What to say....

Two years ago I was preparing to board a plane that would take me 7000 miles away to Ethiopia. I was finally going to meet my daughter.

I can tell you when I legally became a mom, April 3, 2009. I can tell you when I held my sweet little girl for the first time, May 8, 2009. And yet I can't tell you when I actually felt like her mom. I knew I was her mom but it took some time to really just feel it.

Does that sound weird? We didn't share the same space for 9 months. We were jet lagged, over whelmed, fragile, and pumped up on adrenaline when we met Kiya. It was everything I hoped for and more yet it was strange too.

I wanted nothing more in my life than to be a mom and 2 years ago that journey began. I look back at where I was then and where I am now and I truly 100% feel like Kiya's mom. In the beginning I was doing all the mom things that you are supposed to do but that overwhelming don't mess with my kid instinct took some time to show up.

I can't tell you an exact date as to when I really became a mom. I know I felt it though. When I left her at daycare and she cried and screamed and I knew then that she needed me just as much as I needed her. I felt a tug. An instinct kick in that said I have to fix this. This is my kid and nothing and no one is going to mess with her.

The biggest compliment I ever got, came from a woman I now call a dear friend but at the time was someone I had just met. We were in the hospital waiting for Kiya's first cast and all the emotion that came with that day and she said to me later that day that you couldn't even tell that Kiya was adopted. That she looked at our family and saw true unconditional, parental love as we tried to be strong for our scared little girl. My friend has no idea how much those words meant to me.

I knew I was Kiya's mom through and through but for someone else to see it. To see that my adopted daughter was just as much of part of me as her son was a part of her. It was amazing.

I have had plenty of people ask if it is possible to love an adopted child as much as your own child. To that I say Kiya is my own child. I love her with all my heart and soul and will stop at nothing to make sure she is happy and healthy. She is my miracle. She is my dream. My love for her runs deep through me. I couldn't imagine loving her more than I already do.

So as I reflect on life and love, I take pause to be grateful for all the blessings I have in my life. I am truly one lucky Mom. I have this amazing daughter. I don't have the words to express how grateful I am to Zinash. Her sadness led to me being able to parent this wonderful little girl. I want so much to share all that Kiya has accomplished with Zinash. Someday I hope this dream will come true.

For now it is back to reality and life with a very active toddler.