Ignorance or Innocence

I have been thinking about this for a couple days and couldn't figure out how to write about it until now, I think....

The other day I was talking with some other women while getting my nails done and a few of them kept saying a word that made me really uncomfortable. I wasn't sure if they were saying the word out of ignorance or just innocence. I learned this word in school back in the day when I suppose it wasn't offensive, if that is possible. Now, I don't get offended easily and can usually brush things off but the more these women said this word it made me cringe.

I suppose I should let you in on the word and this is what was causing me grief for the past few days. I don't really want to type it much less say it but for the sake of this post I must so please don't be upset. Ok, hear it goes they kept repeating the word (pardon the spelling) "mulatto" to describe bi-racial or mixed race children. I was shocked. While this is a word I learned in school in my humble opinion it is a horrible word and will NEVER be spoken in my house nor will the "n" word which I will not write.

Now some people reading this will think I am overreacting since this word was neither used to describe me or my child but it just irked me. I don't know if these women just don't know any better or if they innocently are using this word since after all it was in my textbook in 7th grade.

This led me to think about how I will handle those uncomfortable situations when my children are around. In this instance at the salon, I said nothing as I was too stunned to respond but I am not naive enough to think I won't encounter uncomfortable situations when in the presence of my children. How will I and should I respond?? I don't think I know the answer to that just yet.

I have learned through a lot of reading and workshops that how I respond to these situations will directly impact my children. In reading, "I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla", I have learned that I need to not overreact to situations but respond in a manner that makes my child proud of themselves and of their family. I can't make assumptions about other's intentions nor can I ignore things so I need to start practicing ways to respond to insensitive, ignorant and just plain rude comments.

I subscribe to "Adoptive Families" magazine and there are always very helpful articles, letters to the editor, and real life situations from other adoptive families and how they responded. They have great sections for various ages of children and what is age appropriate and recently they did a whole series on parenting trans-racially or cross-culturally. It was amazing. I learned a great deal from the 3 part series especially the one on parenting African-American children as a white couple. I am in no way an expert but I feel like I am doing my best to learn and prepare as much as possible prior to the arrival of our little one.

In hindsight, I probably should have tried to respond to the situation at the salon. I am not sure what I would have said but I could have tried to insert the word bi-racial into the conversation for starters... Guess I have more to learn.