Happy or Sad or a little of both???

Today marks our 11th month of waiting for our little peanut. I am not sure if I should be elated because we are so close to the life changing phone call or if I should be sad. Why sad?? Well, I can't help but think about peanut. They are probably at least at a satellite care center which means their first family has to be grieving. That family had to experience a tremendous loss in order for me to be a Mom. Sometimes that is a lot to swallow.

So I struggle with these mixed emotions and I pray that 1 month from today I am not writing a post saying we are still waiting. I want to be so happy because my dreams are about to come true but my heart feels for peanut's first family. They are giving me such an incredible gift yet they are losing a member of their immediate family. That is really emotionally taxing.

I have all these questions and what if's running through my head. Is peanut at the care center yet? Will I get to meet members of peanuts first family? Will I be able to keep Ethiopia, the culture, traditions and food a part of our lives? Will I be able to share peanut's story with them properly?

My life is about to forever change and that is exciting and scary all at the same time. I have waited a very long time for what is about to happen yet sometimes I still feel unprepared. I am sure I am not alone in this sentiment.

So I guess in answer to my title, I am a little of both. Happy beyond measure yet I have this aching in my heart. Almost like guilt... Our little peanut will be joining our family soon and I can't wait. As always, I will continue to pray for peanut, peanut's first family and the nannies, doctors, etc that may be taking care of peanut right now. Peanut, you are loved more than you know. We are ready when you are and we promise to do the best we can.