Fortunate

I have started and deleted this post with various titles for a couple days. So much on my plate right now so hence the blogging absence.

Even with the unknowns floating around, I am feeling very fortunate. Here's why.

1) Last week we walked into the PICU with our daughter and were able to walk out a few hours later. This isn't lost on me. Not every mom could do that that day.

2) While we are still waiting on results and could be until Wednesday, I am fortunate to be able to be in the US and we can deal with whatever this is with the best medical care we can find.

3) I went to Minnesota this last weekend to the EKC Mehaber. Wow....great event and some really great people. I met so many of my online friends in person. The people who have stood behind me, posted on this blog or sent hugs on facebook. In person, in the flesh I got to meet so many of them and hang out and talk. It was incredible. I am very fortunate to be a part of this wonderful community. Sure we are all spread out but it is so nice to know that we are there for each other. Whether we need some words of support from those that have been there done that, which I got this weekend, or whether it be to enjoy a couple beers and just laugh and vent and laugh some more, which I got this weekend too.

I walked away from this weekend exhausted and refreshed. I know that sounds weird but true. It was like I had this "they do exist" moment. People I have called my friends but yet I didn't know them and then here we were in the same place, enjoying the same fun and laughing at "tails" and "mushrooms". For those that aren't in this wacky adoption community, this may all seem weird but for those of us that have used online tools like forums and blogs and facebook to maintain our sanity it was just nice to all be in the same physical place and be reassured that yup I do belong and yup you all are real and yup you are just as awesome in person as you are online.

And talk about some cute kids too....definitely a favorite moment which I will post pictures of when I figure out how to get them off my phone that is, is watching Kiya and Miss T share pretzels. And I am talking bite for bite, Kiya would take a bite and then Miss T. They would grab ones and hand them to each other and then take them away. They were in their own little world sitting on the ground while T's mom and I chatted. It was adorable.

So I guess I am saying that life has thrown a few lemons at us lately, but I am feeling fortunate. I wouldn't be able to tackle any of this without this amazing community and I feel so much more connected now that I have met people face to face.

Where to begin....

Tomorrow--stay tuned for a we met Kiya 5 months ago and she has now known us as long as she had known Ethiopia.

But today I need to VENT. I am angry, hurt, frustrated, mystified, saddened, freaking out and more.

Yesterday I was SHOCKED to find out that CHSFS, our agency, has decided to unexpectedly close their forum. I am at a loss. I 'met' and met some amazing people through this forum. It was my life line while we were waiting for Kiya. I honestly am not sure I could have survived the process without the amazing support I found there.

For all of you blog readers, I started this blog because of the people I met on the forum. I found their blogs inspiring and informative and wanted to connect with more adoptive families. You all are amazing. I feel honored to be in your company. I truly thank you all for your words of wisdom, virtual hugs and support. You are an amazing group of people that I am proud to call my friends.

We are in the process of trying to pick up the pieces and find a way to continue. We are emailing everyone we know to get them moved over to a new place. We are writing anyone and everyone in our agency pleading with them to change this. There is a WEALTH of info on that forum from adoption ethics, hair care, travel tips, packing lists, medical questions, tax questions, parenting tips, the unofficial list that I so faithfully counted down when we were waiting for Kiya.

As we are gearing up for adoption #2, we have a lot of thinking to do. I was looking forward to the forum and members of it is as we started our wait again. I am having a hard time imagining how adoption number 2 will be without that support system. It was one of the more appealing qualities of CHSFS. We have some soul searching to do. I check that forum daily and have posted more questions than I care to say.

I will deeply miss the community, the love, the honesty, the support, the hugs, the joy, the tears, the sense of family. The worst part is we as members of this forum are not getting ANY answers as to why they are doing this...it just doesn't make sense to close this off.

I would have been lost without all of you. I found everyone one of my blogging buddies either directly or indirectly through that forum.