Signs...

I had to post this today because it was just too coincidental not to.

I have subscribed to Adoptive Families magazine for over a year now. In that time I think I can count on both hands how many pictures of babies from Ethiopia have been in the magazine and their have been none on the cover. That is until today...

We got our latest magazine and their is the cutest picture of a 7 month old baby girl adopted from Ethiopia and on the back cover there is an adorable 12 month old adopted from Ethiopia.

Okay I swear it gets better. We have picked out a name for our baby girl and part of her name matches the name of the little girl on the cover. The cover is also pink.

Maybe I am reading way too much into this but I couldn't help myself. Add this to the fact that I was wearing my pink AHOPE shirt the day we got the call for peanut... Somehow these little things make sense to me. I usually don't believe in signs of things to come but all of this was just to much to pass up.

Pictures will be forth coming of all the adorable things we bought for peanut this weekend. She will be one well dressed little girl :)

Comfortably Numb...

I think the title describes best how I am feeling right now. I am having a hard time adjusting to the idea that I am a Mom. That I have a daughter and that this isn't all some crazy dream.

We are 6 years (almost) into our journey to trying to have a family and all along that path we faced rejection and heartache. We even had our very own this is too good to be true moment when we thought we were adopting twins.

I know this is different. No one is going to take her away from us but my heart aches a little. I want to see her, to hold her, to know that she is okay. I want an update daily if I could. I will mostly likely only get monthly updates.

So why numb? Well, I have been on this roller coaster of emotion since Tuesday. I have laughed, cried and even been seen skipping in my house. I have worried, fretted, been scared and lost. I think now I am just numb. I am not sure how many more emotions are left in me. I feel pure joy everytime I look at her sweet face. Yes she is with me everywhere. Work, home, the dinner table, the coffee table, the nightstand by the bed. But yet there is something there in the background and I think it is just me getting in the way of my own joy.

I think I just need to have faith. Faith that we are allowed to have happy moments. Faith that baby girl is content and healthy. Faith that I will get a court date before tax day. Faith that I might be able to travel before Mother's Day or at least my birthday. I have never been happier and I think that is a little scary for me. I know probably sounds crazy but we have had a few rough years in our journey to parenthood so I got really good at protecting myself.

To actually realize that I can't protect myself from everything. That I can be the happiest I have ever been and just tear down the walls I have built up is a process. One I am working on every minute of every day. I have waited so very long to be a Mother and I can't wait to hug my little peanut. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason so I think I just need to trust that this is our turn. Our turn to be happy. Our turn to be parents and nothing is going to stand in our way, not even me.

Floating on a cloud

I am still sitting up here on Cloud 9! I don't envision myself getting off of this cloud ever really. I am so in love with our little girl. I stare at her picture and carry it with me everywhere.

We have officially accepted our referral so we now have some papers to sign and send in and then we get another set of instructions. I do know that we get to send peanut a gallon sized bag of stuff. Pictures, blanket, toys, clothes, whatever I can fit in there.

We did have a doctor review her medical information before we officially accepted. We will send growth and weight updates to the doctor when we get them so she can provide feedback. I pray she remains healthy and content.

We have a name for peanut but for now on this blog she will be peanut. It really does fit her. Trust me she is a little peanut for sure :) The only other comment for now about her name is that we were adamant that the name given to her by her mother be a part of her legal name. The name was given to her for a reason by someone who loved her very much and I will not take that name away from her.

We have been getting questions about peanuts story and for now we are going to keep that to ourselves. At some point we may share some pieces of her story and there will be some parts of her story that we won't share. It isn't our story to share. We will share with her when she is ready.

So other than staring at her adorable little face, my plan to day is to take all that neutral baby stuff of the registry and add some okay lots of PINK, PURPLE and anything else girly I can find. Which if you know me I am not a girly girl but when it comes to babies that is awhole other story. Baby girls bring out this side of me not seen often. I still hate wearing skirts and dresses but can't resist those when it comes to babies.

It's a GIRL!!!!!

The day has finally arrived. 11 months, 2 weeks and 1 day and we are proud to say we have been referred a beautiful 6 week old baby girl. I am so in love already. As stated before I can't post her picture or her name as she is not legally ours yet so you will just have to trust me that she is the most beautiful little girl ever!

So everyone wants to know where I was and what I was doing so before I forget I thought I should write it all down.

I was in the office doing some cleaning and shredding. Nesting away as I have been for months. I heard the phone ring and I jumped up to go get it. I ran to the bedroom and saw on the caller ID Children's Home Society and I screamed and tried to answer the phone. For whatever reason our home phone wasn't working and all I heard was static. I quick ran downstairs to grab the other phone but by then I had missed the call. I was desperately trying to figure out how to call back when my cell phone rang.

This was it. This was the call I have been waiting for. Today, January 6th, I found out that our daughter is in Ethiopia and she is ready for us to come get here. Wait did I say daughter??? I for so long had been telling myself we were having a son and I was so fine with that. A daughter?? I can't believe it. I am going to have a little girl. My prayers really have been answered. I heard only about every other word our specialist said. I was crying. Tears of utter joy for sure. I couldn't believe it. I was in total shock. Our local SW was here in the morning to update our home study and she and our specialist just missed each other on the phone. I didn't think today would be the day but boy am I glad it is.

She is 6 weeks old and truly a little peanut. The nickname fits her perfectly. I wish I could hop on a plane right now and scoop her into my arms and tell that she is so loved. I can't. I have a few months before I can do that. I know that she is being well taken care of while we wait to go get her. Many blessings and prayers to the nannies and doctors looking after all our little ones.

I think someone better pinch me, this is really happening right?? I am actually going to be a Mom. What a glorious day this has been. Thanks to all who have been such amazing cheerleaders through this whole process. You know who you are. You have kept me sane as much as that is possible. I can't wait to share her picture so come on court date.

PS--I am wearing my pink AHOPE shirt so maybe that was a sign :)

17 days...

Well we are 17 days away from the 12 month mark. 17. Less than 3 weeks....

I have a blogging buddy who is 11 days from her 12 months and another who is 24 days away.

It is still a little surreal to me but I can't wait for my phone to ring. I can't wait to open my email and see that picture. To have a name to learn and a face to stare at and memorize every detail.

In the mean time I am trying to keep myself busy. I currently have a cold so my energy level is quite low. I have a book I am trying to finish by Sunday for my book club and I have a house to get ready for a visit with my social worker tomorrow.

In between tasks, I am checking to make sure I didn't miss a call and that my cell phone is fully charged.

Peanut, someday when you read this I hope you don't think your mama is crazy. Ok, well she is a little. Crazy in love with you the baby she hasn't even seen much less met yet. Her dream is to be the best mama she can be. It has been an almost 6 year process for her dream of motherhood to come true and she can't wait for that phone to ring telling her that her prayers have been answered and that you peanut are destined to be her little one. Waiting for you has not been easy but I know every second of the wait will be worth it when I can see your face and better yet when I can hold you in my arms. Never did I feel more at peace then when we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. It was if the stars aligned perfectly. I knew. I just knew that my baby would be born in Ethiopia and in my heart.

Countdown--19

So I decided I am going to start counting down the days until we hit 12 months or referral whichever comes first. I sure hope that it is referral. :)

19--that is how many days until January 22nd. We hit the 12 month mark on January 22nd. We are very hopeful and encouraged that our phone will be ringing before that date.

So this means that in 19 days or less we should be staring at a beautiful picture of our little peanut. I can't wait!

And to peanut, we are ready for you. Know that our hearts and minds are excited to meet you and welcome you to this wonderful family we are so blessed to be a part of. My wish for you right now is that you are content. That you have peace and that you are healthy and transitioning well. I know we will face challenges upon your entrance to our family and I am doing my homework so that you will feel comfortable and safe here. I will continue to keep you, your first family, caregivers, doctors and nannies in my prayers. We are getting closer to the glorious day that we can finally meet. Hang in there peanut. Mom and Dad will be there soon.

I survived today and 2008

I can't believe it is Friday already. Where did the week go??? I have had a crazy day as I left my cell phone at home. I usually wouldn't care if I did that but...things are a lot different now. I realized it when I got to work so it was too late to turn back and get it. I was a nervous wreck for my entire shift. I know my specialist has my work # too but it was still bothersome to not have it. It didn't help that my work phone kept ringing today. If it wasn't a telemarketer, it was my boss and then it was another manager. I literally jumped everytime it rang only to be mildly disappointed to hear it wasn't my specialist on the other line.

I made it home and am now within reach of both my home phone and my cell phone. I am really not expecting a call today. Maybe next week or the week after would be my best guess but you never know.

We have a busy weekend of taking down Christmas decorations and cleaning. Our local social worker is coming over next week to update our home study. Can you believe it has been a year since the last time we updated?? Wow, 2008 really did fly by.

My one wish for 2008 was that it would be monumentally better than 2007. In fact that was a direct quote for a while on my Facebook page. I have since changed it. I wouldn't say 2008 was monumentally better than 2007 but it was definitely better. 2008 transformed me into a stronger, more patient, faith filled and hopeful person.

I am excited and nervous for all that 2009 will hold. The plan is to take one thing at a time and my sole focus right now is getting our referral. 2009 will be a banner year for our family and I am excited to get it moving so phone you better be ringing soon :)