Done

I have just finished reading "There is no me without you." Wow.... This book touched a place in me that I didn't know existed. The courageous story of a simple woman out to care for the orphaned children of Ethiopia some with HIV and some without. The struggles both personal and professional and her strength and sometimes her weakness really touched a soft spot in my soul.

I have learned so much about the birth place of my daughter. Everything from how to correctly pronounce Addis (ah-deece) Ababa (a-bah bah) to the inner struggles to live day to day with nothing and sometimes there really was nothing. This place was such a mystery to me and much of it always will be yet I felt that by reading this book, I got to look at a small slice of the mystery. To read about the heartbreaking separation of children from their families was unbelievably moving. To read about the struggles of young mothers and fathers trying desperately to raise their families. To read about how AIDS nearly devastated the entire country and if it weren't for a brave few I am not sure what Ethiopia would look like right now. Needless to say I cried at many points throughout this book.

I cried out of frustration with the system. I cried for the children and their parents. I cried for the adoptive parents and their faith and belief that everything will be okay. I cried sometimes out of sheer anger. Anger that there wasn't a simple solution; that we couldn't wave a magic wand and make the heartache, the desperation, death all go away. I cried as the newly American children relived their grief and remembered their life in Ethiopia. I cried because it so important that my daughter knows Ethiopia and knows the beauty of her homeland and her culture. I cried for my daughter. She will not remember Ethiopia. She will know only the things we share with her and then when we take her to see it for herself, I can only hope the she realizes we tried to do right by Ethiopia.

I am really glad that I took the time to read this book. I fully understand why it is on every Adoptive Parents 'must read' list. I am not sure I have processed all of this book yet. There are many questions in my head and I am sure some of the answers are out there and some may not be.

I am on a mission. While we are in Ethiopia, I am going to write down everything and anything I can no matter how trivial it may seem. The sights, the sounds, the smells, the weather, the signs, everything. I am there to learn and soak up as much as I can so I can pass that on to my daughter. I always knew that I wanted to do that but somehow this book reinforced the importance of that. Reading about the newly adopted children and their new families gave me a little perspective.

This is so much bigger than me having a daughter. I am adding a daughter yes but also her birth family into my heart. I hope I am blessed enough to meet someone in Peanut's birth family. I want to tell them that we will love her with all our hearts and promise them that she will know Ethiopia. That we are not 2 separate families anymore but we are joined as one because of the love we share for Peanut. I realize this may not happen but for now I need to hold on to that. I will deal with that loss if I must when the time comes and I will find a way to explain all of this to Peanut when she is old enough.

36 days....

Hi my name is Cathy and I have an addiction. An addiction to countdowns. I can't stop. I need help. I may be beyond help not sure but admitting it is the first step right??

So since I am fully embracing my love/obsession with countdowns we are 36 days away from our court date. The date that will legally change my life. The day a judge in Ethiopia makes us officially Peanut's parents. Don't get me wrong, we already feel like Peanut's parents in our hearts, we just need the paperwork to catch up.

These next 5 weeks will be interesting. I plan on taking a friend up on her offer to get together soon. Thank goodness I have lots of people in my life that get how hard this waiting can be.

This weekend, I have planned a Mom's Night Out event at the local Ethiopian restaurant. I have made reservations and we are all set. It started as a Mom's Night but now is more of a couples, friends and Mom's night. So Dave and I are going to get to meet a bunch of other families that live near us that are in various stages of adopting from Ethiopia. I can't wait!

Some of the people I know from our agency aren't going to be able to make it and I am bummed that I won't get to meet some of them in person. I know we will meet soon. I am excited to meet new people. I am a people person. And even better that these new people will have been where I am now or will be there shortly. We have an instant connection and a common love for everything Ethiopian. Who knows, maybe I will meet some playmates for Peanut...

Keeping Busy

I am tyring to keep myself busy so I don't count the days until our court date (38) all the time. February has been a good distraction with lots of plans on the weekends but my days off are what is tough.

I really have no desire to keep cleaning closets and organizing stuff yet that is the stuff that needs to get done. So what did I do today??? Nope didn't clean any closets...

I ordered copies of my birth certificate, copies of our marriage licence and copies of Dave's birth certificate. Now why did I do this...Well we know that we are going to adopt again and most likely again after that (Yes if you are the counting type, we would LOVE to have 3 children).
And me not knowing what I was doing the first time around didn't order enough copies of vital records so I figured why not order them now and then when we can start filling out paperwork again I won't have to wait for those. Yeah! Just wish I would have thought about this the first time. Getting vital records from CA is a process.

Other than that I am ordering new blinds for the back of our house. You see we only did the front of the house and just hung cheap curtains in the other windows and those just don't keep the light out of a sleeping babies room.

I am also going to schedule carpet cleaning for sometime in the next 2 months that way all the carpets will be clean for Peanut's arrival. I will most likely jump back on the cleaning/organizing wagon soon. I want to clean out the pantry, finish the office which I haven't gotten back to since referral day and plan a list of food to cook in advance and freeze for when we are first home with Peanut.

So I definitely have things to do but it is just so hard to put down a good book. Yes, still reading "There is no me without you". My heart just aches for these children and yet I am inspired by the kindness of some and shocked by the greed of others. Still pondering all of this and my what my role could be to do more...

Great Day!

I am so happy today to report that lots of families with our agency passed court and are that much closer to be united with their children. It was so great to hear their news and to see the faces of some incredibly adorable children. I literally cried tears of joy for them.

Then when I thought it was already a great day it got even better. A family that had been originally assigned a January court date and then had their case rescheduled until March made it through court today. How awesome!

January was a rough month. It was really hard to see lots of forum buddies face delays in getting to their children. Those of us still waiting for court dates were on pins and needles. Today was the first big group of families with a court date. Those families getting through would give us some hope that we too could pass court on the first try.

Our court date is 6 weeks away and I can't stop thinking about it. That is the day that a judge in Ethiopia could make us officially Peanut's parents. 6 weeks. I can't believe it. We are getting so close to being able to hold Peanut in our arms. If you are the praying type, please pray for all the families in their various stages of the adoption process, pray that we all see success in court on the first try and pray for Peanut and all of her little friends at the Care Center.

We hope to get an update on Peanut and how she is doing the first week of March. I know she is being well taken care of and I can't wait to see how much she has grown in a month.

A couple random updates

Preschool: I appreciate everyone's advice. A friend of the family gave me a lot of helpful info about the preschool we would like Peanut to go to and how we don't register for that until March of the year she is eligible. And we know that if we weren't to make it in to the 3 year program she could just go to preschool at her daycare. They have a curriculum that includes, math, writing, Spanish, art and more so that would be fine too and then we could go for the 4 year old program at the school we would like her to attend the next year. Huge sigh of relief that I can enjoy Peanut being a baby and not have to worry about this just yet.

Adoption Process: We got word today that our approval paperwork has arrived at the US Embassy in Addis Ababa. YEAH! That is a big relief to know that it is there and that we don't have to go tracking it down. Our fingerprints expire on May 2oth so if all goes well we won't need to worry about being back in the country before the expire. However, we can apply for our one time free refingerprinting in March and I plan on doing it. We have to send a letter to our CIS office with a copy of our I-171H form and they will schedule an appointment for us. Hopefully we will be back home with our sweet baby girl before May 20th but since so much is out of our control and unexpected things come up I would rather be safe and do it then delayed and frustrated.

Reading: Not sure why I haven't picked it up until now but today I started reading "There is No Me Without You" by Melissa Faye Green. I am really just trying to process it all. I literally just picked it up a few hours ago and have read 100 pages so far. It has made me think and long to see with my own eyes the place of my child's birth. I long to do more, to do my part yet I don't know what that looks like right now. I am anxious to keep reading and learning. I am curious what my heart will tell me. Maybe sponsor a child...not sure. More thinking to do here.

Preschool???

Okay after yesterday, I really did start to think about preschool. Now keep in mind Peanut won't be eligible for 3 year old preschool until 2012 as she has a late birthday. I put up a status message on facebook yesterday and was floored by some of the things I learned.

One of my friends reported that she signed her daughter up for preschool while still pregnant. Another put her daughter on the wait list for a preschool when she was 9 months old. The i have another friend who hasn't even looked into daycare yet.

Do I have to start thinking about that already? I don't even really know my daughter and yet I am planning her future.

The preschool that we are most interested in only has 20 kids in the 3 year old room so it might be quite tough to get her in there. So I will try for sure but will need to have a back up plan.

For those that have been there done that, when should I really start actively looking at preschools? I was thinking I would start at 18 months but now think that might be too late. This is all so crazy to me that we need to plan this far ahead just to get our children into a good school.

Daycare

So I toured the daycare facility that we are looking at sending Peanut to for 2 days a week. My gracious in laws will watch her 2 days and then I have a day off during the week so 2 days was all we needed. First off it is VERY challenging to find part time daycare for a child under the age of 2 so my options were limited. This particular daycare had a good reputation and my neighbor sends both of her girls there and will send her third there as well. Now keep in mind that I loved that I had to look for a daycare but hated it at the same time.

The staff was very friendly when I arrived. The place was clean and well kept. They have security cameras around the perimeter and in each room so everything is monitored. If Peanut does something while we aren't there like take a step or roll over and we want to see it all we have to do is ask. I thought that was pretty neat. All the doors require a 4 digit code to get in and the doors of all the rooms have alarms on them so if a child is trying to escape staff will hear it. All the play yards are fenced in and it is far from any street really which is nice.

The director showed me around the rooms and introduced me to the staff. Lot's of sleeping babies while I was there. The caregiver to child ratio is 4 infants to 1 staff member and then there are floaters that go between rooms when needed and 5 additional administrative staff on hand in case there is chaos which I was assured has never happened.

The walls are all brightly colored and there were lots of toys and interactive activities in each room. There is a curriculum even for the infants. They have different developmental things they work on each day and that curriculum gets more intense as the children get older.

I was assured that the staff would follow whatever schedule we have Peanut on in terms of naps and food. We will provide them with a crib sheet, bottles, diapers, wipes and anything else she will need. The staff will also write up a daily sheet about what Peanut was doing that day to go home with us.

Overall I really liked the place. I could see us taking Peanut there and being happy with our choice. So when I asked when we would need to make a commitment to hold our spot for August, I was told the sooner the better. Wow! Who knew I had to plan that far in advance. Well, I took a leap of faith today and registered Peanut for daycare staring in August. I paid the registration fee and first month to hold our spot. I am still a little shell shocked that I had to sign my baby girl up for daycare and I haven't even met her yet. I guess before you know it I will be evaluating preschools and getting her signed up for that too.