What lies ahead

I as a general rule try not to think too far in advance, I used to and that wasn't so healthy for me. This time though I kind of need to think ahead. There is a lot of stuff swirling around and I honestly am not sure how it will all play out.

Work: Any regular readers of this blog (do I have those?) know that I HATE my job. I didn't want to go back after my maternity leave, etc etc. However, I do get paid pretty well and we have health insurance through my work. I have flexible hours and can make my own schedule, yeah I know I shouldn't complain. Well, on Friday I was informed that at any time in the next 14-16 months, I will be out of a job and thus lose our health insurance. I can't really go in to details. All I know is I could be out of work in 3 months or 16 months...kind of hard to plan for that.

Here is what makes it even more interesting...

Adoption: We have been waiting almost 7 months for our son. We expect to be waiting at least another 12-14 months or so could be longer than that. The plan was after we travelled to bring him home, I would no longer work outside the home. I would be a SAHM as the cost of daycare would be more than I would bring home at my current job.

Health insurance: I am CLUELESS about how to obtain private health insurance. We have some obstacles facing us in that department. I don't really know how the new healthcare laws will affect us. They in theory would make it easier for us but I am not sure the pieces we are concerned about will be in effect in time to benefit us. We have some pre-exsisting condition issues for my hubby and for Kiya. That could pose a very expensive problem.

So what to do? That is a very good question. I feel like we have limited options.

Ride it out: This is my ideal choice. We find no sub leasers for the business and can just ride out the lease. This gets me VERY close to being united with my son at which time I was going to stop working anyway.

Find a new job: I could start the job search process. ICK! I am not excited about that prospect and I know in my head that I will likely be at that job for maybe 2 years. I am checking a few ideal places for some ideal jobs to see if they may pop up between now and then but for now I am not committed to job searching.

Find health insurance: The ideal here would be for my husband's company to offer health insurance. If you see pigs flying, then that might actually happen. Otherwise not likely. So on to private insurance...UGHHH. I was dreading dealing with that a year and half from now but so soon.

The worst part is I have no idea when I could lose my job. I know it will be gone by October of 2011 but it could be gone much sooner than that. How do you plan for this? I have no idea. Right now I am in denial that I will have to get another job. I am holding on to the riding it out option and our adoption not taking more than another 14 months or so for referral anyway. Am I crazy, maybe? Could it work this way? Yes. Could it all come crashing down on me in the next 3 months? Yup.

Wish me luck. The road ahead is looking a little bumpy.

Thank you

I just need to say a big THANKS to everyone who sent me a note, an email or posted a comment on my blog yesterday. It is nice to know that Kiya has people rooting for her even if she has only met one of you in person and probably doesn't even remember that even though we are secretly arranging a marriage between Sammy and Kiya :). I realized that I too have only met a couple of you in real life.

Yet I know that when I need support or prayers or a pick me up you are all out there in blog land. How I would have survived this whole adoption thing without blog land is beyond me.

I am anxiously awaiting the phone to ring with her test results, even though I know it may not happen today. I got a few questions yesterday that were quite personal, as in did we ask for a child with a medical condition and things along those lines.

First off, Kiya in my mind doesn't have a medical condition. She may at some point but she doesn't right now to my knowledge. Secondly, we did fill out a form with medical conditions that we were okay with or would consider at time of referral. This medical episode if you will was not on any checklist. Yes it is a checklist and hands down the worst piece of paperwork I have ever had to talk about or fill out. It is just weird to say yes to this or no to that or maybe. We wouldn't have those options for a birth child.

In the end it wouldn't have mattered had we known this info at referral or not. She was from day one our little girl. We weren't prepared for this episode but we are more than equipped to handle it. International adoption comes with unknowns and risks. We knew that. We are okay with that.

Someone even asked me if we had known this info at referral would we still have accepted. YES! Without a doubt 100%. Worst case scenario, it is a liveable and maybe some day treatable illness. She can lead a totally "normal" (I hate that word) life. Sure it would require specialists, and blood tests and maybe medicine but it is manageable.

We are holding out hope that she falls in line with the statistics that say her chances of actually getting Hep C are slim but if not it is what it is. What really stinks is that we can't reach out to her birth mom. Since it is likely that is how she was exposed to it to begin with. We worry about Zinash and her health. We are fortunate to have specialists, medical care and even medicine if need be. She may not and likely doesn't. Untreated this could be a fatal condition. That breaks my heart.

Back to waiting for the phone to ring...Thanks again everyone for the support and if you need anything at all I am in blog land for you as well. I know how important the support is when the tough stuff comes up.

Say a little pray

I haven't blogged about this in a while but the time has come that I need to let off a little steam and say a little pray for Kiya.

During routine blood work once first home from Ethiopia, Kiya tested positive for Hepatitis C antibodies. She then tested negative for Hepatitis C. What does that mean? It means that she was exposed to Hep C likely from her mother but she at that time did not actually have Hep C.

Well it has been 3 months and she needed to be retested. We learned today, that she is still testing positive for Hep C antibodies. We are going in for additional blood work to test for Hep C the disease.

There is a less than 5% chance that she will ever get Hepatitis C but as long as she is testing positive for the antibodies we have to stay on top of it. The doctor had hoped that when she was a year she would test negative for the antibodies but she didn't. So we are going to have to repeat all of these blood tests again in 3 months.

We have done our homework and are prepared for whatever may come. We are of course saying prayers that she continues to test negative for the actual disease and that in 3 months she won't still be testing positive for the antibodies.

The worst part is the actual blood draw. It is so tough on Kiya. She doesn't have great veins so it is usually torture for her. Last time they had to prick her finger to get the blood. They come near her with the rubber tie for her arm and she starts screaming. She hates it and I hate it as her mother.

Wish us both luck.

Nut house

I feel like since we have been back from vacation that I have in fact been living in a nut house. Things are just a little crazy right now. I know I promised pictures but I just haven't had the time. I have had maybe 4 hours of time to myself and that was eaten up by trips to the grocery store, returning phone calls and catching up on emails, making dinner, doing laundry, etc.

Here's the scoop:

Kiya is sick. She has an upper respiratory infection. We were worried it was pneumonia but thank goodness it is not. Nothing we can do but ride it out. So I have a sick and crabby baby for the next week or so according to the doctor. Meantime, we pray for no secondary infections or fevers.

Sebastian, our 9 year old pug, hurt his back and/or neck. He has done this before but is walking very slowly and isn't being his usually feisty self. A little aspirin and a lot of rest and hopefully he will be back to normal.

Badger, our 6 year old pug, has a hacking cough. He was up on and off through out the night. Poor baby. He sounds so awful. I have a call into the vet and am waiting for them to call me back.

I haven't unpacked the luggage though I have done 2 loads of laundry but none of it has been folded. I did manage to make dinner the last 2 nights though one was frozen chicken noodle soup that I made last week and one was a meal in a box. Not my finest culinary moments but we survived.

I myself haven't been feeling super fabulous and have been getting through the days thanks to 10 calorie Vitamin Water. I am hoping all of my little ones feel better soon, that I don't get sick and that things in this nut house slow down a little bit. I see light at the end of the tunnel. We just need to get through the next couple weeks.

Picture update :)

So I know I am a little behind so here is a picture post to catch up in the goings on of our family. September 8th was Badger's 6th birthday. Still shocked we got both dogs to sit still for the same picture and pay attention even with food in front of them.

Badger is too concerned about licking up treat crumbs to care that Sebastian is running off with his toy.

Once Badger figured it out, tug of war was on in full force. Well really only like 15 minutes as they ripped the toy and started eating the stuffing and the frog found its way to the garbage.

As you all learned from my last post, September 11th was Ethiopian New Year. We went out to eat at our local Ethiopian restaurant to celebrate. It will be a new family tradition and maybe some day I will be brave enough to try and cook Ethiopian food :)

Kiya couldn't eat the food yet but we did give her some injera, which is a spongy like thin bread used to eat the food. It does have a slightly sour taste so I wasn't sure she would eat it but she did. And wanted more :)

We had our waitress take a family picture to help remember the evening.

In other news, it looks like Kiya isn't quite over her last ear infection. We had a rough night. She started that weird moaning she did before and we knew what was coming next. Fever and vomit and bam we got both. We were able to get some Tylenol in her and changed her pj's but she just wouldn't settle down. We had her in the pack n play in our room in case she got sick again but she just laid there awake for well over and hour just sucking her thumb.

After awhile she started screaming and was getting really upset. Well turns out she had a poopy diaper so we changed that and tried to get her settled back in her crib in her room. Nope. She wanted nothing of it. I wound up getting up and just rocking her in the chair in her room for 2o minutes or so until she calmed down. I put her down in her crib and didn't hear from her again until 6:45am. Poor baby. This whole ear infection and massive teething thing really stinks.

Kiya update

Isn't she cute? Well, poor Kiya has had a rough few days full of doctor's appointments and attempts at blood draws. We had to see a Pediatric Gastroenterologist for a follow up since she tested positive for the Hepatitis C antibodies. She has tested negative for the virus but we aren't out of the woods so our regular doctor recommend we see a specialist for a game plan etc.

Well we were less than thrilled with the experience at this clinic. It started with the receptionist calling Kiya a him even though she was dressed in pink. It was followed by the nurse getting upset that we didn't fill out the questionnaire which had 1/3 of the questions about my pregnancy and another 1/3 about mother's health. I politely wrote on the form that Kiya was adopted.

Well the nurse then went on to ask how to say Kiya's Ethiopian name as we haven't changed that with insurance yet so I told her. She then asked me if we were going to change it. I told her we were and she said "oh that's good. We can't have a name like that here in America." Really?

She went on to comment about how lucky Kiya was to get out of Ethiopia and make assumptions about the lack of medical care she could have received while in Ethiopia. I kindly pointed out that we have ZERO doubt that our daughter was VERY well taken care of during her time in Ethiopia. We met the doctor and the nurses and were very pleased with the level of care, concern and compassion. The nurse was in shock that they had vaccines in Ethiopia and assumed we would just revaccinate to make sure. I politely told her no we were not revaccinating as we ran titers and her vaccines were all fine.

By this point I was getting annoyed, well it got worse. The doctor came in and obviously didn't read my daughter's file or the questionnaire I filled out that listed that my daughter is from Ethiopia. He assumed that I was Hepatitis C positive and that is how Kiya had the antibodies. Really?

We came up with a game plan for the next 7 months or so which unfortunately include some more blood tests. We went to the lab that day and wow, let's just say I left with a screaming baby in tears. They too kept calling Kiya a him and the people at that lab had no idea how to draw blood from an infant. I know and realize it can be challenging but you should never say in front of a mom "I am not sure if this is a tendon or a vein, let's try it and see what happens." If this in fact was the case, do me a favor, leave the room and discuss with a colleague out in the hall.

So we had to go in to our regular clinic today for the blood draw and due to the tests that were ordered and Kiya's size, we weren't able to get all the blood today. We have to go back next week for the rest. Poor baby...

Finally!!!

Well, I gave in and called our doctor. The news we were waiting for on Peanut has arrived and it is good news.

Peanut had tested positive for Hepatitis C antibodies which means she was exposed to hepatitis C at some point in her young life, most likely from her mother. An additional test was run to see if she did in fact have the virus and she does not. YEAH!

She is not 100% out of the woods and we will be seeing a pediatric specialist to monitor the situation probably until Peanut is at least 18 months old. It is a very good sign that she does not have the virus now as the rate of transmission from mother to child is around 5%. We have done a TON of research on Hep. C and are prepared to deal with it were she to contract the virus. If she were to get it, she would lead a normal life and just have as a friend stated "a more intimate relationship with her doctor."

Sigh of relief for Peanut today but a heavy heart for her beautiful mother, Zinash. I pray that she doesn't have hepatitis C and was just a carrier of the antibodies. I pray that if she were to get sick at all that she could find the medical care necessary. The really sad part is I know it is unlikely she could find that care and that truly breaks my heart. She is such a beautiful woman with hopes and dreams and I wish her nothing but health and happiness.

Game plan for the next 2 months

I have made some decisions about how the next two months will have to be if I am to retain any grasp on my sanity. We figure all goes well we are about 8 weeks from traveling maybe 9 but hopefully less. We are getting so much closer to our little girl I almost can't stand it.

We got a good dose of reality this week and I very much appreciate that but for now I am taking one day at a time. I have to. I cannot let my mind take over. I have a choice. I can sit and fret and worry and drive myself crazy or trust my doctor and wait and see. I know what could be and I will face things as they come. I am getting nowhere by re-reading things or googling anything. In fact the Internet is a dangerous place for a worried Momma. I am done with all of that for now. I have learned and read as much as I can and can't do anymore until we have more info and I have Peanut in my arms.

I have prayed a lot in these last few days. Prayed for Peanut, the caregivers and my sanity. Part of me will always be a worried Momma as it comes with the job but I have found a little peace. I have to. I am no good to Peanut if I am a wreck. We will face whatever challenges may lie ahead when we need to but I am done worrying about things that may never be. Sure those 'could be's' are in the back of my head but I am very hopeful that Peanut will be just fine. She is just one tiny little girl right now. That said she is my little Peanut and I will be her biggest advocate and cheerleader.