The day before

I wrote this on my blog the day before my entire world was turned upside down. I went back and re-read this now that it is one year later.

"Peanut, someday when you read this I hope you don't think your mama is crazy. Ok, well she is a little. Crazy in love with you the baby she hasn't even seen much less met yet. Her dream is to be the best mama she can be. It has been an almost 6 year process for her dream of motherhood to come true and she can't wait for that phone to ring telling her that her prayers have been answered and that you peanut are destined to be her little one. Waiting for you has not been easy but I know every second of the wait will be worth it when I can see your face and better yet when I can hold you in my arms. Never did I feel more at peace then when we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. It was as if the stars aligned perfectly. I knew. I just knew that my baby would be born in Ethiopia and in my heart."

A year changes a lot of things. I think I still might be a little crazy okay a lot crazy but I am a mom now so it is okay. I wrote this before I was a mother and every day I wake up knowing that isn't going to change and it is the best feeling. I peek into her room and she her sleeping so sweetly and know that it was meant to be. Our road to our peanut was still broken on this day last year, little did we know what was about to happen.

Stay tuned...sappy post coming tomorrow with pictures.

Loving the countdown

I am in full countdown mode. I am counting down everything. How many days until we leave, how many shifts I have left at work, etc. It's fun.

So here are my favorite things to countdown:

16 days until we get on a plane
18 days until I get to hold my little girl
11 shifts left at work (at least until August that is)
14 weeks the length of my maternity leave
10 days that I will be without my pugs :(
9 days until baby girl is 5 months old

See once I get started counting down things it just never ends. I even have a countdown going for a friend, Kate, who is leaving for Ethiopia today you see she will get to meet her baby girl in 4 days. Then there is my friend, Leah, who has her court date in 7 days.

Other then obsessively counting things, I am in full packing mode. Suitcase are all out and open. Some things are being placed in them, piles are starting to form near them. I haven't packed for a trip like this ever so I am learning as I go especially in this post 9/11 era. So many rules that weren't there before....

And who knew how hard it was to pack for an infant...I think she will have more stuff than I will. I don't know what will fit her so I am bringing various sizes and hopefully enough to get us through if we do have the joy of experiencing multiple blow out diapers.

One of the toughest things about packing is the dogs. They aren't super helpful and I feel bad. They know something is up just not sure what it is. We are trying to give them some extra loving and catch little Badger when he decides that Peanut's things are really his things. He ran off yesterday with a package of pacifiers. Very cute.

7 days

Yes that is right. We are 1 week away from our court date. I am totally freaking out. I am anxious beyond belief. I want so much to pass court on the first try. I am not sure what I will do if we don't. I know it is all out of my control so I have to sit back and let it be.

Easier said than done. I have been praying every day for Peanut, for her caregivers, for her little friends that she is hanging out with and for the Ethiopian judges. Oh I so hope they receive all the papers that they need and can sign off on our case.

I am trying not to think to far in advance. People ask about travel and how soon we can leave and right now I just need to get through next Friday. After that I will start to really plan and think about traveling to bring home my baby girl.

So I apologize if my head is some where else for the next 7 days. I can't stop thinking (read: obsessing) about our court date. I am also waiting for our social report so I keep hitting refresh on my email hoping/wishing/praying for that email from our specialist. The social report will hold all the little details about Peanut's daily routine and PICTURES!!! I can't wait. In the pictures we have she is 5 weeks old and on Sunday she will be 4 months old.

We have a busy weekend and a possible snow storm so that should provide some distractions for a few days. Is it April 3rd yet??? Can I sleep or fast forward until then, please???

10 days and counting

10 days until court. 10. What am I going to do with myself for the next 10 days?

Well to pass the time today I went to Target. I have a list of things that we still need to get for Peanut and for travel. I would have enjoyed the trip more had it not been pouring down rain but oh well.

I got some inflatable travel pillows today which came highly recommended for the long flight. I got some gas drops and children's motrin for Peanut. I bought a box of gallon size ziploc bags and 3 packages of sensitive baby wipes. 120 wipes should be enough for our trip right?? We are kind of heavy wipe users and I definitely don't want to run out.

I also got Peanut two different types of pacifiers as I am not sure which ones she will like. Then of course there was this cute pink hat that found its way into my cart. Oops. Can't help it :)

Lastly, some friends have told us that our agency's care center desperately needs infant vitamin drops so I bought the last 4 boxes that were on the shelf and plan to pick up plenty more before we travel.

I can't do this everyday as my list of needs for Peanut and travel is getting a lot smaller so I will have to find other distractions. Right now I am doing the rest of Peanut's laundry so all those cute outfits I got last weekend will be clean. I also cleaned the exersaucer and am washing the seat and cover for the bouncy seat. Okay now what...anyone have any ideas on how I can fill up the next 10 days?

Oh I sure hope that a nice Ethiopian judge signs off on our case in 10 days. I may go crazier than I already am if they don't. Please pray for us and for good news for all the families with upcoming court dates.

Fabulous time, fabulous friends, fabulous finds

We had a great time this weekend with our friends Matt and Kerry and their beautiful daughters. Lots of laughs, beer and good times were had by all. Okay beer was just consumed by the adults. They generously let us borrow some things for Peanut too which was well fabulous. We now have a bouncy seat and an exersaucer for her. We don't know if she will like either of these things so it was nice to not have to buy them since she may only use them for a few short months if at all. They also lent us some great toys and a floor gym. They are great friends for sure and we can't wait to hang out with them again.

We went to a baby resale while we were there too. Okay, us girls went to a baby resale. I found some great clothes for Peanut. Some she will have to grow into but others should fit this summer. Most of the clothes that I got were brand new or like new. Some still had the original store tags on them and they were all from higher end baby clothes stores like Baby Gap, Gymboree, Hanna Anderson, etc.

This first picture is hands down the cutest baby jeans I have ever seen. They have seahorses on them and a matching hat and it was brand new with store tags for $10 for all 3 pieces.

Peanut will have to grow into these overalls but they were super cute so maybe this fall and who can resist a pink plaid dress.

Peanut will have to grow into the pink dress on the right but it was like new and $7. And the other outfit has these cute little dogs on it and she should be able to wear it soon. It is Gymboree and was brand new with store tags. I couldn't believe it. New it was like $32 and I got it for $12.

Again two adorable like new dresses that I just couldn't resist.

This was a brand new Gymboree dress that may fit Peanut now and may be her Embassy appointment dress or her homecoming dress, I can't decide. It was brand new with store tags and only $15.

This Hanna Anderson dress should also fit Peanut relatively soon so it may be be making the trip with us as well.

I had no idea that I could find such great stuff for Peanut. She had a ton of clothes before this weekend but it was lots of shorts, pants and onesies and just a few dresses or actual outfits so it was nice to find some things to spice up her wardrobe a little.

All in all we had a fabulous weekend and came home with lots of great stuff for Peanut. Only 11 more days (hopefully) until Peanut can make her debut in public. Warning you all in advance, she is extremely adorable!

Trying to find my happy place....

A few months ago before we had our referral, I wrote about the things I have learned while adopting internationally and one of the things I mentioned was having questions and there not always being answers and to be prepared for delays.

Unfortunately I have had to encounter lots of questions with no answers and these lack of answers may translate into delays.

So we have learned that the US Embassy is requiring that all children be tested for TB prior to being issued a US Visa. I get that. The part that gets challenging is when are these tests done? For children under 2, a panel will review the child's history and determine if there are any physical signs and determine if they need a gastric aspiration (whatever that is) and then if that is positive they will need to stay in Ethiopia for an undetermined amount of time to be treated. So I see this going a couple of ways. 1) The panel could decide that Peanut's history looks good and there are no physical signs and all is fine or 2) The panel will decide that she needs to have this culture test done which could take up to 8 weeks to confirm a negative (but we aren't sure about that) and lastly if she is positive she would have to stay for a few months to be treated.

I have asked a lot of questions and there are no answers of yet. I apologize in advance for this next part may be quite whiny but I am grumpy! Since no one knows how this will play out it could mean that we will be delayed in being able to go get Peanut. Yes I said delayed. THAT STINKS! I am trying to stay positive and hope and pray that we aren't delayed but that is a lot easier said than done. I mean I really do understand the need for the testing but the urgency of implementing it immediately and the effects that will have on me being united with my daughter are why I am frustrated. The fact that they are implementing these new practices without being able to answer questions is infuriating. Why now? Why not in 6 months? Why not say starting May 1st at time of referral all children will be given a TB test and then go through the necessary steps. That way if the doctors need to wait for cultures, the family isn't waiting to travel but maybe still waiting for their court date and if a child needs treatment then that can be started before a family passes court so they aren't that much more delayed.

I fully realize that I am being selfish. I am trying to find my happy place. I mean I really am trying. I realize that this may all turn out fine and we won't get delayed or we will be delayed. The fact that no one has the answer to that question is frustrating.

When they tell you that International Adoption is not for the faint of heart, they mean it. This is tough. The toughest thing I have ever done and I am not sure it is any easier now that I can stare at my daughter's face on the mantel. Seeing that tiny little face makes my heart melt and being unsure of when we might be able to united with her makes my heart break.

On the plus side, 18 days until our court date.

17 days...

Well we are 17 days away from the 12 month mark. 17. Less than 3 weeks....

I have a blogging buddy who is 11 days from her 12 months and another who is 24 days away.

It is still a little surreal to me but I can't wait for my phone to ring. I can't wait to open my email and see that picture. To have a name to learn and a face to stare at and memorize every detail.

In the mean time I am trying to keep myself busy. I currently have a cold so my energy level is quite low. I have a book I am trying to finish by Sunday for my book club and I have a house to get ready for a visit with my social worker tomorrow.

In between tasks, I am checking to make sure I didn't miss a call and that my cell phone is fully charged.

Peanut, someday when you read this I hope you don't think your mama is crazy. Ok, well she is a little. Crazy in love with you the baby she hasn't even seen much less met yet. Her dream is to be the best mama she can be. It has been an almost 6 year process for her dream of motherhood to come true and she can't wait for that phone to ring telling her that her prayers have been answered and that you peanut are destined to be her little one. Waiting for you has not been easy but I know every second of the wait will be worth it when I can see your face and better yet when I can hold you in my arms. Never did I feel more at peace then when we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. It was if the stars aligned perfectly. I knew. I just knew that my baby would be born in Ethiopia and in my heart.

Countdown--19

So I decided I am going to start counting down the days until we hit 12 months or referral whichever comes first. I sure hope that it is referral. :)

19--that is how many days until January 22nd. We hit the 12 month mark on January 22nd. We are very hopeful and encouraged that our phone will be ringing before that date.

So this means that in 19 days or less we should be staring at a beautiful picture of our little peanut. I can't wait!

And to peanut, we are ready for you. Know that our hearts and minds are excited to meet you and welcome you to this wonderful family we are so blessed to be a part of. My wish for you right now is that you are content. That you have peace and that you are healthy and transitioning well. I know we will face challenges upon your entrance to our family and I am doing my homework so that you will feel comfortable and safe here. I will continue to keep you, your first family, caregivers, doctors and nannies in my prayers. We are getting closer to the glorious day that we can finally meet. Hang in there peanut. Mom and Dad will be there soon.