some mixed emotions and some guilt. I know for a fact I will cry and probably on more than one occasion. There will be so many emotions to deal with in a very short period of time. I want to soak up everything that I can while I am there and I do want to come back with a different perspective.
Don't get me wrong, I plan on enjoying my time in Ethiopia but there will be a part of me trying to reconcile how to deal with things so outside my comfort zone. Honestly, I am a little scared but I have to do this for my baby. They will be coming into our world and will face challenges of their own and I want to have the wisdom to be able to share with them how to face those challenges. I also want to bring as much Ethiopia back home with me so I can have constant reminders in my house where my child came from. I plan on buying LOTS of various things while in Ethiopia, specifically a gift or two for my child for every year until they are 18. I know that sounds weird to some people but I want our child to have their own souvenirs of Ethiopia. Things they can look at, play with and appreciate and know that those items were made in Ethiopia, the place of their birth.
One thing I can say for sure is that this journey to our baby in Ethiopia will be the most wonderful, amazing and thought provoking experience to date in my life.
Amazing what runs through my head after a 5 minute segment on a reality TV show. But for what it was worth I think I really needed that dose of reality to remember that I will have to confront thoughts and emotions that I have yet to confront. For that I am grateful.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Why are you asking?
Ok--so as promised I said I had something else to talk about today so here it goes.
I haven't really talked about this as it is hard for others who aren't adopting to understand where I am coming from but after reading some posts on my message boards I felt the need to comment today.
I have found myself wondering why people (some who know me well and some who don't) feel the need to ask me why we are adopting or why don't we have kids of our own. Now from my perspective those are personal questions but I also know that everyone has a natural curiosity. Most of the time I can handle it when I am asked questions but sometimes it is really emotional so I am just going to put it out there now for anyone who is interested.
First off, as to why don't we have kids of our own, well we would if we could. That was a very long and very emotional 3 year long process chock full of surgery, painful tests (both physically and emotionally) and LOTS of tears. After 6 failed IUI's, I had had enough. I couldn't take the emotional roller coaster anymore. Was I or wasn't I pregnant?? And always I wasn't and that was VERY hard to take.
We had some decisions to make. Our next step to have a child of our own was IVF. I had LOTS of concerns and fears about going that route. We were also tackling some morality issues we have with IVF. I have some friends who have been successful with IVF and I have some friends that were not successful. After all that we had already been through financially and emotionally, I wasn't able to go through with IVF. It didn't feel right in my heart and the more we talked about it, it became crystal clear. It wasn't about being pregnant, it was about being parents.
So that led us to adoption. As mentioned before we started in the domestic adoption process and now here we are in the international adoption arena. So when I get asked why are we adopting, there is no easy answer. I don't always want to tell my life story but when I tell only part of the story people don't really understand. I have found myself telling people that we chose to start our family through adoption and that we are adopting through Ethiopia. Sometimes when I say Ethiopia, I get a pause. "Oh really? I know someone who adopted from China or Russia," is usually the response I get. I simply respond that our heart took us to Ethiopia. I know that that is where our child will be born.
I have to say that every couple dealing with infertility is different. What works and feels right for some doesn't for others. I had someone tell me that we were brave for adopting as they thought it would be impossible for them to love a child that they didn't give birth to. I totally respect that. We just feel differently. It doesn't matter to us if our child has my eyes or my hubby's hair color. After all is said and done, our child will be our child. We will love them just the same as if they were our biological child.
I must also say thanks to our family and friends for being totally amazing over the last few years. Our closest family have been there from the beginning and knew at least some of what we have been doing as have two of my dearest friends. We couldn't have done any of this without them. I can't tell you how many conversations I had with my mom where I would end up in tears and she was always there to listen. Or how supportive and encouraging my Illinois friend has been. And lastly, how truly amazing my CA lifelong friend has been. We made different choices through out our infertility but it was so awesome to have someone to share the emotions with. She will always be my BFF (best friend forever) and I truly could share with her the fear, anger and tears that I couldn't always share with anyone else because she had been there to. If you are reading this you know who you are and you know I love you.
I have also found great comfort in the message boards at BabyCenter.com and at CHSFS. These venues allowed me to connect with other people who were in the same boat that we were and to ask lots of questions.
I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many supportive and loving people. This has not been an easy journey and there will be more obstacles and challenges ahead but after all we have been through I say bring it on. We are ready for what is to come and know we have our family and friends to help us along the way.
I haven't really talked about this as it is hard for others who aren't adopting to understand where I am coming from but after reading some posts on my message boards I felt the need to comment today.
I have found myself wondering why people (some who know me well and some who don't) feel the need to ask me why we are adopting or why don't we have kids of our own. Now from my perspective those are personal questions but I also know that everyone has a natural curiosity. Most of the time I can handle it when I am asked questions but sometimes it is really emotional so I am just going to put it out there now for anyone who is interested.
First off, as to why don't we have kids of our own, well we would if we could. That was a very long and very emotional 3 year long process chock full of surgery, painful tests (both physically and emotionally) and LOTS of tears. After 6 failed IUI's, I had had enough. I couldn't take the emotional roller coaster anymore. Was I or wasn't I pregnant?? And always I wasn't and that was VERY hard to take.
We had some decisions to make. Our next step to have a child of our own was IVF. I had LOTS of concerns and fears about going that route. We were also tackling some morality issues we have with IVF. I have some friends who have been successful with IVF and I have some friends that were not successful. After all that we had already been through financially and emotionally, I wasn't able to go through with IVF. It didn't feel right in my heart and the more we talked about it, it became crystal clear. It wasn't about being pregnant, it was about being parents.
So that led us to adoption. As mentioned before we started in the domestic adoption process and now here we are in the international adoption arena. So when I get asked why are we adopting, there is no easy answer. I don't always want to tell my life story but when I tell only part of the story people don't really understand. I have found myself telling people that we chose to start our family through adoption and that we are adopting through Ethiopia. Sometimes when I say Ethiopia, I get a pause. "Oh really? I know someone who adopted from China or Russia," is usually the response I get. I simply respond that our heart took us to Ethiopia. I know that that is where our child will be born.
I have to say that every couple dealing with infertility is different. What works and feels right for some doesn't for others. I had someone tell me that we were brave for adopting as they thought it would be impossible for them to love a child that they didn't give birth to. I totally respect that. We just feel differently. It doesn't matter to us if our child has my eyes or my hubby's hair color. After all is said and done, our child will be our child. We will love them just the same as if they were our biological child.
I must also say thanks to our family and friends for being totally amazing over the last few years. Our closest family have been there from the beginning and knew at least some of what we have been doing as have two of my dearest friends. We couldn't have done any of this without them. I can't tell you how many conversations I had with my mom where I would end up in tears and she was always there to listen. Or how supportive and encouraging my Illinois friend has been. And lastly, how truly amazing my CA lifelong friend has been. We made different choices through out our infertility but it was so awesome to have someone to share the emotions with. She will always be my BFF (best friend forever) and I truly could share with her the fear, anger and tears that I couldn't always share with anyone else because she had been there to. If you are reading this you know who you are and you know I love you.
I have also found great comfort in the message boards at BabyCenter.com and at CHSFS. These venues allowed me to connect with other people who were in the same boat that we were and to ask lots of questions.
I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many supportive and loving people. This has not been an easy journey and there will be more obstacles and challenges ahead but after all we have been through I say bring it on. We are ready for what is to come and know we have our family and friends to help us along the way.
Moving up the list :)
Well, we are now #81 on the unofficial list. So excited that we are almost out of the 80's on this list. Hopefully by the end of April we will be in the low 70's or even high 60's on the unofficial list.
Our agency had a great March in terms of # of referrals so I am hoping that April, May and the 1st half of June will be great also. We are still keeping our fingers crossed and praying that we will get a referral before the end of the year. If not we will be disappointed but we know there isn't really anything we can do about it. We just have to wait until our baby finds us and that maybe this year or early next. Either way our baby is coming so we like to think that we are officially "expecting" a baby sometime early next year.
I have more to say today on another topic so I will post again later. I am hoping to add more pics too so stay tuned.
Our agency had a great March in terms of # of referrals so I am hoping that April, May and the 1st half of June will be great also. We are still keeping our fingers crossed and praying that we will get a referral before the end of the year. If not we will be disappointed but we know there isn't really anything we can do about it. We just have to wait until our baby finds us and that maybe this year or early next. Either way our baby is coming so we like to think that we are officially "expecting" a baby sometime early next year.
I have more to say today on another topic so I will post again later. I am hoping to add more pics too so stay tuned.
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