1 year later

One year ago today, our plane landed after 23 long hours of flight and time zone changes. We were home. We were a family of 3 at home.

The first few weeks home were a total blur. Dave and I both came home sick and Kiya with a double ear infection. We were trying to establish some sense of normal and recover from the crazy jet lag. Kiya was FABULOUS, it took her maybe 2 days to get on a normal schedule. Thankfully, since it took us parents a little longer to recover.

1 year. A whole year as a Mom. I did it. We survived. Kiya is thriving. We are bonded. We are attached. We are in love. It has been one heck of a year. So much better than I thought it would be. It was all that I hoped for and yet so much more.

That isn't to say we didn't hit some speed bumps. We did. There was an unexpected Hep C antibody issue, some post adoption depression, some marital adjustments, some lonely dog issues. But we survived all of the speed bumps and came out stronger.

This year has been a learning process for all of us. The anxieties have gone. The fear that I was going to do something wrong is gone. The dread of "what if we don't bond" is gone. In its place is lots of love, laughter and joy.

I learned a lot of important things in the last year. Namely, no one is perfect including me. I had to learn to let go. To let myself make mistakes. To not be 100% all the time. It took time and sometimes I still have to work on this.

I learned to give myself space and to give my daughter space. We need to figure each other out. That it was okay that that took months. In fact it was normal that it took months. I learned to not be so hard on myself.

I learned that I do in fact have Mommy instincts and that I need to listen them. Who knew? I know now. If my gut is telling me something is up, then something is up. This took time. I had to be really connected to Kiya. We are connected. I know what this cry means or that scream or that grunt. We understand each other now. I don't scramble any more or run to the ER at 10:30pm for an ear infection. I have the tools to figure it out.

I think the most important thing I learned in this last year is that I LOVE being a mom. It is the hardest and most rewarding job I could ever have and I wouldn't change a thing. Being Kiya's Mom is nothing short of amazing.

I wasn't sure at one point in my life, if I ever wanted to have kids. That all changed when I met my husband. I knew then that we could be great parents yet until we were parents, I had no idea how we would do. Could we handle it? 1 year later I can confidently say yes. We can handle this parenting thing. We love this parenting thing with all the ups and downs and in betweens.

And most importantly we love Kiya. She is our sunshine.