Is it toddler related or adoption related?

That is the age old question that runs through my head daily. Adopting a toddler is hard work. Really hard work. Katie spent 17 months with someone else. That stinks. She has been with us for 7 months and things today are much better than they were but every day at least once I ask myself is this a toddler thing or adoption thing?

You see here is the problem. Katie is now 2 and while the 2's were a piece of cake with Kiya, Katie seems to have a different definition of what being two is. She is full of emotion, cries at the drop of a hate, stomps her feet if she doesn't get her way, lays down on the floor and ignores you. With this last one if you go to pick her up often she will buckle her knees and collapse to the floor. If I need to put her in a time out/in for a blatant rule violation, like throwing wood blocks, she will sit there but will cry for the entire 2 minutes with her eyes closed and her bottom jaw jutted out and drooling. Yup fun.

Now we were well aware that adopting a toddler would be very different than adopting a baby. Did I read a ton of books about toddler adoption, attachment, sleep, etc? Nope. Not a single one. I was a part of many facebook groups that surround adoption and specifically Korean adoption. I thought I was prepared. I thought I can deal with the sleep issues, attachment, grief,etc.

Did we have sleep issues? Nope not really. Within one month of being home, Katie was falling asleep in her own room in  her own bed all by herself. It was a little bit of an adjustment but not at all terrible. She is a fantastic sleeper and sporadic napper but nothing here to worry about. Co-sleeping while recommended by some was not going to work for this family so we chose to not really do it and work up to her sleeping on her own. She wakes up happy and looking for Kiya and mommy and daddy.

Attachment issues, well I spent every day of our first 7 months together with her but 2. She calls me mama or mommy. She calls Dave her daddy. Kiya is eya. She hugs and kisses all of us. She will if in the right mood spontaneously come up and give a big hug and say "love you". She snuggles in my lap which I LOVE. She looks back to us and checks in with us in new situations. She cries when I leave her. Yes I see this as a good thing because she misses me. I am her favorite by far ok well Kiya is but she is bonded and attached. Bottle feeding is recommended by some to promote attachment. We didn't pursue or force this. Katie refused to drink a bottle from the day we met her so we didn't push it.

Grief that is a tough one. Katie has no reaction all to pictures of her foster mom. We have no pictures of her foster father so not sure about that one. She cried slightly when her foster mom handed her to me in the van but then snuggled into me and fell asleep.

Food is and was her issue. We went through a very rough period the first 5 days home. Now we are just tyring to figure out if she is gluten intolerant, lactose intolerant or something else. This has been a stressor for me as once I think we have something figured out I get a not so pleasant reminder that dealing with an unstable gut is less than fun and takes time.

She has been in daycare for 2 weeks now. She cries at drop off but settles within a few minutes. She is eating and napping there. She is happy as a clam when I pick her up. She is learning how to play with other kids her age as some days she just wants to follow her teachers around.

So back to my daily question...is her behavior toddler related or is it adoption related? I am not sure I will ever be able to answer that question. You see she is a toddler and well she is still learning the language which comes with adopting a toddler. I am not sure reading a book or two or three would help me answer this question. Time will help and getting to know Katie and her triggers. Since she started daycare we actually see less of the tantrumy behavior.

Am I rushing out to get an attachment therapist? Nope. Am I calling a speech therapist because she says gilk instead of milk or groken instead of broken. Nope. She is saying more and more words every day and she can understand and follow multiple step directions if she feels like it..2 year olds are moody sometimes. She is putting more are more words together and at her 2 year check was on the low end of normal in speech for kids her age which I would say is not half bad for hearing English for at that point only 6 months. Did I call Birth to 3 as soon as she got home? Nope. Will I call them? We shall see. They were a great help with Kiya but I don't think we need them.

Now this is what is working for us. I understand that every kid is different and every parent is different. We all find ways to adjust to our new toddlers but for us reality was we had another child at home. Kiya demands and commands a lot of attention and has her own unique situations that need to be addressed and dealt with.