Wordless Wednesday--1st haircut/style addition

1-3 weeks

EMIGRATION PERMISSION APPROVED!!!

Yep, we got the call Friday morning. Our social worker told us 1-3 weeks until we get her Visa and then the next very important phone call. TRAVEL CALL!!!

We are so excited that we are so close to sweet Katie. We still have a lot going on but we will get it together.

I have been so busy I don't think I have even fully processed all of the information and just how quickly I am going to have to pack my bags. Between remodeling stuff, painting the entire inside of our house, taking Kiya to the Dells for water fun it has been all go go go and not a lot of down time.

I am telling myself if I can get through this week than I can focus on finishing her room, looking at airline tickets and maybe even start packing who knows.

What am I doing this week:

Painters at 8am tomorrow to paint the kitchen/living room
Baby gates being installed in the basement
exterminator coming to rid us of the at least 5 known wasp nests
Kiya is getting her haircut and maybe even braided tomorrow afternoon
We head to Chicago for cast number 8 Wednesday afternoon
Spend all day Thursday at Shriner's waiting on our pink and orange cast :)
House cleaners come on Friday
Need to get our living trust notarized hopefully on Saturday

And at some point I need to do laundry, go grocery shopping and I would love to take a nap but since I seem to be cohabiting with contractors and painters I don't have anywhere to go.

So I keep on chugging along and checking things off the checklist.

Happiness

It is sometimes nice to be in the car by yourself able to listen to your music and not have to answer the question why 50 million times in the span of 10 minutes. I enjoyed my drive today and I got to thinking so here goes my attempt to put into words all the jumbled up thoughts in my head.

About 9 years ago, we packed up all our stuff and drove from California to our new home in Wisconsin. With that drive I left my home of 26 years, my friends, the job that I loved and I think I lost my happiness.

Let's go back a little. I got married in 1999 to my wonderful husband. I had this amazing job in which we didn't have to pay rent. I loved what I did and I loved my co-workers. We got the cutest little pug puppy ever and life was truly full of joy. We had no real worries and could enjoy the little things and each other.

All of that changed in 2003, the move, the unknown, the attempts to settle down and start a family all occurred in this year. The day we closed the doors on the car and headed out to Wisconsin my life forever changed. In these last 9 years I have been searching for me again, searching for happy.

I have had fleeting moments of happiness but I still never really felt settled. I have never felt complete or really truly happy. Adjusting to my new adult life took me a long time. Throw in building a house, infertility, adoption x 2, scoliosis and things were a little chaotic.

I believe the chaos of life has changed me. I wasn't really sure what to do with that. Now that the clouds are parting and I am about to be a mom to two amazing little girls, I realized that all the chaos led me to right here, right now. This is where I am supposed to be doing what I am supposed to be doing.

I finally feel truly happy again. I have had some life changing moments in these last 9 years, namely the birth of the fabulous Miss Kiya and a trip of a lifetime to Ethiopia but yet the happiness never really stuck.

I honestly can't say what I was looking for but I knew deep down that my life wasn't what I wanted it to be. Sure I had a great husband but being married young caused us to work through some growing pains and as we head into year 13 of being married and year 16 of being together, I think we are working out the bumps. I had this amazingly feisty and inspiring daughter and yet I felt I was letting her down as a mother.

Happiness has returned. I am kind of in shock that multiple loads of laundry, moving boxes, cleaning, organizing has led to me being happy. But in reality it is so much more than that. I get to finally be the mom and wife I want to be. I can make a family dinner. I don't have to be embarrassed by the mess that was my house. I can paint my daughter's fingernails and watch movies and eat popcorn. This is the life I wanted but never really knew it.

That said I am grateful for the growing pains, the chaos, the tears, the joys of the last 9 years. I needed those things to get to today. To get to my tomorrow. I am finally feeling settled, happy and home.  And ready to answer the whys coming from the backseat

Constant motion

My mind and my body have been in constant motion since the phone rang last week. We have so much to do physically and mentally to prepare for Katie's arrival.

Basement remodel is close to being finished. Carpet is in now and furniture is being delivered next week.

With my mom's help I have made a HUGE dent in cleaning out my husband's office which is Katie's room. Still a lot more to do but you can see the floor and one of two bookcases is empty and a trip to the dump this weekend will make things a lot better.

So I have been covered in dust for much of this last week but will keep on going. I have painters giving me estimates and have narrowed the choices for Kiya's new pink room and Katie's green room.

Now my mind is a whole other mess. I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that there will be a baby in this house again. Granted she is officially a toddler and walking but she is still in diapers. I haven't had a walking 17 month old ever. Kiya was so close to 2 when she started walking that she understood a lot more about what was okay to touch and what wasn't. Did I mention I don't speak Korean and Katie doesn't speak English?

Per her last update it says that she does understand the word no. Thank goodness. I will make sure I learn that word in Korean.

Then there is the whole co-sleeping situation. We never really co-slept with Kiya. She asks for snuggles sometimes so one of us will crawl in bed with her for awhile and then leave on our own or most times she asks us to leave. Katie may be used to sleeping with foster mom. Since things will be so new for her and if she is still sleeping with foster mom I will be sleeping with Katie. Thank goodness we just bought her a super comfy mattress.

Don't get me thinking about bottles, diapers, diapers...I haven't changed a diaper in what seems like forever, and then I don't know what size clothes or shoes she wears, will she be afraid of the dogs? Dave? Kiya? Kiya is so so excited and wants to share and help. We have told Kiya that Katie doesn't speak English and that she might be scared when she comes home. Kiya's suggestion " Katie can share my bed mommy, then she won't be scared." Truly blessed with this little girl with a heart of gold.

My other concerns involve leaving Kiya for a week. We have never both left her overnight ever. She knows now that she is not coming with us and that she is staying with Nana and Papa. This all will be a big adjustment for her so I am trying to keep things the same for Kiya as we all get ready for this adjustment. So while we are gone she will still go to preschool 4 days a weeks and 5 if need be and they have room. We aren't sure what dates we will be gone yet so that will factor into it as well.

Add into all this prep for Katie's arrival and we are 2 weeks from saying goodbye to cast 7. We are taking Kiya to the Dells for a couple days to enjoy the water before we get cast 8.

To say it is a busy time in our household is an understatement and it is definitely testing my organizational skills. So very glad I quit my job when I did otherwise this would have been way too much to tackle plus working 50 hours a week.

We are pushing through and trying to enjoy our limited time as a family of 3 as we anxiously await being a family of 4. Doorbell just rang...new carseats and stroller are here...

We are getting closer :)

This morning started with the phone ringing at about 7:45am. It was my social worker. She gave me the most AMAZING news. Katie's emigration paperwork had been submitted to the Korean ministry for approval. Say what???

We had been hearing all sorts of rumors that no new families would be submitted for approval until August or maybe September. So much for rumors :)

This is a GIANT step forward. We are mere weeks aware from being united with our daughter. It has been taking the ministry about 4 weeks to approve paperwork. From there we need the US embassy to issue her a visa and then we get a travel call telling us to get on a plane. In as little as 6 weeks I could be boarding a plane to get my daughter.

Now don't get me wrong, I am well aware that this is adoption and things change so I am telling myself that we are heading to Korea at the end of August.

My mind is spinning. I never imagined that Katie could be home before she was 18 months old. We have next to nothing for her to wear. All of the clothes that we kept are size 3T and up with a very small amount of 2T unless you count bathing suits and snow pants :)  Katie is in 18 month old clothes. So Kiya and I went shopping :) Kiya helped pick out some dresses and shorts for Katie. We also picked out bedding and bought her a pillow.

She still needs a bed and some furniture but we will get there.

Our whole family is on cloud 9 right now. We started this adoption just about 3 years ago. We are so ready for little Katie to be here with us.

Is it too soon to look at airfare???

Dream come true

Today I am taking the steps to make a dream come true. It wasn't a dream I thought I had until I was graced with motherhood. Today I resigned from my job at the bank.

Yes this is the big news I referred to in my previous post. I couldn't say it then as it wasn't official but now it is. Come July 1 I will be starting my new position as full time mom.

If you had asked me 10 years ago if I would ever dream of being a stay at home mom, I would have flat out said no.

3 years into my journey as a mom and I want nothing more than to be able to be with my children. Not much will change for Kiya now. She needs the social interaction. She is thriving. She does not generally do well with change and with the addition of a little sister we felt it best for her to have as much normal as possible in her life.

We are still hopeful that we will be in the next group of families submitted to the Korean ministry and thus have a lot to do.

I am ready. I am nervous but also excited. It will be the hardest job I have ever had but also the most rewarding. Ultimately we made this decision as a family. My children deserve the best me they can get and working 50 + hours a week wasn't going to make that happen.

So here's to a whole new adventure with my beautiful family.

Taking a deep breath

Breath in, breath out. I can do this. It will get done.

This has been my mantra for the last couple of days. Why? Well some big changes are coming that I can't talk about just yet (sorry) and our adoption process is finally moving. Like really really moving.

Batch 4 was submitted to the Korean ministry for emigration approval. No we were not in it but our agency got all the way through the end of May 2011. Here is where I need to breath. We are July 2011. This last batch got all of March, April and May in. We could possibly be in Batch 5. That means in about 5 weeks our emigration permission could be submitted. It means that in 12-14 weeks or so I might be in Korea finally getting to meet my youngest daughter. Whew.

Now I have been in this adoption world for going on 7 years. Katie's adoption has taken 3 years so far. I am well aware that adoption is an ever changing process so I am  trying not to get my hopes up too high. But if it does happen I have a lot to do.

Our basement remodel is coming along and we are super excited. We have picked all the paint colors, tile, carpet, fixtures, door knobs etc. The drywall is up and being taped and mudded as I type this. We have the fireplace in and the bathtub.

Katie's room looks like a tornado hit it. It is our office. It has 3 computers, 2 desks, a printer, 2 very full bookcases and that doesn't even factor in the closet. When the basement is done the office is moving downstairs and alas we will have a clean slate for Katie's room.

We are weeks away from the basement being completed, we need to paint Katie's room and there is the small matter that she doesn't have a bed or any furniture at all really. She has more clothes than I know what to do with and a ton of toys.

I have fully entered nesting mode again. It is a phase I rather enjoy actually. It keeps me busy and tons of stuff gets done.

We haven't told Kiya that Katie could be home sooner than we had once thought. It is hard for her to understand. She talks about her all the time and how she will help brush her teeth and wash her hair and tell her she can't throw things and share her doll house.

If you happen to have any encounter with me in the next few months, bare with me. I am all over the place. I am super excited and yet trying to be super organized. I have become the obsessive adoptive parent again waiting anxiously for the 651 number to show up on my phone. Again apologies if I am on the phone with you and hang up quickly if I have another call.

Breath in. Breath out. I can do this. It will get done. And best yet I am about to be a mom again.