The game of 20 questions started this past week from a few people. I was bombarded with questions about my children, scoliosis, adoption, Ethiopia, Korea and more. It was kind of overwhelming, kind of annoying and really really frustrating. I actually felt bad for the question askers as their view of life and the world is so very sheltered and judgemental.
I bit my tongue a little during the conversation due to the environment we were in but it was so hard. I had so much I wanted to say and either couldn't find the words or was just trying to be polite. Well this is my blog and I don't need to be polite here.
First things first, my husband and I chose adoption. No we cannot have children biologically yet we are blessed with 2 beautiful little girls that are our own. Yes my children are my own and yes I love them as much as I would had I given birth to them.
Ethiopia is beautiful. No it is not gross or horrible. I can't wait to go back and no I am not crazy for wanting to go back or wanting to share all of Ethiopia with my daughters. Poverty does exist in Ethiopia and it is heart breaking to see yet Ethiopians were smiling, welcoming and truly wonderful people. I cherish the time I spent there and I grew as a person. Futhermore, I did not save my daughter. She lost so much. Wait why explain....chances are if you are reading this you understand and if you don't understand then I doubt I can explain it well enough that you will.
Yes I want to see Kiya's mother again. Yes I would love for Kiya to meet her mother and no I am not worried that she will take Kiya away from me. No Kiya is not HIV + and even if she was it is none of your business. Not once did I ever worry about getting HIV while in Ethiopia. Seriously, I was asked this.
No I don't think it will be easier not knowing Katie's mother. I actually think it will be harder. I am excited to experience Korea and saddened that I will likely never meet sweet Katie's mother. The adoption process is long and no I just can't go to Korea and claim my child. To my knowledge, Katie does not have any medical conditions and it wouldn't matter if she did.
No we did not know about Kiya's scoliosis when we brought her home. Even if we did, it wouldn't have mattered. Kiya is my daughter. She has a curvy back. We will deal with it as a family and no I never thought about suing my agency for not telling me. They didn't know either. I am just grateful that Kiya had amazing nannies to take care of her and help her grow. And now has an amazing doctor to help her grow straight.
I am exhausted just thinking about all of this. The askers were just so overly curious and clueless. Adoption is hard. Scoliosis sucks. That said I am blessed to be a mom. I wouldn't change things. Sure I wish I could wave a wand and make Kiya's back straight but she is my little princess curvy back and all so it is what it is.
I am hoping the askers have had their fill and will move on to someone else. I am not sure if they start it again that I will be able to bite my tongue. To be fair I don't think they truly understood the depth of their questions. I really do think they were very curious and hadn't been exposed to a lot so they see my life from the outside and it doesn't make sense so they asks questions. Fair enough to some extent I suppose but my life makes perfect sense to me.
I think this would have been different had it been the first time I was asked inappropriate questions. I wish it was the first time....sigh...and I wish it was the last....sigh.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Presenting.......
Sweet Baby Katherine, our little Katie,
Kiya's baby sister.
We got the green light to share pictures and her name. So here she is. She was 4 months old in the first two pictures which where her referral pictures.
We are still hoping to have her home by next fall. She is getting so big and her hair so curly. She is Korean/African American and her mother named her Katherine. She is a perfect fit for our family. Our little Katie. Kiya just loves her already and so do we.
Life with Kiya update
Life with Kiya is amazing, tiring, fun, exhausting and wonderful all at the same time. She is hands down the loudest, goofiest kid I have ever met. She loves to laugh, dance, sing and be bossy.
I just love watching her learn and grow and yet everyday I am reminded that she is not my little baby anymore. She is a big girl full of big opinions. I had some ideas of what she might dress up as for Halloween. We have tutu's and flowers so I was thinking princess or ballerina but oh no. The last few days we keep hearing, "I dress up like Foofa, mommy." So thanks to some savvy Internet shopping, Foofa will be the costume this year.
The week before Halloween, Kiya will head to Shriner's for cast #5. I can hardly believe it. We have been casting for a year. Whew....what a year it has been. I am so grateful for all the friends we have made a long the way. We sadly won't be at cast #5 with any of them but don't get me started on that one. Kiya will be in this horrible pink cast as I call it for the longest time yet, exactly 3 months. It is so gross and so tight and well I can't wait for it to be gone. Word at the dinner table is that purple will be the next color so we shall see.
Just around the corner is Miss Kiya's 3rd birthday. She is all 3 and going on 16. I have so far found 3 to a challenging age. She is strong willed and at times defiant. She has started to talk back. She is so very smart and while that is great at times it is not. She has an amazing memory. She can recite entire books to us. Her current favorite book to "read" to us is Barnyard Dance. She knows all the words and insists on doing it all by herself. When she is done she just gets this huge grin and is just beaming. I love it.
She is now over Dora. She loves her Dora toys but will not watch the show unless it happens to be on and it is bedtime then she will ask to watch it in order to stall. She has acquired a new favorite show, Olivia. Sigh. If you have never watched it Olivia is a very dramatic young pig who loves to exaggerate, be on the bossy side and is super creative. Kiya is by nature a very dramatic child anyway so I am not shocked she likes Olivia I just hope the drama factor doesn't increase. There is only so much drama this mama can handle.
She is still talking about her baby sister. So much so, we shared with her preschool teachers that Kiya does in fact have a baby sister on the way. We shared with them baby K's name so when Kiya talks about her they know what she is talking about. And we discussed with them the words we are using at home to describe our wait to bring baby K home so that we are all on the same page.
Lately, we have also been getting reports about her day at preschool. From the back seat of the car, she will tell me, "Bradley walked away from the table. He wanted to read books" or "Lilly was crying. She had tears. She no eat her crackers. She was sad." We got one report of "Henry hit me." I asked her, did Henry hit you? She said, "yes." I asked her what did you do then, "I push Henry. Walk away Henry. Walk away." We then talked about how we don't hit or push.
Kiya has made some great little friends in preschool. She likes to hold hands with some of the other little girls and she gives them hugs before she leaves. Her best friend is a little girl named Lillian or Lilly. Kiya likes her so much that she named her pillow pet Lilly. Too cute. She also likes her baby sister so much that she named her elephant after baby K.
I could go on and on about sweet Miss Kiya. About her true love/obsession with all things flower related and baby related but that could take pages. Kiya at 3 is going to keep me on my toes, test my patience and make me smile. She is such an amazing kid. Just last night, she asked me to come lie in bed with her for a few minutes. I love it and it was just a few minutes and then she asked me to leave. Those few minutes are so precious to me. She has asked a few times before and I always oblige because I know all too soon that those requests will be no longer. I am one lucky mama that much I know for sure.
I just love watching her learn and grow and yet everyday I am reminded that she is not my little baby anymore. She is a big girl full of big opinions. I had some ideas of what she might dress up as for Halloween. We have tutu's and flowers so I was thinking princess or ballerina but oh no. The last few days we keep hearing, "I dress up like Foofa, mommy." So thanks to some savvy Internet shopping, Foofa will be the costume this year.
The week before Halloween, Kiya will head to Shriner's for cast #5. I can hardly believe it. We have been casting for a year. Whew....what a year it has been. I am so grateful for all the friends we have made a long the way. We sadly won't be at cast #5 with any of them but don't get me started on that one. Kiya will be in this horrible pink cast as I call it for the longest time yet, exactly 3 months. It is so gross and so tight and well I can't wait for it to be gone. Word at the dinner table is that purple will be the next color so we shall see.
Just around the corner is Miss Kiya's 3rd birthday. She is all 3 and going on 16. I have so far found 3 to a challenging age. She is strong willed and at times defiant. She has started to talk back. She is so very smart and while that is great at times it is not. She has an amazing memory. She can recite entire books to us. Her current favorite book to "read" to us is Barnyard Dance. She knows all the words and insists on doing it all by herself. When she is done she just gets this huge grin and is just beaming. I love it.
She is now over Dora. She loves her Dora toys but will not watch the show unless it happens to be on and it is bedtime then she will ask to watch it in order to stall. She has acquired a new favorite show, Olivia. Sigh. If you have never watched it Olivia is a very dramatic young pig who loves to exaggerate, be on the bossy side and is super creative. Kiya is by nature a very dramatic child anyway so I am not shocked she likes Olivia I just hope the drama factor doesn't increase. There is only so much drama this mama can handle.
She is still talking about her baby sister. So much so, we shared with her preschool teachers that Kiya does in fact have a baby sister on the way. We shared with them baby K's name so when Kiya talks about her they know what she is talking about. And we discussed with them the words we are using at home to describe our wait to bring baby K home so that we are all on the same page.
Lately, we have also been getting reports about her day at preschool. From the back seat of the car, she will tell me, "Bradley walked away from the table. He wanted to read books" or "Lilly was crying. She had tears. She no eat her crackers. She was sad." We got one report of "Henry hit me." I asked her, did Henry hit you? She said, "yes." I asked her what did you do then, "I push Henry. Walk away Henry. Walk away." We then talked about how we don't hit or push.
Kiya has made some great little friends in preschool. She likes to hold hands with some of the other little girls and she gives them hugs before she leaves. Her best friend is a little girl named Lillian or Lilly. Kiya likes her so much that she named her pillow pet Lilly. Too cute. She also likes her baby sister so much that she named her elephant after baby K.
I could go on and on about sweet Miss Kiya. About her true love/obsession with all things flower related and baby related but that could take pages. Kiya at 3 is going to keep me on my toes, test my patience and make me smile. She is such an amazing kid. Just last night, she asked me to come lie in bed with her for a few minutes. I love it and it was just a few minutes and then she asked me to leave. Those few minutes are so precious to me. She has asked a few times before and I always oblige because I know all too soon that those requests will be no longer. I am one lucky mama that much I know for sure.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Culture shock round 2
So we finally got our travel information for South Korea. Don't get too excited it is just a packet of info telling us what to expect when we get there. We are figuring we have 10-12 months before we travel.
Travelling to countries outside of North America was something I had never done until we went to Ethiopia. It was an awesome experience to be some place new, some place where I wasn't the majority, some place so welcoming and beautiful. I loved Ethiopia. It was an eye opening, life changing moment. You can't go to some place like Ethiopia and see what we saw and not come home a changed more grateful and aware person.
Korea is going to be different from Ethiopia but culture shock all the same. Things are much more formal in Korea. We will be packing dress clothes. As in Dave will need to pack a tie or two and maybe depending on the time of year we travel a sport coat. I will need to pack business attire and/or a dress or two. Who knew.
The trip itself will also be much less structured. In Ethiopia we had an hour by hour itinerary. Korea we will not. We only have to be in Korea for 3 days. We will likely spend a few days before our official arrival date sight seeing.
We want to soak up as much as we can while in Korea and the packet gave us some ideas of things to look into. We have lots of things to figure out like will we stay in the guest house or will be stay at a hotel? Are we going to uses taxis or the subway? Will we dare try McDonald's or Baskin Robbins while there or try and eat mostly Korean food? Which to date I haven't yet tried but no worries I will and I am not at all worried about it. I wasn't really with Ethiopian food either. I knew once we decided to adopt from Ethiopia that I needed to jump in and just be adventurous. I am not typically an adventurous eater but that is changing and my dear husband and my children have helped to broaden my food horizons.
Included in the packet was info about how our first meeting with Sweet Baby K and foster mom will go. I got teary eyed just thinking about it. We will be allowed to photograph and video tape the meeting. It will last about an hour. Baby K will go home with her foster mom after that meeting. We likely won't see her again until the day we are to return home. This was hard to read. Really hard. I am not going to want to let her go once I see her and yet I understand that this will be very emotional for her foster mom as well.
At this time in Korea, it will be almost certain that we will never meet Baby K's birth mother. This breaks my heart but culturally it is not deemed okay at this time. There are steps being taken to maybe change this but as of it that isn't the case. This will be tough. One of my most cherished memories will always be the 20 minutes or so that I was able to be in the same room with Zinash. I won't forget a moment of that meeting. It is something so precious that I can share with Kiya. We can travel to Ethiopia and see her again. I won't be able to do this with Baby K. We will have her foster mom. We plan to cherish that relationship and do with it what we can. It is just different.
Ethiopia and Korea are so very different. Our daughter's stories are so very different and yet we are all a family. We have a tie that binds us all together. It's called love.
Travelling to countries outside of North America was something I had never done until we went to Ethiopia. It was an awesome experience to be some place new, some place where I wasn't the majority, some place so welcoming and beautiful. I loved Ethiopia. It was an eye opening, life changing moment. You can't go to some place like Ethiopia and see what we saw and not come home a changed more grateful and aware person.
Korea is going to be different from Ethiopia but culture shock all the same. Things are much more formal in Korea. We will be packing dress clothes. As in Dave will need to pack a tie or two and maybe depending on the time of year we travel a sport coat. I will need to pack business attire and/or a dress or two. Who knew.
The trip itself will also be much less structured. In Ethiopia we had an hour by hour itinerary. Korea we will not. We only have to be in Korea for 3 days. We will likely spend a few days before our official arrival date sight seeing.
We want to soak up as much as we can while in Korea and the packet gave us some ideas of things to look into. We have lots of things to figure out like will we stay in the guest house or will be stay at a hotel? Are we going to uses taxis or the subway? Will we dare try McDonald's or Baskin Robbins while there or try and eat mostly Korean food? Which to date I haven't yet tried but no worries I will and I am not at all worried about it. I wasn't really with Ethiopian food either. I knew once we decided to adopt from Ethiopia that I needed to jump in and just be adventurous. I am not typically an adventurous eater but that is changing and my dear husband and my children have helped to broaden my food horizons.
Included in the packet was info about how our first meeting with Sweet Baby K and foster mom will go. I got teary eyed just thinking about it. We will be allowed to photograph and video tape the meeting. It will last about an hour. Baby K will go home with her foster mom after that meeting. We likely won't see her again until the day we are to return home. This was hard to read. Really hard. I am not going to want to let her go once I see her and yet I understand that this will be very emotional for her foster mom as well.
At this time in Korea, it will be almost certain that we will never meet Baby K's birth mother. This breaks my heart but culturally it is not deemed okay at this time. There are steps being taken to maybe change this but as of it that isn't the case. This will be tough. One of my most cherished memories will always be the 20 minutes or so that I was able to be in the same room with Zinash. I won't forget a moment of that meeting. It is something so precious that I can share with Kiya. We can travel to Ethiopia and see her again. I won't be able to do this with Baby K. We will have her foster mom. We plan to cherish that relationship and do with it what we can. It is just different.
Ethiopia and Korea are so very different. Our daughter's stories are so very different and yet we are all a family. We have a tie that binds us all together. It's called love.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Baby Sister
Sweet Baby K also known to Kiya as baby sister is now 6 months old. She is 15.1lbs and over 26 inches long. We got new pictures again this month and are just so in love. Her hair is starting to get really curly and man oh man she is adorable.
That said, Kiya keeps talking about her baby sister. She wants to look at her pictures. She wants to take her to the pond. She wants her home. So do we.
So how in the world do you explain to an almost 3 year old that we have to wait to bring home her baby sister? Kiya knows that she lives far away and will tell us that.
It makes me sad. We understand (sort of) why we have to wait but Kiya doesn't. It is so hard. She really wants to play with her baby sister.
We show her the pictures. We talk about her. We tell Kiya that she lives in Korea with her foster mom and that we have to wait awhile to bring her home. Are we doing the wrong thing? Should we have kept baby sister to ourselves for awhile.....
Why oh why does adoption have to be so hard......
That said, Kiya keeps talking about her baby sister. She wants to look at her pictures. She wants to take her to the pond. She wants her home. So do we.
So how in the world do you explain to an almost 3 year old that we have to wait to bring home her baby sister? Kiya knows that she lives far away and will tell us that.
It makes me sad. We understand (sort of) why we have to wait but Kiya doesn't. It is so hard. She really wants to play with her baby sister.
We show her the pictures. We talk about her. We tell Kiya that she lives in Korea with her foster mom and that we have to wait awhile to bring her home. Are we doing the wrong thing? Should we have kept baby sister to ourselves for awhile.....
Why oh why does adoption have to be so hard......
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
We made it
We all survived our vacation. Traveling with an active toddler is no easy feat. I am pleased to report that Kiya was a fantastic traveller. She did really really great. I was so proud of her and so relieved.
We did have one moment where timeout was necessary in the Denver airport. She tried to run off and thought it was super funny even though we had been very clear how far she could roam.
Here's a list of things we learned on vacation:
1) Kiya is very likely allergic to blueberries. We have suspected as much but it was definitely confirmed. No blueberries, no blueberry yogurt :( I feel bad as she loves them but they just don't agree with her.
2) Nap time is not a necessary thing anymore. It is still preferred by mom and dad and teachers but Kiya seems to be the dictator of this one so we shall see.
3) Children's museums with water rooms are Kiya's absolute most favorite things. She has never had so much fun and she didn't even get wet which is a huge bonus with her cast.
4) Sleeping in a hotel room with a toddler makes for early mornings for the whole family.
5) Baby cereal is GONE! Kiya has now chosen yogurt and fruit for breakfast which is fine with me. She will also eat Total cereal when she feels like it. Next up I might revisit the oatmeal things but for now I am content with her eating yogurt and fruit.
6) Pinkberry=AMAZING
7) We actually found good beer in California. Didn't think it was possible but we did.
8) Kiya loves cheese just not California cheese.
9) We definitely did not have enough time to do all that we wanted to and it may be a few years before we can get back.
10) Family vacation was super fun, tiring and very worthwhile.
We did have one moment where timeout was necessary in the Denver airport. She tried to run off and thought it was super funny even though we had been very clear how far she could roam.
Here's a list of things we learned on vacation:
1) Kiya is very likely allergic to blueberries. We have suspected as much but it was definitely confirmed. No blueberries, no blueberry yogurt :( I feel bad as she loves them but they just don't agree with her.
2) Nap time is not a necessary thing anymore. It is still preferred by mom and dad and teachers but Kiya seems to be the dictator of this one so we shall see.
3) Children's museums with water rooms are Kiya's absolute most favorite things. She has never had so much fun and she didn't even get wet which is a huge bonus with her cast.
4) Sleeping in a hotel room with a toddler makes for early mornings for the whole family.
5) Baby cereal is GONE! Kiya has now chosen yogurt and fruit for breakfast which is fine with me. She will also eat Total cereal when she feels like it. Next up I might revisit the oatmeal things but for now I am content with her eating yogurt and fruit.
6) Pinkberry=AMAZING
7) We actually found good beer in California. Didn't think it was possible but we did.
8) Kiya loves cheese just not California cheese.
9) We definitely did not have enough time to do all that we wanted to and it may be a few years before we can get back.
10) Family vacation was super fun, tiring and very worthwhile.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Vacation check in
So we are few days into our California vacation and so far all is well. Kiya has had some moments but for the most part has been nothing shy of amazing.
She did beyond amazing on both of our flights out here. She was a little loud but at least she was happy loud. She has now had M and M's and she is in love.
She conquered the public restroom with zero issue. She has been stellar in telling us when she has to go potty. Truly amazing really. We haven't attempted airplane bathrooms but we will if need be.
She is sleeping well in her inflatable toddler bed. Naps are mostly in the car but she is doing all right.
We went to the Children's museum today with some old co-workers who have kids Kiya's age and she had so much fun. She was all over the place and the kids were super cute and thanks to a waterproof apron and bib she had an amazing time in the water room and left not wet at all. I was secretly dreading the water room. I read up about it online, I came prepared with her bib. I just wasn't sure if it would work. I looked at the under 4 years old area and said no way. All the kids in that area were soaking wet. Granted they were quite a bit younger than she was but still freaked me out. The older kid area however seemed doable. She had a blast. I am glad I let go a little and let her have fun cast and all. She LOVED it. We have video and the joy was so worth the slight risk of her cast getting wet.
Kiya has been addicted to infant oatmeal/banana cereal. We didn't bring any and nor have we bought any since we have been here. She will willing eat Rice Krispies now. And then there is fruit and her new obsession bread and butter. She can pack that stuff away as we witnessed tonight when she ate almost 3 pieces of sourdough bread with butter. She still ate her fish and even saved room for some vanilla ice cream.
Tomorrow we are heading to the city (San Francisco) for a baseball game and touristy stuff. Another long day so hopefully all will go well.
Three things I am so grateful I bought on amazon that have truly helped make this trip successful are her inflatable toddler bed. It takes a crib sheet, has sides so she won't roll out and came with a pump. Second is the travel bag for her carseat. It fits her Britax seat along with her fuzzy blanket and the toddler travel bed. Lastly, her fold up potty seat. AMAZING. It folds up and fits in a gallon size bag. It has worked in every bathroom from park to restaurant to airport we have tried. It is sturdy, has handles for her to hold on to and would be nearly impossible to pinch her skin and best of all it was less than $10.
I will try and post pics and video soon but that may have to wait until we get back next week. And now back to enjoying my glass of wine while hotel bound with a sound asleep toddler.
She did beyond amazing on both of our flights out here. She was a little loud but at least she was happy loud. She has now had M and M's and she is in love.
She conquered the public restroom with zero issue. She has been stellar in telling us when she has to go potty. Truly amazing really. We haven't attempted airplane bathrooms but we will if need be.
She is sleeping well in her inflatable toddler bed. Naps are mostly in the car but she is doing all right.
We went to the Children's museum today with some old co-workers who have kids Kiya's age and she had so much fun. She was all over the place and the kids were super cute and thanks to a waterproof apron and bib she had an amazing time in the water room and left not wet at all. I was secretly dreading the water room. I read up about it online, I came prepared with her bib. I just wasn't sure if it would work. I looked at the under 4 years old area and said no way. All the kids in that area were soaking wet. Granted they were quite a bit younger than she was but still freaked me out. The older kid area however seemed doable. She had a blast. I am glad I let go a little and let her have fun cast and all. She LOVED it. We have video and the joy was so worth the slight risk of her cast getting wet.
Kiya has been addicted to infant oatmeal/banana cereal. We didn't bring any and nor have we bought any since we have been here. She will willing eat Rice Krispies now. And then there is fruit and her new obsession bread and butter. She can pack that stuff away as we witnessed tonight when she ate almost 3 pieces of sourdough bread with butter. She still ate her fish and even saved room for some vanilla ice cream.
Tomorrow we are heading to the city (San Francisco) for a baseball game and touristy stuff. Another long day so hopefully all will go well.
Three things I am so grateful I bought on amazon that have truly helped make this trip successful are her inflatable toddler bed. It takes a crib sheet, has sides so she won't roll out and came with a pump. Second is the travel bag for her carseat. It fits her Britax seat along with her fuzzy blanket and the toddler travel bed. Lastly, her fold up potty seat. AMAZING. It folds up and fits in a gallon size bag. It has worked in every bathroom from park to restaurant to airport we have tried. It is sturdy, has handles for her to hold on to and would be nearly impossible to pinch her skin and best of all it was less than $10.
I will try and post pics and video soon but that may have to wait until we get back next week. And now back to enjoying my glass of wine while hotel bound with a sound asleep toddler.
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