A reflection on 9 months of waiting

Well it happened. We have hit the 9 month mark of waiting for our baby. I have been thinking a lot about what I would post on this day and I am still not sure if I have my thoughts together so bare with me.

First, when I started this process to adopt internationally 11 months ago, I never thought based on the timelines given when we applied that I wouldn't have my baby home with me by now. Oh the things I have learned about myself, my friends and international adoption....

As for things I have learned about myself:

1) I am a control freak. I don't like not being able to fix things or speed things up. It has been VERY difficult for me to let go of the control and truly believe that my baby will find me when the timing is just right, which leads to my next observation.

2) I am not a patient person. This I have known for awhile but international adoption has in some ways made me more patient and in others made me less patient. There have been times in this 9 months that I have been really easy going and others when I have been pretty down and out.

3) I have fallen in love with a child, country, and culture that I have never seen or experienced. Yes, it is true. I love my baby(and their first family), Ethiopia and all the traditions and culture that come with it. I have so much more to learn but my heart and head are wide open absorbing as much as I can.

4) I am selfish. Yes, I see my adoption as a selfish act. I want to be a mother so I am adopting. I don't want to be thanked or hear how blessed my little one is to be able to join my family. I feel exactly the opposite. I should be thanking our baby's first family for allowing me to raise their baby as my own. I am the one who is blessed to be able to do this.

What I have learned about my friends:

1) I have more friends than I thought and most of them I don't know personally. Through blogging and the forum, I have interacted with so many amazing people. I have learned so much from them, sent virtual hugs to them, gotten angry for them, cried with them, rejoiced with them, prayed with them and for them. I couldn't survive this process without them.

2) I have friends that get it and friends that never will. This is tough. We chose to start our family through adoption. There were other paths out there but none that made sense for us. I have friends who are standing in my corner cheering me on and others who are unsure how to react at all.

What I have learned about international adoption:

1) It is not as "easy" as it looks. I have heard how lucky we are or how easy it is to adopt rather than get pregnant and have a baby. Wrong answer. This is tough. Emotionally tough. We have to let go and put a lot of trust and faith in the system which is not easy to do. We don't get a due date or milestones along the way. We get nothing until we get the call and then we wait some more.

2) Timelines change and that really stinks. When we signed up we were quoted 6-9 months for a referral. Then we were told 10 months and now we are being told to expect 12 months and be surprised if it happens sooner. This has probably been the toughest part. 5 months ago after 4 months of waiting I blogged about being half way done with the wait, boy was that wrong.

3) You have to have faith. Whether it is faith in God (which I have) or faith in the system, you have to believe. I believe that adopting from Ethiopia is the right path for our family and I know it will happen but I have to keep telling myself that.

4) I may not always like the answers to the questions I ask and I may not get answers at all. This is a tough one too. I try to be hands off and not bug anyone but as the months tick by, I do have questions and I hear the same answers a lot. "Nothing is predictable; we don't know how many children or of what age will come into care; we can't say for sure you will get your referral by the end of the year; International adoption is unpredictable; Prepare for 12 months and be pleasantly surprised if you get a referral before than." I have pretty much heard all of these. I understand why I have to hear these answers but sometimes I just want more. I know our agency doesn't want to get anyone's hopes up or say one thing one day and then have to change it but sometimes that just isn't good enough. On those days, I have to take a deep breath and remember that this is going to happen and I just have to wait.

All in all this has not been the easiest 9 months of my life but it also hasn't been the hardest. I know that I am strong enough to tough this out and I will wait for my little one to find me. I have to. They are counting on me just as much as I am counting on them. I will be a Mom someday and sure I want that day to be soon but I also have waited 5 plus years to be a Mom so I can't wait a little longer. I know we are nearing (hopefully) the end of our wait for a referral. I am still optimistic that we will see our beautiful baby's face by the end of the year. So let's see those referrals start flying in so I don't have to write another post like this in a few months....