You all know about the mass email that was sent out to all families from my agency announcing the longer wait times. Well, with that email came a TON of speculation and borderline conspiracy theories about what was really going on. I must admit I had some pretty wacky ideas in my head as well. I can be a drama queen sometimes, just ask my husband :)
The other day a family from our agency (along with a few others) sent a VERY detailed list of questions to our agency asking for clarification. We got the answers and reassurance we were looking for. Questions were asked about officials at the US Embassy, the definition of orphan and the rumors that only children with no living birth parents will be approved for adoptions. Told you us adoptive parents get a little wacky sometimes.
Here is what we have learned today:
Regarding a rumor of a stringent US Embassy official causing delays: First, the rumor of an American official who might have been taking too stringent a stance is an old one. In fact, the official who was doing that is no longer there.
Second, CHSFS has developed a very strong relationship with the "orphan desk" at the embassy, and they do in fact seek pre-approval if there is any sort of red flag that might pose a problem in getting orphan status approved, pre-referral. **Some agencies deal with this after referral and have much longer waits before court, travel, etc. while these issues are being resolved.
Third, it appears that in July, the embassy basically pulled a random inspection on CHSFS and its system in ET, and they passed with flying colors, reassuring and strengthening the trust between the US embassy and CHS adoptions.
Fourth, MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) at times may seem to be more stringent...but on a case by case basis. There is no hard line rule regarding one parent living or even two parents living. They are trying to evaluate each case to be sure that adoption is in the child's best interests, and to see if there is not some less disruptive solution to a family's distress. They have come under some political pressure to tighten up and be sure that they are looking to the child's best interests.
Fifth, the court is the final arbiter of that decision, not MOWA. So, in some cases the court approves adoptions that MOWA did not recommend. CHS will push back if necessary where they feel an adoption is warranted. That said, obviously they want to keep a good relationship with MOWA.
So with this news come a HUGE sigh of relief. I feel so grateful to have CHSFS as my agency. I really feel like not only are they on top of every last detail but they really do care about the children and will fight to do what is right for each child even if it means adoption isn't the best option.
I also heard from someone close to me on the unofficial list, who heard from her specialist, that end of January dossier dates like mine will hopefully get referrals in the next 3-4 months. Let's hope that is true. I am just hoping and praying to have a picture of my baby by Christmas. I couldn't ask for a better gift than that. We hit 11 months just days before Christmas so anytime before that would be amazing.
So all in all I am feeling more relaxed about this whole process. Everything happens for a reason and I have always lived by that and this should be no different.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Happy 5th Birthday Badger!!!
My little Badger is 5 today. I haven't gotten his birthday toys yet since we had a busy weekend but he will get them soon. Here he is finally awake. He usually spends his afternoons sleeping and snoring. He is the sweetest dog. He doesn't always make the best decisions but you can't be mad at that face. He is 100% lap dog and he loves to give kisses. I will post another picture or two after we get his toys and treats.Turning frowns upside down
I am tired of being grumpy and depressed. I can choose my mood and while everything isn't going exactly the way I want it I know that in the end everything will work out. I am making a choice to push through this setback and to be positive and dare I say happy.
For starters: Here is my horoscope for today, courtesy of Yahoo!
"Try to live in the moment. Enjoy the time you're having while you're having it."
That is exactly what I am going to do. Live for today and cherish each moment I have with my husband, dogs, friends and family before I become a Mom.
Secondly, I touched based with my local social worker. If I haven't said it before she is truly an amazing person. She spent a lot of time with me on the phone when we had the twins and just after they had to leave. I wasn't always the most coherent person on the phone through the tears but her willingness to listen and offer support has been very helpful. Well, she knows of our latest delays and she again is opening her door to us if we need to talk. She is such a caring person and I am so grateful to have her standing by us on this adoption journey. She also happened to give us some good news. Wait for it....
There will be no charge for updating our home study. YEAH!!! This will be our 3rd time so we thought for sure their would be a fee but there isn't. We can now take the money we had set aside for that update and add it to our travel to Ethiopia fund.
Thirdly (is that a word???), we along with a bunch of other families from my international placement agency helped sponsor a Madison woman who was competing in the Triathlon. She is one amazing lady for sure. Anyway, she pledged to raise money for Doctor's Without Borders and their program to distribute PlumpyNut to starving children in Ethiopia. Here is how we did as a group:
"With the award, we have donated over $15,000 to MSF(Doctors Without Borders). Here's the math: 350 children will receive Plumpy'Nut for a 6 week course that will return them to good health- 350 children will go home with their moms and dads - 350 children will find friendship in their communities - 350 children will have a chance at education - 350 children will walk the beautiful landscape of Ethiopia - 350 children will live...350 children. Wow"
A special thanks to Meghan for organizing this effort and to Amber our athlete who may have a broken toe but kept on going for a good cause. You both are truly amazing women and have helped me personally gain some perspective on my longer wait. It really could be so much worse. I pray everyday for the well being of my little one's birth family.
Lastly, I would like to share with you today an email. Yes it is one of those cheesy forwards everyone passes around. I got this particular email from my Mom and it really rang true for me.
LEMONS and SUGAR
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror
where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
So........ If you are a loving friend,send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you.If you get it back, then they really do love you. And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for Sugar and call me !
Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.
Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway.
Happiness keeps You Sweet
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Life keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going
For starters: Here is my horoscope for today, courtesy of Yahoo!
"Try to live in the moment. Enjoy the time you're having while you're having it."
That is exactly what I am going to do. Live for today and cherish each moment I have with my husband, dogs, friends and family before I become a Mom.
Secondly, I touched based with my local social worker. If I haven't said it before she is truly an amazing person. She spent a lot of time with me on the phone when we had the twins and just after they had to leave. I wasn't always the most coherent person on the phone through the tears but her willingness to listen and offer support has been very helpful. Well, she knows of our latest delays and she again is opening her door to us if we need to talk. She is such a caring person and I am so grateful to have her standing by us on this adoption journey. She also happened to give us some good news. Wait for it....
There will be no charge for updating our home study. YEAH!!! This will be our 3rd time so we thought for sure their would be a fee but there isn't. We can now take the money we had set aside for that update and add it to our travel to Ethiopia fund.
Thirdly (is that a word???), we along with a bunch of other families from my international placement agency helped sponsor a Madison woman who was competing in the Triathlon. She is one amazing lady for sure. Anyway, she pledged to raise money for Doctor's Without Borders and their program to distribute PlumpyNut to starving children in Ethiopia. Here is how we did as a group:
"With the award, we have donated over $15,000 to MSF(Doctors Without Borders). Here's the math: 350 children will receive Plumpy'Nut for a 6 week course that will return them to good health- 350 children will go home with their moms and dads - 350 children will find friendship in their communities - 350 children will have a chance at education - 350 children will walk the beautiful landscape of Ethiopia - 350 children will live...350 children. Wow"
A special thanks to Meghan for organizing this effort and to Amber our athlete who may have a broken toe but kept on going for a good cause. You both are truly amazing women and have helped me personally gain some perspective on my longer wait. It really could be so much worse. I pray everyday for the well being of my little one's birth family.
Lastly, I would like to share with you today an email. Yes it is one of those cheesy forwards everyone passes around. I got this particular email from my Mom and it really rang true for me.
LEMONS and SUGAR
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror
where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
So........ If you are a loving friend,send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you.If you get it back, then they really do love you. And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for Sugar and call me !
Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.
Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway.
Happiness keeps You Sweet
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Life keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going
Friday, September 5, 2008
Patience is wearing thin...
Well, we got some more bad news today. An email was sent to all the families in the Ethiopia program and we were told to expect a wait of 12 months for a referral. Yup, you read that right 12 months. I cannot even begin to describe my feelings right now. I have an email into my specialist for a little more clarification but haven't heard back from her yet.
I posted last week that we were told to add 3 months to our wait and that put us at 10 months and now I am being told it could be another 2 months on top of that. AHHHHH okay that didn't help but I don't know what else to do.
Logically, I know that my baby will come to me when the time is right but my heart is aching. I want to be a Mom and have faced many let downs and heart aches along the way to making that dream come true. When will it be my turn? I just want to hold my baby. Is that too much to ask? Am I being tested?
I feel guilty for even thinking these things but I am at my wits end. If I had been told when I signed up that it would be a 12 month wait then no problem but it is this constant changing of timelines that is getting frustrating. I feel like I get 1 more month of waiting under my belt to find out that I will have to wait longer than expected.
With this news, here is what we might be looking at. If we wait the 12 months we are now being told, we will get a referral in January and may not travel until May. Yes, May. There is about 12-16weeks post referral before travel. If this turns out to be the case, we will have to be re-fingerprinted by USCIS which isn't a big deal but a hassle none the less. Never in my wildest dreams when I was approved in January of 2008 did I think that I might not be holding my baby until my birthday in May of 2009. Whew, saying that makes me want to cry.
I want to be a Mom and I know that international adoption is unpredictable but this is so tough. Tougher than I ever imagined. We have adjusted our thinking so many times already. We were hoping for late winter/early spring travel and now who knows it could be late spring.
I guess we have more time to get prepared for our baby....
Sometimes I just want to ask "why me"? What did I do to upset the universe? I know not productive thinking.
It is hard right now to find the positives, other than some day eventually I will be a Mom. I hold on to that with everything I have. I know it will happen and when it does it will be the greatest gift I could ever receive but getting to that point sure isn't easy.
I will post more when I hear back from my specialist. Is it too early for a glass of wine and some chocolate??
ETA: Here is what my specialist said in response to my email.
"Currently, families at the top of "the list" waiting for referrals of infants have been waiting since mid-October, 2007 -- so they are almost at the 11 month mark of waiting for a referral. Based on your January 22nd dossier date, my best guess is that you are at least 3 months "behind" those families if the timeline stays the same.
The program is not in jeopardy, although we are seeing longer waits for referral.
I don't know if there will be referrals in September or if the first referrals won't come until October. I can't predict whether you will get a referral before the end of the year.
I know that it is frustrating and discouraging that the wait keeps getting longer and longer. I don't have any reason to think you won't receive a referral, but of course nothing can be guaranteed in the world of international adoption (or domestic adoption for that matter, as I know you've already experienced so very painfully...)
Things will start moving again, and hopefully this painful wait will one day be a distant memory"
I posted last week that we were told to add 3 months to our wait and that put us at 10 months and now I am being told it could be another 2 months on top of that. AHHHHH okay that didn't help but I don't know what else to do.
Logically, I know that my baby will come to me when the time is right but my heart is aching. I want to be a Mom and have faced many let downs and heart aches along the way to making that dream come true. When will it be my turn? I just want to hold my baby. Is that too much to ask? Am I being tested?
I feel guilty for even thinking these things but I am at my wits end. If I had been told when I signed up that it would be a 12 month wait then no problem but it is this constant changing of timelines that is getting frustrating. I feel like I get 1 more month of waiting under my belt to find out that I will have to wait longer than expected.
With this news, here is what we might be looking at. If we wait the 12 months we are now being told, we will get a referral in January and may not travel until May. Yes, May. There is about 12-16weeks post referral before travel. If this turns out to be the case, we will have to be re-fingerprinted by USCIS which isn't a big deal but a hassle none the less. Never in my wildest dreams when I was approved in January of 2008 did I think that I might not be holding my baby until my birthday in May of 2009. Whew, saying that makes me want to cry.
I want to be a Mom and I know that international adoption is unpredictable but this is so tough. Tougher than I ever imagined. We have adjusted our thinking so many times already. We were hoping for late winter/early spring travel and now who knows it could be late spring.
I guess we have more time to get prepared for our baby....
Sometimes I just want to ask "why me"? What did I do to upset the universe? I know not productive thinking.
It is hard right now to find the positives, other than some day eventually I will be a Mom. I hold on to that with everything I have. I know it will happen and when it does it will be the greatest gift I could ever receive but getting to that point sure isn't easy.
I will post more when I hear back from my specialist. Is it too early for a glass of wine and some chocolate??
ETA: Here is what my specialist said in response to my email.
"Currently, families at the top of "the list" waiting for referrals of infants have been waiting since mid-October, 2007 -- so they are almost at the 11 month mark of waiting for a referral. Based on your January 22nd dossier date, my best guess is that you are at least 3 months "behind" those families if the timeline stays the same.
The program is not in jeopardy, although we are seeing longer waits for referral.
I don't know if there will be referrals in September or if the first referrals won't come until October. I can't predict whether you will get a referral before the end of the year.
I know that it is frustrating and discouraging that the wait keeps getting longer and longer. I don't have any reason to think you won't receive a referral, but of course nothing can be guaranteed in the world of international adoption (or domestic adoption for that matter, as I know you've already experienced so very painfully...)
Things will start moving again, and hopefully this painful wait will one day be a distant memory"
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Ethiopian food experience
My friend sent me the picture so as promised, here it is. It is hard to see the food so you will have to trust me that is was super YUMMY!
Politics...
Generally, I HATE talking about politics. I was a political science major in college and I still don't like talking politics. I don't like to argue with people and when it comes to politics it always leads to arguments. Since we are having a Presidential election this year everyone wants to talk politics. I try and avoid it as much as possible. I won't talk about it at work for sure and I really don't want to talk about it at all.
I have always been told that you don't talk politics, sex or religion with people. It just isn't going to go the way you want it to. It always leads to heated discussion and debate. I have seen it. I married a debater. For me personally, I don't like to debate. People have their opinions and me getting into a heated discussion isn't going to change anybody's mind so why bother.
I bring this up because all around me lately there have been heated discussions both in person and online. I have barely participated in both of these discussions. I did feel a little attacked in one discussion so I posted my opinion but other than I am going to butt out. I have better things to do.
So for one time and one time only I will spell out my thoughts on the upcoming election. I am not interested in a debate just stating my beliefs. I have friends that agree with me and plenty of friends that don't and that is fine with me. We don't have to have the same political beliefs to be friends; that just isn't on the list of friend material for me.
I classify myself as: a pro-life, Christian, conservative. I have since the age of 18 been a registered Republican. I am not ashamed to say that. I have always voted Republican. I will do the same this election. I am also glad that there is a woman VP candidate. I don't agree 100% with everything the Republican party says and does but on the issues that matter to me I do agree.
Now just because I use the words Christian and conservative doesn't mean that I don't have some dare I say progressive/liberal ideas. I know shocker. My stance on some things will never change like abortion however I think gay couples should be allowed to adopt children. Better to have a child loved by two people same sex or not then spend any more time in an orphanage or bouncing in and out of foster homes. I don't see things in black and white. I see things in shades of gray. I am actually a pretty reasonable person with an open mind who just happens to be a Republican. I have strong beliefs and a strong faith that I cannot sacrifice even if it makes me unpopular in some circles. And in the words of Popeye the Sailorman, " I am what I am".
I have always been told that you don't talk politics, sex or religion with people. It just isn't going to go the way you want it to. It always leads to heated discussion and debate. I have seen it. I married a debater. For me personally, I don't like to debate. People have their opinions and me getting into a heated discussion isn't going to change anybody's mind so why bother.
I bring this up because all around me lately there have been heated discussions both in person and online. I have barely participated in both of these discussions. I did feel a little attacked in one discussion so I posted my opinion but other than I am going to butt out. I have better things to do.
So for one time and one time only I will spell out my thoughts on the upcoming election. I am not interested in a debate just stating my beliefs. I have friends that agree with me and plenty of friends that don't and that is fine with me. We don't have to have the same political beliefs to be friends; that just isn't on the list of friend material for me.
I classify myself as: a pro-life, Christian, conservative. I have since the age of 18 been a registered Republican. I am not ashamed to say that. I have always voted Republican. I will do the same this election. I am also glad that there is a woman VP candidate. I don't agree 100% with everything the Republican party says and does but on the issues that matter to me I do agree.
Now just because I use the words Christian and conservative doesn't mean that I don't have some dare I say progressive/liberal ideas. I know shocker. My stance on some things will never change like abortion however I think gay couples should be allowed to adopt children. Better to have a child loved by two people same sex or not then spend any more time in an orphanage or bouncing in and out of foster homes. I don't see things in black and white. I see things in shades of gray. I am actually a pretty reasonable person with an open mind who just happens to be a Republican. I have strong beliefs and a strong faith that I cannot sacrifice even if it makes me unpopular in some circles. And in the words of Popeye the Sailorman, " I am what I am".
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Food, Fun and Friends
We had the best weekend. First off our friends from college came to visit with their 2 children. It was so nice to be able to catch up with them. We hadn't seen them in awhile so it was great. Their kids are beyond amazing. Their 4 year old is a chatter box for sure and she loves her dolls and bugs. I know I don't get it either but she is adorable and a lot of fun. I can't complain about the chattiness after all look at the name of my blog. Their 4 month old is too sweet for words. She is so cuddly and so bald. I love it.
We stayed up at the lake so we cooked out and went on a boat ride. After the kids went to bed us adults stayed up late, played games and drank some good Wisconsin beer. It was so relaxing. Too bad we had to get back to reality today.
The Taste of Madison was this weekend also so we stopped in to eat of course. My main objective was to find the Ethiopian restaurant's booth and for the first time eat Ethiopian food. I couldn't think about it too much, I just had to do it. Well we walked for just a little while, turned the corner and there was the booth. YEAH!!! So I went up and ordered Chicken Peanut Stew with injera (bread) and the Dorowat(chicken) with injera. It smelled really good. The girl that waited on us asked us if we wanted sour cream on the dorowat and we told her we had never had this before so she said get it with cream. We did; it was good. In fact both dishes were AMAZING!!! I was shocked. I thought for sure since I am far from an adventurous eater that I would hate Ethiopian food. I don't hate it.
The chicken peanut stew was really mild and had potatoes in it and a peanut sauce. Yum. The dorowat was mostly chicken in a sauce (it looked like curry kind of). I thought it would be spicy and it had a kick but nothing too terrible. I have had curry and the dorowat was not any spicier than curry really. Both dishes came with lentils that I can't even describe because they were so good. It all tasted really great. I was so excited. I was worried that I wouldn't like it and since Ethiopian culture and food will always be a part of my family I was going to have to make it work if I didn't like it. Well problem solved. I like it.
Okay so I didn't love all of it. The injera (bread) is very unique. I wasn't sure what to expect when I ordered it. I kept thinking it might be like Naan bread in Indian food but it wasn't anything like that. I looked like a spongy tortilla for lack of a better description. It has an interesting kind of sour flavor and the texture is not one I was used to. I think I am going to have to work on this. My hubby said it was really good with the dorowat. It soaked up the sauce and took on that flavor so I might try it that way next time.
After the Ethiopian food, I moved on to crab rangoon and Chinese food. I could eat crab rangoon every day if it wasn't friend and full of cheese. I am lactose intolerant for one and two I would weigh 300lbs if I ate that every day. But I figured I could celebrate my new found love of Ethiopian food with one of my other favorite treats. All in all we had some really yummy food and some gelato for dessert. The most diverse meal of my life.
My friend took a picture of us eating Ethiopian food for the first time so if I get that I will post it here. Today is was back to the same old boring day to day stuff so at least we were able to have a fabulous weekend with friends and yummy food.
We stayed up at the lake so we cooked out and went on a boat ride. After the kids went to bed us adults stayed up late, played games and drank some good Wisconsin beer. It was so relaxing. Too bad we had to get back to reality today.
The Taste of Madison was this weekend also so we stopped in to eat of course. My main objective was to find the Ethiopian restaurant's booth and for the first time eat Ethiopian food. I couldn't think about it too much, I just had to do it. Well we walked for just a little while, turned the corner and there was the booth. YEAH!!! So I went up and ordered Chicken Peanut Stew with injera (bread) and the Dorowat(chicken) with injera. It smelled really good. The girl that waited on us asked us if we wanted sour cream on the dorowat and we told her we had never had this before so she said get it with cream. We did; it was good. In fact both dishes were AMAZING!!! I was shocked. I thought for sure since I am far from an adventurous eater that I would hate Ethiopian food. I don't hate it.
The chicken peanut stew was really mild and had potatoes in it and a peanut sauce. Yum. The dorowat was mostly chicken in a sauce (it looked like curry kind of). I thought it would be spicy and it had a kick but nothing too terrible. I have had curry and the dorowat was not any spicier than curry really. Both dishes came with lentils that I can't even describe because they were so good. It all tasted really great. I was so excited. I was worried that I wouldn't like it and since Ethiopian culture and food will always be a part of my family I was going to have to make it work if I didn't like it. Well problem solved. I like it.
Okay so I didn't love all of it. The injera (bread) is very unique. I wasn't sure what to expect when I ordered it. I kept thinking it might be like Naan bread in Indian food but it wasn't anything like that. I looked like a spongy tortilla for lack of a better description. It has an interesting kind of sour flavor and the texture is not one I was used to. I think I am going to have to work on this. My hubby said it was really good with the dorowat. It soaked up the sauce and took on that flavor so I might try it that way next time.
After the Ethiopian food, I moved on to crab rangoon and Chinese food. I could eat crab rangoon every day if it wasn't friend and full of cheese. I am lactose intolerant for one and two I would weigh 300lbs if I ate that every day. But I figured I could celebrate my new found love of Ethiopian food with one of my other favorite treats. All in all we had some really yummy food and some gelato for dessert. The most diverse meal of my life.
My friend took a picture of us eating Ethiopian food for the first time so if I get that I will post it here. Today is was back to the same old boring day to day stuff so at least we were able to have a fabulous weekend with friends and yummy food.
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