Two pictures

I have just two pictures of peanut. Two pictures that I literally carry with me everywhere. They are in my purse right now while I am at work. When I am at home I prop these pictures up so that I can see them. Sometimes they are on the dining room table, sometimes the night stand by my bed or on the coffee table.

Every detail of each one of those pictures has been forever engraved on my heart. I have memorized every tiny aspect of her sweet face and head full of hair.

Sometimes I look at these pictures and just say her name over and over. Sometimes I look at them and smile. Sometimes I look at them and cry. Sometimes those tears are tears of joy that I have a daughter and sometimes they are tears of sadness for all the loss she has experienced in her life.

Those picture take me on a wild roller coaster ride of emotion. I am so in love with this little girl and so glad I can look at these pictures for the next few months. However, I cannot forget the sacrifice and the reality of how she is coming to be my daughter. There is sadness in her story and I feel that sadness. I feel it for her as she is too young to understand.

This journey of adoption is never easy and I know this roller coaster ride is a long one that I will be on my entire life. I accept that. I don't want to lose sight in my joy at being a Mom what another family had to lose. It is reality. I cannot and should not turn my back on reality.

I will love my daughter with everything I have in me. I promise to make sure she knows where she came from and when she is old enough her story. I will tell her about Ethiopia and show her pictures. I will tell her that she grew in my heart but grew in someone else's tummy. I will tell her that we love her everyday and I will be for her everything she needs me to be. That's all I can do and until I can hold that sweet girl in my arms I will continue to stare at those two pictures.