Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Really??

Why is it that when people hear we are adopting from Ethiopia, they have to have an opinion?

Really?? Is our path to a family any of your business? Apparently some people think so.

Inappropriate questions aside, I have gotten unsolicited parenting advice, book recommendations, therapist suggestions, and more. Really???

Don't get me wrong, I love it when someone who has been there done that has some wise words. I even seek out these people for advice but when the advice is coming from people I barely know and from people who don't even have kids. Ick. I mean who suggests a therapist to someone when they are sharing news of their new daughter??? You see we might need help as this is a big deal and our daughter might have issues so best to be prepared. You see they just saw that AWFUL 20/20 about a difficult Russian adoption where the parents actually stated they thought about sending their daughter back to Russia. That we are brave people for tackling international adoption especially from a place like Ethiopia. (Insert here a string of inappropriate questions already discussed a few posts ago). I mean this woman didn't even say Congratulations first, just "oh I know someone who can help you, my friend is a family therapist."

Take the woman at the bank who notarized our vaccine waiver form. Wow, we got a lot of opinions from her. How we should really think long and hard about when and whether to vaccinate our children and we better make sure that we have BPA free plastic bottles and how we should find a way to bring glass bottles with us to Ethiopia. And wow, that we are so great for adopting this child who has nothing and on and on. Really??? I just wanted my forms signed and notarized. I didn't ask for nor want the commentary. You see she just had a baby and was telling us all about how much her life has changed and how we better be prepared and how things will never be the same.

I really wanted to say, DUH! We actively sought out adding children to our family. Do you think we didn't welcome the life changes?

Do people really think we didn't do our homework? That we didn't actively research Ethiopia and continue to learn more about it every day? We are more than ready to accept our daughter, Ethiopia and it's culture and rich history into our daily lives. We have done our homework. We know what we are doing and couldn't be happier about it. I just wish people's first instinct would be joy. We are thrilled and love to share our news but didn't expect all the opinions.

Sorry I just had to vent. I am sure these women had good intentions but it was still rather annoying. They don't know anything about us yet felt it was okay to insert their opinions into our parenting. I am all for discussing parenting with friends and family but not complete strangers.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cathy I wish I could tell you it will get better but it won't. Just wait until peanut is begining to understand what adoption is and that her family was formed diffrently than her peers and some numb nuts asks right in front of her..."How much did she cost?" or the ever popular "You are such wonderful people to have saved her from the life she would have lived." Because we all know how everyone should grow up feeling like a charity case. The only thing I have been able to do is retrain myself in answering in ways that are best for my daughter to hear. Not the challenged individual who is asking them. Opinions are like butt holes. Everyone has one, everyone is personally attached to theirs and they all stink!

Thanks for smelling my stink!! (oh well at least I am not working at the bank)

Mama 2 Four said...

Cathy, I am sorry you are dealing with this! I for one am Absoultely Thrilled for your new little family!!! Just stay focused on your little peanut, she will be in your arms soon!

jessica said...

i'm so sorry, cathy :(

Leah said...

This is one of my major points of grief - no one ever says congratulations 1st...they always ask or say something hurtful or stupid and then when I look at them like GFY they try to back track with Oh congrats. Why does life have to be so unfair on this issue???? Well - I'm here to say and will continue to say CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!