35 and life

I have my laptop back so hoping blogging will become more frequent but no guarantees.

I recently turned 35. Yup I am 5 years away from the big 40. How did this happen? Where did the time go? I am not completely sure. What I am sure of is a few things. My life is not anything I thought it would be and yet I wouldn't change a thing.

First off I knew I wanted to get married. I just had to find the right guy. Lucky for me I met him when I was almost 20. I knew pretty early on that this was the guy I wanted to spend my life with. I am pretty lucky. I dreamed of our wedding, our future, our family and so much more.

My wedding was nothing shy of perfect. There were a few little behind the scenes things but all in all it was everything I wanted and more.

I had a job that I loved, a new husband and I lived in sunny CA oh and we got our first little one, our pug Sebastian. He was my baby for so many years and he still is. If you had asked me then that 11 years later I would be living in WI, working at a bank, having just one child and another pug I would have told you all you were CRAZY. If you then told me that I would never get pregnant, travel to Ethiopia and Korea before I stepped foot in more than just an airport in Europe, I would have deemed you certifiably NUTS.

Me not live in CA? No way. Me quit my Student Affairs career, nope not going to happen. Have only one child at age 35, uh no. I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30. I was finally blessed with the gift of motherhood just weeks shy of my 33rd birthday while traveling in Ethiopia. My next little isn't yet known to me(hopefully soon) and they won't be joining us here in lovely WI until I am 36.

I am a planner and I had my life planned out in my head anyway. I got married at 23, wanted to have 2 maybe 3 kids by my early 30's at the latest. I dreamed of advancing in my career in higher education and of traveling. When things started to not go my way it was tough. I am a complete control freak and when I couldn't control or fix our infertility it was beyond frustrating but it did teach me a lot.  I learned that when my plans don't work out I may be devastated but a door is opening some place else I just need to be willing to look for it.

I have found many doors. The doors that led me to adoption. To international adoption. The doors that led me to my amazing cast mom friends and Shriner's hospital. I am very blessed.

My life may not be what I pictured it would be a t 35 but as I look back I wouldn't change a thing. There were some tough times in there and all of those made me a stronger person. I had to fight through. I was forced to set my plans aside and really dig deep. Really dig to the depths of my soul. Did I want to be pregnant or be a Mom? I wanted to be a Mom. I didn't need to be pregnant. In fact I laugh with friends that I have this amazing daughter and soon to be little one and didn't have the weight gain, back aches or labor. Did I really want to be a career driven Mom or a stay at home Mom? I really really want to be a stay at home mom and we are getting closer to that being a reality. Nothing against working moms but it just isn't for me. I want to enjoy as much of my kids when they are little as I can.

No one wants anything to be wrong with their kids but life happens and as such doors were opened to the world of scoliosis.  I wish I didn't have to deal with it yet with it came this amazing group of women that I am honored to call my friends. From each of them I have learned so much. I pray our next child will not have any unexpected medical issues but I know that with life and international adoption there are no guarantees and because I was thrown a curve back the first time I know that I can handle whatever is thrown at me this time.

As I look back at life, I have left some of the planner behind. I cringe when I hear younger people talk about all the plans they have and when they want to have kids, etc. I hope for their sake it all comes true but if it doesn't the disappoint can be a lot to handle. It was for me anyway and took me a little while to get my head back on straight.

I tend to roll with life a little better now which is good. I struggled as a new mom when Kiya wasn't doing things other kids her age did but I just let that go. Kiya is amazing and perfect in her own way. She may not jump and she can't swim or run as fast but I want her to learn from my self inflicted pressure that it is perfectly okay to do things at your own pace.

If my plans had come true I wouldn't have Kiya. I wouldn't be anxiously awaiting for the phone to ring with news of our next little one. I wouldn't be still picking out baby names or looking at flight options to Korea.

I am a very blessed individual. I have this amazing family, great friends and better yet one and soon to be 2 amazing kids. So while life isn't what I thought it would be I am so beyond grateful that life is what it is. I am a very lucky girl.