Floating in a sea of inappropriate questions

I have been stewing on this for about a week but I think I just need to write about it. As a very proud and happy Mama I LOVE to talk about Peanut and tell people we are adopting. Well the other day at work and then again when I was getting my nails done I was asked RUDE questions. I am trying to be appropriate in my answers but there are some things I really want to say but don't as they are unproductive responses.

Question: Wow, that's great about your baby. Is she healthy? I mean did they test for HIV? Are you sure she won't have it? You are taking a big risk.

My Answer: My daughter has a full head of hair, big brown eyes and cute little feet. We were given her medical history. We are fully aware of what could be and felt strongly that we would love our child no matter what.

Wanted to say: How rude that is none of your business. I mean you love your children right and would do anything for them so why is this different???
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Question: Oh, how cute. Did her Mom just not want her? What's the story?

My Answer: Actually, her birth mother loved her very much and wanted her to have more opportunities than she would be able to provide. Our daughter's story is private and we will tell her when she is older but are choosing to not share the details with others as it is not our story to share.

Wanted to say: Nothing different. I think I handled that one pretty well.
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Question: Was she born here in America? That is so great that you want to adopt a little black baby...Was her mom doing drugs while she was pregnant? *Yes this was a real question*

My Answer: My daughter was born in Ethiopia.

Wanted to say: Not sure, I just ignored the drug part. Maybe I shouldn't have, not sure....
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Question: Oh, why would you want to adopt from Ethiopia when there are all these cute little black babies in America that need homes? *Again real question*

My answer: Ethiopia spoke to my heart. When we were researching our adoption options, I just knew my baby would be born in Ethiopia. Its a feeling I can't explain unless you have felt it yourself.

Wanted to say: Don't judge me. You don't know my story.

This was a tad overwhelming yet quite eye opening. I know it will not be the last time I get asked really dumb questions. Some people never cease to amaze me with what they think is actually appropriate to ask someone. These questions came from people I barely know yet we so personal. I can't even imagine asking a question like that as it is none of my business. Maybe that is because I know what it is like to be asked really inappropriate questions. I can walk away from this knowing that I think I am getting a little better about answering these questions and I know that I can always just walk away. Some people will never get it.

2 months old today!

Peanut,

You are two months old today. We just found out that our court date is in April and hopefully all will go well and we can be united with you soon. Know that we are thinking about you every minute of every day. We are working on getting your room all set for your homecoming. We are buying you clothes, toys and lots of books.

Know that you are the sparkle in my eye and the glow in my cheeks. Your presence in my life has truly transformed me. It's not about me anymore, it is about you my sweet baby girl. I can't stare at your sweet face enough. I love you will all my being and anxiously await the day I can hold you in my arms.

In the meantime we pray for you, your care givers, the process and all the other families waiting to be united with their children. I know you are being loved and well taken care of in my absence and that gives me some sense of peace.

Hang in there baby girl. Mom and Dad will be there soon. Just a few more months.

Court Date!!!

We got our court date assigned to us today. It is April 3rd and we are thrilled. We were hoping for March and then just praying if that didn't work that some time before tax day. Our prayers have been answered. Now we have something else to count down and wait for :)

Hopefully, we will make it through the first time but that doesn't always happen. There could be a power outage, a piece of paper missing or some other random thing that happens. The good news is that CHSFS has a great reputation for getting cases through court the first time. If we are delayed it will most likely be some other issue.

I was hesitant to post this today as there were some families that did not make it through court today and have been rescheduled. And some have been rescheduled for March. My heart goes out to all of them. Maybe there is some way their case can be heard earlier??? I surely hope so. I will keep those families in my prayers and hope they are united with their children soon.

Prayers

We participate in "Pray for Me... Pray for Others" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to add your prayer request.

I am painting a bench for my daughter...

I said that exact thing today in Home Depot to the nice lady who was mixing my paint. It felt really good to say that out loud. I am painting a bench for my daughter. I know it is a basic sentence but that one sentence warmed my heart today. It actually brought tears to my eyes. That really doesn't take much these days :)

So yes I am painting a bench for Peanut. We received this bench from Peanut's great grandmother. It in it's current state it does not match anything in her room so I am repainting it. It will be a celery green and white.

I also just finished putting a green border around the mural in Peanut's room. I was literally kept awake one night realizing that I needed to find a way to tie everything together in Peanut's room. Her bedding has pink, purple, blue, yellow and green in it with dragonflies, ladybugs and butterflies. Her mural is large animals on Noah's Ark and her room furniture is white. And the wall color is yellow. Well we had the watercolor for her room framed in green so that made me think.

I took the green from her bedding and picked out the green paint for the border on the mural and the green paint for the bench. Okay one step in the right direction. Then I realized that since I got this bedding on discount as it was the floor sample I have every accessory known to exist. We have pillows, curtain valance, mobile, and 5 wall hangings. The curtain valance may not be used but the rest of it will be. The pillows will go on the bench when it is done and we will hang the wall hangings around the room. Ta da. The room will make sense :)

I know silly reason to be up at night but I want her room to be perfect. Okay well not perfect but everything in it was painted or placed with love. I will post pictures when I am done. The goal is to have her room done to share with my neighbors near the end of February when the come over for book club.

Ok back to painting a bench for my daughter.

Fun books for Peanut

I was looking for a specific book that I learned about on one of my buddy's blogs called "Motherbridge of Love" and I couldn't find it. So I started looking for a couple other books in the children's section. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find children's books? Much less children's books geared to telling adoption related stories at an age appropriate level?? VERY CHALLENGING!!! The books are supposedly in alphabetical order by author yet all of the books I was looking for were nowhere to be found. I will most likely buy them online as I was very frustrated with the Barnes and Nobles children's section. I found the books on their website yet the clerk I asked couldn't even find the books I was looking for in their computer. Weird.

I have already purchased some great books on www.amharickids.com that we can read to peanut and show her about Ethiopia but I definitely need more adoption related children's books. I have found lots geared towards Chinese adoption or international adoption in general that are fabulous but nothing Ethiopia specific. Any ideas???

One good thing came from my search though....


Who knew there was a book called "Peanut". It is a cute little story with a monkey and a beetle. However the monkey is so tiny, he thinks he is a Peanut and he names himself Peanut. He goes on to make friends with all the other animals around him. Peanut and the beetle are best friends and look out for each other in the forest. Yeah!

I bought another book by Karen Katz, called "Princess Baby". It was just to pink and too cute not to pass up. I took a picture of that too but my laptop is not cooperating so you'll just have to take my word for it.

In adoption news: Still waiting for a court date....hopefully we hear something soon. I am guessing we will hear what our court date is either at the end of this week or sometime next week. I would LOVE it if we were fortunate enough to be assigned a date in March but I am trying to remain realistic and plan for an April court date. There are some families that have court dates this week and next so hopefully all goes well and there will be lots of good news floating around the forum.

Happy Friday! and some special prayers

I am preempting my post today to say CONGRATULATIONS to two of my blogging buddies.

This family received their referral for their sweet baby boy this week. They are with a different agency so their little guy won't be staying at the same place as peanut but I am sure he is being very well taken care of until his Mom and Dad can come pick him up. She wrote a very cute referral day story. Almost missed the exciting news :)

And this family received their referral for their sweet baby girl. She is quite possibly in the same room as peanut. I am SO excited for Leah and her family. She got their referral just in time. They leave for Ethiopia on Sunday. She gets to hug her little girl in just a few days. (She is traveling on a different visa so she has to go over before her court date) I can't wait to hear about her trip. She is definitely one cool lady with a really big heart.

And while I am at it let's give some good cheers to this family as they are working their way up the list. They are so close to their son. I can't wait to hear their good news.

Then there is this family that made a tough decision to switch agencies and do what is best for their family. I am so happy they they have found peace and will hopefully be on the wait list VERY soon.

Lastly, please pray for this family and this family. I won't talk about why they need the prayers but just if you remember please pray for them. They each have their own stuff going on and I hope they find peace, answers, and joy along their paths.

Long overdue pictures

Okay so I have received requests to post pictures of all of peanut's adorable stuff so here it goes. This first one is a close of up her socks :)

This is the top drawer that has the socks plus some of the smaller clothes in it.

This is the middle drawer where she has her first Brewer's outfit along with some sleepers and onesies.

This is the bottom drawer with all of the pants and some jackets in it.

And last but not least this is the mobile hanging over peanut's crib.

How did this happen???

I have spent the day organizing and washing baby clothes. Whew....How in the world is the dresser full already??? I am out of room.

I have lots of 3-6 month stuff, lots of 6-9 month stuff and not enough 0-3 month which is what size little peanut is wearing right now. I have TONS of adorable little baby socks, towels and wash clothes.

Now we have a closet which is empty except for the crib bumper which I won't put on her crib and two adorable swimsuits that are a little too big for her right now. How exactly do you hang up baby clothes?? I know, new mom question. Do they make hangers for baby clothes? I hate the hangers that baby clothes come on but am I just supposed to use those?

Peanut isn't even home yet and she has a full wardrobe of clothes. Well she definitely needs some more pajamas but she has more pairs of pants than I do and by a lot.

I got a great gift in the mail from a dear friend who sent me these adorable fuzzy pajamas along with some other baby clothes. I also have received hair clips from yet another dear friend that are just too cute for words.

If I ever figure out how you hang up baby clothes, my budget is in trouble for sure. But peanut will be pretty darn cute so that's worth it right???

History in the making

I have thought a lot about what I would say on this day. History is being made in America. I cannot deny that. I have said before that I wasn't going to make this blog political but what is happening today in this great country is for my daughter. While I did not vote for Obama, I am hopeful. I am excited that my daughter will be able to see how far we have come.

For my daughter to be able to grow up here in the USA with a black man as President. That is pretty cool. She will know that the most powerful man in the world can trace his roots back to Africa. She will have hope. Hope that she too can reach her goals and live out her dreams.

She will be judged (hopefully) by the content of her character and not the color of her skin. She will see that she can do anything and have the Obamas to look towards for inspiration.

I may not agree with Obama's politics but I will not deny my daughter this amazing piece of history. It is important for her to know history and to see the future. I know she will be young but to be able to see pictures of the Obamas on TV or in the paper, to see people in charge that look like her. That is important. I want my daughter to have positive role models, people to aspire to and how cool that she can look to the White House for inspiration. My daughter can't be President of this country (yet) but she will hopefully see the value of hard work, determination and perseverance when she learns about the Obama family.

So to my daughter: DREAM BIG!!

I have a dream...

Two pictures

I have just two pictures of peanut. Two pictures that I literally carry with me everywhere. They are in my purse right now while I am at work. When I am at home I prop these pictures up so that I can see them. Sometimes they are on the dining room table, sometimes the night stand by my bed or on the coffee table.

Every detail of each one of those pictures has been forever engraved on my heart. I have memorized every tiny aspect of her sweet face and head full of hair.

Sometimes I look at these pictures and just say her name over and over. Sometimes I look at them and smile. Sometimes I look at them and cry. Sometimes those tears are tears of joy that I have a daughter and sometimes they are tears of sadness for all the loss she has experienced in her life.

Those picture take me on a wild roller coaster ride of emotion. I am so in love with this little girl and so glad I can look at these pictures for the next few months. However, I cannot forget the sacrifice and the reality of how she is coming to be my daughter. There is sadness in her story and I feel that sadness. I feel it for her as she is too young to understand.

This journey of adoption is never easy and I know this roller coaster ride is a long one that I will be on my entire life. I accept that. I don't want to lose sight in my joy at being a Mom what another family had to lose. It is reality. I cannot and should not turn my back on reality.

I will love my daughter with everything I have in me. I promise to make sure she knows where she came from and when she is old enough her story. I will tell her about Ethiopia and show her pictures. I will tell her that she grew in my heart but grew in someone else's tummy. I will tell her that we love her everyday and I will be for her everything she needs me to be. That's all I can do and until I can hold that sweet girl in my arms I will continue to stare at those two pictures.

Thank you Secret Pal

I got home today to find the last gift from my Secret Pal and now I know who she is :) She sent peanut a VERY soft blanket and her very first baseball glove. I can't even tell you how much these little gifts have helped get me through this process. This one again made me cry. Now that I know who peanut is, it hit really close to the heart that these are for her. Before they were just for our future peanut but now peanut has a face and a name. This little girl can bring this glove to her first Brewer's game (ok maybe not first as she might be too little but she will bring it for sure). And well the blanket is PERFECT! Considering it is a whopping 2 degrees outside right now. Peanut will need lots of blankets to survive this crazy state we live in. So thank you Secret Pal for all of your kind words, support and gifts. They mean so much to me and I can't wait to share them with peanut.

Our gifts for peanut should go out in the mail tomorrow and will hopefully get to her soon. Every day we get that much closer to meeting peanut. Every day this journey becomes a reality. What was once a bleep in my heart has totally consumed me. My heart is so full of love for my little girl. I am anxiously counting the days...

Watercolor inspiration and more paperwork

I just picked this watercolor up from being framed. We purchased this watercolor at least 8 and maybe 9 years ago at an Art and Wine show in California. Long before having a family was really in our hearts. I just loved it. It was the inspiration for the mural on the wall in the nursery. I can't wait to hang it on the wall and check that off on the list on things to do to get peanut's room ready.


We sent in our paper work to officially accept our referral today. We had accepted via email last Wednesday but had to sign some things and turn those in. I was so excited to open my email today and find 3 emails from my specialist. We have to sign some more paperwork and get that notarized and turned in hopefully next week. Then we got some travel instructions, and examples of how to fill out some paperwork that we will need to take to the US Embassy in Addis Ababa.

I also found out that our state requires that we get an adoption bond and we have to send that to the Department of Family Services once we get it. It took a little doing with our insurance agent but they figured it out and our sending us the application.

So other then learning about all the new paperwork, today I am washing the new things we bought for peanut and then in a couple days after they have our scent, I will send those off to her. Peanut, we hope you like what we send you. We wish we could send ourselves to hug you and love on you in person but our pictures will have to do. We think of you every minute of every day. We fall more in love with you each moment. May these next months pass quickly and we can be united as a family.

Getting ready

So as promised here are some picture of things we bought for peanut. The picture below is what we are planning on sending to peanut. There is a blanket, 2 onesies, and two pairs of pants. We will also include some family pictures. All of this fits in the gallon sized bag we can send to peanut.

This outfit was just too cute to resist. So I bought it :) I can't wait for her to wear it.

And this may seem silly but I couldn't help myself. I bought peanut a toothbrush. We were in Target picking up the above items and a few things for us and we were grabbing some mouth wash and I turned around and saw this and just thought it was too cute :)

This weekend we took down the second crib in the nursery, picked out which set of crib bedding we will use and started to clean up the room and get it ready. I am excited to get peanut's room ready. I look in there and think about her often. I picture her sitting in the crib or playing on the floor. Now that I have her picture, I can't help but miss her.

I am still dealing with all the emotions that have flooded me in the last week but faith and some kind words from some dear friends are helping. I have even heard more than once that I am glowing that "new Mom" glow. I guess the permanent smile on my face kind of gives it away. I also have noticed that like most Mom's, I worry. I worry about peanut. I wonder about what she is doing. Is she eating enough? Getting enough love? Is she healthy? Is she comfortable?

Peanut, know that I pray for you everyday. I pray that you are healthy, comfortable and content. I pray for the nannies and doctors that are taking care of you until I can come get you. I pray for your birth family. I pray that the next few months go by quickly. I pray that I can hold you in my arms soon and tell you just how much I love you.

Signs...

I had to post this today because it was just too coincidental not to.

I have subscribed to Adoptive Families magazine for over a year now. In that time I think I can count on both hands how many pictures of babies from Ethiopia have been in the magazine and their have been none on the cover. That is until today...

We got our latest magazine and their is the cutest picture of a 7 month old baby girl adopted from Ethiopia and on the back cover there is an adorable 12 month old adopted from Ethiopia.

Okay I swear it gets better. We have picked out a name for our baby girl and part of her name matches the name of the little girl on the cover. The cover is also pink.

Maybe I am reading way too much into this but I couldn't help myself. Add this to the fact that I was wearing my pink AHOPE shirt the day we got the call for peanut... Somehow these little things make sense to me. I usually don't believe in signs of things to come but all of this was just to much to pass up.

Pictures will be forth coming of all the adorable things we bought for peanut this weekend. She will be one well dressed little girl :)

Comfortably Numb...

I think the title describes best how I am feeling right now. I am having a hard time adjusting to the idea that I am a Mom. That I have a daughter and that this isn't all some crazy dream.

We are 6 years (almost) into our journey to trying to have a family and all along that path we faced rejection and heartache. We even had our very own this is too good to be true moment when we thought we were adopting twins.

I know this is different. No one is going to take her away from us but my heart aches a little. I want to see her, to hold her, to know that she is okay. I want an update daily if I could. I will mostly likely only get monthly updates.

So why numb? Well, I have been on this roller coaster of emotion since Tuesday. I have laughed, cried and even been seen skipping in my house. I have worried, fretted, been scared and lost. I think now I am just numb. I am not sure how many more emotions are left in me. I feel pure joy everytime I look at her sweet face. Yes she is with me everywhere. Work, home, the dinner table, the coffee table, the nightstand by the bed. But yet there is something there in the background and I think it is just me getting in the way of my own joy.

I think I just need to have faith. Faith that we are allowed to have happy moments. Faith that baby girl is content and healthy. Faith that I will get a court date before tax day. Faith that I might be able to travel before Mother's Day or at least my birthday. I have never been happier and I think that is a little scary for me. I know probably sounds crazy but we have had a few rough years in our journey to parenthood so I got really good at protecting myself.

To actually realize that I can't protect myself from everything. That I can be the happiest I have ever been and just tear down the walls I have built up is a process. One I am working on every minute of every day. I have waited so very long to be a Mother and I can't wait to hug my little peanut. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason so I think I just need to trust that this is our turn. Our turn to be happy. Our turn to be parents and nothing is going to stand in our way, not even me.

Floating on a cloud

I am still sitting up here on Cloud 9! I don't envision myself getting off of this cloud ever really. I am so in love with our little girl. I stare at her picture and carry it with me everywhere.

We have officially accepted our referral so we now have some papers to sign and send in and then we get another set of instructions. I do know that we get to send peanut a gallon sized bag of stuff. Pictures, blanket, toys, clothes, whatever I can fit in there.

We did have a doctor review her medical information before we officially accepted. We will send growth and weight updates to the doctor when we get them so she can provide feedback. I pray she remains healthy and content.

We have a name for peanut but for now on this blog she will be peanut. It really does fit her. Trust me she is a little peanut for sure :) The only other comment for now about her name is that we were adamant that the name given to her by her mother be a part of her legal name. The name was given to her for a reason by someone who loved her very much and I will not take that name away from her.

We have been getting questions about peanuts story and for now we are going to keep that to ourselves. At some point we may share some pieces of her story and there will be some parts of her story that we won't share. It isn't our story to share. We will share with her when she is ready.

So other than staring at her adorable little face, my plan to day is to take all that neutral baby stuff of the registry and add some okay lots of PINK, PURPLE and anything else girly I can find. Which if you know me I am not a girly girl but when it comes to babies that is awhole other story. Baby girls bring out this side of me not seen often. I still hate wearing skirts and dresses but can't resist those when it comes to babies.

It's a GIRL!!!!!

The day has finally arrived. 11 months, 2 weeks and 1 day and we are proud to say we have been referred a beautiful 6 week old baby girl. I am so in love already. As stated before I can't post her picture or her name as she is not legally ours yet so you will just have to trust me that she is the most beautiful little girl ever!

So everyone wants to know where I was and what I was doing so before I forget I thought I should write it all down.

I was in the office doing some cleaning and shredding. Nesting away as I have been for months. I heard the phone ring and I jumped up to go get it. I ran to the bedroom and saw on the caller ID Children's Home Society and I screamed and tried to answer the phone. For whatever reason our home phone wasn't working and all I heard was static. I quick ran downstairs to grab the other phone but by then I had missed the call. I was desperately trying to figure out how to call back when my cell phone rang.

This was it. This was the call I have been waiting for. Today, January 6th, I found out that our daughter is in Ethiopia and she is ready for us to come get here. Wait did I say daughter??? I for so long had been telling myself we were having a son and I was so fine with that. A daughter?? I can't believe it. I am going to have a little girl. My prayers really have been answered. I heard only about every other word our specialist said. I was crying. Tears of utter joy for sure. I couldn't believe it. I was in total shock. Our local SW was here in the morning to update our home study and she and our specialist just missed each other on the phone. I didn't think today would be the day but boy am I glad it is.

She is 6 weeks old and truly a little peanut. The nickname fits her perfectly. I wish I could hop on a plane right now and scoop her into my arms and tell that she is so loved. I can't. I have a few months before I can do that. I know that she is being well taken care of while we wait to go get her. Many blessings and prayers to the nannies and doctors looking after all our little ones.

I think someone better pinch me, this is really happening right?? I am actually going to be a Mom. What a glorious day this has been. Thanks to all who have been such amazing cheerleaders through this whole process. You know who you are. You have kept me sane as much as that is possible. I can't wait to share her picture so come on court date.

PS--I am wearing my pink AHOPE shirt so maybe that was a sign :)

17 days...

Well we are 17 days away from the 12 month mark. 17. Less than 3 weeks....

I have a blogging buddy who is 11 days from her 12 months and another who is 24 days away.

It is still a little surreal to me but I can't wait for my phone to ring. I can't wait to open my email and see that picture. To have a name to learn and a face to stare at and memorize every detail.

In the mean time I am trying to keep myself busy. I currently have a cold so my energy level is quite low. I have a book I am trying to finish by Sunday for my book club and I have a house to get ready for a visit with my social worker tomorrow.

In between tasks, I am checking to make sure I didn't miss a call and that my cell phone is fully charged.

Peanut, someday when you read this I hope you don't think your mama is crazy. Ok, well she is a little. Crazy in love with you the baby she hasn't even seen much less met yet. Her dream is to be the best mama she can be. It has been an almost 6 year process for her dream of motherhood to come true and she can't wait for that phone to ring telling her that her prayers have been answered and that you peanut are destined to be her little one. Waiting for you has not been easy but I know every second of the wait will be worth it when I can see your face and better yet when I can hold you in my arms. Never did I feel more at peace then when we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. It was if the stars aligned perfectly. I knew. I just knew that my baby would be born in Ethiopia and in my heart.

Countdown--19

So I decided I am going to start counting down the days until we hit 12 months or referral whichever comes first. I sure hope that it is referral. :)

19--that is how many days until January 22nd. We hit the 12 month mark on January 22nd. We are very hopeful and encouraged that our phone will be ringing before that date.

So this means that in 19 days or less we should be staring at a beautiful picture of our little peanut. I can't wait!

And to peanut, we are ready for you. Know that our hearts and minds are excited to meet you and welcome you to this wonderful family we are so blessed to be a part of. My wish for you right now is that you are content. That you have peace and that you are healthy and transitioning well. I know we will face challenges upon your entrance to our family and I am doing my homework so that you will feel comfortable and safe here. I will continue to keep you, your first family, caregivers, doctors and nannies in my prayers. We are getting closer to the glorious day that we can finally meet. Hang in there peanut. Mom and Dad will be there soon.

I survived today and 2008

I can't believe it is Friday already. Where did the week go??? I have had a crazy day as I left my cell phone at home. I usually wouldn't care if I did that but...things are a lot different now. I realized it when I got to work so it was too late to turn back and get it. I was a nervous wreck for my entire shift. I know my specialist has my work # too but it was still bothersome to not have it. It didn't help that my work phone kept ringing today. If it wasn't a telemarketer, it was my boss and then it was another manager. I literally jumped everytime it rang only to be mildly disappointed to hear it wasn't my specialist on the other line.

I made it home and am now within reach of both my home phone and my cell phone. I am really not expecting a call today. Maybe next week or the week after would be my best guess but you never know.

We have a busy weekend of taking down Christmas decorations and cleaning. Our local social worker is coming over next week to update our home study. Can you believe it has been a year since the last time we updated?? Wow, 2008 really did fly by.

My one wish for 2008 was that it would be monumentally better than 2007. In fact that was a direct quote for a while on my Facebook page. I have since changed it. I wouldn't say 2008 was monumentally better than 2007 but it was definitely better. 2008 transformed me into a stronger, more patient, faith filled and hopeful person.

I am excited and nervous for all that 2009 will hold. The plan is to take one thing at a time and my sole focus right now is getting our referral. 2009 will be a banner year for our family and I am excited to get it moving so phone you better be ringing soon :)