2 years later and still in awe

Two years ago we walked up 4 flights of stairs to find this little one. She was 5 1/2 months old, tiny oh so tiny and scared yet she had this strength about her. She weighed about 13 lbs and truly was my little peanut. I will never forget the moment I laid eyes on her doing tummy time on the floor with the other babies.

And here is my little peanut 2 years later. She is more like my little string bean now as she is so very tall for her age. She is full of life. She loves to laugh. Is bossy, dramatic and just darn near perfect.







I look at her and still have to pinch myself. I am her mom. She is amazing. I have so much I want to share with the special woman that gave birth to the magical little girl. This year Kiya day and Mother's Day are the same. We met Kiya on May 8, 2009. I also spent my very first Mother's Day on a bus to Hossana where I was blessed enough to meet the woman that gave birth to Kiya. I got to talk with her, cry with her and share a hug that I still feel today. This woman's sadness and loss led to my joy and to me being a mom. Thank you just isn't enough.

I know the Kiya gets her strength from Zinash. I know she has her mom's eyes. I want so much for Zinash to see all that Kiya is now. I want for her to hear Kiya's infectious laugh and oh so sweet singing voice. I want her to meet her daughter. I dream that one day this just might happen.

I look back at these last 2 years and just how much being a mom has changed me. It is everything I hoped for and more. Sure some days can be frustrating and we have been thrown a couple of curve balls but most days are truly wonderful. Kiya lights up any room she is in and yet she can still be shy. She is a girl that knows what she wants and how she wants it. She is wise beyond her years and oh can she be stubborn. And yet she can come up behind you and give you a big hug when you least expect it.

Nothing slows her down and I love that about her. She just today and for the first time climbed up on the couch all by herself cast and all. Our couches are really tall and don't have removable cushions. She would always climb on her chair and then onto the couch. Today she said "Watch this. I climb on couch." And sure enough she did it.

I am truly blessed. I am in awe of my little girl and I love being her Mom.

What to say....

Two years ago I was preparing to board a plane that would take me 7000 miles away to Ethiopia. I was finally going to meet my daughter.

I can tell you when I legally became a mom, April 3, 2009. I can tell you when I held my sweet little girl for the first time, May 8, 2009. And yet I can't tell you when I actually felt like her mom. I knew I was her mom but it took some time to really just feel it.

Does that sound weird? We didn't share the same space for 9 months. We were jet lagged, over whelmed, fragile, and pumped up on adrenaline when we met Kiya. It was everything I hoped for and more yet it was strange too.

I wanted nothing more in my life than to be a mom and 2 years ago that journey began. I look back at where I was then and where I am now and I truly 100% feel like Kiya's mom. In the beginning I was doing all the mom things that you are supposed to do but that overwhelming don't mess with my kid instinct took some time to show up.

I can't tell you an exact date as to when I really became a mom. I know I felt it though. When I left her at daycare and she cried and screamed and I knew then that she needed me just as much as I needed her. I felt a tug. An instinct kick in that said I have to fix this. This is my kid and nothing and no one is going to mess with her.

The biggest compliment I ever got, came from a woman I now call a dear friend but at the time was someone I had just met. We were in the hospital waiting for Kiya's first cast and all the emotion that came with that day and she said to me later that day that you couldn't even tell that Kiya was adopted. That she looked at our family and saw true unconditional, parental love as we tried to be strong for our scared little girl. My friend has no idea how much those words meant to me.

I knew I was Kiya's mom through and through but for someone else to see it. To see that my adopted daughter was just as much of part of me as her son was a part of her. It was amazing.

I have had plenty of people ask if it is possible to love an adopted child as much as your own child. To that I say Kiya is my own child. I love her with all my heart and soul and will stop at nothing to make sure she is happy and healthy. She is my miracle. She is my dream. My love for her runs deep through me. I couldn't imagine loving her more than I already do.

So as I reflect on life and love, I take pause to be grateful for all the blessings I have in my life. I am truly one lucky Mom. I have this amazing daughter. I don't have the words to express how grateful I am to Zinash. Her sadness led to me being able to parent this wonderful little girl. I want so much to share all that Kiya has accomplished with Zinash. Someday I hope this dream will come true.

For now it is back to reality and life with a very active toddler.

This year it's different

For many years while we struggled with infertility, the holidays were hard. I mean really hard. I would look at women at church who were pregnant and wonder when is it my turn. Yeah not my finest moments.

As we ventured into adoption, I would wonder maybe this year I can buy a Halloween costume for my child or a Christmas outfit?? It was the same year after year for more years than I care to recall. The holidays brought a deep seeded sadness. I think I hid it fairly well who knows, maybe I didn't but I think I did.

I dreaded opening the door on Halloween or walking in the mall at Christmas. It brought about too many what ifs and I wonders.

This year it is different. This year I am a Mom. I am finally a Mom. Kiya will be here for the holidays. I can share all the traditions and make new ones with her. It finally really happened. All the what ifs and I wonders are now I can's and we will.

I will bake Christmas cookies with Kiya and decorate the tree. We will celebrate Thanksgiving as a family and she can have her first bites of pumpkin pie. All those pictures of what I hoped for in the future are coming true.

This year it is real. This year the holidays won't bring sadness. They will bring pure joy. Joy like I have never experienced before. I feel joy everyday when I look at Kiya and I am so excited to be able to share this time of year with her. I know she won't remember her first Thanksgiving or Christmas but I do hope she knows how much we love her and how grateful we are to have her in our lives.

I predicted many many months ago that 2009 would finally be our year. And boy has it ever. This year without a doubt has been and will always be one of the best years of our lives.