I heard one of my favorite songs on the radio yesterday on the way to pick Kiya up from daycare, Garth Brooks' "Unanswered Prayers".
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because He doesn't answer doesn't mean He don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
I have always loved this song and while we waited for Kiya I would hear it and cry because it is so very true. I prayed for days, months, years even that we would be blessed and get pregnant and it never happened. At times I was very bitter about this but remained convinced that we were meant to have children some way some how and I just needed to pray more.
I look at Kiya and I am so grateful that my prayers didn't come true. I am over the idea that I will ever get pregnant, it isn't even on my radar anymore. Not saying if in the unlikely case it did happen I wouldn't be thrilled it just isn't a priority for me. My unanswered prayers really did give me the greatest gift. I couldn't imagine a more wonderful child, tantrums and all.
She is everything I dreamed of and yet so much more. She is my perfect little gift. God knew what He was doing when He lead us to adoption and more so to Kiya. For awhile I was so angry and frustrated and sad that my prayers weren't being answered. Trying to get pregnant was the BIGGEST test to my faith. I admittedly was very mad at God and kind of tuned out for awhile.
I am glad I found my way back. God didn't let me down. He had bigger and better things on the agenda for me and I just wasn't patient enough. Now I see. I see the bigger picture and I thank God every day for my unanswered prayers. Because of those unanswered prayers I get to be a mom to the most amazing kid I know and there is nothing better than that.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
8 months ago
8 months ago today we had landed at the airport after 20 plus hours of travel with the sweetest baby ever and were more than ready for a shower, a nap and the rest of our lives.
I can't believe we have been home 8 months with the fabulous Miss Kiya. I am still in awe of her every day. She is truly a blessing and I am so grateful for every minute that we have together.
Ethiopia is forever on my mind. I am anxious to get back and to share it with Kiya. I made a picture book full of pictures from our trip to Ethiopia so we can share it with Kiya. I have plans to make actual story books for her to explain how she came to join our family.
We have showed her the picture book and started talking to her about Ethiopia. We know she can't understand what we are really saying but we feel it is important for us as parents to practice telling her story.
In the book are pictures of Addis Ababa, Hossana, the orphanage she was first taken to, her first nanny, her Ethiopian mom, and our first days as a family. She loves books and loves to turn the pages and is really good about sitting through a book. She touches the pictures and it is just so sweet.
The first time we read the book (okay there aren't a lot of words more of a reference for us to speak from the heart), Kiya reached out and touched her Ethiopian mom's picture. I don't know if she truly recognized her or if it was just random but either way I cried.
Her tiny little fingers reached out and touched that picture. She didn't touch any other picture in the book. Is it possible she knows that face? Every time I look at that picture, I look at Kiya and try to find the similarities.
I look forward to sharing this book over the years with Kiya and maybe some day we will be blessed enough to return to Ethiopia with Kiya and she can meet the woman in the picture in person.
I can't believe we have been home 8 months with the fabulous Miss Kiya. I am still in awe of her every day. She is truly a blessing and I am so grateful for every minute that we have together.
Ethiopia is forever on my mind. I am anxious to get back and to share it with Kiya. I made a picture book full of pictures from our trip to Ethiopia so we can share it with Kiya. I have plans to make actual story books for her to explain how she came to join our family.
We have showed her the picture book and started talking to her about Ethiopia. We know she can't understand what we are really saying but we feel it is important for us as parents to practice telling her story.
In the book are pictures of Addis Ababa, Hossana, the orphanage she was first taken to, her first nanny, her Ethiopian mom, and our first days as a family. She loves books and loves to turn the pages and is really good about sitting through a book. She touches the pictures and it is just so sweet.
The first time we read the book (okay there aren't a lot of words more of a reference for us to speak from the heart), Kiya reached out and touched her Ethiopian mom's picture. I don't know if she truly recognized her or if it was just random but either way I cried.
Her tiny little fingers reached out and touched that picture. She didn't touch any other picture in the book. Is it possible she knows that face? Every time I look at that picture, I look at Kiya and try to find the similarities.
I look forward to sharing this book over the years with Kiya and maybe some day we will be blessed enough to return to Ethiopia with Kiya and she can meet the woman in the picture in person.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Pictures :)
Okay--I have been a bad blogger lately so here are some cute pictures of Kiya to make up for it. I have the best job ever--Mom:)
She isn't too happy with me because I am taking her picture and preventing her from getting to the outlet. Don't worry it is plugged but she still likes it.
This is what happens when you turn your back on an active 13 month old....if only she could fold the laundry.
Not sure why she thinks this is funny but she has a shoe on her head. She loves to put things on her head.
This cruising on furniture stuff is tough....
Life has just been busy, busy. Work has been a little okay a lot nuts lately but is hopefully going to settle down in the next few weeks.
She isn't too happy with me because I am taking her picture and preventing her from getting to the outlet. Don't worry it is plugged but she still likes it.
This is what happens when you turn your back on an active 13 month old....if only she could fold the laundry.
Not sure why she thinks this is funny but she has a shoe on her head. She loves to put things on her head.
This cruising on furniture stuff is tough....
Life has just been busy, busy. Work has been a little okay a lot nuts lately but is hopefully going to settle down in the next few weeks.
Kiya is doing well. She has started to cruise on furniture, slowly but she is going. We have gotten lots of comments both encouraging and critical about Kiya not walking independently yet. She is still on the low side of average so we aren't worried. Our pediatrician told us that average age for walking is 14-15 months and some kids won't walk until closer to 18 months.
We have gotten some GREAT suggestions from her daycare teacher and other adoptive mom's on things to do to encourage Kiya pulling herself up on something besides our fingers. She will get there when she is ready.
We think she is going through a growth spurt as she has been eating and sleeping a lot. I mean sleeping like 13-14 hours a night plus at least an hour-2 hours a day for a nap. As for food--just wow. Some days I think she eats more than I do. She is definitely working on feeding herself a lot more and is pretty much off baby food. We feed it to her on days when she is crabby and won't eat or out and about and it is just easier but that will come to an end shortly.
My little peanut is growing up so fast.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Survived the first week
Well the first week of Kiya in her new room at daycare is now over, well okay yesterday but still.
Eating: The table and chair seems to work okay for her. She looks so cute sitting there. As for the food, that has been hit or miss. It always is with Kiya. Some days she will eat everything and other days not so much. Then there are the days where she throws her food on the floor. We have agreed with daycare that if she throws it on the floor she doesn't get more. She thinks its funny and is doing it for attention. One day a little boy threw Kiya's pizza on the floor so they did give her more and then she threw it on the floor so that was it. She is learning how to eat out of a bowl and use a fork and spoon. She holds the utensils very well and can get them in her mouth. They don't generally have food on them yet but she is starting to get the idea.
Napping: Oh boy this one has been a little tough. The first day she slept for an hour after putting on a show of course. The next day she slept for almost an hour and a half with out much of a production. Then came Friday....no nap at all and much laughter and antics. The teachers think she is funny and she wasn't disturbing the other kids but she didn't nap at all. It may be due to the fact that she has been going to bed quite early and sleeping in until 8am. Some days she sleeps for 14 hours hence the no nap. I am not sure how the sleeping on a mat is affecting this or if she is just getting all the sleep she needs at night....maybe next week will be better. They turn the lights off at 11:45 and they come back on at 2 so it is quiet/rest/nap time unless you are Kiya and then it is showtime. My silly little girl....
Social: Kiya seems to be interacting with the kids well. She is the only non-walker in the room so that makes it a little tough but she is hanging in there. The other kids are fascinated by her since she is new to the room so that helps. Her teachers are great and they LOVE her so they look out for her and encourage her to do new things.
Kiya is always happy when I pick her up and the teachers always give her a good daily report so that is comforting. Hopefully next week she can give the comedy routine a break and the teachers and take a nap :)
Eating: The table and chair seems to work okay for her. She looks so cute sitting there. As for the food, that has been hit or miss. It always is with Kiya. Some days she will eat everything and other days not so much. Then there are the days where she throws her food on the floor. We have agreed with daycare that if she throws it on the floor she doesn't get more. She thinks its funny and is doing it for attention. One day a little boy threw Kiya's pizza on the floor so they did give her more and then she threw it on the floor so that was it. She is learning how to eat out of a bowl and use a fork and spoon. She holds the utensils very well and can get them in her mouth. They don't generally have food on them yet but she is starting to get the idea.
Napping: Oh boy this one has been a little tough. The first day she slept for an hour after putting on a show of course. The next day she slept for almost an hour and a half with out much of a production. Then came Friday....no nap at all and much laughter and antics. The teachers think she is funny and she wasn't disturbing the other kids but she didn't nap at all. It may be due to the fact that she has been going to bed quite early and sleeping in until 8am. Some days she sleeps for 14 hours hence the no nap. I am not sure how the sleeping on a mat is affecting this or if she is just getting all the sleep she needs at night....maybe next week will be better. They turn the lights off at 11:45 and they come back on at 2 so it is quiet/rest/nap time unless you are Kiya and then it is showtime. My silly little girl....
Social: Kiya seems to be interacting with the kids well. She is the only non-walker in the room so that makes it a little tough but she is hanging in there. The other kids are fascinated by her since she is new to the room so that helps. Her teachers are great and they LOVE her so they look out for her and encourage her to do new things.
Kiya is always happy when I pick her up and the teachers always give her a good daily report so that is comforting. Hopefully next week she can give the comedy routine a break and the teachers and take a nap :)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Referralversary
One year ago, I was minding my own business. It was my day off and I was in full nesting mode. The project for the day was to shred years of useless paperwork. I made myself a cup of coffee and planned to hang out in my sweats and get cozy with the paper shredder. All was going well and then.....
At 12:53pm the phone rang. I was sitting on the floor with a big bag of shredded paper and jumped up to answer it. I saw on the caller ID that it was from a 651 area code. Was this it?? Could it be??? I went to answer the phone and got all static. I freaked out and ran downstairs to get the other phone but it was too late. By this time I was pretty much hysterical. I was trying to call the number back and then my cell phone rang, and if you haven't guessed yet. It was "the call". The call we had been waiting 11 months, 2 weeks and 1 day for but whose counting :)
I was trying to frantically write down everything my specialist said but got lost after "It's a girl". Thank goodness for email or I would have missed it. I was shaking and crying and saying a lot of uh huhs and okays in between tears. We finally had a name and a story. I got off the phone with my specialist and immediately called my husband. Our specialist had emailed both of us the referral info. We agreed to open it together. And when we did this is what we saw, our baby girl Yewibdar.
Her name means "most beautiful one" in Amharic and we couldn't have agreed more. She was 5 1/2 weeks old and weighed in at 6lbs and was 19.5 inches long. She had so much hair and the tiniest little feet I have ever seen. She still does have these completely adorable tiny little feet. We quickly scanned through all the info but just kept going back to the pictures. There were two. Here is the other one.
I have slept with this exact picture by my bed for a year. It is also prominently shown in our living room. I at that time wondered if she still made that concerned face. She does. I couldn't tell if she was lost, sad, confused, annoyed, mad or something else. Now we get the face when she is overwhelmed.
At 12:53pm the phone rang. I was sitting on the floor with a big bag of shredded paper and jumped up to answer it. I saw on the caller ID that it was from a 651 area code. Was this it?? Could it be??? I went to answer the phone and got all static. I freaked out and ran downstairs to get the other phone but it was too late. By this time I was pretty much hysterical. I was trying to call the number back and then my cell phone rang, and if you haven't guessed yet. It was "the call". The call we had been waiting 11 months, 2 weeks and 1 day for but whose counting :)
I was trying to frantically write down everything my specialist said but got lost after "It's a girl". Thank goodness for email or I would have missed it. I was shaking and crying and saying a lot of uh huhs and okays in between tears. We finally had a name and a story. I got off the phone with my specialist and immediately called my husband. Our specialist had emailed both of us the referral info. We agreed to open it together. And when we did this is what we saw, our baby girl Yewibdar.
Her name means "most beautiful one" in Amharic and we couldn't have agreed more. She was 5 1/2 weeks old and weighed in at 6lbs and was 19.5 inches long. She had so much hair and the tiniest little feet I have ever seen. She still does have these completely adorable tiny little feet. We quickly scanned through all the info but just kept going back to the pictures. There were two. Here is the other one.
I have slept with this exact picture by my bed for a year. It is also prominently shown in our living room. I at that time wondered if she still made that concerned face. She does. I couldn't tell if she was lost, sad, confused, annoyed, mad or something else. Now we get the face when she is overwhelmed.
I can't believe it has been a whole year. So much has changed. I am a mother, my baby girl is fastly becoming a big girl and all the while one thing has never changed. I have never for one second since I saw that sweet face ever doubted that I was in love. My broken road to parenthood was no longer broken as of January 6, 2009. I will never forget where I was, what I was doing or for that matter what I was wearing (my gray sweats and pink AHOPE shirt).
But most importantly, my life changed that day. I had a daughter. A daughter that was half way around the world and I was months away from holding her in my arms. Yet I had two pictures, a name and a story to keep me going. This was a watershed moment in my life.
So today I pause to look back and remember the feelings, the fears, the excitement, the sadness that all came with this one phone call. It wasn't just merely a phone call, it was a door opening to the rest of my life. My daughter is the most precious, beautiful and wonderful gift. A gift I am eternally grateful for and I have no words to adequately express my love for her or for her Ethiopian mother. One phone call and a year later and I wouldn't change a thing.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The day before
I wrote this on my blog the day before my entire world was turned upside down. I went back and re-read this now that it is one year later.
"Peanut, someday when you read this I hope you don't think your mama is crazy. Ok, well she is a little. Crazy in love with you the baby she hasn't even seen much less met yet. Her dream is to be the best mama she can be. It has been an almost 6 year process for her dream of motherhood to come true and she can't wait for that phone to ring telling her that her prayers have been answered and that you peanut are destined to be her little one. Waiting for you has not been easy but I know every second of the wait will be worth it when I can see your face and better yet when I can hold you in my arms. Never did I feel more at peace then when we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. It was as if the stars aligned perfectly. I knew. I just knew that my baby would be born in Ethiopia and in my heart."
A year changes a lot of things. I think I still might be a little crazy okay a lot crazy but I am a mom now so it is okay. I wrote this before I was a mother and every day I wake up knowing that isn't going to change and it is the best feeling. I peek into her room and she her sleeping so sweetly and know that it was meant to be. Our road to our peanut was still broken on this day last year, little did we know what was about to happen.
Stay tuned...sappy post coming tomorrow with pictures.
"Peanut, someday when you read this I hope you don't think your mama is crazy. Ok, well she is a little. Crazy in love with you the baby she hasn't even seen much less met yet. Her dream is to be the best mama she can be. It has been an almost 6 year process for her dream of motherhood to come true and she can't wait for that phone to ring telling her that her prayers have been answered and that you peanut are destined to be her little one. Waiting for you has not been easy but I know every second of the wait will be worth it when I can see your face and better yet when I can hold you in my arms. Never did I feel more at peace then when we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. It was as if the stars aligned perfectly. I knew. I just knew that my baby would be born in Ethiopia and in my heart."
A year changes a lot of things. I think I still might be a little crazy okay a lot crazy but I am a mom now so it is okay. I wrote this before I was a mother and every day I wake up knowing that isn't going to change and it is the best feeling. I peek into her room and she her sleeping so sweetly and know that it was meant to be. Our road to our peanut was still broken on this day last year, little did we know what was about to happen.
Stay tuned...sappy post coming tomorrow with pictures.
Monday, January 4, 2010
The toddler room
So today was the day. Kiya was going to transition to her new room at daycare. The plan was supposed to be drop her off and she would eat breakfast in the infant room and then spend the rest of the morning in her new room. Well, at drop off this morning we were told that the slow week long transition wasn't going to happen. Today was the day. Kiya was spending all day from now until she is 2 in her new room.
The reason, you ask. Well, first off they needed the room in the infant room for another child and Kiya already has a relationship with her new teacher. So they all thought Kiya would be fine. When I heard this I was a little freaked out. So much change and so fast for my baby girl. Boy was I wrong.
First and foremost I think my baby doesn't actually like being a baby. I think she prefers to be a big girl. You see now she sits at a table with bowls and plastic utensils for meals, no more high chairs. She takes a nap on a mat on the floor not in a crib. She fed herself and ate very well today. They said she was super chatty and completely herself. She did great.
I am really excited for her. I think this room will be great and more age appropriate. They are going to work with her and encourage her to walk and will work on language and social skills. And as a bonus they may even braid her hair :)
Kiya even put on a comedy act at naptime today. I guess they laid her down on her mat and typical Kiya she started to roll around and was babbling away. Well apparently she then took her blanket and wrapped it around her head and just started to laugh. The teachers thought it was so cute they got other teachers to come in and see. Her new room is MUCH louder than her infant room. Kiya will fit in perfectly as she is quite loud herself and very outspoken. She will let you know when things aren't going her way or if she is mad or frustrated or happy or silly. All of her emotions are bigger than life.
Kiya wants to be a big girl or so it seems at the moment. She is showing her independence more and more each day. Some days she will only eat if she can feed herself others days she won't eat unless you feed her. This weekend she started to actually cruise on furniture. She will walk between stationary objects that are next to each other. She goes slow but she is going.
The times they are a changing.
The reason, you ask. Well, first off they needed the room in the infant room for another child and Kiya already has a relationship with her new teacher. So they all thought Kiya would be fine. When I heard this I was a little freaked out. So much change and so fast for my baby girl. Boy was I wrong.
First and foremost I think my baby doesn't actually like being a baby. I think she prefers to be a big girl. You see now she sits at a table with bowls and plastic utensils for meals, no more high chairs. She takes a nap on a mat on the floor not in a crib. She fed herself and ate very well today. They said she was super chatty and completely herself. She did great.
I am really excited for her. I think this room will be great and more age appropriate. They are going to work with her and encourage her to walk and will work on language and social skills. And as a bonus they may even braid her hair :)
Kiya even put on a comedy act at naptime today. I guess they laid her down on her mat and typical Kiya she started to roll around and was babbling away. Well apparently she then took her blanket and wrapped it around her head and just started to laugh. The teachers thought it was so cute they got other teachers to come in and see. Her new room is MUCH louder than her infant room. Kiya will fit in perfectly as she is quite loud herself and very outspoken. She will let you know when things aren't going her way or if she is mad or frustrated or happy or silly. All of her emotions are bigger than life.
Kiya wants to be a big girl or so it seems at the moment. She is showing her independence more and more each day. Some days she will only eat if she can feed herself others days she won't eat unless you feed her. This weekend she started to actually cruise on furniture. She will walk between stationary objects that are next to each other. She goes slow but she is going.
The times they are a changing.
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