Married with Children

Okay I have tried to write this particular post three times and have started and deleted it each time. I have something to say. I just can't figure out how to say it and to be honest I know some of my readers personally as in they are family and well that just changes things sometimes. Don't get me wrong my family is great but sometimes I just have something to say and I don't want all the questions or looks or uncomfortableness. Maybe I need to start another blog....not sure.

The other part of me says that this is my blog and let the judgement begin if you so choose. I will write what I want and not worry about the rest.

Well here it goes.

My husband and I have been together for almost 14 years. Wow. We met in college thanks to a mutual friend. Except for 2 weeks right after we met when my hubby had to pause and figure things out we have done almost everything together and if we couldn't then we spent lots of time on the phone talking about it since for one summer we lived in two different states. We knew within months of dating that we would get married.

After college we did just that. We spent the next 3-4 years in wedded bliss. Things were truly wonderful and it was smooth sailing. We got a dog, we had jobs we enjoyed, we were living among friends in sunny CA, we were living it up and it was awesome.

Fast forward to the year. The year that things started to change. We now lived in WI and we had 2 dogs, an okay apartment, jobs that we both still have yet we felt something was missing. The answer was children. We had always talked about children and when we got married we decided to wait. We were so young. I am glad we waited. We weren't ready but now in 2003 we were. Let's do it. Let's start trying to have a baby. Yeah well as some of you may know that was easier said than done. It brought about 18 months of frantic am or am I not pregnant followed by another 18 months of doctors, needles, surgery, tests, more tests, more needles and more money being flushed down the toilet. It was AWFUL.

Not only because we weren't having any luck at the whole making a baby thing but it was the first time in our married life that we has hit some serious rough waters. There were more tears in those 3 years than I care to recall. It was a very trying period in our lives together. Peace finally settled in when we decided enough was enough time for Plan B. We were going to adopt. Finally our dreams of parenthood would become a reality.

In 2007 we thought we were going to be parents. It almost happened. We were literally days away from being parents to beautiful twin girls. It didn't happen and to date 2007 was the worst year of our lives. Talk about rough waters. Towards the end of that dreaded year we found some calm waters again. We fell in love with Ethiopia. We just knew our first child would be from this beautiful country.

Well we were right. We are the proud parents of a beautiful Ethiopian princess. Life should be great right? Our dreams came true right? Well yes and no. We are both so in love with our daughter. She is the light of our lives. Marriage is tough by itself but when you add children into the mix it gets even tougher. Who knew? We sure didn't. Maybe we should have but we didn't.

I am fortunate to have a husband who is hands on with raising our daughter. He will change dirty diapers, clean up puke at 2am, read books to her over and over, etc. We get the parent thing most days or at least we think we do but we don't have the supportive partner thing down. We are working on it. It isn't easy but we love each other and we love our daughter and we will figure it out. We are taking baby steps to try and better understand each other and our new married life. Parenthood changes everything. Sometimes those changes can cause some unrest. Yet we both know that parenthood is the best job on the planet. I mean have you seen our daughter?? She is truly the greatest gift and she deserves our very best at all times.

The infertility, the failed domestic adoption, the craziness that is parenthood have left scars. Some are deep, painful scars that are fading yet can still rear their ugly head at times. Other scars bring about tears of joy and remembrance as without those scars, as painful as they may have been, they have led us to our life as a family of 3 and hopefully someday family of 4.

All in all I think we have managed to weather the storm fairly well. We have had good days and bad days and really good days and really bad days. We are striving for balance. We have realized that while we aren't always on the same page, we at least need to be reading the same book. So far the book is pretty good and I am looking forward to the next chapters.