Here

On this day last year we were on our way to the airport. We were going to Ethiopia. We were coming home parents. I am still in shock that it has been a whole year since we made that 23 hour journey half way around the world.

I heard this song on the radio the other day and I cried when I heard the chorus. It is a Rascal Flatts song, called "Here"

"And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here"

My journey to motherhood was not easy. It was a long and winding road, but I am here and happier than ever.

In reality, as hard as the infertility was and as hard as losing the twins was, I know in my heart I had to go through those things to get me where I am today. There was a greater plan involved here. At the times that my heart was breaking I didn't get it. I was angry. I was hurt. I was confused.

Now I get it. I was meant to be Kiya's mom. No one ever said life was easy and I can attest to that. I survived 6 plus years of heartbreak and tears to get to my baby girl.

I can't believe I am about to write this but I would do it all again. All the tears, the years, the pain, the heart break, the stumbled steps just because I know it all leads to me being Kiya's mom and that is the best job in the world.

So in a weird way, I am thankful for the past. I learned a lot and I became a lot stronger. I knew that if I could handle everything life had thrown at me than I was more than ready to be a mom.

I am truly and eternally grateful for everything that has gotten me here. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else..okay except maybe Ethiopia. I am here. I am a Mom and I am blessed. Life is good.

Nothing short of FABULOUS

A few posts ago I talked about being over scheduled and how I needed to make a change. Well this Saturday I did just that. I opted out of my hubby's co-workers wedding reception (don't worry we gave them plenty of notice).

Other than the few hours I was at work Saturday morning it was hands down one of the best days I have spent with Kiya.

I have always felt like she has been attaching well and bonding well with both of us but I think our relationship as Mommy and daughter went to a whole new level on Saturday. We really truly enjoyed each other. It wasn't just Mommy meeting her basic needs with a little fun thrown in on the side. We really were interacting and having fun.

I have never laughed more and neither has she. We snuggled, we read books, we splashed in the tub. She ate her first all big girl snack of bananas, mini pancakes and cheerios. Most of it she even fed herself. The bananas were a little mushy and hard for her to pick up but she sure tried and succeeded a few times.

We had no fussing, no crying and we even had successful tummy time. She used to LOVE tummy time but since she started sitting up she is not such a fan and tends to throw a fit but not on Saturday. We played with her soccer ball, pet the dogs and even practiced walking.

We have started something new so after bath time, hair care and bottle, Kiya and I cozy up in the glider in her room and read a book before bed. It is nothing short of fabulous. Just me and her and a good book. One of our favorites is Todd Parr's "We Belong Together". We also like Karen Katz's "Over the Moon" but I am still having a hard time getting through that one without crying.

To say Kiya is nothing short of fabulous is an understatement. She has added such joy to our lives. We are amazed and grateful for her everyday and can't wait to see what she says and does next.

Reflections on the last 2 months

We have know Peanut now for 2 months and I don't think I accurately have reflected on Ethiopia and how much my life has changed since I became a Mom but first I had to start with pictures :)

She just figured out today how to feed herself.

She also likes to grab on to her bottle, one time she even got it in her mouth. Other times she pokes herself in the nose or eye.

Well this is just sweet potatoes on her face but she is so cute :)

Two months ago today, I walked up the stairs and met my daughter. I knew my life would never be the same and I was filled with excitement and fear. Excited that my dreams were coming true and scared that I would do something wrong. What I have learned in 2 months is that the excitement doesn't wear off and all moms make mistakes and that is okay.

As for Ethiopia, it has taken me a long time to really process what I saw and what I experienced and I am not sure I can put it in to words. The hope. The despair. The smiles. The extreme poverty. A very obvious haves and have nots. It was a lot to take in. I have lived a pretty sheltered life. This was my first time on another continent. I had really only been to Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean. I needed this. I needed Ethiopia. I finally saw what goes on outside of my little world and I will never be the same. Call it obligation to my daughter or my family or to a greater sense of awareness but I can't and won't turn my back on Ethiopia and the wonderful people that live there.

I have joined a cooperative sponsorship with a group of other families to sponsor a child at AHOPE. My goal is next year to sponsor a child independently. It isn't much but it is a start. I want to do more, so much more.

I can't wait to share Ethiopia with Peanut and let her know how committed we are to do what we can. I can't wait to go back to Ethiopia. I can't wait to take Peanut and our son to Ethiopia. Hopefully, if all goes well, Dave and I will be back in Ethiopia in a few years to be united with our son. Our trip will look very different the second time around. Will we go to the museum again, probably not. Will we look for ways to spend more time at AHOPE or other places, yes. We would love to travel to Lalibela and Gondar and Bahir Dar.

For Christmas, Dave bought me this beautiful wood box that says "My heart belongs in Ethiopia" and I didn't realize then how true that statement really is.

I'm back :)

Well my break is officially over. I AM BUYING PLANE TICKETS TODAY!!!! We got the call and the confirmation we have been waiting for. We leave in 19 days!!!!!

3 weeks from today I get to meet my precious little girl for the first time. I get to hold her in my arms and kiss those adorable cheeks of hers. I am going to be a wreck. I just know it and it will all be caught on video but oh well. My dreams are coming true.

This is really happening. I am really going to Ethiopia and coming home with my beautiful daughter. I want to take the whole experience in and cherish every minute of it. This is a trip of a lifetime and if I am so fortunate I will get to spend Mother's Day with some of Peanut's birth family.

Now I really do have to pack. WOW! That one phone call today made my weekend. 19 days baby girl. We will finally be united as a family. I can't wait. Good thing I have lots to do to pass the time...

Leaving on a jet plane??

We found out today that we got our birth certificate and we have a tentative travel date of May 7th!!! OMG!!! We could be leaving in less than one month.

We should know soon if this travel date will be confirmed. I am still reeling. I can't believe this is all happening. I am less than one month away from finally meeting my daughter. If this date sticks, I will be in Ethiopia on Mother's Day. I could possibly meet Peanut's birth mother on Mother's Day. Wow....I think I need to process that a little. I won't get to be with Peanut that day due to the trip to meet birth families but she is already in my heart so even though I won't get to hold her that day; she will be with me.

The best part about getting the birth certificate is that there was another little picture of Peanut. Her cheeks are even chubbier now than they were before!! And I predicted long ago that our last name would be spelled wrong and it wasn't :) Just goes to show you, that you can't predict anything in the world of adoption.

Guess I really need to get those suitcases out and really start packing. I think I have to stop crying first. I am preparing for the trip of a lifetime. I have waited so many long months for this day to come and I still can't believe this is all happening. Baby girl we are almost there. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and kiss those adorable cheeks of yours.

36 days....

Hi my name is Cathy and I have an addiction. An addiction to countdowns. I can't stop. I need help. I may be beyond help not sure but admitting it is the first step right??

So since I am fully embracing my love/obsession with countdowns we are 36 days away from our court date. The date that will legally change my life. The day a judge in Ethiopia makes us officially Peanut's parents. Don't get me wrong, we already feel like Peanut's parents in our hearts, we just need the paperwork to catch up.

These next 5 weeks will be interesting. I plan on taking a friend up on her offer to get together soon. Thank goodness I have lots of people in my life that get how hard this waiting can be.

This weekend, I have planned a Mom's Night Out event at the local Ethiopian restaurant. I have made reservations and we are all set. It started as a Mom's Night but now is more of a couples, friends and Mom's night. So Dave and I are going to get to meet a bunch of other families that live near us that are in various stages of adopting from Ethiopia. I can't wait!

Some of the people I know from our agency aren't going to be able to make it and I am bummed that I won't get to meet some of them in person. I know we will meet soon. I am excited to meet new people. I am a people person. And even better that these new people will have been where I am now or will be there shortly. We have an instant connection and a common love for everything Ethiopian. Who knows, maybe I will meet some playmates for Peanut...

Who knew...

Okay so after my last post and the kind comments as well as the nice posts from the forum, I have started a registry at Babies R Us.

I have spent the better part of 3 hours now searching and looking for things to add to the registry. Wow, who knew that there were some many baby products to choose from. It has been fun but a tad overwhelming at the same time.

I still have more things to go through and add. I also need to add clothes and bedding, but need to wait until we are closer and until we know if it is a boy or a girl. I really started to feel like an expectant parent. I can't thank everyone enough for the encouragement.

Babies R Us even asks if you are adopting and you can put in the date you hope to be home with your baby. I thought that was pretty neat. I right now have entered May 20th as the date we hope to be home with baby. Why that date??? My USCIS fingerprints expire on that date and I am really hoping to be back in the US by then so I don't have to go through the process to update them. It isn't a tough process to update but just another thing to get done.

So the adventure of baby registries has begun. I am open to suggestions for "must haves" from other Moms. Okay back to checking out umbrella strollers and jumparoos...