Well, we have moved up another spot on the "unofficial" list. It was nice to make a little progress.
Things are moving really slowly right now but a lot of us waiting think it has to do with the extensive power outages in Ethiopia right now. We have gotten word, via the forum, that the power has been out some days for 10 or 12 hours. Some offices and places have generators and others don't so if someone needs paperwork from an office that has no power that could cause some delays.
It also reminds us of how grateful we should be to have consistent electricity and running water. Yes, there are delays in the process but we should all remember to be thankful for everything we are fortunate to have as there are others in this world who have so little.
PS--I have some more to say today on another topic and will post again later.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Kind of sorta
Well, I kinda sorta watched American Idol last night. We had a lot of stuff to do after dinner so it was on in the background. Some of the show was okay and some of it was really cheesy.
I do hope that the event went well and that lots of people here in the US and in Africa will reap the benefits. I did see some of the clips from various places in Africa and they were definitely sad and did tug at my heart strings. I will admit though that I didn't call up and donate or go to their website and donate.
We do give money to causes in Ethiopia through CHSFS so we can more closely follow the progress and see what else we can do to help. We are big on giving money to important causes. We often have given money to Food for the Poor which helps fight poverty and hunger in Haiti, the poorest country in the world. We just like to make sure that a majority of our money goes to the people that need it not to the administrators of the charity.
I don't know, I guess parading celebrities across the stage might entice some people to want to give money but it really doesn't do anything for me. I follow my heart and I don't need some super wealthy person telling me I should donate money to a cause. I admire that some celebrities truly believe in their causes but sometimes I wonder if some are just doing it to look good and improve their image. I hope not but I wonder....
I do hope that the event went well and that lots of people here in the US and in Africa will reap the benefits. I did see some of the clips from various places in Africa and they were definitely sad and did tug at my heart strings. I will admit though that I didn't call up and donate or go to their website and donate.
We do give money to causes in Ethiopia through CHSFS so we can more closely follow the progress and see what else we can do to help. We are big on giving money to important causes. We often have given money to Food for the Poor which helps fight poverty and hunger in Haiti, the poorest country in the world. We just like to make sure that a majority of our money goes to the people that need it not to the administrators of the charity.
I don't know, I guess parading celebrities across the stage might entice some people to want to give money but it really doesn't do anything for me. I follow my heart and I don't need some super wealthy person telling me I should donate money to a cause. I admire that some celebrities truly believe in their causes but sometimes I wonder if some are just doing it to look good and improve their image. I hope not but I wonder....
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
To watch or not watch
Ok--so tonight is the American Idol Gives Back show. It is a big fundraiser that raised over $76 million dollars last year.
I am torn as to whether or not to watch this event. I admire the desire to raise money for ailing countries and communities here in the US but I have thought a lot about this since my last post on this topic.
My forum friends at CHSFS made me really think about this event and what that says about Ethiopia and other African countries or communities. I get that the intention is to tug on the guilt strings of Americans and ask them to help others. Really I get it but as a future parent of a child from a third world country I don't know how I feel about these stereotypes that are being portrayed on television. Don't get me wrong, I think that we as Americans are very fortunate people and we should give to others but I take issue with all the assumptions that will be thrown at me and my family based on something someone saw on television.
I am fully aware of the challenges we will face as white parents raising an African-American child and all that is portrayed on TV are these horrible and often brutal images of life in Ethiopia. How will I explain that to my child? I have said before my intention of adopting internationally and Ethiopia specifically has never been to "save" a child or to relieve my "guilt". I am adopting for purely selfish reasons. I want to be a mom more than anything and there are children in this world that need parents. Are people going to start assuming, if they don't already, that we are adopting to "rescue" this poor child from this horrible place called Ethiopia? I don't know yet.
I know that if they showed the rolling hills and beautiful countryside and churches that can be found in Ethiopia that the number and amount of donations wouldn't be so high. I want the even to be successful and raise money, I am just thinking long and hard about the images of Ethiopia that my child may be exposed to and how a lot of those images aren't always positive.
I must also say that I am not in denial about the realities of everyday life in Ethiopia. I know the power goes out almost everyday and for up to 10 or 12 hours. Some places have generators and others don't. It is very difficult to get things done without power. I am also very aware of the overwhelming numbers of children who won't grow to be adults and that women who give birth to a child have a 1 in 14 chance of dying. I know that medical care is scarce but getting better. I know that schools are scarce but are popping up more frequently.
I guess what I am saying is that I want the show to raise money and help countries like Ethiopia but I want my child to be proud of where they came from. Negative portrayals on TV, will make my job as an adoptive parent harder than it already will be. It will be my goal to show all the beautiful things Ethiopia has to offer to my child. I don't want them to be sheltered but things will be shared at age appropriate times. Since we are adopting an infant, they won't have memories of life in Ethiopia and we will have to fill in the blanks. I don't want those blanks to be all negative.
I am torn as to whether or not to watch this event. I admire the desire to raise money for ailing countries and communities here in the US but I have thought a lot about this since my last post on this topic.
My forum friends at CHSFS made me really think about this event and what that says about Ethiopia and other African countries or communities. I get that the intention is to tug on the guilt strings of Americans and ask them to help others. Really I get it but as a future parent of a child from a third world country I don't know how I feel about these stereotypes that are being portrayed on television. Don't get me wrong, I think that we as Americans are very fortunate people and we should give to others but I take issue with all the assumptions that will be thrown at me and my family based on something someone saw on television.
I am fully aware of the challenges we will face as white parents raising an African-American child and all that is portrayed on TV are these horrible and often brutal images of life in Ethiopia. How will I explain that to my child? I have said before my intention of adopting internationally and Ethiopia specifically has never been to "save" a child or to relieve my "guilt". I am adopting for purely selfish reasons. I want to be a mom more than anything and there are children in this world that need parents. Are people going to start assuming, if they don't already, that we are adopting to "rescue" this poor child from this horrible place called Ethiopia? I don't know yet.
I know that if they showed the rolling hills and beautiful countryside and churches that can be found in Ethiopia that the number and amount of donations wouldn't be so high. I want the even to be successful and raise money, I am just thinking long and hard about the images of Ethiopia that my child may be exposed to and how a lot of those images aren't always positive.
I must also say that I am not in denial about the realities of everyday life in Ethiopia. I know the power goes out almost everyday and for up to 10 or 12 hours. Some places have generators and others don't. It is very difficult to get things done without power. I am also very aware of the overwhelming numbers of children who won't grow to be adults and that women who give birth to a child have a 1 in 14 chance of dying. I know that medical care is scarce but getting better. I know that schools are scarce but are popping up more frequently.
I guess what I am saying is that I want the show to raise money and help countries like Ethiopia but I want my child to be proud of where they came from. Negative portrayals on TV, will make my job as an adoptive parent harder than it already will be. It will be my goal to show all the beautiful things Ethiopia has to offer to my child. I don't want them to be sheltered but things will be shared at age appropriate times. Since we are adopting an infant, they won't have memories of life in Ethiopia and we will have to fill in the blanks. I don't want those blanks to be all negative.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Secret Adoption Pal
I am so excited. Hopefully later today I will have a secret adoption pal. I had started a thread on my agency's message board for those of us who are at the bottom of the list. Well someone suggested on that thread that we pair up and have a secret pal to help with the months of waiting we have.
What an awesome idea! The idea is that we will send a gift of less than $20 each month and then only reveal who we are after we have come home with our babies. It is a way to feel supported and get encouragement each month. Hopefully, it will make the next 6-8 months go by a lot faster.
Sometimes the waiting gets a little tough. It is like the longest pregnancy ever with a trip to Africa thrown in. It is nice to know that there are others feeling and experiencing the same emotions that I am and that we can all support each other.
And it gives me a reason to focus on something so positive to help someone else rather than getting down about the months we still have left. I hope that I can add a little sunshine to someones day and let them know that someone in the adoption world it out there rooting for them.
This is really exciting and I will post here on my blog what surprises I get each month.
What an awesome idea! The idea is that we will send a gift of less than $20 each month and then only reveal who we are after we have come home with our babies. It is a way to feel supported and get encouragement each month. Hopefully, it will make the next 6-8 months go by a lot faster.
Sometimes the waiting gets a little tough. It is like the longest pregnancy ever with a trip to Africa thrown in. It is nice to know that there are others feeling and experiencing the same emotions that I am and that we can all support each other.
And it gives me a reason to focus on something so positive to help someone else rather than getting down about the months we still have left. I hope that I can add a little sunshine to someones day and let them know that someone in the adoption world it out there rooting for them.
This is really exciting and I will post here on my blog what surprises I get each month.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Reality Check--sort of
I was watching American Idol last night. Yes, I admit it. I am addicted to reality TV. So that said, when watching the show last night they showed a clip of life in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. The show is gearing up for Idol Gives Back. Last year the event raised over $76 million dollars that was spent in the US, Africa and other places in need.
Well, I mentioned in a previous post that I am a crier and boy did I cry last night. The segment they showed in Addis was maybe 5 minutes long and my heart sank a little. I wanted to help all of the kids they showed. They showed some kids that were living on the streets, kids that were being beaten and kids that had been separated from their families and were trying to find them.
I realized that I will have to deal with a flood of emotions while in Ethiopia. I will be overjoyed that we are finally getting to meet our child and I will be sad because of the things I am going to see while there that I can't change. I always knew I would come back from Africa a changed person but for some reason that little segment last night really made me think a lot harder about how I will handle what I am going to see while in Ethiopia.
I would love to believe that my trip to Ethiopia will be nothing but happy times because we will be parents FINALLY! But I know that there will be some mixed emotions and some guilt. I know for a fact I will cry and probably on more than one occasion. There will be so many emotions to deal with in a very short period of time. I want to soak up everything that I can while I am there and I do want to come back with a different perspective.
Don't get me wrong, I plan on enjoying my time in Ethiopia but there will be a part of me trying to reconcile how to deal with things so outside my comfort zone. Honestly, I am a little scared but I have to do this for my baby. They will be coming into our world and will face challenges of their own and I want to have the wisdom to be able to share with them how to face those challenges. I also want to bring as much Ethiopia back home with me so I can have constant reminders in my house where my child came from. I plan on buying LOTS of various things while in Ethiopia, specifically a gift or two for my child for every year until they are 18. I know that sounds weird to some people but I want our child to have their own souvenirs of Ethiopia. Things they can look at, play with and appreciate and know that those items were made in Ethiopia, the place of their birth.
One thing I can say for sure is that this journey to our baby in Ethiopia will be the most wonderful, amazing and thought provoking experience to date in my life.
Amazing what runs through my head after a 5 minute segment on a reality TV show. But for what it was worth I think I really needed that dose of reality to remember that I will have to confront thoughts and emotions that I have yet to confront. For that I am grateful.
Well, I mentioned in a previous post that I am a crier and boy did I cry last night. The segment they showed in Addis was maybe 5 minutes long and my heart sank a little. I wanted to help all of the kids they showed. They showed some kids that were living on the streets, kids that were being beaten and kids that had been separated from their families and were trying to find them.
I realized that I will have to deal with a flood of emotions while in Ethiopia. I will be overjoyed that we are finally getting to meet our child and I will be sad because of the things I am going to see while there that I can't change. I always knew I would come back from Africa a changed person but for some reason that little segment last night really made me think a lot harder about how I will handle what I am going to see while in Ethiopia.
I would love to believe that my trip to Ethiopia will be nothing but happy times because we will be parents FINALLY! But I know that there will be some mixed emotions and some guilt. I know for a fact I will cry and probably on more than one occasion. There will be so many emotions to deal with in a very short period of time. I want to soak up everything that I can while I am there and I do want to come back with a different perspective.
Don't get me wrong, I plan on enjoying my time in Ethiopia but there will be a part of me trying to reconcile how to deal with things so outside my comfort zone. Honestly, I am a little scared but I have to do this for my baby. They will be coming into our world and will face challenges of their own and I want to have the wisdom to be able to share with them how to face those challenges. I also want to bring as much Ethiopia back home with me so I can have constant reminders in my house where my child came from. I plan on buying LOTS of various things while in Ethiopia, specifically a gift or two for my child for every year until they are 18. I know that sounds weird to some people but I want our child to have their own souvenirs of Ethiopia. Things they can look at, play with and appreciate and know that those items were made in Ethiopia, the place of their birth.
One thing I can say for sure is that this journey to our baby in Ethiopia will be the most wonderful, amazing and thought provoking experience to date in my life.
Amazing what runs through my head after a 5 minute segment on a reality TV show. But for what it was worth I think I really needed that dose of reality to remember that I will have to confront thoughts and emotions that I have yet to confront. For that I am grateful.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Why are you asking?
Ok--so as promised I said I had something else to talk about today so here it goes.
I haven't really talked about this as it is hard for others who aren't adopting to understand where I am coming from but after reading some posts on my message boards I felt the need to comment today.
I have found myself wondering why people (some who know me well and some who don't) feel the need to ask me why we are adopting or why don't we have kids of our own. Now from my perspective those are personal questions but I also know that everyone has a natural curiosity. Most of the time I can handle it when I am asked questions but sometimes it is really emotional so I am just going to put it out there now for anyone who is interested.
First off, as to why don't we have kids of our own, well we would if we could. That was a very long and very emotional 3 year long process chock full of surgery, painful tests (both physically and emotionally) and LOTS of tears. After 6 failed IUI's, I had had enough. I couldn't take the emotional roller coaster anymore. Was I or wasn't I pregnant?? And always I wasn't and that was VERY hard to take.
We had some decisions to make. Our next step to have a child of our own was IVF. I had LOTS of concerns and fears about going that route. We were also tackling some morality issues we have with IVF. I have some friends who have been successful with IVF and I have some friends that were not successful. After all that we had already been through financially and emotionally, I wasn't able to go through with IVF. It didn't feel right in my heart and the more we talked about it, it became crystal clear. It wasn't about being pregnant, it was about being parents.
So that led us to adoption. As mentioned before we started in the domestic adoption process and now here we are in the international adoption arena. So when I get asked why are we adopting, there is no easy answer. I don't always want to tell my life story but when I tell only part of the story people don't really understand. I have found myself telling people that we chose to start our family through adoption and that we are adopting through Ethiopia. Sometimes when I say Ethiopia, I get a pause. "Oh really? I know someone who adopted from China or Russia," is usually the response I get. I simply respond that our heart took us to Ethiopia. I know that that is where our child will be born.
I have to say that every couple dealing with infertility is different. What works and feels right for some doesn't for others. I had someone tell me that we were brave for adopting as they thought it would be impossible for them to love a child that they didn't give birth to. I totally respect that. We just feel differently. It doesn't matter to us if our child has my eyes or my hubby's hair color. After all is said and done, our child will be our child. We will love them just the same as if they were our biological child.
I must also say thanks to our family and friends for being totally amazing over the last few years. Our closest family have been there from the beginning and knew at least some of what we have been doing as have two of my dearest friends. We couldn't have done any of this without them. I can't tell you how many conversations I had with my mom where I would end up in tears and she was always there to listen. Or how supportive and encouraging my Illinois friend has been. And lastly, how truly amazing my CA lifelong friend has been. We made different choices through out our infertility but it was so awesome to have someone to share the emotions with. She will always be my BFF (best friend forever) and I truly could share with her the fear, anger and tears that I couldn't always share with anyone else because she had been there to. If you are reading this you know who you are and you know I love you.
I have also found great comfort in the message boards at BabyCenter.com and at CHSFS. These venues allowed me to connect with other people who were in the same boat that we were and to ask lots of questions.
I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many supportive and loving people. This has not been an easy journey and there will be more obstacles and challenges ahead but after all we have been through I say bring it on. We are ready for what is to come and know we have our family and friends to help us along the way.
I haven't really talked about this as it is hard for others who aren't adopting to understand where I am coming from but after reading some posts on my message boards I felt the need to comment today.
I have found myself wondering why people (some who know me well and some who don't) feel the need to ask me why we are adopting or why don't we have kids of our own. Now from my perspective those are personal questions but I also know that everyone has a natural curiosity. Most of the time I can handle it when I am asked questions but sometimes it is really emotional so I am just going to put it out there now for anyone who is interested.
First off, as to why don't we have kids of our own, well we would if we could. That was a very long and very emotional 3 year long process chock full of surgery, painful tests (both physically and emotionally) and LOTS of tears. After 6 failed IUI's, I had had enough. I couldn't take the emotional roller coaster anymore. Was I or wasn't I pregnant?? And always I wasn't and that was VERY hard to take.
We had some decisions to make. Our next step to have a child of our own was IVF. I had LOTS of concerns and fears about going that route. We were also tackling some morality issues we have with IVF. I have some friends who have been successful with IVF and I have some friends that were not successful. After all that we had already been through financially and emotionally, I wasn't able to go through with IVF. It didn't feel right in my heart and the more we talked about it, it became crystal clear. It wasn't about being pregnant, it was about being parents.
So that led us to adoption. As mentioned before we started in the domestic adoption process and now here we are in the international adoption arena. So when I get asked why are we adopting, there is no easy answer. I don't always want to tell my life story but when I tell only part of the story people don't really understand. I have found myself telling people that we chose to start our family through adoption and that we are adopting through Ethiopia. Sometimes when I say Ethiopia, I get a pause. "Oh really? I know someone who adopted from China or Russia," is usually the response I get. I simply respond that our heart took us to Ethiopia. I know that that is where our child will be born.
I have to say that every couple dealing with infertility is different. What works and feels right for some doesn't for others. I had someone tell me that we were brave for adopting as they thought it would be impossible for them to love a child that they didn't give birth to. I totally respect that. We just feel differently. It doesn't matter to us if our child has my eyes or my hubby's hair color. After all is said and done, our child will be our child. We will love them just the same as if they were our biological child.
I must also say thanks to our family and friends for being totally amazing over the last few years. Our closest family have been there from the beginning and knew at least some of what we have been doing as have two of my dearest friends. We couldn't have done any of this without them. I can't tell you how many conversations I had with my mom where I would end up in tears and she was always there to listen. Or how supportive and encouraging my Illinois friend has been. And lastly, how truly amazing my CA lifelong friend has been. We made different choices through out our infertility but it was so awesome to have someone to share the emotions with. She will always be my BFF (best friend forever) and I truly could share with her the fear, anger and tears that I couldn't always share with anyone else because she had been there to. If you are reading this you know who you are and you know I love you.
I have also found great comfort in the message boards at BabyCenter.com and at CHSFS. These venues allowed me to connect with other people who were in the same boat that we were and to ask lots of questions.
I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many supportive and loving people. This has not been an easy journey and there will be more obstacles and challenges ahead but after all we have been through I say bring it on. We are ready for what is to come and know we have our family and friends to help us along the way.
Moving up the list :)
Well, we are now #81 on the unofficial list. So excited that we are almost out of the 80's on this list. Hopefully by the end of April we will be in the low 70's or even high 60's on the unofficial list.
Our agency had a great March in terms of # of referrals so I am hoping that April, May and the 1st half of June will be great also. We are still keeping our fingers crossed and praying that we will get a referral before the end of the year. If not we will be disappointed but we know there isn't really anything we can do about it. We just have to wait until our baby finds us and that maybe this year or early next. Either way our baby is coming so we like to think that we are officially "expecting" a baby sometime early next year.
I have more to say today on another topic so I will post again later. I am hoping to add more pics too so stay tuned.
Our agency had a great March in terms of # of referrals so I am hoping that April, May and the 1st half of June will be great also. We are still keeping our fingers crossed and praying that we will get a referral before the end of the year. If not we will be disappointed but we know there isn't really anything we can do about it. We just have to wait until our baby finds us and that maybe this year or early next. Either way our baby is coming so we like to think that we are officially "expecting" a baby sometime early next year.
I have more to say today on another topic so I will post again later. I am hoping to add more pics too so stay tuned.
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