I have been stewing on this for about a week but I think I just need to write about it. As a very proud and happy Mama I LOVE to talk about Peanut and tell people we are adopting. Well the other day at work and then again when I was getting my nails done I was asked RUDE questions. I am trying to be appropriate in my answers but there are some things I really want to say but don't as they are unproductive responses.
Question: Wow, that's great about your baby. Is she healthy? I mean did they test for HIV? Are you sure she won't have it? You are taking a big risk.
My Answer: My daughter has a full head of hair, big brown eyes and cute little feet. We were given her medical history. We are fully aware of what could be and felt strongly that we would love our child no matter what.
Wanted to say: How rude that is none of your business. I mean you love your children right and would do anything for them so why is this different???
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Question: Oh, how cute. Did her Mom just not want her? What's the story?
My Answer: Actually, her birth mother loved her very much and wanted her to have more opportunities than she would be able to provide. Our daughter's story is private and we will tell her when she is older but are choosing to not share the details with others as it is not our story to share.
Wanted to say: Nothing different. I think I handled that one pretty well.
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Question: Was she born here in America? That is so great that you want to adopt a little black baby...Was her mom doing drugs while she was pregnant? *Yes this was a real question*
My Answer: My daughter was born in Ethiopia.
Wanted to say: Not sure, I just ignored the drug part. Maybe I shouldn't have, not sure....
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Question: Oh, why would you want to adopt from Ethiopia when there are all these cute little black babies in America that need homes? *Again real question*
My answer: Ethiopia spoke to my heart. When we were researching our adoption options, I just knew my baby would be born in Ethiopia. Its a feeling I can't explain unless you have felt it yourself.
Wanted to say: Don't judge me. You don't know my story.
This was a tad overwhelming yet quite eye opening. I know it will not be the last time I get asked really dumb questions. Some people never cease to amaze me with what they think is actually appropriate to ask someone. These questions came from people I barely know yet we so personal. I can't even imagine asking a question like that as it is none of my business. Maybe that is because I know what it is like to be asked really inappropriate questions. I can walk away from this knowing that I think I am getting a little better about answering these questions and I know that I can always just walk away. Some people will never get it.
4 comments:
Wow. I am a bit speechless...for once.
I know...I know...
It is funny because we received a bunch of these questions when we started telling people that we were planning on adopting from Africa.
We also get the drug question a lot when we talk about fost/adopt...oh, with a mix of questions about jail, prostitution, and varations of pontifications about nature vs. nurture...
Although, if I have to compare bonehead questions regarding infertility compared to adoption...the infertility ones I think are more bizarre (woman with 2 children "I always knew that if for some reason we couldn't have kids I would be totally okay with it...but I don't understand why your close relationship with your nieces and nephews is not enough..."
But perhaps that is because in the grand timeline between infertility and referral/placement I am not yet to actual placement time yet...so maybe my tolerance towards a-hole adoption questions will change when I actually have the eyes of my children in my heart...
of course, I probably say inappropriate things day in and day out and don't even know it...
perhaps, even now..
People are so ridiculous... the good news is that it's not just an adoption thing. They're ALWAYS ridiculous!!! Sorry you had to deal with a whole bunch of them in just the last few days:-)
I hear ya, I have gotten those and some others. I can not believe what people will ask..I think that you handles yourself well. When I get the "Why Ethiopia?" question I usually just stutter and stare until they get bored and walk away. Why Ethiopia? Because I frickin wanted to that's why!!!
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