I was at Barnes and Noble getting my latest Book Club book (Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs) and of course I had to look at all the bargain stuff. I tend not to buy too many books as I get MORE than enough from my mom but I did find something neat.
I was looking through these bins that had 50% of stuff in them. There were books, games, stationary and other random stuff. Well, at first I didn't really find anything and then as I was heading towards the front to retrieve my hubby, I stopped at this one bin and decided to look.
Well, low and behold I found an AWESOME journal. I blog while here in the US but have been told that that might be difficult while in Ethiopia so I have been looking for a journal. This one is not too big, not too small, has lined pages and isn't too heavy. I love it already and I haven't even used it yet.
It is my goal to bring it with me EVERYWHERE I go in Ethiopia and to write down what I see, smell and feel at any given moment. It may be awhile before I get back to Ethiopia and since I may not be able to blog while there I don't want to forget a second. I know I will be on a schedule while there but I can write in the cars on the way to Hossana and at night before bed. No worries to family and friends that read the blog as I will translate my writing journal to my blog when I can. I may not share everything from journal but I will keep the journal so I can pass it on to my little one when they get older.
I know this may not make sense to some people reading this but I got so excited when I found this journal. It is perfect and will be so helpful to have along with me on the most amazing, emotional trip of my life.
No adoption news :( Families have gotten court dates and travel dates for July so hopefully as we get further into July we will start seeing some referrals.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Patience
My mom always told me that "Patience is a virtue". Now understand that my family is not a patient family so it was more a reminder for her as well as the rest of us. I am blogging today because I read my horoscope today on Yahoo.com and found it to be very fitting. I don't really believe in horoscopes but read them merely for fun.
So here is my horoscope:
Patience is a virtue -- what you're waiting for will be so sweet when it arrives.
I just found this particular phrase to be really relevant to my waiting for my baby. I know I have to be patient and I know that what I am waiting for will be sweet. How could it not, I have loved this little one in my heart for a lot of years and can't wait to see that sweet face. While the waiting is hard, I know that what I am waiting for will be a perfect fit for my family and I can't ask for anything more than that.
So here is my horoscope:
Patience is a virtue -- what you're waiting for will be so sweet when it arrives.
I just found this particular phrase to be really relevant to my waiting for my baby. I know I have to be patient and I know that what I am waiting for will be sweet. How could it not, I have loved this little one in my heart for a lot of years and can't wait to see that sweet face. While the waiting is hard, I know that what I am waiting for will be a perfect fit for my family and I can't ask for anything more than that.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Brief Update
The weekend is starting off great for lots of my forum friends. Sick babies have returned to the Care Center or are doing well and still in the hospital. There are still some little ones that need our prayers so they can return to better health.
A few families who were waiting for court dates have received them and a few more families were told that they have made it through court.
We have heard through the grapevine that we may not see any new referrals until July sometime. There was such a huge push to get a bunch of families referrals and through court that everyone is really busy. Hopefully, lots of families will get their birth certificates and travel dates soon.
So we are still at #26 and probably will be for a few weeks. While we wait oh so patiently (ok impatiently) we will be busy with vacation, visiting family and friends and Brewers games! Go BREWERS!
A few families who were waiting for court dates have received them and a few more families were told that they have made it through court.
We have heard through the grapevine that we may not see any new referrals until July sometime. There was such a huge push to get a bunch of families referrals and through court that everyone is really busy. Hopefully, lots of families will get their birth certificates and travel dates soon.
So we are still at #26 and probably will be for a few weeks. While we wait oh so patiently (ok impatiently) we will be busy with vacation, visiting family and friends and Brewers games! Go BREWERS!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
American Pie
This Thursday I don't really have anything profound to say so my song is just a song. It is one that I love and blasted out the window of my college dorm room more times that I can count. My roommate and I freshman year would either listen to this song over and over or Billy Joel's "Piano Man". I finally 10 years after graduation don't hate Billy Joel. We actually went and saw his musical. Anyway, here is "American Pie" by Don McLean.
In adoption news, we had a huge rush of families that made it through court so THANKS. Thanks to those who said a prayer or lit a candle, it means a lot to me that you care so much.
No news yet on the couple of sick babies but no news is good news right? Let's hope so.
"American Pie"
A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to
make me smile
And I knew that if I had my chance
I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
Did you write the book of love
And do you have faith in God above
If the Bible tells you so
Now do you believe in Rock 'n' roll
And can music save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to dance real slow
Well, I know that you're in love with him
'Cos I saw you dancin' in the gym
You both kicked off your shoes
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues
I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pick-up truck
But I knew that I was out of luck
The day the music died
I started singing
Bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't play
Well now, in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
Tho church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire the most
The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died
We started singin' Bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
In adoption news, we had a huge rush of families that made it through court so THANKS. Thanks to those who said a prayer or lit a candle, it means a lot to me that you care so much.
No news yet on the couple of sick babies but no news is good news right? Let's hope so.
"American Pie"
A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to
make me smile
And I knew that if I had my chance
I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
Did you write the book of love
And do you have faith in God above
If the Bible tells you so
Now do you believe in Rock 'n' roll
And can music save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to dance real slow
Well, I know that you're in love with him
'Cos I saw you dancin' in the gym
You both kicked off your shoes
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues
I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pick-up truck
But I knew that I was out of luck
The day the music died
I started singing
Bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't play
Well now, in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
Tho church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire the most
The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died
We started singin' Bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singing this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The power of prayer!!
The last couple of days have been full of mixed emotions. I am asking for people who read this to pray. There are lots of families in various stages of the adoption process that need our prayers. There are sick babies, court delays and a couple of very sad, tragic situations for some families.
I know in the world of international adoption so much is out of our control and I can't even imagine hearing via email that your baby is sick and you are thousands of miles away. Please also pray for the doctors and nurses treating these little ones. I know those babies are in great hands and surrounded by love.
I think it is really easy to get wrapped up in your daily life and frustrations and forget that no matter how bad traffic was or your service at a restaurant was, there are people in this world who would give anything and everything to have food and drinking water for their children. I think sometimes we get complacent and self centered and I am asking people today to take a step outside your bad day and think of how much worse it could be and to give thanks for the blessings you have and pray that others may receive a blessing or too in their life as well.
So to all my forum friends, know that all of your families are in our thoughts and prayers and we pray that you find peace and answers. We pray that the sick little ones return to the care center healthy and ready to be held. We pray that it continues to rain in Ethiopia and that all those waiting to get through court before closure get through. Lastly, we pray for those families who are dealing with something terrible whether it be adoption related or not. Sometimes life is really unfair and I still can't grasp why bad things happen to great people but I am hoping that with the power of prayer some of those bad things will resolve themselves and for those things that aren't so easily resolved I pray you find peace, strength and comfort.
I know in the world of international adoption so much is out of our control and I can't even imagine hearing via email that your baby is sick and you are thousands of miles away. Please also pray for the doctors and nurses treating these little ones. I know those babies are in great hands and surrounded by love.
I think it is really easy to get wrapped up in your daily life and frustrations and forget that no matter how bad traffic was or your service at a restaurant was, there are people in this world who would give anything and everything to have food and drinking water for their children. I think sometimes we get complacent and self centered and I am asking people today to take a step outside your bad day and think of how much worse it could be and to give thanks for the blessings you have and pray that others may receive a blessing or too in their life as well.
So to all my forum friends, know that all of your families are in our thoughts and prayers and we pray that you find peace and answers. We pray that the sick little ones return to the care center healthy and ready to be held. We pray that it continues to rain in Ethiopia and that all those waiting to get through court before closure get through. Lastly, we pray for those families who are dealing with something terrible whether it be adoption related or not. Sometimes life is really unfair and I still can't grasp why bad things happen to great people but I am hoping that with the power of prayer some of those bad things will resolve themselves and for those things that aren't so easily resolved I pray you find peace, strength and comfort.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Busy, Busy, Busy
It occurred to me today that I have a really busy summer. In looking at the calendar we have at least one thing every weekend and sometimes as many as 3 things each weekend. I can't believe it is almost the 4th of July, where did the time go....
We have fireworks, Summerfest, baseball games and vacation and that is only the 1st week and 1/2 of July. Wow. I might need a vacation after my vacation to recover. It is definitely go go go. We still want to visit friends, go to the Farmer's Market and spend time at the lake.
In a way though I am really glad we are so busy. I am probably one of the only people I know who love summer but secretly want it to pass quickly and have it be fall. I have a good reason. We are hoping for our referral in fall which is one of my favorite seasons so what a great way to celebrate the season with a baby!
I also knew time was flying by when I scheduled my next hair appointment for the same day as our 7 month anniversary of waiting for our precious little one. Just yesterday I was blogging about hitting 5 months and now I have appointments scheduled for 2 months from now. Nuts.
Well, I am off to try and figure out what you way to kickball. Yeah, that has become one of my weekly activities for the next month and a half. Pretty chill really but I want to look cute and be comfortable.
We have fireworks, Summerfest, baseball games and vacation and that is only the 1st week and 1/2 of July. Wow. I might need a vacation after my vacation to recover. It is definitely go go go. We still want to visit friends, go to the Farmer's Market and spend time at the lake.
In a way though I am really glad we are so busy. I am probably one of the only people I know who love summer but secretly want it to pass quickly and have it be fall. I have a good reason. We are hoping for our referral in fall which is one of my favorite seasons so what a great way to celebrate the season with a baby!
I also knew time was flying by when I scheduled my next hair appointment for the same day as our 7 month anniversary of waiting for our precious little one. Just yesterday I was blogging about hitting 5 months and now I have appointments scheduled for 2 months from now. Nuts.
Well, I am off to try and figure out what you way to kickball. Yeah, that has become one of my weekly activities for the next month and a half. Pretty chill really but I want to look cute and be comfortable.
Monday, June 23, 2008
5 months...
We have hit the 5 month mark waiting for our little one. In some ways in seems like the time has gone by really quickly and in other ways in seems like it is ever so slowly moving forward.
I know that we still have many more months of waiting ahead. I am anxious for our referral which will hopefully come late summer or early fall. When I talked to our specialist last she said that Oct/Nov would be a good reference point and if it comes earlier than what a great surprise. This was before the huge # of referrals in May and I have been told by my forum family that our specialist is pretty conservative in her estimates as to not gets people's hopes up so I am hanging on to that.
No one has hit the 9 month mark waiting for an infant of either gender and 9 months for us is October 22nd so we are really hoping that sometime in late August or September we get the call that will forever change our lives. I already have a note pad and pen by the phone so I am ready when it does come.
When we get the call, we will also get an email with as much info as they have and most importantly a picture of our sweet little one. I won't be able to share that picture with everyone until after we get through court but I will carry it with me everyday and share it with a few family members and a couple of close friends.
So for now, I know we should be over half way into our wait and that is exciting. We are just chugging along with our jammed pack summer realizing that at this time next year our summer's will be full of trips to the pool, zoo and park. How cool is that!
I know that we still have many more months of waiting ahead. I am anxious for our referral which will hopefully come late summer or early fall. When I talked to our specialist last she said that Oct/Nov would be a good reference point and if it comes earlier than what a great surprise. This was before the huge # of referrals in May and I have been told by my forum family that our specialist is pretty conservative in her estimates as to not gets people's hopes up so I am hanging on to that.
No one has hit the 9 month mark waiting for an infant of either gender and 9 months for us is October 22nd so we are really hoping that sometime in late August or September we get the call that will forever change our lives. I already have a note pad and pen by the phone so I am ready when it does come.
When we get the call, we will also get an email with as much info as they have and most importantly a picture of our sweet little one. I won't be able to share that picture with everyone until after we get through court but I will carry it with me everyday and share it with a few family members and a couple of close friends.
So for now, I know we should be over half way into our wait and that is exciting. We are just chugging along with our jammed pack summer realizing that at this time next year our summer's will be full of trips to the pool, zoo and park. How cool is that!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Welcome to 2008!
After work today, I had to get my oil changed so I had a book with me to read while I waited. I brought, "I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla". Have I mentioned how much I LOVE this book....
Anyway, so I get out of my car and the waiting area is pretty full. I find a seat and open my book to read but get very distracted. There is an older couple waiting and they are talking with the cashier about the floods, crime and East St. Louis. I was trying not to listen but every so often, the older gentleman (if you can call him that) would say something completely racist. Things, like "those people, you know the blacks, they are causing all sorts of trouble everywhere you turn. With their guns and things, even the mayor of East St. Louis walks around with a gun." I have no idea if the mayor of East St. Louis walks around with a gun but I was shocked to hear him so blatantly talking like this in public. After all the man working on his car was black. I was embarrassed for this man. But he kept opening his mouth and sticking in his foot.
He decided to be quiet for awhile and then asked me what I was reading. I showed him the book and he looked at me and then asked are you a teacher or something? I said no that I was adopting a child and this book has relevant information for my future family. He looked at me and rolled his eyes and sighed. He then started to whisper to his wife and then pointed to the book and all I heard were the words adopt and black and then laughter. Whatever....it is the year 2008 after all.
It just goes to show you that there is a lot of ignorance in this world and you will encounter it even when you are simply getting your oil changed.
Anyway, so I get out of my car and the waiting area is pretty full. I find a seat and open my book to read but get very distracted. There is an older couple waiting and they are talking with the cashier about the floods, crime and East St. Louis. I was trying not to listen but every so often, the older gentleman (if you can call him that) would say something completely racist. Things, like "those people, you know the blacks, they are causing all sorts of trouble everywhere you turn. With their guns and things, even the mayor of East St. Louis walks around with a gun." I have no idea if the mayor of East St. Louis walks around with a gun but I was shocked to hear him so blatantly talking like this in public. After all the man working on his car was black. I was embarrassed for this man. But he kept opening his mouth and sticking in his foot.
He decided to be quiet for awhile and then asked me what I was reading. I showed him the book and he looked at me and then asked are you a teacher or something? I said no that I was adopting a child and this book has relevant information for my future family. He looked at me and rolled his eyes and sighed. He then started to whisper to his wife and then pointed to the book and all I heard were the words adopt and black and then laughter. Whatever....it is the year 2008 after all.
It just goes to show you that there is a lot of ignorance in this world and you will encounter it even when you are simply getting your oil changed.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Born to Fly
My song choice this week is nothing too deep. It is merely a country song that I love and by love I mean one I sing in my car. No, I don't sing anywhere else but the car. I can't sing so I don't except in my car and oh and in church quietly (I figure if anyone will forgive me God will). This song came out while I was finishing up Grad School so it had some meaning for me but really I just liked it. I was fortunate to be able to go to the "Girls Night Out" concert at the San Jose Arena with my bestest bud. We say Reba, Sarah Evans, Martina McBride, Carolyn Dawn Johnson and I think that was it. It was awhile ago. So here is "Born the Fly" by Sarah Evans.
Adoption wise, nothing new to report. Still hanging at #26 for now and keeping my finger crossed that all the recent referrals make it through court and get speedy travel dates.
"Born To Fly"
I've been tellin' my dreams to the scarecrow
'Bout the places that I'd like to see
I said, friend do you think I'll ever get there
Ah, but he just stands there smilin' back at me
So I confessed my sins to the preacher
About the love I've been prayin' to find
Is there a brown eyed boy in my future, yeah
He says. girl you've got nothin' but time
But how do you wait for heaven
And who has that much time
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know, that you were born,
you were born to fly
My daddy, he's grounded like the oak tree
My momma, she is steady as the sun
Oh you know I love my folks
But I keep starin' down the road
Just lookin' for my one chance to run
Yeah, 'cause I will soar away like the blackbird
I will blow in the wind like a seed
I will plant my heart in the garden of my dreams
And I will grow up where I'll wander wild and free
Oh, how do you wait for heaven
And who has that much time
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know, that you were born
You were born yeah
You were born to fly
So how do you wait for heaven
And who has that much time
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know that you were born
You were born to fly fly fly fly
Adoption wise, nothing new to report. Still hanging at #26 for now and keeping my finger crossed that all the recent referrals make it through court and get speedy travel dates.
"Born To Fly"
I've been tellin' my dreams to the scarecrow
'Bout the places that I'd like to see
I said, friend do you think I'll ever get there
Ah, but he just stands there smilin' back at me
So I confessed my sins to the preacher
About the love I've been prayin' to find
Is there a brown eyed boy in my future, yeah
He says. girl you've got nothin' but time
But how do you wait for heaven
And who has that much time
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know, that you were born,
you were born to fly
My daddy, he's grounded like the oak tree
My momma, she is steady as the sun
Oh you know I love my folks
But I keep starin' down the road
Just lookin' for my one chance to run
Yeah, 'cause I will soar away like the blackbird
I will blow in the wind like a seed
I will plant my heart in the garden of my dreams
And I will grow up where I'll wander wild and free
Oh, how do you wait for heaven
And who has that much time
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know, that you were born
You were born yeah
You were born to fly
So how do you wait for heaven
And who has that much time
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know that you were born
You were born to fly fly fly fly
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Guess what???
My new favorite # is 26!
As stated many times before things are slowing down so this might be my number for a while and that is okay. In fact 26 is actually my favorite number.
Huge congrats to those that have accepted referrals this week. There have been lots of boys and lots of siblings. We are hoping and praying these families get really quick court dates so that they make it through court before closure.
It was nice to see us move up another spot. I was a little down today as I talked to my home study SW and it looks like we are going to have to update our home study AGAIN! We did it once for the domestic, had to update it for the change to international and now come November we are due up again. We were hoping this wouldn't happen but it is REALLY unlikely that we will travel in November or early December so the state of WI needs a current home study on file. More paperwork and yet another pointless doctor's appointment. Our study doesn't technically expire until January but with new background checks that can take 4 weeks or longer and with the time it will take our SW to update it she is going to send us the packet in November. Oh well, I know this paperwork is worth it.
As stated many times before things are slowing down so this might be my number for a while and that is okay. In fact 26 is actually my favorite number.
Huge congrats to those that have accepted referrals this week. There have been lots of boys and lots of siblings. We are hoping and praying these families get really quick court dates so that they make it through court before closure.
It was nice to see us move up another spot. I was a little down today as I talked to my home study SW and it looks like we are going to have to update our home study AGAIN! We did it once for the domestic, had to update it for the change to international and now come November we are due up again. We were hoping this wouldn't happen but it is REALLY unlikely that we will travel in November or early December so the state of WI needs a current home study on file. More paperwork and yet another pointless doctor's appointment. Our study doesn't technically expire until January but with new background checks that can take 4 weeks or longer and with the time it will take our SW to update it she is going to send us the packet in November. Oh well, I know this paperwork is worth it.
Oh Tuesdays....
You would think I would enjoy my day off and most times I do but today was definitely a busy Tuesday. As I write this I am trying to keep two VERY wet pugs off my leather couch and hoping that the washing machine isn't off balance with all the sheets and towels.
I have been going, going all day. We had to get our second Hepatitis B shot at 8:15, then I stopped for coffee, ate breakfast, worked out, showered, packed up my secret pal gift, went to the post office, stopped at the grocery store to grab a few things and headed home for a 20 minute break.
So my "break" came at 11:15ish in which of course I checked my email, facebook page and message boards. Then I had to get the pugs in the car and off to the groomers to get their nails done. If you have never travelled with 2 high energy pugs in the car, it is an adventure. They are all over the back seat of the SUV. Yes, I know I should have a harness or a car seat for them but after watching Sebastian almost break his leg trying to get our of the harness, I gave up. Oh and I tried the crate thing too, yeah not going to happen unless I can crank the radio and wear ear plugs since Sebastian HATED it and we didn't even bother with Badger since he is 10 times louder than Sebastian.
Well our appointment at the vet was for noon and we were a little early and the groomer was a little late. Again, if you haven't tried to maintain your sanity with two crazy pugs on leash, it is a work out in and of it self. You see Sebastian LOVES people, all people even if they don't like him and Badger, well he can be shy and he is a barker. So Sebastian is pulling me one way to get petted and Badger is barking liking an idiot. The groomer comes out and asks who's first and I immediately handed Badger over since he was barking. Sebastian is a little easier to contain. Well, we finally got their nails cut and back in the car we go. Sebastian starts whining, his newest favorite thing and Badger, well he was doing things I care not to mention...
So then it is back home for lunch for everyone and then it was BATH TIME!!! Yes, I had to give the boys a bath. I grab Sebastian and Badger follows up to the guest bathroom and into the tub. After a few minutes we are all wet and soapy and Sebastian is trying to escape from the tub and Badger is drinking the bath water. Yummy! I finally get them "dried" off enough and then it was time to do the laundry.
The sheets and towels are in the wash and I managed not to throw the machine off balance. YEAH!!! I have a tendency to do that with towels. Now that the laundry is going and the boys are tired I am going to curl up with my chair massager and my book before it is time to start dinner.
As you can tell things are quiet today on the adoption front...
I have been going, going all day. We had to get our second Hepatitis B shot at 8:15, then I stopped for coffee, ate breakfast, worked out, showered, packed up my secret pal gift, went to the post office, stopped at the grocery store to grab a few things and headed home for a 20 minute break.
So my "break" came at 11:15ish in which of course I checked my email, facebook page and message boards. Then I had to get the pugs in the car and off to the groomers to get their nails done. If you have never travelled with 2 high energy pugs in the car, it is an adventure. They are all over the back seat of the SUV. Yes, I know I should have a harness or a car seat for them but after watching Sebastian almost break his leg trying to get our of the harness, I gave up. Oh and I tried the crate thing too, yeah not going to happen unless I can crank the radio and wear ear plugs since Sebastian HATED it and we didn't even bother with Badger since he is 10 times louder than Sebastian.
Well our appointment at the vet was for noon and we were a little early and the groomer was a little late. Again, if you haven't tried to maintain your sanity with two crazy pugs on leash, it is a work out in and of it self. You see Sebastian LOVES people, all people even if they don't like him and Badger, well he can be shy and he is a barker. So Sebastian is pulling me one way to get petted and Badger is barking liking an idiot. The groomer comes out and asks who's first and I immediately handed Badger over since he was barking. Sebastian is a little easier to contain. Well, we finally got their nails cut and back in the car we go. Sebastian starts whining, his newest favorite thing and Badger, well he was doing things I care not to mention...
So then it is back home for lunch for everyone and then it was BATH TIME!!! Yes, I had to give the boys a bath. I grab Sebastian and Badger follows up to the guest bathroom and into the tub. After a few minutes we are all wet and soapy and Sebastian is trying to escape from the tub and Badger is drinking the bath water. Yummy! I finally get them "dried" off enough and then it was time to do the laundry.
The sheets and towels are in the wash and I managed not to throw the machine off balance. YEAH!!! I have a tendency to do that with towels. Now that the laundry is going and the boys are tired I am going to curl up with my chair massager and my book before it is time to start dinner.
As you can tell things are quiet today on the adoption front...
Monday, June 16, 2008
Do's and Don'ts
The do's and don'ts of adoption has come up on the forum recently and it had me thinking about some comments that have been made and some that I really don't want to hear. So I have decided to put together a little etiquette lesson. It is not my intention to upset anyone but to prevent issues in the future so please take it for what it is and nothing more but please know that we will correct/redirect when necessary.
Do's
1. Treat our kids as you would any other child. They will be our child.
2. Ask us about our plane ride home, I am sure we will have more than a few funny stories
3. Ask us about our trip to Ethiopia
4. Encourage and support our children in everything they do
5. Do respect that as new parents, we need our time and space to adjust to our new roles
6. Ask us about our agency and the humanitarian projects they are involved in
Don'ts
1. Don't ask us if our child is healthy or if we are afraid of catching something from our child
2. Don't introduce us as this is Cathy, her husband Dave and their adopted son/daughter. Just say son or daughter, we don't always need to say adopted and if you need to say it please say "was adopted" since it only happened once.
3. Don't make the assumption that my child was placed for adoption because they weren't wanted or loved because in fact it is the exact opposite.
4. Please don't call our child's birth parents, their "real" parents. We are their real parents.
5. Don't ask us about our child's birth family; we will share what we are comfortable with when we are ready
6. Don't make negative comments about our child's inner or outer beauty
Not all of this applies to our family and friends but we are gearing ourselves up for comments that we may have to address. I have already had to answer questions that should never have been asked and I don't even have my baby yet.
While we fostered the twins, I had a nurse at the doctor's office really upset me. I had to bring one of the girls in for a sick baby appointment (allergic to soy) and when the nurse called us in she took one look at me and one at the baby who was black and said "well obviously you didn't give birth to that one". I was shocked and didn't really react as I was there as a Mom with a sick baby. In hind sight I wish I would have had a snappy come back. To say something so insensitive. She didn't know me or the trials we went through to get pregnant so that comment stung a little.
We also had an experience in a store where we had the girls in a stroller and we walking up and down the aisles. The girls were being little angels so nothing to draw attention to them per say except for their extreme cuteness. Well, these two older ladies started whispering to each other. They would glance over at us and then go back to whispering. It was rude.
I know that we will have to deal with these situations when we do have our baby and it will be a challenge. I posted the etiquette stuff because we want our child to have positive interactions with people of all backgrounds and we want them to be proud of their heritage. We want to limit the rudeness and I know it is out there as I have posted about it before and others have shared stories of issues they have had to deal with. We will correct and intervene when necessary but always in an appropriate and respectful way. We may ask a question, like "Why do you ask?" or we may use humor to turn the situation around so I may have said to the nurse, "Really, everyone thinks she has my cheeks."
As any parent will do, we will do what is best for our child.
Do's
1. Treat our kids as you would any other child. They will be our child.
2. Ask us about our plane ride home, I am sure we will have more than a few funny stories
3. Ask us about our trip to Ethiopia
4. Encourage and support our children in everything they do
5. Do respect that as new parents, we need our time and space to adjust to our new roles
6. Ask us about our agency and the humanitarian projects they are involved in
Don'ts
1. Don't ask us if our child is healthy or if we are afraid of catching something from our child
2. Don't introduce us as this is Cathy, her husband Dave and their adopted son/daughter. Just say son or daughter, we don't always need to say adopted and if you need to say it please say "was adopted" since it only happened once.
3. Don't make the assumption that my child was placed for adoption because they weren't wanted or loved because in fact it is the exact opposite.
4. Please don't call our child's birth parents, their "real" parents. We are their real parents.
5. Don't ask us about our child's birth family; we will share what we are comfortable with when we are ready
6. Don't make negative comments about our child's inner or outer beauty
Not all of this applies to our family and friends but we are gearing ourselves up for comments that we may have to address. I have already had to answer questions that should never have been asked and I don't even have my baby yet.
While we fostered the twins, I had a nurse at the doctor's office really upset me. I had to bring one of the girls in for a sick baby appointment (allergic to soy) and when the nurse called us in she took one look at me and one at the baby who was black and said "well obviously you didn't give birth to that one". I was shocked and didn't really react as I was there as a Mom with a sick baby. In hind sight I wish I would have had a snappy come back. To say something so insensitive. She didn't know me or the trials we went through to get pregnant so that comment stung a little.
We also had an experience in a store where we had the girls in a stroller and we walking up and down the aisles. The girls were being little angels so nothing to draw attention to them per say except for their extreme cuteness. Well, these two older ladies started whispering to each other. They would glance over at us and then go back to whispering. It was rude.
I know that we will have to deal with these situations when we do have our baby and it will be a challenge. I posted the etiquette stuff because we want our child to have positive interactions with people of all backgrounds and we want them to be proud of their heritage. We want to limit the rudeness and I know it is out there as I have posted about it before and others have shared stories of issues they have had to deal with. We will correct and intervene when necessary but always in an appropriate and respectful way. We may ask a question, like "Why do you ask?" or we may use humor to turn the situation around so I may have said to the nurse, "Really, everyone thinks she has my cheeks."
As any parent will do, we will do what is best for our child.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Happy Father's Day
This one is for you Dad. I can't be with you on Father's Day so here is my tribute to you. Thanks for being my Dad and my biggest supporter. You always told me I could do whatever I wanted in life and you would help me do it. I am really proud of you. You have really opened your heart and your mind to my future family and that means the world to me. I love you.
And to my Father in Law, thanks. You are a quiet man with strong faith and a good heart. I like that we have gotten closer over the years and that you have always been so supportive. Your logic, humor and advice are always appreciated.
To both of my Dad's I know you have been great Fathers and I can't wait for you to be fabulous Grandpa's.
I am posting this video and story as it was on a thread in one of the forums I belong to. Now, I consider myself religious and the video is VERY religious but I like the message it sends. To me it shows that Dad's will stop at nothing to see a smile on there child's face and I feel blessed that both Dave and I were able to have in our lives.
And my new favorite number to share is: 27!
READ STORY FIRST
A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?'.
The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'.
They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other
marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together
One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.'
To which, his father said 'Yes' too. For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon
ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86> kilometer) ocean swim,
followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike> ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195
kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island. Father and son went on to complete the
race together. View this race at.....
And to my Father in Law, thanks. You are a quiet man with strong faith and a good heart. I like that we have gotten closer over the years and that you have always been so supportive. Your logic, humor and advice are always appreciated.
To both of my Dad's I know you have been great Fathers and I can't wait for you to be fabulous Grandpa's.
I am posting this video and story as it was on a thread in one of the forums I belong to. Now, I consider myself religious and the video is VERY religious but I like the message it sends. To me it shows that Dad's will stop at nothing to see a smile on there child's face and I feel blessed that both Dave and I were able to have in our lives.
And my new favorite number to share is: 27!
READ STORY FIRST
A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?'.
The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'.
They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other
marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together
One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.'
To which, his father said 'Yes' too. For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon
ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86> kilometer) ocean swim,
followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike> ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195
kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island. Father and son went on to complete the
race together. View this race at.....
Friday, June 13, 2008
Quick update
So I checked the message boards again (I know I have a problem) and I found some more good news.
New favorite # is 28!
Crazy...this latest referral gave me a lot of hope. Their dossier was approved 6 days before ours. Now I know that there are lots of reasons this person got a referral when they did but who knows maybe our little one is waiting for us right now. I don't want to get my hopes up and really I am not expecting my phone to ring for the CALL until this fall, but I can dream right?
I am so happy for all the families that got referrals this week and am really praying for them that they get through court before it closes.
good night and sweet dreams :)
New favorite # is 28!
Crazy...this latest referral gave me a lot of hope. Their dossier was approved 6 days before ours. Now I know that there are lots of reasons this person got a referral when they did but who knows maybe our little one is waiting for us right now. I don't want to get my hopes up and really I am not expecting my phone to ring for the CALL until this fall, but I can dream right?
I am so happy for all the families that got referrals this week and am really praying for them that they get through court before it closes.
good night and sweet dreams :)
Thanks Secret Pal!!!
I get home today and there was a package waiting for me. I was so excited! I had a feeling it was from my Secret Pal and it was. I don't know or have any clue as to who my Secret Pal is but they are amazing and thoughtful and wonderful...I could go on. I have never met this person but yet they care about me, my husband and my little one. I opened the box to find a beautiful canvas box inside. I was like wow, what a beautiful keepsake box. There was two envelopes on top as well. One is for Dave and it is a Father's Day card and the other one was a note from my Secret Pal. Her note gave me reason to open the box and then I cried.
Inside this beautiful box was 4 onesies that were created with such love and thought. I am a crier anyway and this definitely made me shed some tears of pure joy and gratitude.
Pictured below are 2 of the onesies. The first one has the Ethiopian flag on it and the other one has the word "one" ( as in our number 1) in English and Amharic.
Pictured below are the other 2 onesies. One has the old school Milwaukee Brewers logo and the other has a picture of a pug playing with a ball.
Inside this beautiful box was 4 onesies that were created with such love and thought. I am a crier anyway and this definitely made me shed some tears of pure joy and gratitude.
Pictured below are 2 of the onesies. The first one has the Ethiopian flag on it and the other one has the word "one" ( as in our number 1) in English and Amharic.
Pictured below are the other 2 onesies. One has the old school Milwaukee Brewers logo and the other has a picture of a pug playing with a ball.
This is the coolest gift ever. I am so thrilled and can't wait to take pictures of my little one wearing these. I can't say thank you enough.
On to adoption news...
My new favorite number is: 29!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Progress report
I am sitting here watching local news just waiting for the tornado siren to go off again so I decided to sign on the the forum. I know I said I was going to take a break but....
Anyway, I am happy to announce that I have a new favorite number: 31!
Yeah!!! I never would have guessed that we would be at this spot on the unofficial list come court closures. Hopefully, we can make it into the 20's... I know it is the unofficial list so the reality is we are anywhere from 60-80 on the official list. We are now praying for a referral in September or October and hopefully our little one is ready for us around then.
On another note, please pray for those in the Midwest suffering through the floods, tornadoes, etc. Also, it has been raining in Ethiopia so lets hope and pray that that continues as they desperately need it.
Anyway, I am happy to announce that I have a new favorite number: 31!
Yeah!!! I never would have guessed that we would be at this spot on the unofficial list come court closures. Hopefully, we can make it into the 20's... I know it is the unofficial list so the reality is we are anywhere from 60-80 on the official list. We are now praying for a referral in September or October and hopefully our little one is ready for us around then.
On another note, please pray for those in the Midwest suffering through the floods, tornadoes, etc. Also, it has been raining in Ethiopia so lets hope and pray that that continues as they desperately need it.
Daddy's Hands
Is it Thursday already??? Well, here is a song for my dad. Sunday is Father's Day so there will be a couple posts devoted to my Dad. This was a popular country song in the late 1980's. At that time I didn't even like country music and that was all my dad would listen to in his truck. I remember sitting in the truck and this song came on the radio and it was one of the times I remember my dad getting a little teary eyed. I didn't get it then but I get it now. Don't worry, I remember some other times that you cried too including the day your dad died and the day I got married and you showed me that you were human and that it was okay for a grown man to cry. Whether they be sad tears or happy tears it was okay and for that I will be forever grateful. I love you Dad.
"Daddy's Hands" by Holly Dunn
I remember daddy's hands folded silently in prayer
and reaching out to hold me when I had a nightmare
you could read quite a story in the caluses and lines
years of work and worry had left their mark behind
I remember daddy's hands how they held my momma tight
and patted my back for something done right
there are things that i've forgotten that I love about the man
but I'll always remember the love in daddy's hands
Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin
Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong
Daddy's hand weren't always gentle but I've come to understand
there was always love in daddy's hands
I remember daddy's hands working til they bled
sacrificed unselfishly just to keep us all fed
If I could do things over, I'd live my life again
and never take for granted the love in daddy's hands
Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin
Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong
Daddy's hand weren't always gentle but I've come to understand
there was always love in daddy's hands
"Daddy's Hands" by Holly Dunn
I remember daddy's hands folded silently in prayer
and reaching out to hold me when I had a nightmare
you could read quite a story in the caluses and lines
years of work and worry had left their mark behind
I remember daddy's hands how they held my momma tight
and patted my back for something done right
there are things that i've forgotten that I love about the man
but I'll always remember the love in daddy's hands
Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin
Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong
Daddy's hand weren't always gentle but I've come to understand
there was always love in daddy's hands
I remember daddy's hands working til they bled
sacrificed unselfishly just to keep us all fed
If I could do things over, I'd live my life again
and never take for granted the love in daddy's hands
Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin
Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong
Daddy's hand weren't always gentle but I've come to understand
there was always love in daddy's hands
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A little progress...
So one day after I talk about how slow things are, I get a new favorite number: 33!
I know it is only one spot but we are so happy that another family is being formed and we are getting a little closer to our dream of a family.
It also appears that a bunch of families are getting court dates in June and making it through on their first attempt which is awesome. Sometimes court gets delayed for unknown reasons, missing papers or power outages so it is great that people are getting through and if they have been delayed it seems like they make it through the same week.
We are all hoping for more referrals and hoping that more families will get through court before the closures. We are keeping our fingers crossed for all of those waiting on court dates and travel dates. And for those that get referrals in the next couple weeks, here's to hoping you all make it through court as well. That would be fabulous!
I know it is only one spot but we are so happy that another family is being formed and we are getting a little closer to our dream of a family.
It also appears that a bunch of families are getting court dates in June and making it through on their first attempt which is awesome. Sometimes court gets delayed for unknown reasons, missing papers or power outages so it is great that people are getting through and if they have been delayed it seems like they make it through the same week.
We are all hoping for more referrals and hoping that more families will get through court before the closures. We are keeping our fingers crossed for all of those waiting on court dates and travel dates. And for those that get referrals in the next couple weeks, here's to hoping you all make it through court as well. That would be fabulous!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Still 34
Well, the expected slow down in activity has hit and hit hard. There have been no new referrals reported since we have hit the June 1st cutoff. There have been some court dates given out and some more families that have made it through court which is great. We haven't seen too many travel dates yet but those should be on the way.
There is still some hope that there will be another batch of referrals soon and that just maybe those families could make it through court too. The waiting gets hard and you can only hit refresh so many times and see nothing new before that gets depressing.
I am trying to take a little break from the forum. I usually check in a few times a day to see what news there is but now that things have slowed down after that big wave of activity it is frustrating. I will still check in every couple days but not on the regular basis that I have been.
There is still some hope that there will be another batch of referrals soon and that just maybe those families could make it through court too. The waiting gets hard and you can only hit refresh so many times and see nothing new before that gets depressing.
I am trying to take a little break from the forum. I usually check in a few times a day to see what news there is but now that things have slowed down after that big wave of activity it is frustrating. I will still check in every couple days but not on the regular basis that I have been.
Monday, June 9, 2008
What If??
In the past few days I have been confronted with some things that are big "what ifs" for me and I am not really sure how I will handle these issues if and when they arise.
1) Birth date: I may not know the exact date of my child's birth. I guess I knew that subconsciously but I have been thinking a lot lately about what if I don't know, how will we handle that? I have always said that I will be honest with my child but what about others? How will my child respond when they find out that we had to estimate their birthday? I have a stock answer that birthdays aren't as significant culturally in Ethiopia as they are here in the US and because a lot of births in Ethiopia aren't in hospitals there isn't a lot of record keeping. I hope that answer will work for adults but what about my child? Will they accept that answer?
2) Relinquishment story: Since we don't have a referral yet we don't know what our child's story will be. We know what types of situations we were okay with but we will have to wait and see. The questions will definitely be there but how we answer them will depend on our child's story. Our child's story is their story and they have the right to that information and I will give it to them at the appropriate time. Will I share it with everyone? Probably not. It isn't my story to share and I don't want to share something and have my child hear it from someone other than me or my husband. We again will have to answer some questions that will be uncomfortable and if our child's story fits in a nice neat little box maybe we will share but really whose life story fits in a box so neatly?
One thing for sure is that our child will always know that they were born in Ethiopia and when they ask if they came from my tummy I will say no, you came from my heart. We will show our child their life book and the DVD we will get. The life book will be there an be available and we will explain the pictures. The DVD we get, well that may have to wait depending on whether we feel our child is ready to confront the information on the DVD. It may be hard for them and I want to make sure they are ready and able to understand it. We are adopting an infant so the memories of life in Ethiopia won't be there which I think will be a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing as they won't have memories of leaving their birth mom or maybe the poor living condition but a curse because we as their parents will need to fill in the blanks about the beautiful place of their birth and of their birth family and only hope we can do it justice.
Then there is the issue or private versus secret. I will probably keep things private about my child's story and let them share what they want as they get older. Immediate family may know more and I fully trust that if we tell them not to share this info with our child until we tell them it is okay, that they will respect that. I don't want things to be seen as secret because that seems like we are intentionally hiding something or that there is something to be ashamed of. Our child story is what it is and we will have to deal with the details of it but we will never be ashamed of it because that story leads our baby to us no matter how challenging the facts might be. So while we may choose to keep things private in no way will we keep secrets. That being said we may have to be generic in our story telling in order to honor our child and their story.
1) Birth date: I may not know the exact date of my child's birth. I guess I knew that subconsciously but I have been thinking a lot lately about what if I don't know, how will we handle that? I have always said that I will be honest with my child but what about others? How will my child respond when they find out that we had to estimate their birthday? I have a stock answer that birthdays aren't as significant culturally in Ethiopia as they are here in the US and because a lot of births in Ethiopia aren't in hospitals there isn't a lot of record keeping. I hope that answer will work for adults but what about my child? Will they accept that answer?
2) Relinquishment story: Since we don't have a referral yet we don't know what our child's story will be. We know what types of situations we were okay with but we will have to wait and see. The questions will definitely be there but how we answer them will depend on our child's story. Our child's story is their story and they have the right to that information and I will give it to them at the appropriate time. Will I share it with everyone? Probably not. It isn't my story to share and I don't want to share something and have my child hear it from someone other than me or my husband. We again will have to answer some questions that will be uncomfortable and if our child's story fits in a nice neat little box maybe we will share but really whose life story fits in a box so neatly?
One thing for sure is that our child will always know that they were born in Ethiopia and when they ask if they came from my tummy I will say no, you came from my heart. We will show our child their life book and the DVD we will get. The life book will be there an be available and we will explain the pictures. The DVD we get, well that may have to wait depending on whether we feel our child is ready to confront the information on the DVD. It may be hard for them and I want to make sure they are ready and able to understand it. We are adopting an infant so the memories of life in Ethiopia won't be there which I think will be a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing as they won't have memories of leaving their birth mom or maybe the poor living condition but a curse because we as their parents will need to fill in the blanks about the beautiful place of their birth and of their birth family and only hope we can do it justice.
Then there is the issue or private versus secret. I will probably keep things private about my child's story and let them share what they want as they get older. Immediate family may know more and I fully trust that if we tell them not to share this info with our child until we tell them it is okay, that they will respect that. I don't want things to be seen as secret because that seems like we are intentionally hiding something or that there is something to be ashamed of. Our child story is what it is and we will have to deal with the details of it but we will never be ashamed of it because that story leads our baby to us no matter how challenging the facts might be. So while we may choose to keep things private in no way will we keep secrets. That being said we may have to be generic in our story telling in order to honor our child and their story.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Happy 8th Birthday Sebastian!
I don't typically blog on weekends but today is a special day. It is Sebastian's Birthday. He is 8 years old but still acts like a puppy sometimes. Here are some pictures of Sebastian with his birthday toys and treats.
Below Sebastian is attempting to eat (quickly) his new BBQ flavored treat. I think he liked it.
Below Sebastian is attempting to eat (quickly) his new BBQ flavored treat. I think he liked it.
And of course, we couldn't forget the also super cute Badger. He too got to enjoy in the festivities with a special treat and toy.
We only have 1 or the two toys left as the dogs manged to destroy the donkey toy. They enjoyed running around chasing each other and playing tug of war but that probably only lasted for 15 minutes. Oh, well it is only a toy and they enjoyed themselves while it lasted.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Ignorance or Innocence
I have been thinking about this for a couple days and couldn't figure out how to write about it until now, I think....
The other day I was talking with some other women while getting my nails done and a few of them kept saying a word that made me really uncomfortable. I wasn't sure if they were saying the word out of ignorance or just innocence. I learned this word in school back in the day when I suppose it wasn't offensive, if that is possible. Now, I don't get offended easily and can usually brush things off but the more these women said this word it made me cringe.
I suppose I should let you in on the word and this is what was causing me grief for the past few days. I don't really want to type it much less say it but for the sake of this post I must so please don't be upset. Ok, hear it goes they kept repeating the word (pardon the spelling) "mulatto" to describe bi-racial or mixed race children. I was shocked. While this is a word I learned in school in my humble opinion it is a horrible word and will NEVER be spoken in my house nor will the "n" word which I will not write.
Now some people reading this will think I am overreacting since this word was neither used to describe me or my child but it just irked me. I don't know if these women just don't know any better or if they innocently are using this word since after all it was in my textbook in 7th grade.
This led me to think about how I will handle those uncomfortable situations when my children are around. In this instance at the salon, I said nothing as I was too stunned to respond but I am not naive enough to think I won't encounter uncomfortable situations when in the presence of my children. How will I and should I respond?? I don't think I know the answer to that just yet.
I have learned through a lot of reading and workshops that how I respond to these situations will directly impact my children. In reading, "I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla", I have learned that I need to not overreact to situations but respond in a manner that makes my child proud of themselves and of their family. I can't make assumptions about other's intentions nor can I ignore things so I need to start practicing ways to respond to insensitive, ignorant and just plain rude comments.
I subscribe to "Adoptive Families" magazine and there are always very helpful articles, letters to the editor, and real life situations from other adoptive families and how they responded. They have great sections for various ages of children and what is age appropriate and recently they did a whole series on parenting trans-racially or cross-culturally. It was amazing. I learned a great deal from the 3 part series especially the one on parenting African-American children as a white couple. I am in no way an expert but I feel like I am doing my best to learn and prepare as much as possible prior to the arrival of our little one.
In hindsight, I probably should have tried to respond to the situation at the salon. I am not sure what I would have said but I could have tried to insert the word bi-racial into the conversation for starters... Guess I have more to learn.
The other day I was talking with some other women while getting my nails done and a few of them kept saying a word that made me really uncomfortable. I wasn't sure if they were saying the word out of ignorance or just innocence. I learned this word in school back in the day when I suppose it wasn't offensive, if that is possible. Now, I don't get offended easily and can usually brush things off but the more these women said this word it made me cringe.
I suppose I should let you in on the word and this is what was causing me grief for the past few days. I don't really want to type it much less say it but for the sake of this post I must so please don't be upset. Ok, hear it goes they kept repeating the word (pardon the spelling) "mulatto" to describe bi-racial or mixed race children. I was shocked. While this is a word I learned in school in my humble opinion it is a horrible word and will NEVER be spoken in my house nor will the "n" word which I will not write.
Now some people reading this will think I am overreacting since this word was neither used to describe me or my child but it just irked me. I don't know if these women just don't know any better or if they innocently are using this word since after all it was in my textbook in 7th grade.
This led me to think about how I will handle those uncomfortable situations when my children are around. In this instance at the salon, I said nothing as I was too stunned to respond but I am not naive enough to think I won't encounter uncomfortable situations when in the presence of my children. How will I and should I respond?? I don't think I know the answer to that just yet.
I have learned through a lot of reading and workshops that how I respond to these situations will directly impact my children. In reading, "I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla", I have learned that I need to not overreact to situations but respond in a manner that makes my child proud of themselves and of their family. I can't make assumptions about other's intentions nor can I ignore things so I need to start practicing ways to respond to insensitive, ignorant and just plain rude comments.
I subscribe to "Adoptive Families" magazine and there are always very helpful articles, letters to the editor, and real life situations from other adoptive families and how they responded. They have great sections for various ages of children and what is age appropriate and recently they did a whole series on parenting trans-racially or cross-culturally. It was amazing. I learned a great deal from the 3 part series especially the one on parenting African-American children as a white couple. I am in no way an expert but I feel like I am doing my best to learn and prepare as much as possible prior to the arrival of our little one.
In hindsight, I probably should have tried to respond to the situation at the salon. I am not sure what I would have said but I could have tried to insert the word bi-racial into the conversation for starters... Guess I have more to learn.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Something More
Here we are at another Thursday song day. I had a hard time picking a song today so I decided to go with one of my favorites and it is pretty fitting for where I am right now in my life. For family reading this no worries, I am not quitting my job (yet) or doing anything to crazy. So here is "Something More" by Sugarland. I will explain more after you read the lyrics but if you have been reading my blog the past couple of days you will understand why this song is perfect.
"Something More"
Monday, hard to wake up
Fill my coffee cup, I'm out the door
Yeah, the freeway's standing still today
It's gonna make me late, and thats for sure
I'm running out of gas and out of time
Never gonna make it there by nine
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more
Five years and there's no doubt
That I'm burnt out, I've had enough
So now boss man, here's my two weeks
I'll make it short and sweet, so listen up
I could work my life away, but why?
I got things to do before I die
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more
Some believe in destiny,
and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create
You best believe that I'm not gonna wait'
Cause there's gotta be something more
I get home 7:30 the house is dirty, but it can wait
Yeah, 'cause right now I need some downtime
To drink some red wine and celebrate
Armageddon could be knocking at my door
But I ain't gonna answer that's for sure.
There's gotta be something!
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more
So I have definitely been feeling a little burnt out lately. I don't necessarily enjoy going to work at my current job. I have a been there done that this isn't exciting attitude which isn't good for me or for my staff. I am pretty good at checking my baggage at the front door but work has been pretty stressful and not enjoyable lately. There is a lot of politics and a lot of bsing going on right now and I am not a fan of either. On the flip side my job provides health insurance and VERY flexible hours so we are having to take that into consideration as well.
However, I want something more. I want a family and I want to spend as much precious time as I can with my baby. I know there are logistical and financial things we need to work out and we are working on them but I really don't want to go back to working full time right now. I also realize that I am being a tad selfish and I should be more grateful for what I do have than for what I don't. Don't get me wrong, I feel very fortunate to have so many wonderful blessings in my life but as the song says happiness is something we create. I am more than ready to create my own happiness. It isn't that I am unhappy it is that there are pieces of the puzzle missing or broken. The missing piece is obviously our little one (or ones) and the broken piece right now is my work situation.
Some days I just wonder what that something more might look like and I get excited about the possibilities.
"Something More"
Monday, hard to wake up
Fill my coffee cup, I'm out the door
Yeah, the freeway's standing still today
It's gonna make me late, and thats for sure
I'm running out of gas and out of time
Never gonna make it there by nine
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more
Five years and there's no doubt
That I'm burnt out, I've had enough
So now boss man, here's my two weeks
I'll make it short and sweet, so listen up
I could work my life away, but why?
I got things to do before I die
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more
Some believe in destiny,
and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create
You best believe that I'm not gonna wait'
Cause there's gotta be something more
I get home 7:30 the house is dirty, but it can wait
Yeah, 'cause right now I need some downtime
To drink some red wine and celebrate
Armageddon could be knocking at my door
But I ain't gonna answer that's for sure.
There's gotta be something!
There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more
So I have definitely been feeling a little burnt out lately. I don't necessarily enjoy going to work at my current job. I have a been there done that this isn't exciting attitude which isn't good for me or for my staff. I am pretty good at checking my baggage at the front door but work has been pretty stressful and not enjoyable lately. There is a lot of politics and a lot of bsing going on right now and I am not a fan of either. On the flip side my job provides health insurance and VERY flexible hours so we are having to take that into consideration as well.
However, I want something more. I want a family and I want to spend as much precious time as I can with my baby. I know there are logistical and financial things we need to work out and we are working on them but I really don't want to go back to working full time right now. I also realize that I am being a tad selfish and I should be more grateful for what I do have than for what I don't. Don't get me wrong, I feel very fortunate to have so many wonderful blessings in my life but as the song says happiness is something we create. I am more than ready to create my own happiness. It isn't that I am unhappy it is that there are pieces of the puzzle missing or broken. The missing piece is obviously our little one (or ones) and the broken piece right now is my work situation.
Some days I just wonder what that something more might look like and I get excited about the possibilities.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Bureaucracy at its best...
So as I mentioned yesterday, I was attempting to call the National Visa Center and not having much luck. Well, I headed the voice recording's advice and called back after 6pm eastern time. Yeah, lets just say 10 attempts led me to 7 busy signals, 2 glimmers of hope that I might get through only to be told to call back later and 1 disconnection. I decided to give up and make dinner.
Well, I didn't think much about it until about 9:45ish when I was getting ready for bed. I figured what the heck, they supposedly have operators available until midnight eastern time. I called and got a busy signal. I called again and got another busy signal. I called a third time and got yet another busy signal. I then told myself that I would call only 2 more times and then I had to go to bed. So on my 4th attempt I got through! YEAH! Much to my dismay I was then put on hold. A voice kept coming on the line saying either they appreciate my patience and they know my time is valuable or that due to the personal attention given to each caller, my call would be answered as soon as possible. Well after 5 minutes of hearing these messages repeated I was starting to get frustrated. Finally I hear ringing and a real live person answered the phone. I couldn't believe it. I almost forgot why I was calling.
So I talked to a very nice woman and she gave me my case number and told me that my immigration application had been forwarded to the embassy in Addis Ababa in March of 2008. Now if I want to I can call the State Department and check to see that my paperwork did in fact get to the embassy but it is probably too soon for me to do that. My forum friends say it takes awhile for paperwork to show up in the system at the embassy and we learned today that the program specialists are actually checking this info for us after referral acceptance.
At least now I know the supposedly my paper work is in Addis and that real people actually work at the National Visa Center. I am glad that is over and I have some reassurance that my paperwork is where it is supposed to be. Why or why do we have to go through so many hoops just to get a measly number??? I guess I will never really know.
In other news, things have slowed down quiet a bit right now. I think everyone is catching up with all the referrals that came down in the last couple weeks so it may be a little while before we see some more movement. So for right now I am content with my favorite number, after all I was just hoping to be in the 4o's come the court closure cutoff date and here we are at a lovely 34.
Well, I didn't think much about it until about 9:45ish when I was getting ready for bed. I figured what the heck, they supposedly have operators available until midnight eastern time. I called and got a busy signal. I called again and got another busy signal. I called a third time and got yet another busy signal. I then told myself that I would call only 2 more times and then I had to go to bed. So on my 4th attempt I got through! YEAH! Much to my dismay I was then put on hold. A voice kept coming on the line saying either they appreciate my patience and they know my time is valuable or that due to the personal attention given to each caller, my call would be answered as soon as possible. Well after 5 minutes of hearing these messages repeated I was starting to get frustrated. Finally I hear ringing and a real live person answered the phone. I couldn't believe it. I almost forgot why I was calling.
So I talked to a very nice woman and she gave me my case number and told me that my immigration application had been forwarded to the embassy in Addis Ababa in March of 2008. Now if I want to I can call the State Department and check to see that my paperwork did in fact get to the embassy but it is probably too soon for me to do that. My forum friends say it takes awhile for paperwork to show up in the system at the embassy and we learned today that the program specialists are actually checking this info for us after referral acceptance.
At least now I know the supposedly my paper work is in Addis and that real people actually work at the National Visa Center. I am glad that is over and I have some reassurance that my paperwork is where it is supposed to be. Why or why do we have to go through so many hoops just to get a measly number??? I guess I will never really know.
In other news, things have slowed down quiet a bit right now. I think everyone is catching up with all the referrals that came down in the last couple weeks so it may be a little while before we see some more movement. So for right now I am content with my favorite number, after all I was just hoping to be in the 4o's come the court closure cutoff date and here we are at a lovely 34.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Red tape and random musings
Today I have learned more than I care to about bureaucratic red tape. Thanks to my forum friends, I figured out that I have to call the National Visa Center to get a case number to make sure that my immigration paperwork is where it is supposed to be. Well, I have tried to call the Visa center a number of times today to get a busy signal, disconnected or politely told by a slightly annoying recorded voice that I needed to call back lately. I will try again I guess. It isn't a really pressing issue for us right now but for others it has been. They have found out that their paperwork wasn't in the right place and their travel dates have been delayed. AHHH, I feel for them but I thank them for sharing so those of us that are waiting can figure this out now before we get stuck too.
Hopefully later today I will have our case number and then I have to call the State Department to check and make sure our approval papers are at the embassy in Addis Ababa. I sort of had this delusion that once I was dossier approved I was done with the paper chasing. I have come to find out that that is so not the truth. We have to bring all of these forms with confusing numbers on them with us to Addis and once we are back there is the whole readopting in WI papers and the getting a SSN, name change paperwork and probably more stuff that I am missing. I am not really a fan of paperwork and the red tape that goes with it but I am persistent so hopefully that will help.
As for random musings, I in the last few weeks have been contemplating what I will do for time off/work once our baby has come home. I started by saying I would take 6 weeks off and then slowly start going back to working full time. Then I went to taking my 12 weeks of leave to go back to work full time which at my current job is 32 hours per week. I have the health insurance for the family through my work so that is an issue we are looking at as well. My current mind frame is to definitely take my 12 weeks of leave and then either go back to my current job and work part time or get a different job part time but not at this time go back to work full time.
The more I read about adoption, attachment and bonding, I think it is really important for me to spend as much time as I can with our newest addition. I had a SAHM(stay at home mom) for awhile when I was little and that was really nice. My DH had a SAHM his whole life. I think I do want to go back to work at least part time and maybe full time once the kids are in school but at first I just don't feel right about going back to work full time. If we can figure out a semi-affordable way to get health insurance and I after my leave can work enough to cover the monthly premium then all should be well. I really don't want to use day care at first. I do see the need for daycare and socializing prior to entering preschool but not at first. I also don't want to rely on family too much either.
It is super important in adoption that it is clearly established who mom and dad are. It may mean after baby comes home that feedings and changings are done by mom and dad only and other members of the family can hold and then work up to feedings after being home for awhile or feeding occasionally but mostly mom and dad are doing it. I know we are going to have lots of people that are really happy for us and want to come over and see the baby which is fine but holdings by others may be limited. We are going to take our cues from our baby but passing baby around a room full of people isn't going to happen for awhile. A lot will also depend on if mom and dad come home with a parasite or if baby does. We don't want those to be spread.
I know everyone will be super supportive and want to help us out and we are so grateful for that. We just hope that everyone understands this huge transition and take there cues from us as new parents and importantly as new adoptive parents. We will be taking things slowly and adjusting as time goes on. It is also going to depend on our baby, some babies adapt well to new environments and others don't. There is a theory of "cocooning" adopted children when the come home to their new family. This means that it is parents and baby only and no visitors or trips to the store or anything. I can tell you that probably won't happen much here. Sure there will be a lot of time when it will be just me and baby but I can't sit at home all day. Target and the grocery store are a must and I want people to visit. So we are going the flexible cocooning route by as parents taking on the feeding and changing ourselves for awhile but not avoiding public places or family and friends.
Now keep in mind this is how I want it to work in my head but come baby actually being home I am sure things will change...
And now for the much anticipated new favorite number: 34
Hopefully later today I will have our case number and then I have to call the State Department to check and make sure our approval papers are at the embassy in Addis Ababa. I sort of had this delusion that once I was dossier approved I was done with the paper chasing. I have come to find out that that is so not the truth. We have to bring all of these forms with confusing numbers on them with us to Addis and once we are back there is the whole readopting in WI papers and the getting a SSN, name change paperwork and probably more stuff that I am missing. I am not really a fan of paperwork and the red tape that goes with it but I am persistent so hopefully that will help.
As for random musings, I in the last few weeks have been contemplating what I will do for time off/work once our baby has come home. I started by saying I would take 6 weeks off and then slowly start going back to working full time. Then I went to taking my 12 weeks of leave to go back to work full time which at my current job is 32 hours per week. I have the health insurance for the family through my work so that is an issue we are looking at as well. My current mind frame is to definitely take my 12 weeks of leave and then either go back to my current job and work part time or get a different job part time but not at this time go back to work full time.
The more I read about adoption, attachment and bonding, I think it is really important for me to spend as much time as I can with our newest addition. I had a SAHM(stay at home mom) for awhile when I was little and that was really nice. My DH had a SAHM his whole life. I think I do want to go back to work at least part time and maybe full time once the kids are in school but at first I just don't feel right about going back to work full time. If we can figure out a semi-affordable way to get health insurance and I after my leave can work enough to cover the monthly premium then all should be well. I really don't want to use day care at first. I do see the need for daycare and socializing prior to entering preschool but not at first. I also don't want to rely on family too much either.
It is super important in adoption that it is clearly established who mom and dad are. It may mean after baby comes home that feedings and changings are done by mom and dad only and other members of the family can hold and then work up to feedings after being home for awhile or feeding occasionally but mostly mom and dad are doing it. I know we are going to have lots of people that are really happy for us and want to come over and see the baby which is fine but holdings by others may be limited. We are going to take our cues from our baby but passing baby around a room full of people isn't going to happen for awhile. A lot will also depend on if mom and dad come home with a parasite or if baby does. We don't want those to be spread.
I know everyone will be super supportive and want to help us out and we are so grateful for that. We just hope that everyone understands this huge transition and take there cues from us as new parents and importantly as new adoptive parents. We will be taking things slowly and adjusting as time goes on. It is also going to depend on our baby, some babies adapt well to new environments and others don't. There is a theory of "cocooning" adopted children when the come home to their new family. This means that it is parents and baby only and no visitors or trips to the store or anything. I can tell you that probably won't happen much here. Sure there will be a lot of time when it will be just me and baby but I can't sit at home all day. Target and the grocery store are a must and I want people to visit. So we are going the flexible cocooning route by as parents taking on the feeding and changing ourselves for awhile but not avoiding public places or family and friends.
Now keep in mind this is how I want it to work in my head but come baby actually being home I am sure things will change...
And now for the much anticipated new favorite number: 34
Monday, June 2, 2008
I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla
I have been reading a lot more of this book lately and I have learned so much. It is amazing all the misconceptions that I had. This book is a MUST read for anyone wanting to parent a black or bi-racial child.
To start with I was convinced and borderline obsessed that my daughter would have to play with dolls that looked like her. Every time I was in a store I would go through the toy aisles looking for brown skinned Barbie, Cabbage Patch kids and any other doll I could find. Wow, was I so wrong. It doesn't matter to a 3 year old what color skin the doll has as they don't yet understand that. It is more important that I give my daughter a choice as to which doll she wants to play with and if she picks a blond hair, blue eyed Barbie that there is no need for me to freak out. It would be much better for her to play with dolls from lots of different backgrounds. My stressing that she only play with black or brown skinned dolls could actually cause her to be overly sensitive to race and I don't want to do that.
Then I would think about what if I have a boy, what toys would he play with as there aren't a lot of action figures that are brown skinned for him to play with. I am so glad that I am reading this book. Diversity and choice are key when picking out toys for young children and I need to remember that a 3 year old doesn't look at skin color or race the same way adults might and that is perfectly okay.
I have also learned that I have a lot to learn when it comes to haircare. It is a source of pride and I don't want to disappoint my child. I am going to have to ask lots of questions and read more about what are the best products and what hairstyles can I do myself and which ones will I need to seek professional help on. At some point this summer I am going to focus my attention on reading up on proper hair care techniques and the right products.
I have been talking about this book a lot with a friend of mine that is a substitute teacher and she was so intrigued that she just checked it out from the library. She is recommending it to all of her teacher friends as well. There is so much info there and there are a lot of misperceptions that I wouldn't have realized were misperceptions unless I had picked up this book.
On the adoption front as expected things have slowed down with the June 1st date having come and gone. We are all still hopeful for more referrals this week and in the weeks ahead so we shall see. We did move up a little on the list as there have been some surprise pregnancy announcements. My most heartfelt congrats to those that have their referrals, those who made it through court, those who are soon to travel and everyone in between stages. And a BIG congrats to the couples who were blessed to be pregnant. How exciting!
My new favorite number is....35
To start with I was convinced and borderline obsessed that my daughter would have to play with dolls that looked like her. Every time I was in a store I would go through the toy aisles looking for brown skinned Barbie, Cabbage Patch kids and any other doll I could find. Wow, was I so wrong. It doesn't matter to a 3 year old what color skin the doll has as they don't yet understand that. It is more important that I give my daughter a choice as to which doll she wants to play with and if she picks a blond hair, blue eyed Barbie that there is no need for me to freak out. It would be much better for her to play with dolls from lots of different backgrounds. My stressing that she only play with black or brown skinned dolls could actually cause her to be overly sensitive to race and I don't want to do that.
Then I would think about what if I have a boy, what toys would he play with as there aren't a lot of action figures that are brown skinned for him to play with. I am so glad that I am reading this book. Diversity and choice are key when picking out toys for young children and I need to remember that a 3 year old doesn't look at skin color or race the same way adults might and that is perfectly okay.
I have also learned that I have a lot to learn when it comes to haircare. It is a source of pride and I don't want to disappoint my child. I am going to have to ask lots of questions and read more about what are the best products and what hairstyles can I do myself and which ones will I need to seek professional help on. At some point this summer I am going to focus my attention on reading up on proper hair care techniques and the right products.
I have been talking about this book a lot with a friend of mine that is a substitute teacher and she was so intrigued that she just checked it out from the library. She is recommending it to all of her teacher friends as well. There is so much info there and there are a lot of misperceptions that I wouldn't have realized were misperceptions unless I had picked up this book.
On the adoption front as expected things have slowed down with the June 1st date having come and gone. We are all still hopeful for more referrals this week and in the weeks ahead so we shall see. We did move up a little on the list as there have been some surprise pregnancy announcements. My most heartfelt congrats to those that have their referrals, those who made it through court, those who are soon to travel and everyone in between stages. And a BIG congrats to the couples who were blessed to be pregnant. How exciting!
My new favorite number is....35
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