Reality Check--sort of

I was watching American Idol last night. Yes, I admit it. I am addicted to reality TV. So that said, when watching the show last night they showed a clip of life in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. The show is gearing up for Idol Gives Back. Last year the event raised over $76 million dollars that was spent in the US, Africa and other places in need.

Well, I mentioned in a previous post that I am a crier and boy did I cry last night. The segment they showed in Addis was maybe 5 minutes long and my heart sank a little. I wanted to help all of the kids they showed. They showed some kids that were living on the streets, kids that were being beaten and kids that had been separated from their families and were trying to find them.

I realized that I will have to deal with a flood of emotions while in Ethiopia. I will be overjoyed that we are finally getting to meet our child and I will be sad because of the things I am going to see while there that I can't change. I always knew I would come back from Africa a changed person but for some reason that little segment last night really made me think a lot harder about how I will handle what I am going to see while in Ethiopia.

I would love to believe that my trip to Ethiopia will be nothing but happy times because we will be parents FINALLY! But I know that there will be some mixed emotions and some guilt. I know for a fact I will cry and probably on more than one occasion. There will be so many emotions to deal with in a very short period of time. I want to soak up everything that I can while I am there and I do want to come back with a different perspective.

Don't get me wrong, I plan on enjoying my time in Ethiopia but there will be a part of me trying to reconcile how to deal with things so outside my comfort zone. Honestly, I am a little scared but I have to do this for my baby. They will be coming into our world and will face challenges of their own and I want to have the wisdom to be able to share with them how to face those challenges. I also want to bring as much Ethiopia back home with me so I can have constant reminders in my house where my child came from. I plan on buying LOTS of various things while in Ethiopia, specifically a gift or two for my child for every year until they are 18. I know that sounds weird to some people but I want our child to have their own souvenirs of Ethiopia. Things they can look at, play with and appreciate and know that those items were made in Ethiopia, the place of their birth.

One thing I can say for sure is that this journey to our baby in Ethiopia will be the most wonderful, amazing and thought provoking experience to date in my life.

Amazing what runs through my head after a 5 minute segment on a reality TV show. But for what it was worth I think I really needed that dose of reality to remember that I will have to confront thoughts and emotions that I have yet to confront. For that I am grateful.