Why are you asking?

Ok--so as promised I said I had something else to talk about today so here it goes.

I haven't really talked about this as it is hard for others who aren't adopting to understand where I am coming from but after reading some posts on my message boards I felt the need to comment today.

I have found myself wondering why people (some who know me well and some who don't) feel the need to ask me why we are adopting or why don't we have kids of our own. Now from my perspective those are personal questions but I also know that everyone has a natural curiosity. Most of the time I can handle it when I am asked questions but sometimes it is really emotional so I am just going to put it out there now for anyone who is interested.

First off, as to why don't we have kids of our own, well we would if we could. That was a very long and very emotional 3 year long process chock full of surgery, painful tests (both physically and emotionally) and LOTS of tears. After 6 failed IUI's, I had had enough. I couldn't take the emotional roller coaster anymore. Was I or wasn't I pregnant?? And always I wasn't and that was VERY hard to take.

We had some decisions to make. Our next step to have a child of our own was IVF. I had LOTS of concerns and fears about going that route. We were also tackling some morality issues we have with IVF. I have some friends who have been successful with IVF and I have some friends that were not successful. After all that we had already been through financially and emotionally, I wasn't able to go through with IVF. It didn't feel right in my heart and the more we talked about it, it became crystal clear. It wasn't about being pregnant, it was about being parents.

So that led us to adoption. As mentioned before we started in the domestic adoption process and now here we are in the international adoption arena. So when I get asked why are we adopting, there is no easy answer. I don't always want to tell my life story but when I tell only part of the story people don't really understand. I have found myself telling people that we chose to start our family through adoption and that we are adopting through Ethiopia. Sometimes when I say Ethiopia, I get a pause. "Oh really? I know someone who adopted from China or Russia," is usually the response I get. I simply respond that our heart took us to Ethiopia. I know that that is where our child will be born.

I have to say that every couple dealing with infertility is different. What works and feels right for some doesn't for others. I had someone tell me that we were brave for adopting as they thought it would be impossible for them to love a child that they didn't give birth to. I totally respect that. We just feel differently. It doesn't matter to us if our child has my eyes or my hubby's hair color. After all is said and done, our child will be our child. We will love them just the same as if they were our biological child.

I must also say thanks to our family and friends for being totally amazing over the last few years. Our closest family have been there from the beginning and knew at least some of what we have been doing as have two of my dearest friends. We couldn't have done any of this without them. I can't tell you how many conversations I had with my mom where I would end up in tears and she was always there to listen. Or how supportive and encouraging my Illinois friend has been. And lastly, how truly amazing my CA lifelong friend has been. We made different choices through out our infertility but it was so awesome to have someone to share the emotions with. She will always be my BFF (best friend forever) and I truly could share with her the fear, anger and tears that I couldn't always share with anyone else because she had been there to. If you are reading this you know who you are and you know I love you.

I have also found great comfort in the message boards at BabyCenter.com and at CHSFS. These venues allowed me to connect with other people who were in the same boat that we were and to ask lots of questions.

I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many supportive and loving people. This has not been an easy journey and there will be more obstacles and challenges ahead but after all we have been through I say bring it on. We are ready for what is to come and know we have our family and friends to help us along the way.