Okay--this has been bugging me for awhile and I need to vent. Every so often when we are out with Kiya, people stop to admire just how cute she is and then immediately touch her hair. Why?
They don't touch my hair....I know it is because she is adorable and her hair is deemed "different" and people are curious as to what it feels like but enough is enough. As she gets older this is going to get weirder.
How am I supposed to explain to Kiya why it is that people are touching her hair yet I am teaching her to keep her hands to herself?
We were out to dinner tonight and it happened 3 times. 3 times. It was mostly older people who were talking to her. Kiya seemed fine and was quite social tonight waving at people and smiling and singing but it still really bugged me.
I mean really bugged me. I know my daughter is cute and beyond adorable but please people stop touching her hair. It isn't there for your enjoyment. She isn't going to be allowed to go around and touch everyone else's hair.
I know there is some deeper things here and this is quite possibly the tip of the iceberg in terms of things we will deal with because our family doesn't look the same. The key is going to be determining the motives behind what is being done or said. I do believe there was no malicious intent tonight at dinner just some older grandparent like people admiring a super cute and giggly baby.
How I react when I get a not so good vibe remains to be seen. The key is to model appropriate responses to Kiya all the while being her best advocate.
4 comments:
Okay, this is the "bad parent" in me but I sort of want to teach Milo that if people ask to touch his hair, he gets to ask to touch their hair. And if people don't ask then he doesn't need to ask.
In all honesty, I came up with this theory from watching my kids at school...they are all East African. And constantly want to touch my hair simply because it's different from theirs. So when they ask me (and they are 5 and 6) if they can touch my hair, I ask if I can touch theirs. They get a very funny look on their face and say "why?" And I respond with the same question to them. It's actually helped them figure out boundries a little bit.
Maybe Milo (or Kiya) asking to touch people's hair when people want to touch their hair will help people respect bounderies.
Abby-
Interesting idea! I think I like it!!! I'm going to have to keep that in mind in the future!
Thanks for the ideas ladies. We are in the "waiting" process and reading blogs is all I can do for now, but I'm learning so many issues and ways to deal with them.
Thanks again!
Nikki
We have had this same issue w/ Sammy. I haven't gotten to the point of telling people "please don't" but I'm close.
When Sam's old enough we'll teach him about personal space and let him tell people no.
Yup...so annoying, I completely agree!
My son is touched a lot, mostly by the older generation. I'm not sure what they're thinking he "feels like"...that he would need to be touched. And with flu season and all the germs right now...it gets irritating.
I suppose we'll get even more of that when Baby T comes home!
Post a Comment