Well, let me start by saying that in no way to I want to undermine or trivialize the other families waiting to adopt from Ethiopia, in fact my heart goes out to all of the families waiting especially those waiting for siblings.
This is just me being real and maybe a little whiny and probably a lot selfish.
I am very fortunate to live where I do as I have a nice home in a fabulous neighborhood with amazing neighbors/friends. Yes, I consider a lot of my neighbors friends but to a certain extent I feel really alone sometimes. I know that I can call my neighbors and ask for a cup of sugar or to go out for a cup of coffee but yet I don't always share what is going on with me. I feel like an outsider sometimes and that is odd for me. I consider myself an outgoing person, a good listener and very friendly however when I am with my neighbors I get really quiet and am not really myself. I guess there are a lot of reasons for this that are painful for me sometimes.
The major issue is that I don't have children (yet). We get together every couple of weeks for Book Club and the conversation always turns to kids as it should but that makes me get really quiet. I don't fit in to that part of the conversation. I know they aren't trying to exclude me but it happens and it hurts. I want to participate but I choose to stay quiet. Why? I don't have kids so my opinion or thoughts aren't sought out. I just keep quiet.
The next issue is that all of my neighbors are aware of our pending adoption but no one really knows how taxing emotionally this process is and how I have good days and bad days. Some days I get super excited to see families getting referrals and am so happy for them and then there are other days when there isn't a lot of good news being shared on the message boards and I get a little down. There are days when I am gung ho adoption and want to talk about it with everyone who will listen and there are other days where I just don't want to talk adoption. Yes, I realize I could share more of what is going on with me but I don't. Why? I just don't think they would really understand. They all have at least one child and most have two. I am alone among my friends. I didn't know that could happen but now that it has I get it.
I guess part of my issue is that I don't know how to put into words how much adoption means to me. This is my family and is the most important thing I will ever do in my lifetime. I can say just that but really I don't think they will fully grasp what it all really means. Maybe I am underestimating my neighbors but then I am not one to make everything about me. In fact I hate it when people think the whole world revolves around them and I really don't want to be one of those people. Thus my dilemma, I don't know how to fix this and I don't know if I can.
I enjoy my neighbors but have realized that I really do need the message boards at CHSFS. Everyone on those boards gets it whether they have bio kids or will be first time parents like us. I have never met any of these people in person yet in a weird way they are my biggest support system. I can turn to them for anything. If I need help with the process, travel, sleep issues, whatever there will always be many people willing to help me out. I love that and I really need that. I am really grateful that we have this resource available as I really don't know how I could do this with out all the wonderful people I have "met" online.
I have also realized that I need to make better connections with other families that live near us who have adopted or will adopt from Ethiopia. They will get it and we can support each other through the challenges that will lie ahead.
Well, I guess that is enough of my whining, so back to my forum friends and to taking time to realize that I need to be grateful for all the people in my life whether they understand me or not.
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