Lost in the moment

Well, I will start with some more amazing news...we are # 10!!! I can hardly believe it. This also means that we are now # 6 (unofficially of course) waiting for an infant. Realistically, we still have some waiting to do but this is all really starting to effect me.

I couldn't resist the urge to contact my specialist today. She said that they are currently up to families with the end of December 2007 dossier dates. She is unsure if we will see more referrals this month and that based on recent past we will likely have to wait until after the 1st of the year for our referral. At first when I read that I was a little bummed but some people were matched with their little ones 2 weeks before they hit the 12 month mark of waiting. That is 4-5 weeks away for us. Could we really be 1 month away from our precious little peanut??? Holy Cow!

As that info has started to set in, I have turned into a total basket case. I am usually pretty stable but this week I have fully lost it. My heart and mind are half a world away. Not a minute goes by where I don't think about peanut, Ethiopia, and peanut's first family. I can't help it. In a few short weeks my family structure will forever change, how can I not think about it?? It has been very hard for me to focus on the day to day tasks. I am more than ready to be a Mom and yet I have so much to do before that happens.

I apologize to everyone I interact with in advance. I am here but not all at the same time. I know that may not make sense to anyone but it is the only way I can describe what I am feeling right now. Maybe distracted is the right word, not really sure. I am for sure in a surreal place. I am pinching myself to make sure this isn't all a dream. I assure you it is not.

I know that my waiting days aren't over but really I am doing okay. In fact I think I need these next few weeks to sort through my own stuff, get ready for peanut and the wait that comes after referral. Oh and I need to finish cleaning up the nursery and put a clear protective coat on the mural. With the holidays, home study update and house prep, I have plenty to do to keep me busy all the while my thoughts are with peanut.

I have a feeling things will fall into place as they should and the next few weeks will be a blur for me. I am feeling a little lost I guess. We are so close but not there yet. We had always said we have plenty of time to get ready and I feel like we are running out of time. This is real. This is now.

My plan is to try and stay calm and remember that when peanut is ready for us our phone will ring. This isn't going to be an easy few weeks. The wondering if peanut is born, is peanut healthy, is peanut's first family okay, is peanut a boy or a girl, a newborn or a few months old??? So much left to find out. So many questions to keep me lost/distracted in the next few weeks. And then after we get the call which will be second best day of my life (the best day will be the day I finally meet peanut), we wait some more. The current estimate from referral to travel is 12-16 weeks. In that time we will have a court date which when we pass will make us officially peanut's parents and then we wait for a birth certificate. Once we get that certificate, we will be able to travel. My cautious estimate if we wait the full 12 months for a referral and then wait 15 weeks to travel it will be right around Mother's Day when we can travel. Wow.....