"Self Indulgent" ?

Okay--this has been bothering me for the last couple of days so I apologize in advance for venting.

I posted a few days ago about the Secret Adoption Pals. I was and still am very excited about being able to support and encourage another family through their wait time. However, what started as a beautiful idea has been called into question by some who are not participating in the pals program. In fact, some have gone so far as to say that those of us that have chosen to participate are "self-indulgent" and that we should take time to think about the realities of the world and the harsh and horrible conditions that people in Africa, Haiti and elsewhere live in. Some have assumed that we are so self absorbed that we don't see the big picture; that we are ignoring reality and should in essence be ashamed of ourselves for being so selfish.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined an innocent, caring, supportive idea would be so attacked. Everyone is entitled to their opinion so if you don't like the pals program then don't participate but leave those of us looking for friendship, encouragement and support alone. We aren't doing anything wrong we are reaching out to each other and help ease the wait. We aren't being selfish, in fact it is the opposite. We are thinking of another family and sending them a little gift to be supportive and encouraging. How is that selfish?

Also, it has been suggested that instead of giving gifts to each other we should support more meaningful causes to help the people in Ethiopia who have nothing. Who says we aren't? It is not an either/or situation. I am perfectly capable of gathering donations for AHOPE and CHSFS and still sending an uplifting gift to another waiting family. That is exactly what I plan on doing.

I don't in anyway feel that I am "entitled" to a child, a gift or anything else. I recognize that I have been very fortunate in my life and for that I will always be eternally grateful. Should I feel guilty about that? I don't think so. I come from a hard working middle class family. There were times when we didn't always have a lot but I had shelter, food and 2 parents that loved me. Any hardships I may have experienced are nothing compared to what goes on in Darfur, Haiti or elsewhere, but it is my reality. Should I do more to help others? Maybe. But I do a lot already and I don't think I should feel guilty for living my life ans seeking out support from others who may be sharing a similar experience.

Am I not allowed to celebrate our future adoption? Does all adoption conversation have to revolve around grief and loss? I hope not. I get it. We get it. We wouldn't or shouldn't be adopting if we didn't see the big picture. I know that one family will suffer a great loss in order for my family to be formed. I know that at some point our child will ask questions about where they came from and I will tell all that I can about their birth family and the loss that goes with that.

Couples that have biological children have milestones during pregnancy to look forward too. Seeing the heart beat, the end of morning sickness, feeling the first kick, having a baby shower. Those of us who are starting families through adoption and haven't been able to have biological children should be able to celebrate their joy as well. I see the Secret Pals as my monthly milestones to celebrate while waiting for my baby to find us. I just don't see that as wrong. I am not ignoring the realities and I do what I can to help out but please can't I just have a little support and encouragement. I really don't think that I am entitled or self indulgent. I am just looking for understanding and support from others who have chosen to adopt.

I realize that not everyone feels this way but I am tired of others telling me how I should or shouldn't feel or what I should or shouldn't do. I make it a life goal to not judge other people and I guess that is all I ask in return. I may not agree with you and sometimes I may tell you that but ultimately it is your life not mine. I firmly believe that it isn't my place to judge but to support. You may or may not know me but please give me the benefit of the doubt and don't make assumptions about what I stand for or what I feel.

Okay, done. Sorry, that was so long so as a treat to family who read this we moved up another spot so we are now #79. YEAH!